LordZedd16

WARLOCK'S MAGIC

LordZedd scratching his scabies at his favorite table.

Miley doing duckface: Zedd spends many hours fapping to this pic in the Burger King bathroom.

Zedd is using WARLOCK'S MAGIC mind control to draw Miley's ass to him.

Miley's uses her "Magic Cloak of Restraining Order".

Sorry Emily, you're too old for Zedd.

LordZedd to Emily Dechanel.

That's right bitches. WARLOCK'S FUCKING MAGIC

I'm gonna be a star!

"Take a good look ladies"

All 4 inches of Zedd's MAGIC

Zedd's magic lair, the Burger King on the corner of Sherman Way and Winnetka Avenue.

LordZedd and the Ghost of Mullets Past

One of these people is thinking about rape.

LordZedd doing some Stargate cosplay.

LordZedd16, or Mark Christopher Charles Miller, is a batshit insane nearly-homeless manchild who uploads most of his videos from a Burger King in Los Angeles. In the tradition of rootbrian, he likes to record videos of every fleeting thought he ever has, believing that somebody cares. Zedd is also an accomplished author, and when he isn't busy panhandling for change on freeway offramps, he likes to work on his epic blockbuster screenplay, WARLOCK'S MAGIC. With the SSI checks he gets every month, Zedd also likes to stalk Miley Cyrus, and several other underage Disney tween idols, including, but not limited to, Emily Osment, Selena Gomez, and Demi Lovato. But you can understand...

Zedd likes to rationalize his pedophilic stalking by claiming that Miley Cyrus "saved his life" with her incredible wisdom, and that he just wants to repay her for her kindness. He swears that his obsession with Miley isn't a sexual one, it's just that he really likes her music, because 38 year old men everywhere can identify with the life lessons taught in Hannah Montana.

	“	Hello, my name is Christopher Miller and I am a screenwriter of movies and TV shows. I haven't sold anything yet. I was on the verge of committing suicide not to long ago. But thanks to Miley Cyrus, I didn't. I have resolve to win. "Don't stay down, try again." Those words are more powerful then any I've heard and it means allot to me. Thanks to those words I will not give up on selling my script, I will have a career in writing, I will have a future. I will succeed in my line of work, no matter what! That is my montra, my ninja way! That is what Miley Cyrus taught me! BELIEVE IT!	„
	—LordZedd16

Not only do your tax dollars pay for LordZedd to stalk underage girls, but they also fuel his extensive Yu-Gi-Oh collection. In this video he puts the smackdown on you and shows you he's no stranger to card dueling. You can also see his Moto-board one-piece plastic skateboard from 1975 off in the corner. Take careful note when the camera zooms around to Zedd himself, and you can observe that this nigger has more fanny-packs than Batman's utility belt. You can even check out his entire YuGiOh collection.

Loli Wanted: Please Inquire Within

Although the focus of Zedd's passion is mainly on Miley Cyrus, he actually has several celebrity prostatots that he would be more than willing to settle for. In addition to Miley, Zedd is also actively stalking Emily Osment, Selena Gomez, and to a lesser extent, Emily Dechanel. Zedd's dick goes limp at the thought of Emily though, since she's the only one in the group that's of legal age. Zedd likes to subscribe/follow/friend these girls on their various social networking profiles, and sends them all countless messages about all the exciting new characters he's created for them in his screenplays.

	“	To let me know what they think. Do they wish to be my friend or do they wish for me to stop talking to them. All this not knowing is making me lose sleep. When I say they I mean, Emily Osment, Miley Cyrus and Selena Gomez and a lesser extent Emily Dechanel.	„
	—LordZedd16

WARLOCK'S MAGIC

Despite Zedd's mentioning of WARLOCK'S MAGIC well over 9000 times, it's still not exactly clear what the fuck this WARLOCK'S MAGIC shit even is. Zedd has created a website to tell you all about it. Sometimes it's a screenplay, sometimes it's an anime series, sometimes it's a convenient excuse for Zedd to stalk underage celebrities and tell them all about the characters he has planned for them.

