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Japan
Japan (from the Spanish japón, meaning "Hoe-land") is a cheap sex zone in the Pacific Ocean. The #1 export of Japan is WTF and Hentai. All their men enjoy the company of their obedient women and their mothers, who provide room for serious business. Japan is ruled by the evil king of monkeys, a distant relative of George Bush. All the other countries in Asia, despite being disgusting cesspools themselves, hate Japan; but like their filthy whore women, probably because the entire country is coated with porn studios, strip clubs and whorehouses. Japanese culture also states that you must select the prettiest young girls, and turn them into "geishas" (vicious sluts who are supposed to entertain whoever pays for them). Japan's current military is 9th strongest in the world, but there are a some bases that are still used by Americans. Japan is a perfect example of "not-as-good-as-it-used-to-be." Before being raped by the atom bomb, Japan was busy doing just that to inferior countries, but with a Katana instead of the mighty power of the atom. After the USA's rampage, however, it has degraded into what you see now.
Japs rarely exceed 150cm in height. Most Japs would much rather be white, and some undergo limited caucasiaplasty to this end. Also, since they have a very light diet, the vast majority of Japanese wimmins have no tits. The few who have large tits end up as whores, which explains why porn of titted Japs exists. Theoretically, this could be solved with a little whale milk, but since they kill whales just to be conservative, they produce a nice duality as an endangered Pacific string bean that's good for nothing and an endangered Pacific tub of lard that's good for nothing.
An expert describes why Japan is so full of fail.
World War II
After having buttsecks with Hitler, Emperor Hirohito sent his troops into Korea to buy Tamagotchis. The Japanese soldiers proceeded to rape, pillage and bukkake the Koreans and Chinese to death.
President Roosevelt sent a telegram to Hirohito requesting buttsecks too, but due to a mis-translation, the Japanese flew over Pearl Harbour and sunk a few battleships by dropping Toyotas and Pocky from their Gundams.
Your mother decided it was a good idea to build some bullets and bombs but the United States needed someone to test the bombs on, and who better than a bunch of slopes? Americunts considered fighting them hand to hand, but decided Japs weren't even worth the time. The nukes were a most practical and efficient way. So, Truman pwned the fuck out of Hiroshima on August 6th, 1945. But Tojo wouldn't surrender. To shut Japan the fuck up, Truman Bombed Nagasaki three days later, for the lulz.
Japan surrendered, and to this day have been the bitch of the USA.
Fun Fact: The Epicness of the bombings would continue to show for years to come as hundreds of thousands of civilians died from horrifying radiation poisoning, hideous mutations and other shit nobody cares about.
THe Japanese are and Endangered Species
With poetry skills to rival even the most hardened emo, Japan was once the world's foremost macho culture. Big moustaches, leather clothes, manly sex between friends in bath houses -- it was all there. Nippon is also the land of the Hot Babe. In Japan, the streets teem with the same seething, supple-limbed female honeys for which the Land of the Rising Sun has always been famous -- and each and every one of them longs for a real man to Put It To Her the good old fashioned way.
As the Japs opened their country to British fags the Brits wanted to fuck all of the hot women, only to find angry Samurai ready to chop their dicks off for trying. Knowing they could never defeat all the samurai and ninja to get to the hot chicks, Britain released the previously unknown GRIDS leading to the first Gays being found on the island.
The British found the Japs nearly impossible to convert to their faggy ways, even with GRIDS infecting the island. So, they unleashed something even crueler: they jumped into WWII! It is a proven fact that the only real men left in Japan were killed in WWII and as a result, the Japanese are not even having enough children to make up for the annual number of deaths: they are an endangered species [see chart -- yes, it's for real].
Now all the men in Japan look like women and actively play the part. Instead of boning the most fabulous babes on earth and breeding a new generation of ass-whipping samurai, these quasi-men prefer whacking off to cartoon characters, playing with toys, and having hours of gay sex each day.
One of the contributing factors of the population decline is that of all of Asians, Japanese men have the smallest penises. As a result, Japanese girls crave the slightly bigger White cock and are completely submissive to White men. Yes, even though the Japanese are famously racist against every other race, this need not rule out even the spottiest Irish or fattest American Star Trek geek.
