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Jaranda

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Warning!
looking at this user in the wrong way will cause them to commit another Wikicide[1]
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The fat
The fat 2

Jaranda (former wiki-username Secret; not to be confused with "The Secret", a cheesy New Age philosophy that is even more convoluted and mindless than Time Cube) is a typical emo Wikipedophile admin, he is mostly known for holding the record of the most failed RFA's (Request For Adminship) and the user who has claimed to be "leaving" the most times, and being unable to spell jackshit. He is a deletionist and a power hungry psychofuck. Although he lives in Miami, Florida, he never sees the sun as he is too busy either abusing his admin powers, or resigning them in a fit of rage. After enduring a little bit of vandalism, he went uber-emo and blocked his own account, and then he attempted suicide IRL. Feeling sorry for him, his fellow Internets "friends" convinced him to cum back to the Wikipedia circle jerk. The only reason he is still on the site is because he's an admin. He also failed to get a job IRL because his job interviewer determined that he was too immature due to the evidence provided by this ED article.

Recently, Jaranda was involuntarily committed to a nuthouse because it turns out he's a schizo.

Jaranda had once again left the project, this time because he got butt-hurt by Jimbo. [2] He took a comment left by Jimbo a little too personally, a typical sign of emo-ness. Jimbo told him to "excuse themselves from the project and find a new hobby".[3] so he made an essay called 'My leaving essay', then blocked himself.

As he has nothing better to do in his pitiful little life, he had no choice but to return to Wikipedia and continue being Jimbo's bitch pet (proof). This dumb fuck lost the password to his original account, yet he says Wikipedia is a failure. After changing his username a few times due to death threats, he ended up stealing an account called Secret.

Jaranda's face when Jimbo told him to GTFO Wikipedia

He has admitted to approving Veropedia because there are fewer bullies that taunt him for his physical disability which prevents him spelling shit.

Born September 9, 1988, he attended Miami Beach High School, his zip code is 33131, but since then has edited from Florida International University (he forgets to log in sometimes and other times, still does) and is doing Political Science and Journalism, and was previously studying History. He has also edited from Miami Dade College. Since everyone agrees he is a failure of an admin, he removed himself from the recall list before he opened more gaping butt holes of other users.[4] He is also on IRC sometimes. He loves baseball, yet you wouldn't think so. He is also obsessed with some dead Mexican singer called Selena Quintanilla-Pérez. He has a cousin that is learning a language at International Studies Charter High School.

He is a proud deletionist, despite failing to properly delete Chris Crocker from TOW when given the opportunity. Adding his vote view to AFDs in under 60 seconds, a common trait among deletionists. He uses many stolen scripts in his monobook to automate and speed up his deletionism/afd'ing/csd'ing etc.

He is supposedly a native English speaker (though is seemingly illiterate), noob at Spanish, Hispanic heritage. Likes rap music and is probably still using AOL, WTF?

  • His AIM is Aranda1Cards
  • The true amount of times he has claimed to have 'left' Wikipedia may never be known, but you can find a few in the Oppose section Here. That page is 2 years old, so the true amount of times is uncountable.

Jimbo Wales butthurt

You mad?

Jimbo Wales enjoys pwning Wikiadmin fags, especially ones such as Jaranda.

   
“ 		 
But Jimbo also said that I should not have the tools as I'm immatture (that was the breaking comment that led to me to purge the passord, and hopefully this is my second to last edit on this site, (I'm drafting a farewell message) as I'm very disgraced here and being treated like shit) I wish I haven't found this place in the first place, two years out of my life for nothing].
  		„
  		 

—Jaranda on 21 September 2007 under IP 131.94.145.132

   
“ 		 
I don't want to do nothing with the site anymore. Being insulted by Jimbo, I want nothing to do with wikipedia. Also I asked for my talk page to be restored while saying my last goodbyes in IRC. Editors like you guys is the reason I'm not coming back.
  		„
  		 

—Jaranda under IP 131.94.55.77 on 20 September 2007

His username history

One reason he changes his username is to reset his blocklog. See pic for all his blocks.

