MetaFilter
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Metafilter is a "group blog" and left-wing hate site that was originally started as a "best of the web" compendium, but is now a site where the posts fit a predictable pattern - of cuntiness, precummery, and leftist ideological lockstep. Like Reddit, it continues to be popular with a small subculture despite being primitive, badly dated, awkward to use, and unable to handle embedded images or videos. Easy to see why people prefer to fight with Facebook; at least FB isn't a dorks-only leftover from the 1990s. While an occasional post is interesting, their luserbase's need to post pedantic arguments about trivial shit is the primary reason for the site's continued festering.
"History" lol
It was written in crappy ColdFusion (a retarded 90s invention that let anyone who could make a "home page" pretend to program) in 1999 by Matt Haughey, who used to do some stupid shit at Blogspot. In 2003 Blogspot was sold to Google and Haughey, an ugly and extremely smug nerd with a big head and bad teeth and an extremely sad case of strabismus, suddenly became an "online celebrity". He created the site as a place where other people could create content for him while he rimmed blogosphere A-listers and talked about his two passions: professional wrestling and auto-erotic asphyxiation. He will often PM members of the site to boast about how good he is at watching television. Does he have an insufferable blog full of bitchery about petty trivia? Hells yeah!
Go thru their archives. Metafilter's first two years were a slow sedate buildup, as new users appeared one after another. But the one thing that triggered a rush of activity? The 9/11 thread. It brought an assortment of blind panic and irrationality onto Metafilter; and new users poured in in coming months. The very next day, an attempt to have a "quiet thread" quickly turned into a shouting contest. Of course some of them used multiple accounts to attack each other. Thus Metafilter grew into a dysfunctional little cesspool.
By 2004 MeFi was so swamped with traffic Haughey had to hire co-moderators. Who were also close "friends", meaning people who sucked his nutsack with extra aggression. And they started running it TOW style: deleting any post they didn't like, for any reason, and tossing people out for "disruption", a term whose meaning changed from case to case. It is, in short, run by pathologically dishonest power-trippers and complete assholes.
The first moderator was "Jessamyn West", a librarian from hippyland Vermont. Despite being a very obscure nobody outside of her little world, she's justly proud of her smarmy and completely positive Wikipedia biography, because she wrote it herself, with the assistance of some of her Metafucker assrimmers. And she just loves MeFi, because being a sysop, the denizens suck on her red-hot magic porthole with great vehemence and sloppy depth. The daily rimjob seems to put her dour East Coast iron-cunted lesbian personality into another plane of self-abuse. Not to mention her vanity website, full of useless blathering by her "professional colleagues" about the wonderful world of libraries (something which she and the rest of the Web are slowly putting out of business).
Jessamyn hates to shower, so she is constantly surrounded by a wafting cloud of fish smell from her rancid vag. Cortex finally had to post a warning sign at the mod command post. (Holy shitballs, is she neurotic...)
The second mod was Josh "Cortex" Millard, a basement-dwelling hipster from that holy land of assholery, Portland. He enjoys getting pegged and several videos exist online of him indulging in this fetish, despite him removing the copies he unwisely uploaded years ago.
Josh is even uglier, hairier and more insecure than Haughey. He makes horrible embarrassing "folkie" music, and posts it online so that MeFucks can rave about what a "musical genius" he is. (Jessamyn still breast feeds Cortex with her pendulous, saggy tits, and it is that sweet, sweet milk that gives Cortex his modly powers.) He's also got the inevitable shitty blog where he talks about comic books, Star Trek, and assorted infantile obsessions. And his "fans" kiss his swollen ring of hemorrhoids there, of course. [1] The buttplug got his own Wikipedia bio, despite being an utter waste of vacuum. Created by longtime Metahitler user Samuel "Jahaza" Howard, and edited for his protection by Jessamyn, of course! And best of all, deleted two years later for "lack of notability", lol GENIUS!
Haughey hired other moderators, but we won't mention them because they are complete nobodies lol. He has since managed to get a job, ironically as a content creator at lame-assed "enterprise collaboration" outfit Slack. It is a web IRC system that charges a lot of money for "secure access".
Apparently he was too busy (or something) with the new job to run MeFart anymore so in 2017 he handed it over to Fartex. Thus proving that it is a worthless "web property" thing.