The final reason Japs aren't reproducing is that the vast majority are now Sick Fucks that not even their own kind want to bone. Some have argued the sickness of the Japs is a response to radiation from the lulz bombs dropped on them during WW2. This is false, as they were just as sick before the war. Even Japan knows that 1/3 of Japanese men hate sex and it has always been this way.
Pedophilia is not only accepted in Japan, but also mandatory. Legally the age of consent in Japan is 13, but usually it actually happens around the age of six. As the average Japanese 13 year old looks like a 6 year old of just about any other ethnicity, Japan is a haven for pedophiles around the world. 110% of Japanese men are pedophiles. CP is the primary export of Japan and they plan to spread it across the world. Many students haven open relationships with their teachers and when the Japs heard that Catholic priests were molesting little boys, their response was "We can do better than that." None of this helps the birth rate, however.
FFFUUUCHKA YOUU WWAAAHLEEARU !!!!!!!!!
- For more details, see: Whale Wars
Japan's favorite pastime, other than bukkake and working until their eyes and brain bleed from not sleeping, is viciously slaying the evil whale and/or dolphin menace. In fact the whole reason behind their space program is so they can be whalers on the moon.
Last Thursday, the Australian government asked Japan to stop whaling harvesting whales for science in Australian Antarctic waters, because you should only kill endangered species in your own country.
Being a teeny-tiny bit sensitive to criticism, Japanese YouTubers and their sympathizers proceeded to hurl every bizarre insult at Australia that they could think of - in hilariously broken English - through the medium of YouTube comments and tl;dw videos. It would appear that Australia only cares about animals that look cute - they are kangaroo-killing hypocrites, who want to destroy the Japanese culture like they did to the Aboriginals. This is totally OK.
How Aussies telling the Japs to GTFO of THEIR waters will stop them is unclear at this point. But much like the Chinese civilians after the last Japanese invasion of China, the Aussies are clearly asking for a decapitated-neckhole rapin’.
Most Aussies won't argue that whaling is better than the Japanese soldiers eating prisoners of war. Read all about it! (Also note how long the list of war-crimes is.)
Lulzy Earthquakes
Last Thursday Japan was hit by a huge earthquake of over 9000 magnitude. This, of course, is not surprising because Japan is about as prone to natural disasters (magnified by their own stupidity) as Africa is to AIDS. To further the stupidity, they built nuclear reactors close to the shore line. Oh Japan, you so crazy.
What is surprising, however, is that one of the world's richest nations has completely failed to prepare for this inevitable pwning by GodJesus and as a result, civilised countries like North Korea and Iran must lend the Japanese tree fiddy, so that they can rebuild all the animu studios and child sex shops destroyed by the disaster.
Japanophiles
The purest form of faggotry.
Japanophiles are western people who love everything to do with Japan, even the creepy bits, like the coin-operated panty dispensers and blackfaced, screeching women. They are usually fat and socially inept (male), or fat and delusional about their looks (female) and can be identified by their Cowboy Bebop Naruto is the new coolect animu evar that will still be popular in 100 years!) wallscrolls, appreciation for J-pop and insistence on cosplaying. Not to mention walking around the city with a fucking Pocky sticking out of the mouth. Many Japanophiles are to be found at Colleges such as Earlham and Oberlin, where they form anime clubs and dress up like gay space elves with fox ears and capes.
Japanophilia is not to be confused with pedophilia, as there are several key differences. For example, pedophiles are obsessed with making love to children whereas Japanophiles are obsessed with Anime, writing with chopsticks, downloading gigabytes of hentai and annoying the fuck out of you at parties by talking at length about their interpretation of Neon Genesis Evangelion. Both, however, masturbate over pictures of schoolgirls.
Japanophiles do not reproduce by conventional means; most die as virgins and those that do not are usually imprisoned for rape. Instead, they use the internets to influence vulnerable teenagers to watch episodes of Trigun before leading them on to the harder (and less comprehensible) stuff. Soon the anime meme has infected the poor teen's brain and he has become a mindless Japanophile too.
The Japanophile's life cycle can end three ways; either dying an elderly virgin surrounded by small plastic figurines that cost hundreds of dollars each, being raped to death in prison (oh, teh irony!) or committing IRL self-pwnage after arriving at Japan and discovering that it's not full of enormously-breasted women who want to sleep with pasty, fat Caucasian lardballs. The last words of the latter Japanophiles are usually "Megatokyo lied to me..."
