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Jenkem: Difference between revisions
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{{quote|I became probably the first person in America to huff his own shit gas.|pickwick}} | {{quote|I became probably the first person in America to huff his own shit gas.|pickwick}} | ||
'''Jenkem''', known by [[Fox News]] as "'''butt hash'''", is a cheap and nasty quasi-[[drug]] invented in Zambia and [[Zimbabwe]], made by fermenting your own shit and piss in a plastic container. The resulting fumes are then inhaled through the nose. It has a very rough high that first consists of wanting to kill yourself, followed by a very long period of total body numbness. It lasts for approximately 7 hours and is highly addictive, both physically and psychologically. Jenkem is also an [[old meme]] [[Pun|turned fresh]] thanks to a [[:Image:Jenkem_Police_Report.jpg|sheriff's bulletin]] [[plagiarizing]] this very article. That is until time did its thing and made it ancient and dried up. | '''Jenkem''', known by [[Fox News]] as "'''butt hash'''", is a cheap and nasty quasi-[[drug]] invented in Zambia and [[Zimbabwe]], made by fermenting your own [[shit]] and piss in a plastic container. The resulting fumes are then inhaled through the nose. It has a very rough high that first consists of wanting to [[An hero|kill yourself]], followed by a very long period of total body numbness. It lasts for approximately 7 hours and is highly addictive, both physically and psychologically. Jenkem is also an [[old meme]] [[Pun|turned fresh]] thanks to a [[:Image:Jenkem_Police_Report.jpg|sheriff's bulletin]] [[plagiarizing]] this very article. That is until time did its thing and made it ancient and dried up. | ||
The lyrics of ''[[Chocolate Rain]]'' refer to the practice and social effects of jenkem abuse. | The lyrics of ''[[Chocolate Rain]]'' refer to the practice and social effects of jenkem abuse. | ||
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*'''Supplies [[you]] need:''' | *'''Supplies [[you]] need:''' | ||
:-A One way ticket to Zambia.<br /> | :-A One way ticket to Zambia.<br /> | ||
:-At least 6 months of time. Excrement.<br /> | :-At least 6 months of time. [[Excrement]].<br /> | ||
:-[[2girls1cup|2 girls, 1 cup]] (waterproof container, such as a jar or soda bottle). | :-[[2girls1cup|2 girls, 1 cup]] (waterproof container, such as a jar or soda bottle). | ||
*'''Step 1:''' Move to Zambia and live there at for least 3 months in a slum. | *'''Step 1:''' Move to Zambia and live there at for least 3 months in a slum. | ||
| Line 50: | Line 50: | ||
*'''Shit Whippets''' | *'''Shit Whippets''' | ||
*'''Brown Town''' | *'''Brown Town''' | ||
*'''Pabst Smear'' | *'''Pabst Smear''' | ||
==Jenkem Facts== | ==Jenkem Facts== | ||
*[[Fact|Studies show]] that | *[[Fact|Studies show]] that jenkem will [[heroin|keep you warm and make you fearless]]. | ||
*An episode of ''[[South Park]]'' where kids huff cat piss was inspired by Jenkem, and Jenkem is mentioned in the end as a method for getting high. Gerald Jew describes Jenkem as fermented shit. | *An episode of ''[[South Park]]'' where kids huff cat piss was inspired by Jenkem, and Jenkem is mentioned in the end as a method for getting high. Gerald Jew describes Jenkem as fermented shit. | ||
*<s>Jenkem was a hoax. That's right, you've been breathing shit for nothing.</s> HAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS | *<s>Jenkem was a hoax. That's right, you've been breathing shit for nothing.</s> HAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS | ||
=== [[Bullshit|The Science]] === | |||
The active ingredient in Jenkem is Ethlyene. It has been used as an anaesthetic, it causes hallucinations. Scientific American has [https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/gaseous-emissions-at-orac/ an article] explaining how the Oracle of Delphi in ancient times huffed fermented poo, which is one of the less vile things the ancient Greeks used to do. Also some bullshit about geological faults. | |||
==[[Totse]] Member tries Jenkem== | ==[[Totse]] Member tries Jenkem== | ||
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<gallery> | <gallery> | ||
File:Jenkem from toilet wrong.gif | File:Jenkem from toilet wrong.gif | ||
File:Tubgirl.jpg|[[Doing it wrong]] | |||
</gallery> | </gallery> | ||
</center> | </center> | ||
Latest revision as of 13:32, 1 May 2023
—pickwick | ||
Jenkem, known by Fox News as "butt hash", is a cheap and nasty quasi-drug invented in Zambia and Zimbabwe, made by fermenting your own shit and piss in a plastic container. The resulting fumes are then inhaled through the nose. It has a very rough high that first consists of wanting to kill yourself, followed by a very long period of total body numbness. It lasts for approximately 7 hours and is highly addictive, both physically and psychologically. Jenkem is also an old meme turned fresh thanks to a sheriff's bulletin plagiarizing this very article. That is until time did its thing and made it ancient and dried up.