All of the usernames he has used plus helpful links:

1. Aranda56 (talk · contribs · logs · userspace/talkspace · google)

2. Jaranda (talk · contribs · logs · userspace/talkspace · google)

3. Moneyballing (talk· contribs · logs · userspace/talkspace · google)

4. Jbeach56 (talk · contribs · logs · userspace/talkspace · google) also uses this name at eBay too, this account was renamed to Secret

5. A doppelgänger Jaranda who is more successful IRL than the Wikipedo Jaranda: JorgeAranda (talk· contribs · logs · userspace/talkspace · google) · Web site · Blog

6. Secretalt (talk· contribs · logs · userspace/talkspace · google) his public account

7. Secret (talk · contribs · logs · userspace/talkspace) current username

8. Ibluffsocall (talk · contribs · logs · userspace/talkspace) his failed attempt at a new account

9. Pokerkiller • (talk) • contributions

  • WikiAdminFags Only:

1. Aranda56 (deleted contribs · checkuser)

2. Jaranda (deleted contribs · checkuser)

3. Moneyballing (deleted contribs · checkuser)

4. Jbeach56 (deleted contribs · checkuser)

5. Secretalt (deleted contribs · block user · checkuser)

6. Secret (deleted contribs · block user · checkuser)

7. Ibluffsocall (deleted contribs · block user · checkuser)

People Jaranda admires

His hunger for power

Everyone knows that Jaranda only registered to become an admin-fag, he felt he should be admin only a month after he registered (see rfa timeline). He is so power hungry, he tried to be admin at the commons wiki, then got pwned at his steward election. He has had a grand total of 8, yes eight RFA's. Six of which failed. The other two somehow passed, one at 20% oppose and the other at 26% oppose. The only logical explanation on why he became admin is being nice to his only 'friends'. But srsly, who gives a fuck if there's pages and pages of proof that this guy is too much of a dumbfuck and emo to be admin?

RFA Timeline

Some problems are just too stubborn to get rid of.

Jaranda has had 10 RFA's (a record) on Wikipedia alone, he's one of those users you know shouldn't be admin but just won't go away. Just like lumps of floating faeces that won't flush no matter how many times you attempt to flush them. He's even proud of it. He is the only user to have had six failed RFA's consecutively for every month from October 05 -> March 06. While he was failing at getting adminship, he tried to get admin on simple wikipedia, commons, and be a steward LOL. He also holds the record for most failed OTRS volunteer attempts at 5, stubborn little fucker ain't he.

1. Oct 05, his first one, only a month after he registered
2. Nov 05, tries again by copying and pasting his first one and making a few changes
--- Dec 05, his Simple Wikipedia attempt, which was his 24th edit there.
3. Dec 05, his first nomination, by a ex-professional sockpuppet master - one of his accounts?
4. Jan 06, he is nominated by 1ne.
5. Feb 06 can't turn down a nom again.. (Drini the dwarf nominates him)
--- Febr 06 Commons (his WikiCommons attempt, if he can't be an admin at Wiki P, why not try Wiki C? lol)
6. Mar 06, his first RFA since he changed his name a bunch of times, his plan fails as everyone remembers how fucking annoying he is and fails yet again
7. Jul 06, his first RFA for 3 long agonising months, somehow passes, even though 20% opposed
--- Oct 06 OTRS, his first OTRS attempt, quickly denied
--- Feb 07 OTRS, second OTRS attempt, again is quickly denied
--- July 07 OTRS, third OTRS attempt, denied again
8. July 07, tries again after his rampage and again, somehow passes with 26% users opposing.
--- Nov 07 OTRS, fourth OTRS attempt, denied again lol
--- Nov 07 Steward (His pathetic Steward attempt 3 months later)
--- Nov 08 Arbitrator, a year later and he it is obvious now he is unable to learn anything. After this article was updated and Jaranda read it, he actually learned something! He withdrew 7 days later knowing he'd just get completely pwned again. He then deleted the discussion of what an idiot he was in a desperate anti-lulz maneuver.
--- Nov 08 OTRS, his fifth attempt, he needs to read this article more! Quicky failed.
--- Nov 09 Arbitrator, funnily enough elections to the Arb Com started on November 10, and he started editing heavily again at the start of November. Co-incidence? Bracing for another epic fail. NEWSFLASH: He failed yet again... and like the drama queen he is, he withdrew before voting ended. Again.
9. Sept 10 Fail.
10 Oct 11 Fail, again.
11 February 2013, succeeded
12 October 2013, desysopped himself
13 November 2013, got reinstated
14 December 2014, had this to say of his desysop: "i just threated legal action against arbcom, expect a ban, i wasn't aware of the desysopping or given my chance to reply, everything they claimed it was a lie, i was only protecting myself"
15 August 2015, Jaranda returns to Wikipedia as Pokerkiller. By October 2015, he is blocked again: "20:26, 8 October 2015 LFaraone (talk | contribs) blocked Pokerkiller (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of indefinite (account creation blocked, email disabled, cannot edit own talk page) ({{arbcomblock}} - direct all inquiry about this block to the arbitration committee; do not unblock or modify the block without the committee's permission)"

After every RFA he fails he said he's leaving, stops editing for a few days then comes back. He then adds his professional views to users RFA's like:

   
“ 		 
you need three+ months of experience to even have a chance of passing an RFA.
  		„
  		 

—Jaranda opposing someone else's RFA. Well you know that from experience don't you Jorgey?

