Michael Reagan

After spending much of his early childhood as an Irish lady-boy and giant clitoris, at a radio station he met fellow journalist-thing and hate-spewing cunt Ann Coulter. Then Michael and his clit were adopted by the soon to be first meatbag and fortieth president of the United States Ronald Reagan. Mike proved to be a dedicated son-thing, lying and cheating in His Glorious NAME. More than 200 radio stations run his whiny-head show, along with OVER 9000 dribbling old-man penises. Fox also finds considerable use for a blowhard and bullshitter whose last name happens to be "Reagan".

Mark Dice (who dat?)

Last Thursday, he became butthurt when he found out Mark Dice, a known anti-war activist and hated Nazi pedophile, was sending videos and letters to soldiers in Iraq saying that 9/11 was an inside job. He immediately started encouraging his listeners to seek out Mark Dice and anyone else who agreed with his views to shoot them.

"My brother sucks!"

Mike-o-poo's younger brother Ron Jr. pointed out the fucking obvious, and said that Dear Old Dad was getting Alzheimer's in 1984, while still in the White House. Mike responded by calling Ron II "an embarrassment" and "seems to want to sell out his father to sell books". Because Dad was in the process of being Jesusized, all known flaws of ol' Ronnie has to be purged like a bad corndog shit. The Screaming Right stood in line to piss on Ron Jr. Too bad he was right.

Ron Jr. admitted he was an atheist, and Mike went to the media and howled "NOT OF THE BODY". Family values!

RACISTRACIST PANTS ON FIRE

Remember a movie called "The Butler"? It portrayed The Old Fart as an old fart. Who tried to remove economic sanctions against the apartheid regime in South Africa. Mike was fully erect and ready to deny it in seconds. When the right wing pootie press needs a quote about the holiness of Dad, Mike is always happy to comply. Funny that people have forgotten a 1988 book that Mike wrote. Hypocrites ahoy.

He was also happy to rant "SADDAM WMD WMD" whenever necessary. Also likes to claim his fellow conservatives never, ever use naughty words. Lol. Wonderful businessman, really knows how to make money venerating his sugar daddy.

He was molested

Yup, he claimed he was fucked by a man at camp that Nancy hired to "teach him to be more manly". Not making this up. Even went on Dr. Drew and talked about it.

Hilarious quotes

	“	Excuse me folks, I'm going to say this. We ought to find the people who are doing this, take them out and shoot them. Really. Just find the people who are sending those letters to our troops, to demoralize our troops, do what they're doing, you take them out, they are traitors to this country, and shoot them. You have a problem with that? Deal with it. But anybody who would do that doesn't deserve to...to live. You shoot them. You call them traitors, that's what they are, and you shoot them dead. I'll pay for the bullet.	„
	—Michael Reagan

	“	As the Alzheimer's progressed, and he could no longer verbalize my name, he only recognised me as The Man who Hugged Him. And everytime I walked into the house, there he would be, in his chair with his arms opening wide to hug me.	„
	— -excerpt from his Eulogy speech at daddy's funeral. By 1992 the old man didn't recognize anyone.

	“	"Reagan didn't seem to know who I was. He gave me a distant look with those milky eyes and shook my hand weakly. Oh, my, he's gonzo, I thought. I have to go out on the lawn tonight and tell my countrymen that the president of the United States is a doddering space cadet."	„
	—Lesley Stahl of CBS, after meeting Dad in 1986

	“	Five months into 1988, readers have duly devoured adopted son Michael Reagan's painfully candid portrayal of his parents, On the Outside Looking In, and Larry Speakes's coyly titled Speaking Out, a pointed depiction of the White House as the official spokesman saw it. Last week Donald Regan's excoriating For the Record, with its tales of soothsayers, iron fists and velvet gloves, put the White House under its heaviest literary siege yet (see story, page 106). Inside jobs on the Reagans, it seems, are now a full-fledged literary genre.	„
	—-from People magazine

Video Responses

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	“	How about you take Mark Dice out and put him in the middle of a firing range. Tie him to a post, don’t blindfold him, let it rip and have some fun with Mark Dice."	„
	—Michael Reagan (hates faggots and was molested too)