Kurt Eichenbald

Kurt Eichenbald IRL.

Kurt Alexander Eichenwald^✡ is a bald, epileptic Jew who claims himself to be a "journalist". Eichenwald first rose to prominence in 2005 when he was working for the Jew York Times and wrote a highly-praised article about the world of online child pornography. Unfortunately for Eichenbald, serious ethical questions were raised when it was later revealed that he had paid $3100 to meet a 15-year-old child porn star named Justin Berry for VHS and Chill.

In 2016, Eichenbald made his big comeback to journalism by spending an entire year of his miserable life writing shitty tabloid-level trash about President Donald J. Trump while citing "anonymous" sources who most likely never even existed. After being confronted about his bullshittery by the mighty logical-thinking powers of Faux News' Tucker Carlson, Eichenbald suffered a complete meltdown and went on an incoherent Twattering spree that was abruptly ended when a Good Samaritan posted a rapidly-flashing .gif that allegedly caused Eichenbald to suffer a severe seizure.

Being the greedy Jewbag that he is, Eichenbald then proceeded to turn the posting of a fucking animated .gif file into a literal federal case as he called in the motherfucking FBI to investigate and filed a lolsuit against defendant jew_goldstein. Srsly.

A Boy and his Jew

You can see the fear...

... in this innocent young boy's eyes.

“	It is already clear to me that you are the most unethical and sleazy "journalist" I have ever encountered, one who feels content misrepresenting her intentions and efforts and never asking a relevant question relating to a piece she is writing. What I cannot determine is if your inability to read and understand the words presented to you is the result of incompetence, stupidity, malevolence, or a combination of the three. So let me be clear: Your piece in Salon was not only libelous, it was one of the worst reported, worst thought-through pieces of garbage I have ever seen passed off as journalism. You used your imagined realities to argue for a reinterpretation of the law that enters the realm of the grotesque. Salon has elected to remove this piece of garbage from their site. However, if you should attempt to mischaracterize and misrepresent my actions again, in any other forum, let me assure you, I will take immediate and decisive legal action against you. And under no circumstances will I settle until you are financially wiped off the face of the earth. People like you are the maggots of journalism; you are everything that is wrong with this profession. Clear enough?	„
—Eichenbald threatens to sue after being exposed as a sick fucking paedophile

#BanAssaultGIFs

Kurt Eichenwald's Twitter pic.

The full version reveals the fugly truth.

He's a Jew and a liar.

	“	This is his wife, you caused a seizure. I have your information and have called the police to report the assault.	„
	—HIS WIFE

Last Thursday a journalist got so triggered by a tweet with a blinking gif that he actually had a heart attack. By a twitter account(ant) named Jew_Goldstein.

	“	For self-protection, I am taking a short twitter break. I will be spending that time with my lawyers & law enforcement going after 1 of u.. Last night, for the second time, a deplorable aware I have epilepsy tweeted a strobe at me with the message "you deserve a seizure' on it......it worked. This is not going to happen again. My wife is terrified. I am...disgusted. All I will be tweeting for the next few days are......copies of documents from the litigation, police reports etc. Once we have the lawsuit filed, we will be subpoenaing Twitter for the......identity of the individual who engaged in this cross-state assault. At this point, the police are attempting to determine if this is......a federal crime because it appears to be cross state. This kind of assault will never happen again without huge consequences. This......individual will be going to court, and he will be paying a price. And if any of you others ever try this again, I will make sure it......happens to you. Online anonymity does not protect criminals. Thats why subpoenas exist. You are facing a criminal investigation and a......lawsuit. So if any of you others think about trying this "cute" prank, consider the consequences. They will be severe. Again, I will not be seeing your comments or tweeting for awhile except to upload copies of litigation and police documents.	„
	—Kurt manthreading about his spasms

	“	As promised, I will be tweeting legal updates about the assault on me. I'm coming for you, you son of a bitch.	„
	—Eichenbald, internet tough guy

tweeting that this is not a joke

tweeting that this is not a joke

tweeting that this is not a joke

tweeting that this is not a joke

tweeting that this is not a joke

tweeting that this is not a joke

tweeting that this is not a joke

The .gif

See Also

• Bald Jew Angle Shot
• Child Pornography
• Paedophile
• Epilepsy

External Links

• Goldstein's now deleted Twitter
• Pastebin about his child porn habits

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