Kurt Eichenbald

Kurt Eichenwald's Twitter pic.

Kurt Eichenbald IRL.

Kurt Alexander Eichenwald^✡ is a bald, epileptic Jew who claims to be a "journalist" at Newsweek. In reality, Eichenbald is a talentless hack who writes shitty tabloid-level trash while citing anonymous sources who most likely don't even exist. After being confronted by the mighty logical-thinking powers of Faux News' Tucker Carlson, Eichenwald suffered a complete meltdown and went on an incoherent Twattering spree that was ended when a Good Samaritan named Jew Goldstein posted a seizure-inducing .gif that allegedly resulted in Eichenbald being sent to the hospital.

Being the greedy Jewbag that he is, Eichenbald quickly had Jew Goldstein banned from Twitter and then proceeded to turn the posting of a fucking animated .gif file into a literal federal case as he called in the motherfucking FBI to investigate. #BanAssaultGifs!

	“	This is his wife, you caused a seizure. I have your information and have called the police to report the assault.	„
	—HIS WIFE

Last Thursday a journalist got so triggered by a tweet with a blinking gif that he actually had a heart attack. By a twitter account(ant) named Jew_Goldstein.

	“	For self-protection, I am taking a short twitter break. I will be spending that time with my lawyers & law enforcement going after 1 of u.. Last night, for the second time, a deplorable aware I have epilepsy tweeted a strobe at me with the message "you deserve a seizure' on it......it worked. This is not going to happen again. My wife is terrified. I am...disgusted. All I will be tweeting for the next few days are......copies of documents from the litigation, police reports etc. Once we have the lawsuit filed, we will be subpoenaing Twitter for the......identity of the individual who engaged in this cross-state assault. At this point, the police are attempting to determine if this is......a federal crime because it appears to be cross state. This kind of assault will never happen again without huge consequences. This......individual will be going to court, and he will be paying a price. And if any of you others ever try this again, I will make sure it......happens to you. Online anonymity does not protect criminals. Thats why subpoenas exist. You are facing a criminal investigation and a......lawsuit. So if any of you others think about trying this "cute" prank, consider the consequences. They will be severe. Again, I will not be seeing your comments or tweeting for awhile except to upload copies of litigation and police documents.	„
	—Kurt manthreading about his spasms

tweeting that this is not a joke

tweeting that this is not a joke

tweeting that this is not a joke

tweeting that this is not a joke

tweeting that this is not a joke

tweeting that this is not a joke

tweeting that this is not a joke

See Also

• Bald Jew Angle Shot
• Epilepsy

External Links

• Goldstein's now deleted Twitter

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