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Chris Dorner
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
This is an old revision of this page, as edited by imported>Tokumei at 00:42, 14 February 2013. It may differ significantly from the current revision.
This page contains spoilers — important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example, HOLY SHIT the LAPD is offering $1 million for information leading to the capture of Chocolate Rambo and Charlie Sheen wants to get in touch with the nigger. I see what you did there Sheen!!!1
At the dawn of 2013, a former law-enforcement officer by the name of Chris Dorner rose like a big black musclebound sleeping giant and declared war upon the corrupt pigs that surrounded his hefty body. Dorner had discovered over many years that his former organization had lifted him up on a bed of lies, with inherent institutionalized racism and favoritism seeping through it's corrupt corners, and thus decided to go all out madman vigilante on their asses. Not only did Dorner author a breathtakingmanifesto, but like many before him acted on his beliefs by unleashing them onto the general populous. Dorner has claimed to purge the world from the evil that he sees surrounding him, and like a modern day Jesus with guns, he'll mow down every single last propagator and enabler that stands in his hulking way.
On the 31st of January, after getting fired from his shit-tier job with the LAPD, Dorner posted his manifesto to Facebook. Soon after reading it, the moralfags on Dorner's friends list got butthurt and sent it to CNN, and the hit list was baleeted. Then nothing happened for 3 days after, because the LAPD didn't care and no one took him seriously. But suddenly, on February 3rd, Chocolate Rambo did what no nigger can resist doing - killing cops. (even though he used to be a fucking cop himself).
This, however, was no ordinary KFC robbery or bike theft. Instead, Dorner decided to pop a cap in the asses of Monica Quan, 28, a basketball coach and her fiancee Keith Lawrence. This was not done just because Dorner, being a black guy, knew basketball well enough to know a woman coaching basketball wasn't doing it right. The bitchwas a police captain's daughter, increasing the butthurt level many times over. There are reports that after the murder, Dorner tried to escape to spicland.
On Tuesday, February 12th, Dorner shot and killed 2 San Bernardino Country Sheriffs near Big Bear Lake, and subsequently sought refuge in a small cabin which was then surrounded by authorities. An epic battle commenced, in which a gunfight was shown live on National television. A charred body, allegedly Dorner's, was found in the wreckage of the cabin after police tried to trick him by burning the cabin down. Fortunately, we know Chocolate Rambo to be far too clever to fall for such tricks, and he has likely now faked his own death in order to escape and continue his Righteous Crusade.
"The violence of action will be high … I will bring unconventional and asymmetrical warfare to those in LAPD uniform whether on or off duty … you will now live the life of the prey."
I never knew him not to be smiling. They're not looking for a stupid guy, here.
„
—Contrary to popular belief, Dorner is not just any dumb nigger.
“
My response was swift and non-lethal. I struck him fast and hard with a punch an [sic] kick … that day I made a life decision that I will not tolerate racial derogatory terms spoken to me.
„
—Dorner on beating up some guy as a kid for calling him a nigger. Watch what you say!
“
I know most of you who personally know me are in disbelief to hear from media reports that I am suspected of committing such horrendous murders and have taken drastic and shocking actions in the last couple of days. You are saying to yourself that this is completely out of character of the man you knew who always wore a smile wherever he was seen. I know I will be villified by the LAPD and the media. Unfortunately, this is a necessary evil that I do not enjoy but must partake and complete for substantial change to occur within the LAPD and reclaim my name.
„
—Dorner trying to remind us all that he is not really a gun toting, crime committing nigger.
“
The department has not changed since the Rampart and Rodney King days. It has gotten worse. The consent decree should never have been lifted. The only thing that has evolved from the consent decree is those officers involved in the Rampart scandal and Rodney King incidents have since promoted to supervisor, commanders, and command staff, and executive positions.
In 8/07 I reported an officer, for kicking a suspect (excessive force) during a Use of Force while I was assigned as a patrol officer at LAPD’s Harbor Division. While cuffing the suspect, [redacted] kicked the suspect twice in the chest and once in the face. The kick to the face left a visible injury on the left cheek below the eye. Unfortunately after reporting it to supervisors and investigated by PSB, nothing was done.
