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{{Spoiler|KENNEDY GETS PWNT BY TEH JEWS}}
[[File:John f kennedy6.jpg|thumb|right|350px|[[High score]]?]]
[[Image:Harvey Oswald How do I shot JFK.jpg|thumb|right|[[How do I shot web?|HOW DO I SHOT JFK?]]]]
__TOC__
[[Image:JFK.jpg|thumb|right|And [[nothing of value]] was lost]]


John [[wtf|F.]] Kennedy is a famous video game charactor who created [[drama]] after making a cameo apperance in [[JFK Reloaded]]. Kennedy was also a former president of the United States (and king of [[bullshit|Camelot]]) who got us balls deep in [[Vietnam|Nam]], and spent his entire career trying to pawn [[communism|Fidel Castro]], before being assassinated himself by CIA Agent Alex Mason at the end of Call of Duty: Black Ops, (effectivly turning Walter Cronkite into an [[Emo]]). Even thou JFK claimed to be a decorated [[World War II]] veteran, it was later proven that he played no role in the Call of Duty: World At War game. Moar controversy was also in the works after JFK, while in Berlin, admitted that he was a jelly donut [[IRL]].
== Famous video game character ==
[[File:Happy nixon.png|thumb|right|250px|Nixon learns of JFK's murder]]


<center><youtube>8IHYSwK9Xac</youtube></center>
John [[wtf|F.]] Kennedy is a famous video game character who created [[drama]] after making a cameo appearance in [[JFK Reloaded]] and also was apart of one of the most famous video game kills when he was 360 noscoped by enemy player Lee Harvey Oswald.
[[Image:Recruitment.JPG|thumb|right|The original poster used to recruit the gunmen who weren't patsies.]]
 
Kennedy was [[No shit|also a former president of the United States]] (and king of [[bullshit|Camelot]]) as well as a Jew-loving, womanizing, drunken and warmongering scumbag who got us balls deep in [[Vietnam|Nam]].  
 
He spent his entire career obsessing over [[communism|Fidel Castro]] before being assassinated himself by CIA Agent Alex Mason at the end of ''Call of Duty: Black Ops'', effectively turning [[Old media|Walter Cronkite]] into an [[Emo]]. Even thou JFK claimed to be a decorated [[World War II]] veteran, it was later proven that he played no role in the [[FPS|Call of Duty: World at War game]]. More controversy was also in the works after JFK, while in Berlin, admitted that he was a jelly doughnut [[IRL]].


A similar [[conspiracy]] claimed the life of John's younger brother Bobby, who was killed for knowing too much about [[Anna Nicole Smith|Marilyn Monroe]]. But another, cleverer [[NSA]] black-op effort to target [[shay|Teddy Kennedy]] failed when the [[Massachusetts]] <s>senator</s> [http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/08/26/obit.ted.kennedy/index.html now rotting corpse] cunningly managed to drown the young female assassin at Chappaquiddick.
A similar [[conspiracy]] claimed the life of John's younger brother Bobby, who was killed for knowing too much about [[Anna Nicole Smith|Marilyn Monroe]]. But another, cleverer [[NSA]] black-op effort to target [[shay|Teddy Kennedy]] failed when the [[Massachusetts]] <s>senator</s> [http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/08/26/obit.ted.kennedy/index.html now rotting corpse] cunningly managed to drown the young female assassin at Chappaquiddick.
{{clear}}<center><youtube>8IHYSwK9Xac</youtube>
;Enemy killcam</center>


===Did You Know?===
===Did You Know?===
* JFK didn't do Marilyn Monroe because she was easy, he did her because he was hard!
[[File:Lee harvey oswald assassination - the final solution.png|right|thumb|350px|Oswald was shot to conceal the secret of jewish magic bullets]]
[[Image:jfk.jpg|thumb|right|300px|[[360 kid|Showing everyone in Dallas he did.]]]]
[[File:Favorite sex position the jfk.jpg|200px|thumb|right]]
[[Image:J_F_K.jpg|thumb|right|250px|Artist's [[Rule 34|depiction]] of the JFK assassination as it happened.]]
[[File:Marilyn monroe - the final solution.png|thumb|right|220px|"Mr President - [http://www.history.com/news/happy-birthday-mr-president-turns-50 The ''late'' Marilyn Monroe"]]]
[[Image:Shootthepresidentwinanipod.gif|thumb|right|Sadly Lee Harvey Oswald never got his Ipod.]]
* That JFK didn't do Marilyn Monroe because she was easy, he did her because he was hard!
* The Kennedy family death curse inspired the "Final Destination" films?
 