The lyrics of Chocolate Rain refer to the practice and social effects of jenkem abuse.
Pickwick Jr: "From you, dad! I learned it from watching you!"
Synthesizing Jenkem
- Supplies you need:
- -A One way ticket to Zambia.
- -At least 6 months of time. Excrement.
- -2 girls, 1 cup (waterproof container, such as a jar or soda bottle).
- Step 1: Move to Zambia and live there at for least 3 months in a slum.
- Step 2: Find the most fermented patch of fecal matter in the vicinity and scoop it out with your container.
- Step 3: Inhale until you forget you live in Africa and you start to hear your dead grandmother talking to you.
Commercial Terms for Jenkem™
- Original Zambian Butt-Shit-Gas Jenkem™ Sometime before 1998: The first and only truly historic Jenkem™ made from the excrement of desperate Zambians before commercialization. Best and unique. Sold out. Ask your country's embassy in Zambia how to obtain a sample.
Slang Terms for Jenkem
- Winnie Mandela
- Shit
- Butt-Hash
- Runners
- Brown Dragon
- Waste
- Fruit from the Crack Pipe
- The Jenk
- "J" (not to be confused with "MJ"!)
- Devil's Chocolate
- Leroy Jenkems
- Brown Eyed Girl
- Goatsejuice
- Huffing the Cosbys
- Butt-Shit-Gas
- Sambian Crack
- Ass Candy
- Shit Whippets
- Brown Town
- Pabst Smear
Jenkem Facts
- Studies show that jenkem will keep you warm and make you fearless.
- An episode of South Park where kids huff cat piss was inspired by Jenkem, and Jenkem is mentioned in the end as a method for getting high. Gerald Jew describes Jenkem as fermented shit.
Jenkem was a hoax. That's right, you've been breathing shit for nothing.HAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS
The Science
The active ingredient in Jenkem is Ethlyene. It has been used as an anaesthetic, it causes hallucinations. Scientific American has an article explaining how the Oracle of Delphi in ancient times huffed fermented poo, which is one of the less vile things the ancient Greeks used to do. Also some bullshit about geological faults.
Totse Member tries Jenkem
—Pickwick, the kid who huffed poop gas | ||
Not satisfied with huffing Raid, this 14 year old Totse member decided to get high on Jenkem, and posted pictures of the process (including him shitting in a bottle) in this lengthy thread:
The threadbaleeted
Recently Pickwick now famous for waking and jenking got scared for his IRL reputation and claimed that he was totally playin' ya'lls! That wasn't poo, just flour, water, beer and Nutella!
Last Thursday, A sheriff's report got leaked onto the internets with pictures from the Totse thread with some terms lifted from this very page. This report (seen pictured right →) spread through the media and was reported by many news outlets (see external links). As usual, Faux News did not refrain from covering it on their site, which led to a great outburst of lulz.