Now that Cortex was Unchallenged Head Asspat, he could post any moronic garbage he wanted and MeFuckers would upvote and lickass him anyway. And if you need proof that Metafilter is in shittown financially, in 2018 Cortex started openly begging for money on Twitter. As of 2021 Tex was cutting back on moderation and his lusers were complaining. But not coughing up more $. As one of them said: "It's been 10 years since active users started steadily declining, and 7 years since the big switch from ad revenue to member donations. As recently as February, we were told there was "not enough of a net loss to be immediately worrying" — but five months later here we are, with core site aspects being chipped away at."
Are you really surprised to learn that by 2018, Slack had a private channel wherein Metafilter chodes are permitted to abuse each other over politics? You can read about it in a comment left in this thread. And you are not invited, chode. But go ahead and sign up anyway. Knowing how the internet makes people into shitweeds; ED suspects that Haughey arranged this channel for his MeFi asspals at no charge whatsoever. And his supervisors at Slack are totally in the dark.
And that's only the founding sysops. Metafilter's luserbase was originally very random and included people from all walks of life, and posts were extremely varied. But in 2005, in a pathetic attempt to keep "sockpuppets" who might "cause trouble" off their golden pristine server, they started demanding a $5 payment in return for a new user account. And kicking out people who posted links they didn't think were "of sufficient quality", as defined by their own vague and flaky, PC, leftywefty-Ivy-League-snobbish personal "rules". By 2010 it was obvious that MeFi was hopelessly in the grip of a gang of longterm posters who were so PC they were embarrassing. So the luserbase quickly boiled down to a gang of their friends, acquaintances, camp followers, and people willing to kiss the ample asses of Haughey, Millard and West (which is probably not her real name anyway). These persons are remarkably predictable in their cocksucking and shiteating habits. The site now has a blog where they can pat themselves on the back for their "wonderful compendium of knowledge", without having to acknowledge how petty, unimportant and outdated much of their database is.
How stupid is Eyebrows? OKAY HERE YOU ARE AT THE LAND OF STUPID!
Again, how stupid and callow is she?
—[2] |
And how stupid is cortex, the current "pwner"?
Some of their favorite neuroses and trigger words are described below.
Posts about media
Such posts are made by someone who likes a band, TV show or movie. Everyone on the site who dislikes the subject will then go on and on (and on and on) about how much it sucks. [3][4]
Golden shower example: the user called "hippybear", who is as gay as a rainbow horsecock and cannot shut up about 1980s dance music. [5][6]
Their Talk section got a "Posts About Metafilter" sub-section in 2006, which they really loved because it helps to validate their pathetic excuse for a "community". Unfortunate, isn't it, that actual mentions of MeFi elsewhere online are actually kind of scarce?
—--of course they upvoted it, she's a mod and her ass must be kissed |
Political Posts
Metafilter contains many political posts, largely from Rolling Stone and Vanity Fair, and people then express a full range of political opinions about the articles that range from Extreme Pussy Liberal to Shrieking Communist. But sad self-defeating dorkery always overrides political issues.
Say anything about Trump--anything--and stand well back as the fountain of SJW whingery explodes. [7][8][9][10][11][12] Not much about actually changing the political landscape, very little about organizing or participating. Just mountains of petty complaints about The Awful Donald and about how Hillary "kinda wasn't all that bad" and how Bernie Sanders is a fucking god hero. Who failed badly yo. (Compare this to the 2008 thread when Obama was elected. USA! USA! USA! Interesting that their patriotism is "conditional".)
—[13] |
By 2018 posts were being deleted simply because none of them wanted to talk about the POTUS. [14]
OMGWTFBBQ THERE'S A SLAPFIGHT BETWEEN BERNIE FANS AND HILLARY FANS, SILENCE THEM!!
And for vague political reasons, despite being big cartoon fans, they intensely despise Dilbert creator Scott Adams. [15][16] And of course, the mods eventually started deleting anything to do with Adams, partly because he'd been sockpuppeting on their precious site. [17]
(archive)[18] Guess he's too "libertarian" for them. Takes a clitoris to know one.
They also hate Bill Maher. So much do they hate Bill. How much? Even when Bill does a well-constructed monologue about the Trump connections to the Russian government, some of them bend over backwards to ignore the actual subject and Bill-Blubber about how much they hate Bill:
Any comedian who specializes in pushing the boundaries of taste is E-V-I-L and must be whined about and put down and sniped at whenever mentioned. That is all. Consider their multiyear hatefest of Sarah Silverman, the one comedian who ought to push all their love-buttons (Jewish, female, liberal, brassy, etc. etc):
Conan? Of course they have to take petty shitshots at Conan. Fuck yes. Anyone more successful than pathetically-obscure Minneapolis playwright (and obsessed-with-his-own-Jewishness loser) Max Sparber has to be shat upon..........by Max Sparber:
No matter the subject: Sparber has to make it about himself.