	“	This is a live action anime fantasy series based 10,000 years before recorded history. Check out of the latest news to keep track of what's the latest updates on this hot property and how fast the heat is growing under it. Soon the fuse will be and this rocket will be launched into orbit.	„

Although Zedd's life's work WARLOCK'S MAGIC is nowhere near completion, he's still actively trying to cast various celebrities in the roles that he's created for them. He has a number of confirmed commitments from celebrities to play these roles, while the rest of the slots remain vacant. By "confirmed commitments" he means he sent messages to their myspaces asking them to be in his EPIC LIVE ACTION ANIME, and they said something other than "no".

A Rare Breed

It's unclear at this point just how many mental problems LordZedd actually possesses in total, but what is clear, is that he has a very bizarre combination of low self-esteem and unwarranted self-importance. As we saw his weepy vlogs earlier crying about not being good enough, now here we find the other side of LordZedd, Johnny Confident. Despite his lack of any kind of success in any area of his life, at one point he was so sure he was going to be a big star that he even took the time to write his own IMDB entry:

	“	Was born of humble origins to a LVN nurse and a Eastern Rite Priest at Queen Of Angels hospital two days before the big 1971 Earthquake, went to special education due to slight learning disability. Taught himself the art of screen writing with books, no former classes and currently struggling writer. In Long Road to Paradise (2001) as a favor for a friend, received no money for his role. But they remain good friends. Christopher's body of unsold scripts includes Chimera: Evil Made Flesh, Doa In Chinatown and the live action Thundaar which is based on the cartoon Thundarr The Barbarian (1980-1984). He collaborates on scripts with his older brother Wayne Mark Miller. Waiting for the day he becomes a sold screenwriter.	„
	—LordZedd3

Based on his newly written stardom, that he himself authored, he then proceeded to play big shot and name-drop himself on several other websites. Talking about himself as if he were a big star, he essentially said "line up bitches, come get you some of this", and created his own "Women who want to have fun sex with Christopher" fan club on AdultSpace.com. Zedd has yet to either confirm or deny if he received any actual sex from his self created fan club, but the presence of Yu-Gi-Oh cards in his current residence suggests that no sex was ever obtained, ever.

	“	WOMEN ONLY, women that think they would like to have sex with MARK CHRISTOPHER CHARLES MILLER, screenwriter. No one under age and no money will be exchanged. Just my personal FUCK FRIENDS. If yo want to be one of my FUCK FRIENDS, then please join today. After joining, when you wish to meet in person for a little fuck friends action, just message me so we can arrange a time, place and date. MEN WILL AUTOMATICALLY BE DELETED!	„
	—Horny_Christopher

Trolling Zedd

Due to his obvious multitude of mental ailments, Zedd is quite easily trolled. He will cry over spilt milk at the drop of a hat, and threaten you with his "connections". You should proceed with extreme caution though, Zedd is a Grand Wizard in WARLOCKS MAGIC, and will summarily fuck your shit up. And if he can't fuck your shit up, he'll have one of his many online friends do it, including his YouTube friend, the "police guy". The video can be viewed here.

	“	But the game ends here, I am no longer going to answer any more comments, I am just going to block you in all your forms and all your incarnations. The line must be drawn HERE, NO FARTHER!So CassandrainSpace or DeSaStRcAsE whatever the fuck your name is, I ain't playin' no more, you are about to learn the ugliest words in the English dictionary is Mark Christopher Charles Miller.	„
	—from the sidebar of his original video

	“	This guy has to to be stopped, he's out of control, he's a major criminal and he has to be stopped! I don't know how or how many incarnations he has out there youtube but two things are clear as crystal. This person has absolutely no life whatsoever and he MUST BE STOPPED before he does any real harm.	„
	—LordZedd16, talking about one of his clones

Holy Shit

Make that "Father LordZedd", you sinning bitches.