* That the Kennedy family death curse inspired the "Final Destination" films?


* [[Asking for it|He had it coming]].
* That [[Asking for it|he had it coming]]?


* John F. Kennedy couldn't handle the mean streets of [[Dallas]]?
* That the legacy of JFK's infamous assassination is used as an excuse for the Kennedy's to legally get away with everything?  


* Bobby Kennedy was killed by some guy who was probably a [[Palestine|foreigner]] or at least looked like a foreigner and had a stupid repeated name (Sirhan Sirhan)?
* That John F. Kennedy couldn't handle the mean streets of [[Dallas]]?


* [[Ireland|The Irish]] cannot be trusted with authority, liquor, [[woman|females]], cars, cars with bombs in them, [[Margaret Thatcher]], [[Cuba|Cuba policy]], jobs that should go to real [[Americans]] of [[W|English descent]], or [[Bill O'Reilly|television shows]]?
* That Bobby Kennedy was killed by some guy who was probably a [[Palestine|foreigner]] or at least looked like a foreigner and had a stupid repeated name (Sirhan Sirhan)?


* If you make your vice-president a [[Texas|Texan]], he will [[Lyndon Johnson|kill you in order to get the job for himself]]?
* That if you get caught committing a crime, and your last name is ''Kennedy,'' you automatically get a free pass from being held accountable?  


* JFK's sister created the [[Special Olympics]], where you're still [[stupid|retard]]ed if you win, kind of like arguing on the [[Internets]]?
* That [[Ireland|the Irish]] cannot be trusted with authority, liquor, [[woman|females]], cars, cars with bombs in them, [[Margaret Thatcher]], [[Cuba|Cuba policy]], jobs that should go to real [[Americans]] of [[W|English descent]], or [[Bill O'Reilly|television shows]]?


* A cash prize ($100,000 or was it $10,000?) was offered for the first person to successfully play a [http://www.jfkreloaded.com/ video game] in a way that matched the lone and insane gunman theory (a.k.a. single gun theory)? The makers got a cash payment from Teddy before anyone claimed the prize and then promptly pulled the game. Try to find [[JFK Reloaded|the game]], or most comments on it, and be prepared for a [[crapflood]].
* That if you make your vice-president a [[Texas|Texan]], he will [[Lyndon Johnson|kill you in order to get the job for himself]]?


*John F. Kennedy was flagged for PvP at the time he was assassinated?
* That JFK's sister created the [[Special Olympics]], where you're still [[stupid|retard]]ed if you win, kind of like arguing on the [[Internets]]?


<center><big>'''Moar info on JFK in a brief history lesson'''</big></center>
* That a cash prize ($100,000 or was it $10,000?) was offered for the first person to successfully play a [http://www.jfkreloaded.com/ video game] in a way that matched the lone and insane gunman theory (a.k.a. single gun theory)? The makers got a cash payment from Teddy before anyone claimed the prize and then promptly pulled the game. Try to find [[JFK Reloaded|the game]], or most comments on it, and be prepared for a [[crapflood]].
<center><youtube>K7y2xPucnAo</youtube></center>


=== Copypasta ===
* That John F. Kennedy was flagged for PvP at the time he was assassinated?