STUPID CORPORATE SHIT IS CLASS WARFARE AND UPVOTE THE AUTO-LEFTIST KNEEJERK
Post a video of an advanced robotic warehouse, and they start shrieking about how evil Amazon is and how abused their employees are and start upvoting each other for it. Even though the original post had nothing to do with Amazon. (Then they went to amazon.com and ordered moar junk food and huge black dildos perhaps.) Remember that bunky: NEVER EVER MENTION THE A-WORD or pathological moaning will ensue.
Bring up a study of the political divisions in America today, and they cheerfully screech at each other about what "political correctness" means, and how awful "cis" people are. And LobsterMitten, resident freak, makes it all go away. "We don't censor" lol.
This thread is a classic giggle-riot. It started with a stunning interview with a pathetic dual career suburban yuppie couple living as high on the hog as they can and running up huge debts over and over (despite earning more than $160k/year). The MeFlibbers doubled and tripled down on the inherent stupid with their own brand of its-all-the-banks-fault and ad-hominem sniping and "this is click bait hate read whatever IDONTLIKEIT" mixed in with some actual reasonable comments. If there's a way to get personal finances under control, asking a bunch of Metafilter losers for "advice" is not gonna reveal it. This is how you manufacture a giant Meta-shitthread. One of the "more reasonable" statements:
Is rapidly followed by a cascade of ass-pain:
This one is amazeballs and was heavily upvoted for its mountain of smug:
—boohoo |
They fell for a gag "99% OFF!!" sale run by Cards Against Humanity on a Black Friday, but there just HAD to be at least one snit spluttering about "hurtful" things:
—is that petty enough for you? |
The Typical Mefite
Meet Miko, a/k/a Michelle Moon. She is a good representation of the typical MeFite. Humorless, blue-state-dwelling, eager to impose her own worldview on everyone else because she considers her U.S. cosmopolitan liberal worldview the crowning achievement of the long development of the human species. Her worldview is summed up by the New York Times, the New Yorker, and Hillary Clinton. Became incredibly butthurt when Trump was elected, when MeFites were criticizing the New York Times, and when one unenlightened MeFite claimed Betty Page as an empowering role model for women. David Brooks' The Social Animal nicely describes the milieu in which she sees herself. She thinks her privileged, narrow, ideologically warped and historically aberrant existence should be imposed on everyone else. Unthinkingly accepts the trendy fads that are being force-fed on the American people such as transgender ideology and open borders groupthink. Feels in her bones that Trumpism is evil and does not understand ordinary, decent, hard-working Americans at all. Has always worked for nonprofits. Supports minorities only in the abstract; would never welcome a poor minority into her orbit since they would not share her carefully cultivated liberal enlightened viewpoint. Miko represents everything that is evil about the world of Hillary Clinton liberals, eager to denounce and shame white people despite demanding white people's tax money for the lavish government programs she wants to fund. Hates sex. Gets very offended (and she is frequently offended).
Example? Consider her "bacon tirade". Which other MeFarts took issue with. No one pointed out the obvious, that here is a very obese woman, lecturing her fellow nerds about "proper nutrition".
Miko is a shit-heel, claiming a graduate degree that she doesn't have. Instead, Miko has attempted to mislead people into believing her degree is from the (prestigious and selective) Harvard Graduate School, by putting on her resume that she has an M.A. The Harvard Extension School doesn't offer M.A. degrees.
What a piece of work. Miko is a classic childless urbanite liberal who moralizes and lectures MeFites endlessly in her own sanctimonious way, who wants to impose her views on everyone else, but can't even be trusted to tell the truth on her own fucking resume.
Sexism
Oh shit. There's so much toxic MF squealing about sexists and anti-sexists and transgenderism and dick-holding. It can't all be listed. People post comments, other people scream "BIGOTBIGOTBIGOT", Haughey and friends show up to deliberately stir the pot. As usual there's very little talk of taking action, because that would be work, and they would have to leave their basements and take chances. Metafilter has degraded into a gang of twitchy pseudo-leftist cowards moaning about the horrible, horrible world. These threads on the main site have a strange tendency to get shorter, the more butthurt people get, and then the fallout can be found on the MetaTalk subsection. If you want to see screaming, multithousand post threads on MetaTalk, this is an easy way to generate them.