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Hear that last bit? Fox actually thinks there's an outside chance that poopin' in a container and sniffing it could be considered illegal. Not that they want to control *everything* you think and do. Holy shit, they said fucking butthash on TV. All is now right with the world. They said, fucking BUTTHASH, on TV.
Recently, anonymous has claimed that this sheriffs report was also inspired by a lengthy copypasta posted on /b/ at 09/17/07(Mon) at 11:41:37 AM, post No.39748743:
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Step 1. email this to a school principal. I am writing you anonymously because I do not want my child to get in any trouble, but I need to alert you to something your students are doing that is potentially very dangerous. Yesterday afternoon I came home early to find my son and his friends getting high on something called "jenkem" which they say they heard about at school. This "jenkem" is the most disgusting thing I've ever heard of. They urinate and defecate in plastic bottles and leave them to ferment in the sun, then inhale the resulting gas. I know it sounds unreal but when I came home I found my son and his friends laying on the grass in the backyard and they were acting very strangely. There was a horrible, putrid smell in the air. I can't believe my son would do something like this. I looked it up on the internet and apparently this was something invented by African children that wound up online and now kids all over the world are doing it. My son says most of his friends at school have tried it. This seems to be a new thing and I can't find any information about the health effects of jenkem - I think it is the methane and ammonia content that provides the desired high, but I don't really know. Both of those are very harmful chemicals. All sorts of diseases are spread through fecal matter. I imagine it could lead to some very serious health problems at your school. My wife and I are utterly shocked and talking about private school. We have spoken to our son about this and he says he won't do it anymore, but because it is on the internet kids all over the country are trying jenkem and they need to be educated about the health risks. It is only a matter of time before somebody dies from methane poisoning or this leads to a hepatitis outbreak. I don't know exactly what you could do about this as jenkem is legal but I needed to inform you of what some of your students are doing. Step 2. ???
pic unrelated |
A Trip report found on USENET
So I was on Wikipedia the other day checking out the stuff on hallucinogens when I discovered a popular chemical in Africa called "Jenkem". After reading up on the Internet about some popular recipes, a few friends of mine decided to go and produce some of this potent hallucinogen. The first part of our journey involved a trip to the local sewage treatment plant, where we filled some empty coke bottles half-full with the potent sludge we found in the cleaning tanks.
We hid the bottles behind a bush, letting them ferment for a few hours while we went to smoke some marijuana. After about 4 hours of fermentation, we went to retrieve our putrid creations.
One at a time, we all inhaled the jenkem we had created. The odor was viscous, but my god it was worth it. What came after I cannot describe. A euphoric high, not unlike cocaine, but with strong hallucinations of times past - I saw dead relatives during my trip. It was almost magical.
The onset of jenkem is probably 10 seconds after inhalation, with the most severe hallucinations happening probably 20 minutes into the trip. Beware that if you try this wonderful substance that you're going to be "out of it" for several hours after inhaling, and really it will take several days for you to fully recover. One of the downsides of jenkem is that you constantly have that taste of sewage in your breathing for several days after the fact.
After subsequent trips, there were a few characteristics we felt made for better trips with Jenkem. First off, if you visited the sewage treatment plant at around mid-day on a sunny day we found we got the best highs. Secondly, make sure you have someone nearby who is not high on the substance (believe me, once you've been introduced to it, you don't want to not be high on it... so find someone who isn't big into drugs to do this).An Erowid Experience
Under the advice of several friends, I decided to give jenkem a try. I went down to the Lusaka sewage pond and filled my two liter coke bottle half full. Walking back to my hut I couldn't help but feel a little anxiety, but what did I have to lose right? Upon arrival I sit down and begin to flood my lungs with the sickly sweet aroma as my seven brothers looked on. In seconds my mind was filled with thoughts previously unfathomable. In an instant I saw what needed to be done to alleviate the poverty of my country and people. With the knowledge of kings laid out before me, I now know what I must do. Jenkem has brought me the enlightenment of my ancestors, and for this I am grateful.
There probably is a way to alleviate the poverty of your country, but huffing shit is not it.