{{squote|During that tense flight from Dallas to Washington after the assassination, Jackie inadvertently walked in on Johnson as he was standing over the casket of his predecessor and chuckling...<br/><br/>Of course, President Johnson is often given to inappropriate response—witness the puzzled timing of his smiles when he speaks of grave matters—but we must also assume that Mrs. Kennedy had been traumatized that day and her perception was likely to have been colored by the tragedy. This state of shock must have underlain an incident on Air Force One which this writer conceives to be delirium, but which Mrs. Kennedy insists she actually saw.<br/><br/>`I'm telling you this for the historical record,' she said, `so that people a hundred years from now will know what I had to go through... That man was crouching over the corpse, no longer chuckling but breathing hard and moving his body rhythmically. At first I thought he must be performing some mysterious symbolic rite he'd learned from Mexicans or Indians as a boy. And then I realized—there is only one way to say this—he was literally fucking my husband in the throat. In the bullet wound in the front of his throat. He reached a climax and dismounted. I froze. The next thing I remember, he was being sworn in as the new president.'|Jackie Onasis}}
{{squote|During that tense flight from Dallas to Washington after the assassination, Jackie inadvertently walked in on Johnson as he was standing over the casket of his predecessor and chuckling...<br/><br/>Of course, President Johnson is often given to inappropriate response—witness the puzzled timing of his smiles when he speaks of grave matters—but we must also assume that Mrs. Kennedy had been traumatized that day and her perception was likely to have been colored by the tragedy. This state of shock must have underlain an incident on Air Force One which this writer conceives to be delirium, but which Mrs. Kennedy insists she actually saw.<br/><br/>`I'm telling you this for the historical record,' she said, `so that people a hundred years from now will know what I had to go through... That man was crouching over the corpse, no longer chuckling but breathing hard and moving his body rhythmically. At first I thought he must be performing some mysterious symbolic rite he'd learned from Mexicans or Indians as a boy. And then I realized—there is only one way to say this—he was literally fucking my husband in the throat. In the bullet wound in the front of his throat. He reached a climax and dismounted. I froze. The next thing I remember, he was being sworn in as the new president.'|Jackie Onasis}}


[[TL;DR]]
==Why [[they]] killed JFK==
[[File:JFKpwnt.gif|thumb|right|SUCK MY FUCK!]]
[[Some_Argue|Some say]] that he secretly opposed the [[Vietnam War]] (although he ratcheted it up [[IRL]]), others say that he thought [[Israel]] developing a [[shitload]] of [[:Image:Nuke_Explode.jpg|nukes]] might be a little dangerous and wanted to stop them (since no-one heard this theory until [[last Thursday]] it's probably right), and yet others say it was all because he wanted to out the super-seekrit space-[[alien]]-hunters at [[Deus Ex|Project Majestic]]. There are about a dozen other theories, so fuck knows, the lone gunman story will always be the coolest, but we're all pulling for something much darker! 


==Why [[They]] Done Shot JFK==
==Examples of conspiracy theories==
[[Some_Argue|Some say]] that he secretly opposed the [[Vietnam War]] (although he ratcheted it up [[IRL]]), others say that he thought [[Israel]] developing a [[shitload]] of [[:Image:Nuke_Explode.jpg|nukes]] might be a little dangerous and wanted to stop them (since no-one heard this theory until [[last Thursday]] it's probably right), and yet others say it was all because he wanted to [[out]] the super-seekrit space-[[alien]]-hunters at [[Deus Ex|Project Majestic]]. There are about a dozen other theories. Who the fuck knows?
 
[[Image:Shootthepresidentwinanipod.gif|thumb|right|Sadly Lee Harvey Oswald never got his iPod.]]
* [[Bullshit|Oswald acted alone]]
* <strike>Assy Hole</strike> Grassy Knoll shooter
* <strike>Dal-Sex Building</strike> Dal-Tex Building shooter
* [[I accidentally|A Secret Service agent shot Kennedy by mistake]]
* Drain pipe shooter (but [[srsly]] who would make themselves smell like shit to kill this guy?)
* [[USSR|IN SOVIET RUSSIA, CONSPIRACY DEBUNK YOU!!!!]]
* <strike>Titel Asstro</strike> [[Cuba|Fidel Castro]]
* CIA did it
* FBI did it
* The driver did it
* Jackie did it
* The [[Royal_Family|British Royals]] did it
* [[W]] did it
* JFK's [[retard|retarded]] sister did it, as revenge on Kennedy's daddy for forcing her to get a lobotomy 
* [[JEWS DID WTC|JEWS DID JFK!!!!!]]
* Kennedy got himself killed before the Soviets beat him to the punch (or just for the lulz)
* Bobby did it
* [[Lolwut|Kennedy faked his death]]
* Cuba did it
* [[YOU]] did it, you jackoff commie-scum!
* [[your mom|YOUR MOM]] did it
* [http://everything2.com/title/Joe+DiMaggio+killed+JFK Joe DiMaggio did it for revenge.]
* Actually, [[LBJ]] did it. [[Fact|Fact!]]
 