I have exhausted all available means at obtaining my name back. I have attempted all legal court efforts within appeals at the Superior Courts and California Appellate courts. This is my last resort. The LAPD has suppressed the truth and it has now lead to deadly consequences.
„
—Dorner's final solution. Not too different from the big guy himself, amirite?
“
Your lack of ethics and conspiring to wrong a just individual are over.Suppressing the truth will leave to deadly consequences for you and your family.
This will be a war of attrition and a Pyrrhic and Camdean Victory for myself. You may have the resources and manpower but you are reactive and predictable in your op plans and TTP’s. I have the strength and benefits of being unpredictable, unconventional, and unforgiving. Do not waste your time with briefs and tabletops.
Whatever pre-planned responses you have established for a scenario like me, shelve it. Whatever contingency plan you have, shelve it. Whatever tertiary plan you’ve created, shelve it. I am a walking exigent circumstance with no OFF or reset button. JRIC, DOJ, LASD, FBI and other local LE can’t assist and should not involve themselves in a matter that does not concern them. For all other agencies, do not involve yourself in this capture or recovery of me.
Self Preservation is no longer important to me. I do not fear death as I died long ago on 1/2/09. I was told by my mother that sometimes bad things happen to good people. I refuse to accept that.
Ellen Degeneres, continue your excellent contribution to entertaining America and bringing the human factor to entertainment. You changed the perception of your gay community and how we as Americans view the LGBT community. I congratulate you on your success and opening my eyes as a young adult, and my generation to the fact that you are know different from us other than who you choose to love.
Anonymous, you are hated, vilified, and considered an enemy to the state. I personally view you as a culture and a necessity that brings truth to a cloaked world. Forge ahead!
It's kind of sad I won't be around to view and enjoy The Hangover III. What an awesome trilogy. Todd Phillips, don't make anymore Hangovers after the third, takes away the originality of its foundation. World War Z looks good and The Walking Dead season 3 (second half) looked intriguing. Damn, gonna miss shark week.
„
—A moment in silence for our brother who missed shark week.
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No one grows up and wants to be a cop killer. It was against everything I've ever was. As a young police explorer I found my calling in life. But, As a young police officer I found that the violent suspects on the street are not the only people you have to watch.
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—Dorner comparing the cops to his fellow nigs.
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I lost my position as a Commanding Officer of a Naval Security Forces reserve unit at NAS Fallon because of the LAPD. I've lost a relationship with my mother and sister because of the LAPD. I've lost a relationship with close friends because of the LAPD. In essence, I've lost everything because the LAPD took my name and knew I was INNOCENT!!!
Larry David, Kevin Hart, the late Patrice Oneal, Lisa Lampanelli, Chris Rock, Jerry Seinfeld, Louis CK, Dave Chapelle, Jon Stewart, Wanda Sykes, Dennis Miller, and Jeff Ross are pure geniuses. I'm a big fan of all of your work. As a child my mom caught me watching Def Jam comedy at midnight when I should have been asleep. Instead of scolding me, the next night she let me stay up late and watch George Carlin, Eddie Murphy and Richard Pryor comedy specials with her for hours. My sides were sore for days.
Wayne LaPierre, President of the NRA, you're a vile and inhumane piece of s***. You never even showed 30 seconds of empathy for the children, teachers, and families of Sandy Hook. You deflected any type of blame/responsibility and directed it toward the influence of movies and the media. You are a failure of a human being. May all of your immediate and distant family die horrific deaths in front of you.
As Dorner's one man army battled on against the donut guzzling force of the LAPD, fat messy denizens of the internet everywhere took to their twitter accounts to show their great love and appreciation for Dorner's bloodraged killing spree. Hashtags such as #TEAMDORNER, #DornerDidNothingWrong and #DornerForPresident sprouted up all across twitter feeds over the world, instigated by forces such as RustleLeague. People mashed their fingers into keyboards and phone screens, tweeting furiously as Chris and the LAPD played the most dangerous game of hide and seek evar. The old media and polizia where not happy with all of this hardcore tweet action, and organisations such as CNN and the LAPD urged people to stop, which naturally worked completely and everyone did what they said.