The "Butt-Hash Res Hit"
According to many reliable sources including Fox News, many Jenkem addicts are finding themselves in short supply of this exotic drug. As a result, users remove all clothing and assume the "69" sex position. The drug addicts take turns flatulating on each other and inhaling the methane gas. Many Jenkem addicts report this produces a more foul smelling vapor than Jenkem similar to a "resin hit" among cannabis smokers. For this reason, the act of inhaling the digestive gases is commonly referred to as a "Butt-Hash res hit."
Furthermore, there is little to no scientific evidence to suggest huffing farts is any more harmful than huffing shit. So, huff away.
Jenkem For teh lulz
More lulz brought to you by copypasta, Jenkem users mother seeks help from a Christian AA forum.
Jenkem in the Canadian education system
Kim Sampson <[email protected]> Moar options 8:40 am (2 hours ago) Hello: Concerned student I am glad that you emailed me on this topic, it has been added to our agenda for the next school council meeting. Jenkem has been added to the school's police watch list, and we will investigate any reports seriously. Also, we have given notice to students as to the harmful effects of this drug. Your support is very appreciated. If you would like to speak to me in person about this matter, I am always available at the school. Kim Sampson, Principal Moira Secondary School''
Jenkem in the United States
From: Mr. Joe Brasfield ([email protected]) Thank you for the information. We are checking on this and looking into how to plan. Please know that I always want to know what our students are doing so we can help as much as possible. Enter to Achieve Leave Ready to Succeed Joe Brasfield WCHS Principal
Jenkem on Yahoo Answers
What are the Negative Effects of Huffing Jenkem? i am going to try it next saturday and i want to know what im getting in to and what i have to watch out for and also what could happen to me...im just trying to do it safely.
YouTube Responds - Hilarity Ensues
Perez Hilton warns of Jenkem Danger
Youtube Celeb Kev Jumba warns about Jenkem after being trolled into in by an EDiot
Youtube Nobody talks about jenkem
Gallery
See Also
- Tay Zonday
- Niggers
- Poo
- Drugs
- Shay Trying to even make the stuff is lethal.
External Links
Jenkem.com
北京鍵凱科技有限公司 - Jenkem Technology CO., LTD.
Jenkem on Wikipedia
- The Jenkem article is filled with so much unintentional lewlz, it's probably better than this entire article.
Reports on jenkem IRL
- Earliest press report
- BBC news report on Zimbabwean kids waking and jenking
- AP report
- Enterprise Alabama Newspaper warning parents of "butthash"
- MSNBC report of an entire apartment building that had to be condemned because of one tenant's addiction to Jenkem
Jenkem the meme
- The first evidence of the meme. This very page seems to be the origin of the meme.
- Huff Dat Jenkem!
- Jenkem LiveJournal Community - for slaves of the butthash.
- Some kid from Zambia dedicated a site to Jenkem
How-to guide
- How to build your 3m³ Jenkem Production Plant: [English version – Multilingual version]
Cops find it on the net, think Profit!!1?!!
- The Smoking Gun discovers the wonders of Jenkem, featuring a sheriff's bulletin DIRECTLY RIPPED OFF THIS VERY PAGE.
- Police Officers Forum - Vegas Officers Got Sent a Similar Bulletin!!!
- Bulletin in PDF form
OMFG, the press loves a new drug!
- Jenkem strikes again in S. Florida!
- The Midwest also lives in fear of Jenkem.
- Dirty New Drug Threatens Youth by Erin Therese Iowa Minnesota News
Jenkem Madness in teh Washington Post- A Time Magazine article mentioned it alongside smoking toads: [Original version – Revised version]
Support and discussion
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Jenkem is part of a series on Drugs [Expand Your Mind] |
 | ||||||
| ||||||||
| Featured article June 15, 2007 | ||
| Preceded by Ray Jones |
Jenkem | Succeeded by Madeleine McCann |
| Featured article November 10, 2007 | ||
| Preceded by Seppo Lehto |
Jenkem | Succeeded by School Shooting |