- Don't bring up Rebecca Watson unless you're looking for real lulz. The whinery spreads to MetaTalk too.
- Same for Chelsea Manning. [19]
- Don't bring up Gamergate or anything related. Anita Sarkeesian, Zoe Quinn and Brianna Wu are ongoing really sore cocks. [20][21][22]
- Anything to do with "men's rights" or "women's rights" or "misogyny" or "misandry" inevitably leads to gigantic threads full of butthurt snivelling, esp. on MetaTalk. [23][24][25][26] It's not a new phenomenon either, we found a 2008 thread about misandry that was Lulz Central.
- Don't even mention peeing standing up. [27][28]
—--yes it happens, but "thousands every week"? Naaah.... |
- Then there was this hambeast who blogged about her tacky "personal style", which was enough to set off a new round of wimmens-whinging-about-being-ugly and "male gaze"ism .
And remember what happened when Burning Man founder (and it must be admitted, complete dick) Larry Harvey died. They started posting the usual idiot "."s because BURNING MAN IZ MAGIC and then one of their resident anonymous greasy hipster cuntboys (and coder) decided it was a perfect time to wipe his asscrack all over the dead man's face:
—--[29] |
OMG PATRIARCHY!!! PUSSY WHINE WHINE!!!
Go ahead, talk about Wil Wheaton. So we might urinate upon his nerdy little head. And bring up Chris Hardwick, over and over. (And piss and moan about Wheaton being on Mastodon, Metafilter's "Official Dorky-approved" social website.)
This one was clearly intended to trigger angry women and it worked:
—how brave and aggressive of you! to whine on the internet about MRAs! |
Racism
The average MetaTwatter is as Caucasian as they come (and they don't come often). All you need to know about their twisted and insecure handling of racism or things that might possibly be racist can be embodied in this amazingly stupid thread. It's about Rhoda Young; a crazy black woman from Virginia who thinks she's an "amateur You Tube journalist" but just looks like a fool.
—well, you got the "skews whiter" part right |
The Cleveland Indians announced they were planning to retire their "Chief Wahoo" mascot, and screeching autism ensued:
Found an article about Auto-Tune. A thing that "just happens to be" popular with hip-hop producers. So. One of those aging honky Tumblr shitweeds feels compelled to scream "RACISM":
—Uh, wut? |
Loads of Meta-Fungs are big fans of Harry Potter, but they welcome any opportunity to call J. K. Rowling a "racist". Prominently including a luser under the handle of "Hermione Granger". Upvote the rage!
This shit was in a thread about burritos.
Spend enough time on Metafilter and you will notice how the ignorance of the average MeFite results in hilarious missteps in which they accidentally promote the work of epically racist assholes because they are too fucking clueless to know what they're talking about in their quest for Twitter asspats. Take for example, the histrionic poser Max Sparber, a fifty-something basement dwelling MeFite who spends literally all of his free time on Twitter. He has an ongoing thing where he posts about country songs. (He and his girlfriend fancy themselves country songwriters.) Recently Max Sparber promoted the work of David Allan Coe, apparently not realizing that Coe has written and performed and recorded some of the most racist and sexist songs in the history of country music, which is actually an accomplishment. How does someone who fancies himself a country musician not know this? (And you got it: after Sparber saw this article, he changed his Twitter handle. Because he won't admit he's a fool.)
Furthermore, go on, and bring up North Sentinel Island and its isolated inhabitants, hostile to outsiders. So a few of the resident judgmental-and-probably-white-skinned fucks can snivel about "unpacking the colonialist framing" and other petty White-Guilt nonsense. They are in the minority here but it's Metafilter and they make a mighty big stink. The Sentinelese are hopefully glad they don't have internet. (Yet)
Large American corporations always have some racist employees. It is an unavoidable fact of life in the Glorious Republic of Americuntistan. Especially workplaces with a lot of blue-collar jobs. Most corporations do an adequate job of policing their abusive employees; screw-ups happen. And Silicon-Valley-style startups can be even more dysfunctional than established firms. But when a post about bigots at Tesla Motors went up, the very first comment was
Deleting threads
New threads are posted directly to the front page....unless one of their mods or a friend complains that it might be sexist somehow. The thread remains online but can't be found with any search engine. For instance: two guys write a hoax article and get it published in an academic journal, it ends up on MF and BLAMMO
And let's talk about the Evergreen College shutdown of 2017...or rather let's not, because MeFi won't tolerate any mention of it.
