Aspierations

Real life footage of an aspieration being dashed.

Aspierations are the fundamental flaws in the overly simplistic world view of a sufferer of Asperger's Syndrome which causes them to fail at the internet so much. This is intended as a factual article which will enable you to support and comprehend the sufferer in your life in a more effective way.

REAL LIFE	ASPIERATION
Making fun of people in pain is an asshole thing to do, and you should stop doing it...	...therefore, informing people who enjoy ridiculing people in pain of how much pain and anguish they are inflicting upon you will make them stop.
Everyone should have an personal, private environment in which they are free to express themselves creatively without fear of ridicule or spite...	...and a public internet forum which is searchable by every human being on the planet will provide precisely such a haven.
One's personal details represent delicate, important information vital to one's security and public image, and having them circulated and/or abused by a spiteful individual would be ruinous to one's mental and (potentially) financial health...	...but nobody's gonna see them on your LJ, amirite?
If Anonymous, Goons, or a similar group realise that you are genuinely indifferent about their ribaldry toward you, they will give up and find another target instead...	...and the best way to convince them is a fourteen-paragraph Livejournal rant about how you DON'T CARE and how you're better than all of them.
Some of that anime is, like, pretty kickass. It's got, like, vampires and ninjas and explosions and giant boobies and shit in it...	...and you should admit this, everywhere on the internet, at every given opportunity.
Each line of a conversation will follow basic rules. What you say will be relevant to previous statements; it will provide sufficient, not excessive or deficient, information; it will be reasonably organized; and it will be truthful...	... and the same will apply to conversations on /b/, IRC, LJ, etc.

Other Forms

Furries

REAL LIFE	ASFURATION
Some people wrongly think that being a furry is just about dressing up in animal costumes and having sex...	...when it also includes diapers, stuffed toys and giant tubs of lard.
Furries are part of a fandom who seek to escape the difficulties and drama life often holds. Being a furry is about having fun and expressing yourself...	...and we demand you give us equal rights - just like women, black people and gays.
Furries are very tolerant of other people, no matter how different they may be...	...except for trolls, furry haters and anyone who criticises their art.
Being a furry does not mean condoning bestiality...	...it's about condoning consensual sex between a human and their animal in a kind and loving manner.
Nobody should be ashamed of being a furry. It's a harmless pastime which should be as enjoyable as possible and bring people together...	...which is why all furries live through the internet.
Some furries have a deep spiritual connection to their chosen animal...	...because hyoomans are shit-filled sacks of skin. I should know because I am one. Erm - no - wait...

Webcomics

REAL LIFE	COMICSPERATION
Making comics for general consumption in newspapers is a dying business model, and no upcoming comic creator can possibly making a living doing it...	...so we'll make money trying to charge people on the Internet for it instead!
Editors at various newspapers and publishing companies force artists to water down their work so it can be safely read by grandparents to their small children...	... so we won't accept any sort of criticism, even when our work honestly sucks!
The key to making money is not from charging people for content, but from the secondary merchandising and selling of ad space on our respective sites...	...unless you're Webcomics.com, and then you can charge $30 without letting visitors see any samples first.
Being a webcomic creator isn't about being a T-shirt vendor...	...it's also about being a book vendor, a coffee cup vendor, a jockstrap vendor...
Webcomics can be made in any format, any size, any genre, and by any demographic...	...which is why all the successful webcomics are about videogames and/or nerds, and are made by fat, balding white men.
There are tons of exceptional, beautifully illustrated webcomics making their creators a living wage and untold fortune...	...you know, like xkcd!

Christians

REAL LIFE	CHRISPIERATION
Christianity is the most successful religion because it teaches tolerance, love and forgiveness...	...so the best way to get people on our side is to tell them they're going to burn forever in hell unless they think exactly what we think.
The Christian church has taught us that all people are equal...	...even though the heads of the Christian church are all white men.
Homosexuality is a sin against God...	...but it's OK if they're under the age of consent.
Evolution is only a theory. It still has many holes which need to be understood...	...and acting like a rabid ape will prove it's all bullshit.
Although the number of atheists, muslims and agnostics is growing, at least 80% of Americans define themselves as Christian...	...we're being oppressed!
God works in mysterious ways. We may never fully understand his nature...	...but ours is the only true religion. Seriously.

Atheists

REAL LIFE	ATHPIERATION
Atheists just want people to be able to think for themselves...	...that's why they buy billboard ads insisting that people stop believing in God.
The hallmark of a theist is their inability to think for themselves and believe anything they read...	... we know this because we've read The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins, God Is Not Great by Christopher Hitchens and Twilight of the Idols by Friedrich Nietzsche.
Atheists are more community-minded and liberal than most theists...	...and the best way to prove it is to post youtube videos supporting pedophilia.
There are many misconceptions about atheists - most people think they are overindulgent disillusioned young adults who think they know everything...	...so TheAmazingAtheist is our spokesperson.

Tea Party

REAL LIFE	TEAPERATION
America is a land where everyone is free to live their life, without fear of being oppressed and censored, as long as they are not hurting others...	...which means that the government should ban gay sex and gay marriage because those things are, like, totally gross!
The Constitution is a document that should be held in a very high regard. We do not believe that our politicians should rewrite it, just because a minority with megalomania says they should...	...but that doesn't apply to the parts WE THE PEOPLE disagree with! REPEAL THE FOURTEENTH AMENDMENT TODAY!!!
Illegal immigrants are taking our jobs, not bordering to learn the language, lazy, and threating to destroy our culture. They should stay out of here...	...although nothing beats having an easily affordable gardener and maid to do all those pesky chores.
People should be critical towards the mainstream media, and not unquestionably believe everything said on TV...	...while Fox News might be a much viewed cable station, which shamelessly panders to large segment of the American population, and are backed by a major media cooperation, they are obviously NOT mainstream media, so everything they say are the gospel!