==How to troll conspiracy theorists==
 
[[Image:J_F_K.jpg|200px|right|thumb|Artist's [[Rule 34|depiction]] of the JFK assassination as it happened.]]
* Tell them you think Oswald acted alone (vise versa for Warren Commission circle jerkers).
* Tell them they are wrong.
* After they reply with a 1,000 word essay on how they're right, just give a one word response like, "[[No]]".
* Make them play JFK: Reloaded.
* Joke about the assassination.
* Tell them Kennedy sucked at being president.
* Say that Kennedy deserved to die.
* Ruin their little forum debates by spamming "CHOWDAH!".
* Write your own theory, and after it gets followers, tell them you lied.
* State an existing theory as if you thought of it.
* Argue with them.
* Say [[LBJ]] was a noble man.
* Call the Warren Commission the most factual and accurate account of the assassination evar.
* Make a [[Jewtube]] video of the Zapruder Film and point out retarded shit (Example: HOLY SHIT! DA DRIVFUR TURNED AROUND! HE MUST OV SHOT TEH PWREZIDANT!), and on a sock puppet account, make a video debunking your theory. [[Flame war|Watch the flames ensue]].
* Refer to Lee Harvey Oswald as a celebrity.  


==Snapshots of History: A President [[Pwnt]]==
==Snapshots of History: A President [[Pwnt]]==


<center>
<center><gallery>
<gallery>
Image:JFK-Ich_bin_ein_Hallodri.jpg|JFK giving his infamous "Ich bin ein berliner [jam doughnut or maybe even sausage]" speech [[at least 100 years ago|June 26, 1963]] in Berlin. The crowd went fucking wild for no apparent reason.
Image:JFK-Ich_bin_ein_Hallodri.jpg|JFK giving his infamous "Ich bin ein berliner [jam doughnut or maybe even sausage]" speech [[at least 100 years ago|June 26, 1963]] in Berlin. The crowd went fucking wild for no apparent reason.
Image:Jfk neck wound.jpg|Pwnt.
Image:Jfk neck wound.jpg|Pwnt.
Image:Jfkbadday.jpg|You think you're having a bad day?
Image:Jfkbadday.jpg|More skull fragments than brains: The story of his life.
Image:MONGO.jpg|The [[MONGO|second gunman]] on the grassy knoll.
Image:MONGO.jpg|The [[MONGO|second gunman]] on the grassy knoll.
</gallery>
File:BestofCarcass.jpg|Grindcore
</center>
</gallery></center>


== New and Startling Evidence ==
== New and startling evidence ==
The following videos provide new and startling insights into the horrific and thoughtless crime that made [[America|a nation]] cry, beat its collective breast, and almost commit mass-[[suicide]].
The following videos provide new and startling insights into the horrific and thoughtless crime that made [[America|a nation]] cry, beat its collective breast, and almost commit mass-[[suicide]].


<center>{{fv|JFKfv01|background-color: white;|font-weight: bold;
{{fv|JFKfv01|margin:0 auto;|font-weight: bold;
|<center>'''JFK Reloaded'''</center>
<youtube>WD1vbTaNMoQ</youtube>
|<center>'''JFK Reloaded funny bug'''</center>
<youtube>iCiIE1wuDIs</youtube>
|<center>'''Physics fun with JFK Reloaded'''</center>
<youtube>fOSFafsloes</youtube>
|<center>'''Best Jfk Reloaded moment of all time'''</center>
<youtube>TXOx6XKhZeA</youtube>
|<center>'''A Macy's parade reenactment'''</center>}}</center>


== THE TRUTH ===
|<center><youtube>iCiIE1wuDIs</youtube>
[[Lie|Lee Harvey Oswald killed Pres. Kennedy.]] [[Lie|Enough said.]] [[Lie|End of story.]]
;;JFK Reloaded funny bug</center>