That's "MeFi Code" for "STFU AND GO AWAY BECAUSE WE THINK YOU'RE A FASCISTCISWHITEMALEGAZER AND WE TOTALLY LIED ABOUT FREE SPEECH". And of course, DIAF if you mention Emma Sulkowicz:
Queer? You bet they are. And insecure about anything to do with it. Thus: A Stanford researcher who was kinda famous already created an algorithm that (he claimed) could determine if a person was gay or straight simply from facial photos of that person. He published a paper that was mentioned in the Guardian. And on Readwriteweb. And on Gay News Europe. But hey, someone posted it to MeFuck and the "homophobe homophobe" shrieking started instantly, then it was deleted for the usual bogus reason. Someone might be offended!!
—--someone gets an F in statistics |
Humorless? Sometimes they're so humorless, even relatively inoffensive joke videos make them offended. And the thread must be killed before it even begins because someone complained. In this case the opportunity to shit on Bill Murray's head (using his ugly 2008 divorce), and thereafter censor any further mention of his existence on Metafilter, was irresistible:
And sometimes they are deleted because a mod was "offended". All it takes on MetaFUCK to kill a discussion is one loud whine.
Cortex routinely goes complete-asshole and makes the most innocuous posts vanish for no apparent sane reason. [30][31][32] Even a post about transgender children (something MeFarts love to argue and shriek about) sets him off, in this case because they don't like writer Jesse Singal. And no, they can't spell Singal's name properly. [33]
Post censorship is far more commonplace than any MF regular or mod will ever, ever admit. They are shitmouthed prevaricators thru and thru.
The perfect example of "omg sexist maybe omgomg" was this thread, about a cute video of police dogs in a parade. Deleted because
When Google+ was killed off, one of the ex-team members wrote a long blog post about his experience, which was a political shitshow (as usual with any discussion of Google product development). It was posted, it was seen by many people, many commented on it (loads of them didn't like the guy), and then KAPOW
The dumbasses even try to lecture spammers AFTER deleting the threads they start and banning them (so they can't even see the lecturing). Genius!
When Krakatau blew its top just before Xmas 2018 (and the resulting tsunami killed hundreds of people) some dweeboid posted a video from October. The others started bitching and posting "."s and then the whole thing was Krakatau-ed. And there was no repost. As usual, the subject became "insta-toxic".
It's okay to talk about "sickening spew" as long as it's left-wing spew. And never ever mention Louis CK.
In 2013 they thought Edward Snowden was a great hero. In 2021 they were apparently snarling contempt at him.
Don't post old articles even if the information is difficult to find. Because some anusfisted snitweed will complain and then Bitch Goddess Jessamyn will kill it off. Despite "resigning" years ago, she's still got modz powerz.
And NEVEREVER bring up a trans subject that already pissed the resident nons off. The most essential unspeakable word in MetaLand is "censorship" and another unspeakable is "Isabel Fall".
Yet another thing you cannot mention: Glenn Greenwald. "Greatest Journalist Of All Time", or nazi monster? Ha ha ha haaaa.
—[34] |
Metafilter Feminism 101
Couldn't be easier to summarize:
- All men are rapists.
- All accusations are true.
- Believe the accuser.
- No women lie. (lolol)
- No women rape.
- Due process is sexist.
- No evidence is needed to substantiate an allegation.
- Killallmen. (ultralol)
- Yesallmen.
- LOL fedoras.
Being offended
Metafilter dedicates a lot of time to finding new ways for liberals to be offended. Metafilter has become a site where someone makes a post, say, on black and white photography and then someone will object as 'black and white' is discriminatory toward people who do not fit into a binary distinction between black and white. A successful thread will then be taken to Metatalk where comments that are deemed offensive can be highlighted and people can be offended that they too were not offended or that they were offended by the person who took offense. Someone has actually posted 'I feel unsafe in this thread' regarding discussion of some topic.
Post something genuinely disturbing, or something about sex (a subject most of them know nothing about), and they will whine like snot-covered little babies.
