Kurt Eichenbald

Kurt Eichenbald IRL.

Kurt Alexander Eichenwald^✡ is a bald, epileptic Jew who claims himself to be a "journalist". Eichenwald first rose to prominence in 2005 when he was working for the Jew York Times and wrote a highly-praised article about the world of online child pornography. Unfortunately for Eichenbald, serious ethical questions were raised when it was later revealed that he had paid $3100 to meet a 15-year-old child porn star named Justin Berry for VHS and Chill.

In 2016, Eichenbald made his big comeback to journalism by spending an entire year of his miserable life writing shitty tabloid-level trash about President Donald J. Trump while citing "anonymous" sources who most likely never even existed. After being confronted about his bullshittery by the mighty logical-thinking powers of Faux News' Tucker Carlson, Eichenbald suffered a complete meltdown and went on an incoherent Twattering spree that was abruptly ended when a Good Samaritan named Jew_Goldstein posted a seizure-inducing .gif that allegedly resulted in Eichenbald being sent to the hospital.

Being the greedy Jewbag that he is, Eichenbald quickly had Jew_Goldstein banned from the Twitter and then proceeded to turn the posting of a fucking animated .gif file into a literal federal case as he called in the motherfucking FBI to investigate. #BanAssaultGifs!

#BanAssaultGIFs

Kurt Eichenwald's Twitter pic.

	“	This is his wife, you caused a seizure. I have your information and have called the police to report the assault.	„
	—HIS WIFE

Last Thursday a journalist got so triggered by a tweet with a blinking gif that he actually had a heart attack. By a twitter account(ant) named Jew_Goldstein.

	“	For self-protection, I am taking a short twitter break. I will be spending that time with my lawyers & law enforcement going after 1 of u.. Last night, for the second time, a deplorable aware I have epilepsy tweeted a strobe at me with the message "you deserve a seizure' on it......it worked. This is not going to happen again. My wife is terrified. I am...disgusted. All I will be tweeting for the next few days are......copies of documents from the litigation, police reports etc. Once we have the lawsuit filed, we will be subpoenaing Twitter for the......identity of the individual who engaged in this cross-state assault. At this point, the police are attempting to determine if this is......a federal crime because it appears to be cross state. This kind of assault will never happen again without huge consequences. This......individual will be going to court, and he will be paying a price. And if any of you others ever try this again, I will make sure it......happens to you. Online anonymity does not protect criminals. Thats why subpoenas exist. You are facing a criminal investigation and a......lawsuit. So if any of you others think about trying this "cute" prank, consider the consequences. They will be severe. Again, I will not be seeing your comments or tweeting for awhile except to upload copies of litigation and police documents.	„
	—Kurt manthreading about his spasms

	“	As promised, I will be tweeting legal updates about the assault on me. I'm coming for you, you son of a bitch.	„
	—Eichenbald, internet tough guy

tweeting that this is not a joke

tweeting that this is not a joke

tweeting that this is not a joke

tweeting that this is not a joke

tweeting that this is not a joke

tweeting that this is not a joke

tweeting that this is not a joke

See Also

• Bald Jew Angle Shot
• Child Pornography
• Paedophile
• Epilepsy

External Links

• Goldstein's now deleted Twitter

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