FUN FACT: Converse to how Japanophiles dry hump anything to do with Japanese culture, western culture is actually popular among Japanese teenagers. Proof of this is displayed with how many Japs dye their hair blonde and speak English.
Japanese Language
Japanese is a language learned by losers who claim that they're learning it because they "enjoy Japanese culture" when they're actually enjoying anime. For their years of rigorous training, Japanese language teachers get to instruct unmotivated American teenagers in the basics again and again while one half writes Ouran High School Host Club/Harry Potter crossover fanfiction in class and the other watches the latest fansubbed ninja fanservice anime on their $2,000 laptops. Even though a tiny percentage actually finish the course, they have no real use for it other than fansubbing anime or re-translating a Final Fantasy game. This is a worthwhile use of their time since American translators are close-minded AmeriKKKans who are unable to understand the elevated cultural value of Japanese children's cartoons. As strange as it sounds, the last sentence is not irony. No, it's just stupid.
In addition to speaking their native tongue, the Japanese also speak an interesting language called Engrish, which can be seen on many billboards and products.Their writing system consists of over 9000 symbols stolen from China by pirates; a few simplified ones are used in their alphabet, and naturally took on the appearance of whaling harpoons, katanas and dildos.
In the video section, please to find a Demo of their so called... ":*(&^%$^ENGRISH^$%^&)*:" It has an accurate subtitle...
How to get around in Japan
Since we at ED care about your Japanese experience, we've collected some useful Japanese phrases you can use when you meet a Jap!
- Boku wa _________ - My name is ________.
- Kyokon wo tabetai - I would like to eat some delicious cake.
- Sono shimbun wo kaimashita - I am not fluent in Japanese, can we speak English?
- Kimi no imouto wo reipu shitai - Please take a seat over there...
- Anime wo mitari, manga wo yondari shitai - I want to do things like watch anime and read manga.
- DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU - I am not a Weaboo, now will you stop looking at me like that?
- Chin-chin wo namesaseruzo - Problem, officer?
How To Troll
- Say anything good about Korea, anything at all.
- Tell them how Dokdo and Diaoyu are parts of Korea and China, Iturup, Kunashir, Shikotan are parts of Russia and "Takeshima" & "Senkaku" are just pussy land grabs.
- Tell them that Hiroshima and Nagasaki were the happiest moments of the HUMAN race. Yes, Japanese are evil monkeys designed by Xenu
- Spell the Japanese capital with an 'i' instead of a 'y'.
- Post a picture of a nuclear explosion with the caption "pwnd".
- Post a picture of Japanese internment camps with the caption "pwnd". For more lulz, praise Michelle Malkin's book of Japanese internment.
- Deliberately confuse them with Koreans.
- Talk to them in Korean, and expect them to understand you completely.
- Call them "Japs", "Azn", or Pokeymanz.
- Tell them that Naruto is a total fag.
- Say that you learned Japanese tradition through anime.
- Tell them that China can invade at any time.
- Post a low-res picture of Japan being ejaculated upon by multiple high-res penises.
- Mention that they come from Korea and everything in their culture is Korean.
- Tell them that they originate in Southeast Asia.
- Then tell them what retards they are for going all "dumbshit fantard" over some shitty Jpop singer for no other reason than that he's Japanese.
- Tell them that there is no such thing as a pure Japanese.
- ???
- PROFIT!
Brutally True Facts
- All Male Japanese are either drag queens or transexuals or perverted old basement dwellers who sell hentai doujins.
- All Female Japanese love great white cock.
- Japan is known for its capitalistic ways. In fact, a Jap will do just about anything for a few bucks, including loving you long time for $10
(that's Vietnam dumbass)(they'll do it too, faggot). If they refuse, threaten to nuke them. That always works. - In Japanese medicine, all drugs and most cures are suppositories.
- 4chan was inspired by a Japanese imageboard.
- Japanese are just like atheists, and they will get butthurt if they find out you're not Japanese. If so, threaten to nuke them a third time.
- Japanese love Americans when comparing other Asians, but hate weeaboos. Yet they hate Americans for the two epic bombs that they dropped on two shitty villages that started a chain of faggotry in Japan. Basically these two-faced, double-standard bitches hate everyone.