When not sniveling on Metafilter the membership's favorite pastimes include bulimia and self-harm, but any mention of these things will be instantly deleted unless the same sentence blames them on low-melanin penises.
Any statement about how being gay, obese, homicidal, suicidal, happy, sad is good or otherwise will sometimes trigger a cascade of butthurt offense. It is, however, perfectly acceptable to state how sodomizing any Republican to death would be a good idea. Examples: [35][36] Plus that time Haughey had the bright idea to photoshop dildos onto photos of GOP politicians and everyone commended him for his 'cleverness'. [37] Don't forget Haughey bragging that he lost weight by thinking about Donald Trump!
And don't ya even think of posting YT videos parodying popular cartoons and videogames, or MeFi's Own will tantrum at ya. Plus, if there's a problem, you'll get a lot of bitchy sniping and "who's the bigger racist here" wankery.
Not enough that the mods delete things and pretend they never happened. When an issue like foul language comes up, they lie to their luserbase openly. And the luserbase, being lusers, upvote it and fail to notice the inherent bullshittiness:
For years they loved and raved about the intentionally-stupid Liartown blog. Until this 2014 thread. When a few of their resident scummy-justice-bitches decided to attack Tejaratchi, and others joined in with the pettiness and self-absorbed harrumphing.
Not to worry! By 2017 they had totally forgotten about that "bad stuff". Hypocrites, or just poor institutional memory? But there's always another whiner in every crowd, to "remind them" that Liartown is "EEEEBBBBIIIILLLL":
—that last paragraph seems to make zero sense |
Thread about Airbnb covering up rapes and murders in Airbnb properties? Let us drag it off topic and snivel "bad framing" shit about the value of a human life. Take it up with the government, loser.
Old Memes And "Nerd Heroes"
Old memes from 4chan are posted on Metafilter when they have become tame, therefore useless. Dork subjects like the George Lucas Crap Factory or comic books are always popular. [38][39] And Calvin and Hobbes cartoonist Bill Watterson gives them a collective ladyboner. [40][41][42][43][44]
Never, ever, ever criticize Steve Jobs on Metafilter. [45][46][47] The only person who can do that is his daughter, and when the truth ends up in print (like in a BOOK and all), the MeFoogers are all like "yeah he was a dick after all". Long after the fact. Cowards.
And when a person who was famous for writing horrible nerdy books or making nerdy music or being on nerdy TV shows dies, the MetaFuckers throw the most pathetic fits of pseudo-sadness you've ever seen. [48][49][50][51]
No one other than introverted nerds and dorks has ever heard of Iain Banks. Evidently they qualify.
Throughout MeFOOK's history Banks was venerated as if he were "important" lol.
Extra-special mention to the thread in 2008 when the suicide of pretentious-hipster-hero writer David Foster Wallace was reported. If you had fans like that, you'd hang yourself too.
BONUS! No one could ever call Elie Wiesel a pussy. When it comes to Hebrews, he was the bad-assiest. But when he died, the MeFucks (very few of whom are Jews, and none of whom are badass) pussied out real good.
Extra lols for Christmas 2016 when two of their biggest idols died. The Carrie Fisher thread was enormous. But the George Michael thread was also enormous and yet was removed from the front page the next day. For no apparent reason.
And let's not forget the turdblossoms generated when someone they hate dies. Consider the Roger Ailes thread for reference purposes. Replete with heavily upvoted pathetic nerd jokes:
—posted by Rust Moranis at 9:56 AM on May 18 [127 favorites] |
Or Billy Graham:
Or Barbara Bush:
Or her husband only a few months later:
Or Totalbiscuit:
—--[52] |
Plus, all you need to have the hottest thread in weeks is to announce a female Doctor Who.....fucking nerds.....and never bring up art projects based on mental illness b/c a great number of them are "neuro-atypical" (that's code for "crazy") and throw PC shitfits if they think something is "ableist":
When they first discovered that infamous gamer autist Ulillillia in 2006, they deplored him. Another thread from 2009 also regarded him as a freak. But there was a "takeover" around that time by Chris-chan level autists, because when they rediscovered him in 2010, they started posting aspie-mash notes to his autistic glory. This horse-shit continued when Something Awful mocked Nick in 2013.
—lol he mentioned the ED article lol |
Hey, you fucksticks, do you realize that if you put in a little effort and updated Haughey's primitive shit code, then you could re-edit your comments, and not look so fucking stupid FOR ETERNITY. Jes' sayin'. Think on it.