== See Also ==
|<center><youtube>fOSFafsloes</youtube>
;Physics fun with JFK Reloaded</center>
 
|<center><youtube>TXOx6XKhZeA</youtube>
;Best Jfk Reloaded moment of all time</center>
 
}}
 
== The truth ==
 
<big>[[Lie|Lee Harvey Oswald killed Pres. Kennedy.]] [[Lie|Enough said.]] [[Lie|End of story.]]</big>
 
== YouTube ==
 
<center><youtube>K7y2xPucnAo</youtube>
;The Professor Brothers - History Lesson (JFK)</center>
 
== Gallery ==
<br>
<center>
{{Collapsegallery|Gallery|cg|center|<gallery perrow="5">
File:John f kennedy5.jpg|Boy... THAT escalated quickly.
File:John f kennedy8.jpg|He's smiling about sending Jackie out on a vacation so he can bang some skank hoez!!!11
Image:jfk.jpg|[[360 kid|Showing everyone in Dallas he did.]]
Image:Harvey Oswald How do I shot JFK.jpg|[[How do I shot web?|HOW DO I SHOT JFK?]]
Image:JFK.jpg|And [[nothing of value]] was lost
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
File:JFK Skyrim.jpg
File:John f kennedy1.jpg|[[Homosexuality|gay]]
File:John f kennedy2.jpg|This proves it was dapper jew midgets!!
File:John f kennedy3.jpg
File:John f kennedy4.jpg
Image:Recruitment.JPG|The original poster used to recruit the gunmen who weren't patsies.
File:Kennedy Aimbot.jpg
</gallery>}}
</center>
<br>
 
== See also ==
*[[JFK Reloaded]]
*[[JFK Reloaded]]
*[[Marilyn Monroe]]
*[[Robert F. Kennedy]]
*[[Ted Kennedy]]
*[[Conspiracy]]
*[[Conspiracy]]
*[[Tinfoil hats]]
*[[Tinfoil hats]]
Line 80: Line 162:
*[[Jesus Christ]]
*[[Jesus Christ]]


== External links ==
{{lulzhistory}}
{{politics}}
{{politics}}
 
{{acronyms}}
{{truth}}
{{truth}}


{{Timeline|Featured article November 22 & 23, [[2013]]|[[Polygamy]]|[[{{PAGENAME}}]]|[[War Thunder]]}}
[[Category:People|Kennedy, John F.]]
[[Category:People|Kennedy, John F.]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]

Latest revision as of 17:30, 25 August 2024

High score?

Famous video game character

Nixon learns of JFK's murder

John F. Kennedy is a famous video game character who created drama after making a cameo appearance in JFK Reloaded and also was apart of one of the most famous video game kills when he was 360 noscoped by enemy player Lee Harvey Oswald.

Kennedy was also a former president of the United States (and king of Camelot) as well as a Jew-loving, womanizing, drunken and warmongering scumbag who got us balls deep in Nam.

He spent his entire career obsessing over Fidel Castro before being assassinated himself by CIA Agent Alex Mason at the end of Call of Duty: Black Ops, effectively turning Walter Cronkite into an Emo. Even thou JFK claimed to be a decorated World War II veteran, it was later proven that he played no role in the Call of Duty: World at War game. More controversy was also in the works after JFK, while in Berlin, admitted that he was a jelly doughnut IRL.

A similar conspiracy claimed the life of John's younger brother Bobby, who was killed for knowing too much about Marilyn Monroe. But another, cleverer NSA black-op effort to target Teddy Kennedy failed when the Massachusetts senator now rotting corpse cunningly managed to drown the young female assassin at Chappaquiddick.

Enemy killcam

Did You Know?

