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MylarBalloonFan
MylarBalloonFan
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This person has Assburgers Syndrome, so you can't say anything bad! :-( Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck. |
It may come as a surprise to some that anyone over the age of 8 would have an obsession with foil balloons; however some people never outgrow such childish things. MylarBalloonFan aka Samuel “Sammy” Peterson is a fat, 22 year old basement dweller who is obsessed with Mylar balloons, old technology, square objects, McDonalds, the 1990s, and Sailor Moon. He is also an autistic Dane who hates his own country for various stupid reasons. Sammy also is something of an Ameriboo and wants to move to the US. However due to Sammy spending his welfare money on other things, he won’t touch American soil anytime soon.
Mylar Balloons
Sammy has an intense love for Mylar Balloons. So much so, that he has over 200 of them in his room. Due to Køge not having very places that sell Mylar Balloons, Sammy has to import them from the US. He spends at least 200 USD for one Mylar balloon and has spent over 5000 USD on Mylar balloons. Yes, he spends 200 dollars to import a shitty balloon that costs 7 dollars at Party City.
He expresses his love for Mylar balloons on Yahoo answers and Youtube. He comments regularly on videos of other Mylar balloon spergs that videotape themselves and their balloons. He also posts negative comments to anyone that uploads videos of themselves popping his favorite type of balloons. In his own words; anyone who pops Mylar balloons is “killing his girlfriend.”
Yes, Sammy has a sexual fetish for Mylar balloons. It’s not enough for Sammy to own Mylar balloons; he also has sex with them and admits that Mylar balloons feels good against his microdick on Yahoo answers without any shame. He even videotaped himself slobbering all over a Mermaid balloon. You can watch the video here.
As an avid Mylar balloon fan, he hates the dreaded latex balloons with a passion. He posts long rant videos about how much he despises them and of him flipping off latex balloons at a store. He even popped latex balloons in a couple of videos.
He Loves the 90s
Sammy has other obsessions besides Mylar balloons that he spends quite a bit of his welfare check on. He is also obsessed with schoolgirl animu, old technology, squared objects, Dr. Pepper, and McDonalds. What these obsessions all share in Sammy’s autistic mind is their relationship to his favorite decade, the 1990s. Being born in 1992, Sammy is very nostalgic over his childhood. Unable to adjust to modern technology, Sammy despises the modern world and everything about it.
He’s obsessed with Sailor Moon and similar type school girl anime that came out in the 90s. He has spent quite a bit of money on animu little girl toys, Sailor Moon Mylar balloons, and other various animu crap. He even wore Sailor Mars cosplay and schoolgirl outfits in public, letting every single Dane in Køge know how special he is. He once made a top ten kawaii-est anime girl list and every single girl listed was younger than 16, some were even as young as eight years old. When viewers pointed out their age and asked him if he was a pedophile, Sammy raged at them.
His obsessions with ancient, pre-Web 1.0 technology include uncomfortable 1970s chairs, square energy-consuming electronics, and ancient computers. He also posts rants on his hatred for Windows Vista/7/8 and does not give a clear answer on why he dislikes them other than that they are modern computer systems.
It’s no surprise that Sammy also likes 90s fashion and clothing. Not the good kind either. In every single one of his videos, he blasts Gabber techno for those who are unfortunate to listen. He also wears god awful 90s light-reflecting fashion that makes someone look like they lost a fight with a tub of highlighters. So far, his highlighter look consists of a New Kids on the Block fanny pack, a woman’s soccer jacket, and a girly watch. His fashion choices are interesting, to say the least. He chooses to wear the same type of stuff that women and effeminate gays wore in the 90s before quickly ditching them when they realized how retarded they looked. However, this should be expected from the same guy who wore schoolgirl outfits in public.
It can be assumed that he eats McDonalds on a weekly basis from the song his posted, the video of himself exiting out of one, and even his own comments about the franchise. He makes videos of himself obnoxiously burping on camera after drinking Dr. Pepper.
Videos
Previous Video | Next Video
Sammy and trolls
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Warning! Sammy flags down mirrors of his videos on Youtube |
Sammy is very touché when it comes to criticism and argues with trolls and people on and off youtube. Being discovered by 789chan users, Sammy quickly found his way to the site and raged at the users. So much so that he flagged down mirrors of his videos, sent trolls butthurt messages on Youtube, and made a couple of videos on Daily Motion.
He even, at one point, attempted to team up with Robert Wayne Stiles to get trolls arrested by the FBI. However, he quickly ditched Robb, because sending trolls to jail was taking time away from fucking his Mylar balloons.
He also gets very irritated when trolls compared him to Chris Chan. Like Chris, he also wears out-of-date pedo glasses, likes Sailor Moon, eats at McDonalds almost religiously, is obsessed with toys, and even looks kind of like Chris. He even got referred to as "Danish Chris" by trolls before they found out his name. The main reason why he gets irritated that people compare him to Chris is because Chris likes Pokemon and My Little Pony and that Chris is "too mainstream".
Another thing Sammy gets upset over is when people dislike his videos, whether they be trolls and/or people who didn't find his videos very entertaining. He also seems to believe that the same person disliked all of his videos rather than a few people finding them to be boring.
Like so many people before him, when he had found his ED article, he wanted to take the information down NOW NOW NOW!!!1 So he used the ED account that he already had and practically blanked the article. Needless to say, his edits were quickly reverted and he was banned. The article itself was only up for a few hours before this happened:
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Needless to say, he can't deal with trolls or any forms of criticism from the internet.
Pictures
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Sammy cosplaying as a Danish grandma -
The resemblance is uncanny! -
Complaining about people calling his glasses "rapist glasses." -
Plastic crap and a shitty old computer? It's definitely Sammy's battle station. -
So many posts about his assburgers syndrome
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Sammy's arch-nemesis, skateboarders -
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Sammy's looking a little pregnant there
Websites
- His own personal site
MylarBalloonFan
ILoveSailorMoon1000
mylarballoonfan
MylarBalloonFan- OKCupid profile
- Dailymotion profile
- Wrongplanet profile
- Photobucket account
- Yahoo answers account
- ZippCast account
- A video of teenage Sammy and his buttbuddy
- A video of Sammy complaining about a train
- Sammy complaining about going green
See also
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MylarBalloonFan is part of a series on Aspies. | [Sperg out] |
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| MylarBalloonFan is part of a series on Dying Alone
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