Copypastas
[-+]Internet Tough Guy
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you filthy cop? I’ll have you know I'm a former Navy Intelligence officer who was fired by the LAPD for upholding justice, and I’ve been involved in numerous police shootings since earlier this week, and I have over 3 confirmed kills. I am trained in unconventional and asymmetric warfare and I’m the top Rambo in the entire tri-state area. You are nothing to me but just another dishonest police officer. I will wipe every LAPD officer out and bring you to such justice with Use of Force the likes of which has never been seen within the ranks of the LAPD, mark my words, scum. You think you can get away with kicking that poor, defenseless person, and discharging me for reporting it? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am running through the woods with a satchel full of RDX and my Barret M82 rifle, with my Surface to Air Missiles shortly ahead, so prepare for the Situation. The Situation that will be resolved, effective immediately. Your whole supposed police keeping operation is over, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my dick. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the majority of critical Naval defense information with my TS/SCI clearance and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable department off the face of California, you dirty peace officer. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” actions were about to bring down upon you, maybe you wouldn't have fired me. But you drew First Blood, and now you’re paying the price, LAPD. I will shit revenge all over you and you will drown in it until my name is restored. It's over-because I'm right behind you.
[-+]The Fresh Prince of L.A.
Now this is a story all about how the pigs got flipped turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute so fucking stay and hear my story of how I became the prince of LA
In South California born and raised, on the playground is where I spent most of my days.
Chilling out maxin' relaxin' all fly, Beating some racist motherfucking guy.
When a couple of cops who were up to no good. Started making trouble in my adulthood.
I got in one little job and then I got fired. Said I'm gonna take you down from the inside.
I whistled for some fags and when they came near. Put a cap in their ass and got my face on the air.
If anything I could say this moment was rare. So I killed a few more cops and fled into Big Bear
I hid at the resort for a couple of days. But I got pretty cunning and left without delay
I looked at the mess I had finally made, and sat on my throne as the prince of L.A.
[-+]Gotta Kill 'em All
DUNN DUNN DUNN He wants to be the very best
Like no cop ever was
To kill them all is his real test
To expose them is his cause.
He will travel across L.A
Searching far and wide.
The families are gonna pay
For the conspiracies they hide
CHRIS DORNER
Is gonna kill 'em all.
Who comes next he'll make the call.
CHRIS DORNER
Ohh he'll kill again
for the truth he must defend
CHRIS DORNER
Is serious fucking shit
Say nigger and you'll get hit
He'll chew you up into bits
CHRIS DORNER
He's so fucking bad
He could kill your dad
CHRIS DORNER.
Game Over or is it?
It was revealed that Dorner was hiding in the San Bernardino Mountains in a cabin taking two people hostage. At about noon PST time, Dorner was found by the cops in a stolen car. Dorner ran for it, and held up in another cabin, leading in a gun fight, killing one officer and wounding another. When Dorner tried to run out the back, they chased him back in. Shit got real about two hours in when the police tore down the walls of the cabin, a single gunshot was heard and the cabin caught fire. A crispy cadaver was pulled out of the cabin once the fire had been put out and is yet unrecognizable, however officials say they "have reason to believe that it is him". Some people speculate that the charred corpse was someone else and that Dorner is "heading to Mexico or has future plans to pwn the police".
UPDATE:
They have found Dorners wallet with the dead body but it is NOT confirmed if it is him or not. We at Enclycopedia dramatica believe if there were 50 Dorners then the LAPD would cease to exist.
RustleLeague. People mashed their fingers into keyboards and phone screens, tweeting furiously as Chris and the LAPD played the most dangerous game of hide and seek evar. The old media and polizia where not happy with all of this hardcore tweet action, and organisations such as CNN and the LAPD urged people to stop, which naturally worked completely and everyone did what they said.
Terminigger 2: Judgement Day
You thought it was all Hollywood.
Our hero.
Sadly his wife divorced him, instead of recording shark week and going back to the kitchen
Do you believe that's air you are breathing now?
You can't corner the Dorner
And fuck bitches!
Dorner should have followed the aspirations of any other typical nigger and gone down the path not taken, instead of becoming a cop.
The LAPD have his permission to die.