- Japanese think their religion is Ayumi Hamasaki cause there's truly no other way to explain this.
- Japanese eat shit. Srsly. Some believe this is a result of the radioactive materials that have been released since the Japan Crisis of 2011.
Gallery
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The Japs disrespect whales in more ways than one. -
Most popular product in Japan.
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Alternate Japanese National Symbol -
In Japan the latest fashion, walking around covered in shit.
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As you can see the fashion is popular amongst the young.
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What Japan's flag looks like when a black person light is shone on it. -
Coat of arms of Japan.
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Japan superior -
Jewtubers speak the truth. -
Ai Shinozaki -- a typical Japanese girl. Apparent age: 20. Actual age (as of 2009): 17 -
Michael Jackson Owned one of these.
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You too can be Japanese with these glasses. -
It's like saying hello in Japanese. -
What, no Shota? -
Have a piece of that bread bitch. -
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Fucking deserved it too. -
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Nothing is quite as satisfying as shitting one's bikini. -
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Rape- in Japan, it's like saying hello! -
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Japanese loveweirdfucking watermelons. -
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A typical example of how Japan views foreign nations. -
Little-known Fact: Little Red Riding Hood was Japanese and partial to the nutz. -
One of Japan's many engaging pastimes. -
Japs have small penis and pedos love it! -
Typical Japanese dinner. -
Typical Japanese video game design. -
Japan breaks the intrawebs. -
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Japanese girls accepts your date -
Is it paradise? -
How the Japanese reproduce. -
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This is why people don't play the DS -
Japanese toilet training -
Typical Japanese X-Mas Present -
GRORIOUS NIPPON STRONG SUPA POWAH
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The Immortal Emperor of Japan. -
Remember Pearl Harbor. -
Japan is full of sick fucks.
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Somebody set us up the bomb! -
OMG! Somebody set us up the bomb too! -
Typical anime fan -
Best way to kill them is with their own technique. -
To scale. -
Typical Japanese girls -
O RLY? -
GET IN MY BELLY! -
How Japanese men spend their time. -
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Japan has the Eiffel Tower. -
"But I poop from there!"
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A six-pack in Japan where it doesn't just give you liver problems but also lung cancer.
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Typical Japanese commercial featuring a gay man masturbating using a vegetable juice bottle in his pants. I'm not kidding.
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So vewy vewy ronery!
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Kawaii japanese girl. -
Kawaii products from Japan!~
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First step in learning Japanese.
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PANTSUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
World War II velly funny neh? ROTFL
See Also
- Ganguro
- Animé
- Awwright
- Hari kari
- Babyfuck
- Bukkake
- Chuoside
- Guro
- Domo-kun
- Jimbo's Japan Tour, 2007
- Shimajiro
- Big Daikon
- Kato
- Japanese Bug Fights
- Sick Fuck
- Weeaboo
- I LIEK MILK
- Whale Wars
External Links
- Proof that the Japanese were sick fucks during WWII.
- Japanese women get boyfriend pillow
- Fucked-up Japanese Stuff
- Strange technologies.
- Japanese men get pussy pillow
- Japanese men turn to sex dolls
- Japanese women get diarrhea
- Typical Japanese toys
- Moar Japanese toys
- Furries and a clown raping a crying Japanese girl while their privates are blurred out. Only in Japan...
- How to spot a Jap
- Get a Japanese pedo doll made...of your likeness!
Video Links
Japanese Music- Oh hell na, did that bitch for real say nigga?
- Typical Day For The Average Japfag
- Even Popeye hates those sneaky Japs
- A typical Japanese commercial
- mOrZX2858e8
- A day with a Japanese girl.
- What the Americans came up with in response to weird Japanese porn
- Just another day in Japan
- http://www.sardouzami.com/goonagoon/rooze%20kir/national%20penis%20dag.htm
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Japan is part of a series on 日本国
Typical Japanese Culture. 日本の人文 2chan • Anime • Animu Archetypes • Big Daikon • Dating sim • Gaiden • Herbivore Men • Japanese Bug Fights • Manga • Shimajiro
Typical Japanese Porn. 日本の猥本 |
| Japan is part of a series on Race |
[Click for moar] Races to Holocaust |
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Japan is related to a series on AZNS. | [Herrow] |
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Japan is part of a series on Visit the Anime Portal for complete coverage. |
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