So how did he become admin? Well there are many theories, here's some of the most popular ones:

  • People were sick of seeing his RFA's constantly appearing on the list and just wanted it to stop.
  • He bribed a bureaucrat with either money or another RL chor.
  • He's a pro at sockpuppetry, see his first admin nominator that got caught, though this is unlikely as the average chimp would outsmart him
  • People felt sorry for him and his meaningless little life.
  • A combination of the above.

To this very day he continues to try and gain further power despite abusing his admin in the past and leaving over 9000 times and being constantly denied. Secret/Jaranda nominated himself for Arbcom in November 2013, then withdrew soon afterward.

What other wikipedians think about Jaranda

He uses the 'ill relative' ploy as an excuse for is idiocy, gb2 school plz..
Jaranda in his typical editing state.
How most people view Jaranda.
   
“ 		 
This is completely outrageous. Have they forgotten that Jaranda went out with an act of vandalism? Do they have any concerns whatsoever about a person with so little foresight and such a propensity towards overreacting? I figured he'd come back and get the tools back until I saw the vandalism; then I figured there's no way they'd be so irresponsible as to resysop him after that, but I was wrong. It's simply shameful. Jaranda used his admin tools to vandalize, and he is given the tools back on request.
  		„
  		 

—Everyking

All the quotes in this section are copypasta and were actually said by legit established wiki-fags, just click the links to see the diff/page it is on.
Findings of fact from the above comments
  • Paranoid as hell
  • Emo
  • No life
  • Dumb fuck

Jaranda today

Jaranda hasn't changed much since starting at Wikipedia, he occasionally adds annoying templates at the top of pages, helps delete stuff and still hangs around at the beloved RFA section, where most of his history is stored. He edits from IPs and lurks most of the time.

He probably has at least one sock account, the first person to finds it gets a free internets token. Until you can find it, you can find the different IP addresses he edits under.

How he makes himself feel important

Today, Jaranda does most of the useless drone-like stuff Wikiadmins do, like adding big, ugly boxes to the top of pages, spamming votes in AFDs and closing high profile discussions even though he isn't mentally capable of making these decisions (or any decisions for that matter). However, Jaranda needs to give himself Unwarranted Self-Importance. Closing high profile discussions about stuff being deleted is one of Jaranda's favourite hobbies. He will occasionally try and close them as soon as possible to stop any other user from doing it before him. List of high profile XFDs he has closed:

  1. (350+ edits)Wikipedia:Miscellany_for_deletion/Secret_pages (he even left it fully protected this time, what a dumbass)
  2. (350+ edits)tried to close Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/Susan Boyle but was denied. Decided within 3 minutes[7][8] He wasn't even an admin when he did this.
  3. (300+ edits)Wikipedia:Miscellany for deletion/Wikipedia:List of Wikipedians by number of edits (second nomination) decided within 5 minutes[9][10]
  4. (150+ edits)Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/ESStonia
  5. (100+ edits)Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/24 Hour Propane People decided within 3 minutes[11][12] and too lazy to remove afd tags

So what can you do about this? Simple, just disagree with him and prove him wrong. Not only does he rush to close them as fast as he can, he also fails at english, so rarely bothers to read the discussion and just counts the votes instead.

Jaranda's return, Arbitration and OTRS attempt

In November 2008, Jaranda started editing heavily again. He couldn't bear editing from an IP anymore as he can't boss people around as admin, or delete stuff. He also probably rejoined at this time to try and join the arb committee, as it only happens once a year. He also tried to be an OTRS volunteer. Because everyone knows he's only still just here just for the power, when was the last time he actually wrote a decent article? Lets find out...

   
“ 		 
I went on wikibreak for a while because of harassment from ED
  		„
  		 

The following question came up:

  1. Please select and describe what you consider to be your five "best" contributions to Wikipedia.
  1. My three featured articles History of Miami, Florida (FA'd in January 2006), Selena (Made to FA in July 2006 lol two years ago) and Bob Meusel (FA'd in September 2007), one of my good articles Ryan Leaf (became GA in August 2006) also another thing I'm proud of is helping reform AFD from being a broken vote count back in 2005 to 2006 to the current consensus process it is today. Secret account 20:18, 18 November 2008 (UTC)

The dates were added by ED, as you can see he hasn't written anything useful in over 9000 edits, if he answered honestly, it would've gone something like this:

