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Jordan Neely: Difference between revisions

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Revision as of 00:01, 7 May 2023

Jordan Neely was an unattractive 30-year-old mentally ill homeless nigger who was rightfully choked to death on the New York City subway by Daniel Penny, a handsome 24-year-old white Marine in the early afternoon of May 1st, 2023. The incident followed a psychotic episode that took place on an enclosed train as it traversed the tunnels, during which Neely intimidated and threatened riders for no reason at all. He declared that he was willing to hurt anyone, that he would welcome a life sentence in prison as a consequence of his actions, and that he was prepared to die.

In a courageous display of valor, our blond-haired hero grabbed him from behind and placed him in a chokehold. More men, of whom at least one was as brown as Neely, joined to assist in restraining him as bystanders cheered in solidarity with these brave individuals. Not one witness to this event said or attempted to do anything in Neely's defense, because under the circumstances it was plain on its face to any sensible, rational individual that he was getting exactly what he deserved. Following the struggle, Neely was pronounced dead, the cause being that black people tend to have poor cardiac health and are particularly susceptible to dying suddenly. The hero who took him down was questioned by police and then released without charges, in a surprisingly based decision by the NYPD.

Nothing of value was lost.

"He dindu nuffin!"

Jordan Neely, compelled by socioeconomic factors to assault a woman.

Jordan Neely at the time of his death had an open warrant for felony assault and boasted a whopping record of 44 arrests for violent behavior. He was a known menace by transit personnel, and he had on multiple occasions attempted to shove a person onto the subway tracks without provocation. Unquestionably, he was an insane derelict and a piece of shit whose death has only benefitted society, which of course makes him a saint by the standards of Antifa and the Black Lives Matter movement.

As to be expected, the unemployed took to the streets in Neely's honor, memorializing him as a beloved Michael Jackson impersonator and street dancer who simply had some mental health issues, which any BLM activist will happily tell you negates the gravity of him having repeatedly tried to murder people by pushing them into the path of an oncoming train. But after all, when you are riding public transportation in the Greatest City on Earth, locked in an enclosed space and a brown man who smells like urine is threatening to rape your daughter and castrate your son because he needs mo money fo dem programs, you simply must allow him to do whatever he wants or else you are racist.

Neely's Final Moments

See Also

[WatermelonsFried Chicken]
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