LordZedd and "the fam"

The most notable thing about LordZedd isn't his creepy demeanor, it isn't his loli stalking, it isn't his bizarre self-loathing and delusions of grandeur, it isn't his extreme sensitivity to trolling, nor is it his awkward attraction to Burger Kings. No, what is most notable about LordZedd, is that on top of all these other fine qualities, he also happens to be a fucking priest. Not just any priest, but a priest in the Byzantine Catholic Church, and he's descended from a long line of priests in that same faith. E-detectives are currently looking for any choir girls that may have been accosted by LordZedd. Yeah. Just when you thought it couldn't get any creepier...

UPDATE: Zedd is now claiming that he isn't actually a priest, that he was just a receptionist, and that they made him wear the priests uniform. This appears to be bullshit since his entire family are also priests, and on Google Maps, a red marker shows up on his house called "Byzantine Catholic Church, Inc."

LordZedd16 Responds to the Haters

"...it's a fake, if it exists at all."

And you thought you were a troll, huh?

One of these things is not like the others...

Since hearing about the recent uncoverings in this article, LordZedd has made some official statements on the matter.

	“	Is this has something about a so-called picture which I just heard about today, it's a fake, if it exist at all.	„
	— LordZedd16

	“	What I am is a screenwriter/Actor! What I'm not is retarded, a loser, homesexual freak or pervert.	„
	—LordZedd16

	“	...and about those naked pictures, that was 8 years ago, long before I even thought about meeting Miley or anything. Back, back when I was in a only slight minor depression...	„
	—LordZedd16

Of course, to view these videos, you will have to be a friend of his.

• Fuck all you trolls
• Another poster of me
• I never wanted any kind of fame
• I know what I am and what I'm not

Hacked

Now that looks much better.

LordZedd16 had recently reported getting a "virus that said it was an antivirus". He stated that not even McAfee could rid his machine of this malware. No sooner did he mention this then his main YouTube account got hacked forcing him to vlog from his backup account, christophermiller37. Once the main account was grabbed, it was immediately re-decorated for him, and all 180 blocked users were immediately unblocked. LordZedd is still currently holed up in his backup account.

LordZedd has a subfolder in his inbox titled "Actors that talked to me". Notice the block list of 180 users, more than his friends list.

HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY!!!111

File:Ian Watson - internet war hero.jpg

Ian Watson: Internet War Hero

File:Ian gets some pussy.jpg

Ian Watson, and the only pussy he'll ever get.

It's been noted that Ian bears a striking resemblance to this man.

File:Miley cyrus splits in ians pb.jpg

Rut roh! Looks like LordZedd16 isn't the only one with a hard-on for Miley. This pic was also in Ian's photobucket.

File:Jakesladder1 forgets hes not on his american girlfriend sock.JPG

Oops. lol

File:Ian and friend breaking into an abandoned building.jpg

Ian and his friend just before they break into this abandoned office building. Note the asbestos warning on the door.

File:Ian Watson and friend breaking and entering.jpg

Breathe deep!

File:Ian Watson is a pedophile.jpg

A 41 year old Ian Watson admitting he's a pedophile as he talks about eating out 14 year olds.

Just as it looked like the LordZedd16 story was dwindling into obscurity, a new player came onto the scene to revive the drama, jakesladder1. Apparently jakesladder1 and LordZedd16 are old e-friends, and currently post on some unknown little forum called Allied Forces. When jakesladder1 heard about the troubles that LordZedd16 was having, he put on his cape and mask and came to YouTube to do battle. He told fantastic and amazing stories of all his incredible internet wars, and of all the people he had slain.

	“	There was a massive cyber war;it was before youtube ever existed and was between at least a hundred forums. NOONE HAD EVER SEEN anything like it before. It stretched around the world. A lot of folk know about this and I'm suprised if you don't;it made TV etc. It was the first ever war on the internet. Do u know who I am now?	„
	—jakesladder1

At first his shit posts went relatively unnoticed, until he began issuing ultimatums, and telling people they needed to close their accounts or suffer his wrath. As he made the rounds on YouTube, his tales grew taller and taller, and he suggested that people look into his heroic exploits.