Oswald was shot to conceal the secret of jewish magic bullets
"Mr President - The late Marilyn Monroe"
  • That JFK didn't do Marilyn Monroe because she was easy, he did her because he was hard!
  • That the Kennedy family death curse inspired the "Final Destination" films?
  • That the legacy of JFK's infamous assassination is used as an excuse for the Kennedy's to legally get away with everything?
  • That John F. Kennedy couldn't handle the mean streets of Dallas?
  • That Bobby Kennedy was killed by some guy who was probably a foreigner or at least looked like a foreigner and had a stupid repeated name (Sirhan Sirhan)?
  • That if you get caught committing a crime, and your last name is Kennedy, you automatically get a free pass from being held accountable?
  • That a cash prize ($100,000 or was it $10,000?) was offered for the first person to successfully play a video game in a way that matched the lone and insane gunman theory (a.k.a. single gun theory)? The makers got a cash payment from Teddy before anyone claimed the prize and then promptly pulled the game. Try to find the game, or most comments on it, and be prepared for a crapflood.
  • That John F. Kennedy was flagged for PvP at the time he was assassinated?
 
 
During that tense flight from Dallas to Washington after the assassination, Jackie inadvertently walked in on Johnson as he was standing over the casket of his predecessor and chuckling...

Of course, President Johnson is often given to inappropriate response—witness the puzzled timing of his smiles when he speaks of grave matters—but we must also assume that Mrs. Kennedy had been traumatized that day and her perception was likely to have been colored by the tragedy. This state of shock must have underlain an incident on Air Force One which this writer conceives to be delirium, but which Mrs. Kennedy insists she actually saw.

`I'm telling you this for the historical record,' she said, `so that people a hundred years from now will know what I had to go through... That man was crouching over the corpse, no longer chuckling but breathing hard and moving his body rhythmically. At first I thought he must be performing some mysterious symbolic rite he'd learned from Mexicans or Indians as a boy. And then I realized—there is only one way to say this—he was literally fucking my husband in the throat. In the bullet wound in the front of his throat. He reached a climax and dismounted. I froze. The next thing I remember, he was being sworn in as the new president.'
 

 

—Jackie Onasis

Why they killed JFK

SUCK MY FUCK!

Some say that he secretly opposed the Vietnam War (although he ratcheted it up IRL), others say that he thought Israel developing a shitload of nukes might be a little dangerous and wanted to stop them (since no-one heard this theory until last Thursday it's probably right), and yet others say it was all because he wanted to out the super-seekrit space-alien-hunters at Project Majestic. There are about a dozen other theories, so fuck knows, the lone gunman story will always be the coolest, but we're all pulling for something much darker!

Examples of conspiracy theories

Sadly Lee Harvey Oswald never got his iPod.

How to troll conspiracy theorists

Artist's depiction of the JFK assassination as it happened.
  • Tell them you think Oswald acted alone (vise versa for Warren Commission circle jerkers).
  • Tell them they are wrong.
  • After they reply with a 1,000 word essay on how they're right, just give a one word response like, "No".
  • Make them play JFK: Reloaded.
  • Joke about the assassination.
  • Tell them Kennedy sucked at being president.
  • Say that Kennedy deserved to die.
  • Ruin their little forum debates by spamming "CHOWDAH!".
  • Write your own theory, and after it gets followers, tell them you lied.
  • State an existing theory as if you thought of it.
  • Argue with them.
  • Say LBJ was a noble man.
  • Call the Warren Commission the most factual and accurate account of the assassination evar.
  • Make a Jewtube video of the Zapruder Film and point out retarded shit (Example: HOLY SHIT! DA DRIVFUR TURNED AROUND! HE MUST OV SHOT TEH PWREZIDANT!), and on a sock puppet account, make a video debunking your theory. Watch the flames ensue.
  • Refer to Lee Harvey Oswald as a celebrity.

Snapshots of History: A President Pwnt

New and startling evidence

The following videos provide new and startling insights into the horrific and thoughtless crime that made a nation cry, beat its collective breast, and almost commit mass-suicide.

JFK Reloaded funny bug

Physics fun with JFK Reloaded

Best Jfk Reloaded moment of all time

The truth

Lee Harvey Oswald killed Pres. Kennedy. Enough said. End of story.

YouTube

The Professor Brothers - History Lesson (JFK)

Gallery


[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]


See also

External links

John F. Kennedy

is part of a series on

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John F. Kennedy
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Featured article November 22 & 23, 2013
Preceded by
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John F. Kennedy Succeeded by
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