Ed Asner died. Being one of the most beloved liberals in Hollywood did not help him, because in the usual thread full of sniveling "."s, there was this. Knifing dead people in the face; it's what they do.
Isaac Asimov. Has been dead FOR THIRTY YEARS. Okay? But the announcement of Apple making a TV show out of Asimov's old "Foundation" books got him the following OP. To which were attached a vast river of nerd mechanical responses. Being one of the greatest science writers in American history means some little MeFaggot wants to find a way to shit on your grave. Always.
And hell yes they never mentioned the show again.
Vegetarianism
Arguing about vegetarianism and veganism. Metafilter has a number of vegans, who like vegans everywhere somehow believe that the world wants to hear about what they eat. On MeFag the vegans come up in many vegetarian threads and state calm, reasonable things like 'eating meat kills children'. Productive discussion ensues (lol). [53][54][55]
An article about a guy eating his own severed foot attracts a river of stupid cannibalism jokes. [56] This is their "coping mechanism" for dealing with the meat consumption of others, unless someone deletes the thread as "not productive". Maybe this one should have been deleted.
Are there Jews on MeFI? Yes there are. Not many but they are the whiniest and snarkiest of the lot, as you can see in this thread. Duck kosher something something. Thus we can see two things at once: Metafilter is a shitstain of food trivia, along with all kinds of other trivial crap, and Talmudic law is an archaic mess. There might be some point to all this. Just don't ask a Mefite, Jewish or not.
—this explains some things about Liz |
Fatness
And despite all that veganism, whenever talk gets around to awesome new junk foods, they go all googoo and slobberish. Thus we conclude the average Metafilterite is over 250 pounds and lies about being on a "socially conscious diet". [57][58][59]
Wanna bring up carob, the crappy chocolate "substitute" people tried to push in the '70s? Yes, let's whine about it!
Jaffa cakes? Oh, you wanna talk about jaffa cakes? Well, you can, but the fat chodes of MeFi will just turn it into a pointless squabble about "non binary gender" something something.
—autism |
Potato chips/crisps? Fuck yeah! Long as you put up with us bitching/raving/whatevering for a long time about various disgusting Tayto flavors! The MetaFlops are undoubtedly stuffing processed potatoes in their gobs while typing this drivel!
And bacon? Yes you cannot post something about bacon. Or the hypocritical screeching gets louder and louder.
But they must WORSHIP PIG MEAT hosannah to ded pig
—[60] |
Plus hotel buffets, and stealing food therefrom, because Meta-ass-mass must be maintained at no cost:
For the final dose of blobshit...a post about how the obesity epidemic is not well understood by scientists and is actually a complicated subject...was interpreted as just another trigger item for the Meta-Monster-Butts. Who are looking for a reason to attack an article poster and for support for their neuroses.
—wayy too late |
—ahh fuck off you fake hipster |
Anthony Bourdain
Phoniness and hypocrisy at its Mefinest. They started out liking him yet by 2016 he was evil scum. Oh oh oh! how they hate and despise Bourdain, a minor TV host and author! Why, why!
Because of course! MeFites are anonymous little foreskins who love the Web because they can use it to destroy famous and successful people.
Three months after that last thread Bourdain killed himself. And the MeFarts simpered down off their Tower of Hypocrisy to plant another stupid little garden of . signs. And pretend none of that other shit ever happened.
—--this from one of the dickwads who dumped on Bourdain months before |
Pseudointellectualism
It's a big word, and MeFites are big swollen foreskins who suck it well. Bring up the notorious "Monty Hall problem", and they will cheerfully stick their collective well-educated feet in their mouths for days.
—--that should be "egregious", you ninny |
And you can't accuse them of being "too intellectual", because there's a powerful undercurrent of spiritual crackpottery just under the surface. [61][62][63] All that uglyass Monty Hall shit didn't teach them anything. When the "Sleeping Beauty rebus" was brought up in 2015, they started arguing again. [64]
And if you really wanna see a serious display of dorks on the internet bullshittery, talk about the bonkers and prob. unprovable idea that we all live in a computer simulation. Schmucks like Elon Musk and Ray Kurzweil believe in it so people who should know better also "discuss it seriously". DO IT, stand back, and enjoy the lake of turds boiling over.