	“	Just check it out for yourself;many forums on PHPBB know my name. I have taken down thousands. I am known as Ian or Steve. And they fear me because of what I have done.	„
	—jakesladder1

Unfortunately for Ian, people took his advice, and began checking it out for themselves. Soon after that his myspace and photobucket were found, and just as people had suspected, he turned out to be completely full of shit. Instead of the valiant hero that he portrayed himself as, what they actually found was another middle-aged manchild with an unhealthy penchant for teenage girls. Surprise surprise. Since he's now privated it in shame, here's a few of the pics retrieved from the internet war hero's photobucket:

• hmmm
  hmmm
• elfin cosplay FTW
  elfin cosplay FTW
• What's this for Ian?
  What's this for Ian?
• Does your wife know you have these Ian?
  Does your wife know you have these Ian?

Not only is Ian a veteran of imaginary forum wars, but he's also an internet Casanova. He claims that he's e-dating a "model" by the name of "Jennifer". "Jennifer" is supposedly American, and runs the account myusernameisBM. The only problem is, "Jennifer" posted this on Ian's YouTube comments using what can clearly be described as "The Queen's English".

File:MyusernameisBM posting in the queens english.JPG

PROTIP: In America, the phrase would be "checks in the mail", not "cheques in the post".

Since Ian is British, we can only assume that Ian is, in fact, e-dating his own sockpuppet, and forgot to spell like an American that day. An inspection of the forum they all post on, "Allied Forces", revealed another post where Ian forgot which account he was on, again, and posted a response to a question about American buses.

	“	Of course we get "On the Buses" in America you pommy git.	„
	—Ian Watson, forgetting he's not "American" on this account

As Ian takes everything in, he's still trying to assess just how much he's been compromised.

	“	How the fuck did you get pics of me? I never lie sono denial;that is indeed me...........7 years ago but still me.	„
	—jakesladder1

	“	It didn't have to be this way;I showed you respect and this could have ended nice. But you obviously want to die. So be it.	„
	—jakesladder1, serious fucking business

	“	You fuck with me you die.	„
	—Ian Watson, internet killer

Ian then returned to the Fortress of Solitude back at Allied forces, and began licking his wounds, vowing to avenge this great justice. YouTube is still awaiting his valiant return, hoping that he'll bring another rich bounty of lulzy claims and internet tough guy death threats. And just as people were beginning to forget about LordZedd16, Ian has ironically brought the attention back to his friend, the exact opposite of what his intentions were. Good job hero, keep up the great work.

UPDATE: Thanks to Ian's heroic efforts, LordZedd16 has now had his back-up account stolen from him too, christophermiller37. LordZedd16 has now created a new account, screenwrtinggenius, to replace his newly stolen one. Nice work Ian.

UPDATE: On 2/20/10 Ian heroically turned tail and fled from YouTube after his work dox were found. He deleted his account, and put the Allied Forces forum on lockdown. Just before suiciding Ian left one last epic quote to be remembered by.

	“	Ian is not afraid of anything actually and never deletes.	„
	— jakesladder1, moments before deleting himself

UPDATE: On 2/28/10 Ian re-opened his account after having a long talk with his boss telling him about the statements he's made about eating out 14 year old girls, and that someone from the internet might possibly send it to him. lol

UPDATE: On 3/1/10 Ian closed his account again after his boss received the email about Ian wanting to eat out 14 year old girls.

Links

Accounts

• 1971chrismiller
• LordZedd16
• christophermiller37
• SuperLordZedd
• christopher_miller
• screenwriting_genius
•  Chris_actor
•  christopher1971
•  warlocksmagic
• Fubar.com
• Yahoo Answers
• AdultSpace.com

Autobiographies

• IMDB
• Premiere.com

Websites

• WARLOCK'S MAGIC
• Chimera the Movie
• Lord Zedd's Home Page
• LordZedd and his brother Voltron screenplay writers for hire - With dox
• LordZedd and his family of priests

Emails

• [email protected]
• [email protected]
• [email protected]
• [email protected]

Related

• Miley Cyrus
• manchild
• stalker
• pedophile
• Catholic Church
• MorganAnson

	LordZedd16 is part of a series on YouTube.
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