  1. Please select and describe what you consider to be your five "best" contributions to Wikipedia.
  1. In the over the three years I've been here, I've made three featured articles History of Miami, Florida Selena and Bob Meusel one of my good articles Ryan Leaf. I wrote all of these in 2006/2007, since then I haven't written anything useful, just delete stuff. Also another thing I'm proud of is helping reform AFD from being a broken vote count back in 2005 to 2006 to the current consensus process it is today, but this has nothing to do with writing articles, but as I'm a proud deletionist I see it is a contribution. Secret account 20:18, 18 November 2008 (UTC)

Most users think he's only doing it for the lulz, because deleting stuff is boring on its own. Pissing around, wasting more time, users time and being an attention whore is much more fun. Soon after reading the above, he withdrew after realising he is only making a complete idiot of himself. ED knows other users better than they know themselves.

How will it end?

Just become an hero already, nobody will miss you.

As Jaranda gets butthurt so easily, it's only a matter of time before someone hurts his feelings again. He will then block himself, create another emo-essay and return again at a later date. This process will continue until he finds out how much of a failure he is. Sadly, as he is such a dumb fuck, he has yet failed in becoming an hero, because he doesn't know how to become one!.

The only thing that is likely to make him leave TOW is losing his admin, as that's the only reason he's there to begin with. Then he'll just make another account, delete shit again then become admin.

Fun Jaranda Facts/Records

  • Holds record for most failed RFA's, Jaranda#RFA_Timeline
  • Holds record for most failed OTRS volunteer attempts, 5 in total, Jaranda#RFA_Timeline
  • Holds record for most consecutive RFA's for every month, not including his Simple nomination. 5 in total. Jaranda#RFA_Timeline
  • Holds record for most times storming off in a tantrum
  • Holds record for being the most unstable user to be given admin again without an RFA
  • Holds record for being the slowest article writer ever, 1 featured article a year. Despite having over 27,000+ edits.
  • Holds record for admin having one of the biggest block logs, including 4 legit 3rr blocks - see Image:Jblockage.png
  • One of the few editors to boast 3 FA over three years with nearly 30,000 edits. That's nearly 1 FA per 10,000 edits!
  • The first user to change usernames multiple times to blank their block log
  • One of the few admins dumb enough to lose their password to their account
  • The only admin to go rogue and leave, then become admin again a month later without an RFA.
  • One of the very few users who first registered in 2005 who has systematically asked for more privileges every single year

Oh shi-!

I know your secret faggot
I know your secret faggot
I know your secret faggot
I know your secret faggot
I know your secret faggot
I know your secret faggot
I know your secret faggot

Jaranda's rage

Jaranda's editing face

If he put the same amount of effort spelling his insults correctly into spelling other things he might get somewhere.

Notably, his favourite word is fuck*. He has used Ass four times, at least he's trying to be creative in his fits of rage. He's currently in competition with JzG's record.

eBay shit

Jaranda will threaten to perform his banstick ritual on any users claiming to be an admin.

He uses eBay. His accounts jbeach56 and jorgebeach56 got banned, but he denies they are his.

Likes to sell baseball cards, too.

   
“ 		 
I have 2000 baseball, basketball, and football cards that I need to sell ASAP. All the cards are stars, hall of famers, rookies, inserts, and even some jerseys/autos. No junk, also including a willie mcgenist autograph football the 7 PSA autograph baseball postcards including 5 deceased players, (see one of the below posts) and a 1993 Florida Marlins Topps set, only 5000 made, only missing the checklists, the jeter rookie, the griffey and a common. Best offer takes it, must sell by this weekend. Call or text me at 786-449-9002 or email me at [email protected]. Pickup only!!!!!!!
  		„
  		 

He now sells his crap on miami.craigslist.org like a Pink Motorola SLVR L6 (lol gay) and also sold a broken ipod on exchangeyourjunk.com

Final Mental Breakdown

Last Thursday, Jaranda gave his user name and password of his User:Secret account on Wikipedia to his brother who posted on the user page that he went looney tunes and was put into a padded room. The Bureaucratic fucks at Wikipedia performed an emergency de-sysop on his account. We hope that Jaranda enjoys IRL insanity moar than he enjoyed being an insane wikipedo admin.

   
“ 		 
Note I used to let my cousin use my account for homework related purposes. He rarely edited and never used the buttons while I was a adminstrator. I have a schizoaffective disorder I inherited from my mother, my symptoms started when I was 19, and I had a full nervous breakdown seven months ago.
  		„
  		 

   
“ 		 
Sorry for all the damage I have done in the project for the past few years, and I need your forgiveness.
  		„
  		 

Other shit

See also

Links

Also refer to Jaranda#His_username_history
Wikimedia shit
Other Wikis
Other
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