Autism, you say? They will deny having any, but they do a shit job of hiding it. Let's say, some MFer autist decides to post a long, rambling essay about autists loving the Minecraft game. The result is this extra-special 2017 thread. Consider the first thread about Minecraft from 2009, it's a textbook display of ADHD/OCD/ASD alphabet soup. More Minecraft jabbery occurred in 2010 (epic!)[65][66][67], in 2011[68][69][70], in 2012, in 2013, in 2014, etcetc. And in each case it triggered a long thread of autistic whinging and rambling. They can claim they "aren't gamers" but they play something.
Did you know that Metafilter has its own private gaming server? See for yourself. It's been online since 2007 at least. But don't bother asking for a login, because you're an "outsider" and must be kept off their seeeecret playland because you're not PC/tolerant/loving/queer/aspie/self-hating enough.
DO NOT call them "intellectuals". Never refer to MeFi as a place of rational discussion and sophistication. It is not any smarter than a Facebook anti-vaxxer thread or a front-page Reddit post. Consider this item for a healthy dose of Meta-Stupidity.
Still not convinced? What about the analprints?
Eco-doom
As with all sites that flop in the left wing direction, all technology except for the internet and Apple electronics is described as making the world worse. [71] Al Gore is celebrated as a great wise man. [72][73] And don't ask them about automobiles because they have loads of 'opinions' about cars despite not knowing nuffink about that mechanical stuff. They spent the last 20-30 years praying in front of their digital thrones so an oil change is a mystery. [74]
"MeFi's Own"
Because it's a luserbase, of course, when someone in the "real world" with a MeFi account does something that makes their front page, some smallberry will post a "MeFi's own" and link to the usually-defunct Metafilter account of the famous person. This form of bragging is pathetic, and rarely works very well. Because very few famous people want to waste the time or effort engaging with the Meta-Losers, it does not happen often. Some dork-lesbo nipples get hard and flinty whenever longtime MeFi user and sci-fi writer John Scalzi is mentioned in a post. This 2018 thread mentions something done by cartoonist Nina Paley - who hasn't been back to MeFuck since 2008 partly because they attacked her in 2008 and she tried to explain. Failed, but no matter, they forgot it anyway. Isn't that uhhh "strange". Pointless too? Already mentioned Scott Adams above; he's b4d 4 eternity so they'll never "MeFi pwn" him again. Anil Dash is one of their oldest users and still posts very occasionally. The same goes for Adam Savage. Otherwise MeFooboog is full of noopers and nobodies.
—[75] |
They hate ED
Some of them anyway. In case you missed it. Other than occasional links to ED articles about some specific subject, MF had exactly two--TWO--threads about Encyclopedia Dramatica itself. In all of MF's long history, only two mentions. That would be the 2010 thread about idiotic Australia attempting to block ED for running "hate speech". And the 2011 thread about Girlvinyl shutting it down (fail, baby). Such threads include loving commentary such as the items quoth below. Thus it seems a number of MeFites hate ED and would evidently like to see it gone from the web. One must wonder what they think of ED's resurgence. (A few people have tried to start a new MF thread about this, and found themselves banned forever by Haughey.)
- Australia:
- OHI shutdown:
The best part is this: when it's time to be hypocrites about their hatred of Dramatica, and something happens in the real world (?) a MFer wants to post about, they will post a thread mentioning when an ED article is taken down. As if it were "news".
—autist! |
Suicide (a/k/a "cool death, bro")
Mefites have an extremely short life-expectancy, due to the prevalence of suicide among the misfit userbase there. This creates lulz. There are regular obit threads on Metatalk for Mefites who have offed themselves (known, in ED-land, as "becoming an hero"). In a long enough timespan, every Mefite will eventually self-pwn.
One unfortunate, not lulzy suicide was committed by Cheerwine, a victim of Mefi's boundless support of transgender people despite the fact that, once they "transition," they will be seen as misfit freaks by everyone they meet for the rest of their lives. Cheerwine was asking how she could get through TSA's draconian screening procedures with the gigantic flaccid dildo she had stuffed in her underwear in a feeble attempt to appear male (this is known as "packing" your pantaloons). One week later, after an awkward incident involving the "packer" being mistaken for a plastic explosive, Cheerwine had self-pwned. Thanks, Mefi!
But how dare you actually post an item to the front page about actual suicide! Especially when it involves high school kids and trigger words! If you do that, the scary-looking Eyebrows lady will nuke it instantly! Because trigger words!
Ask Metafilter
Ask consists largely of questions about whether it is wise to leave your partner as you have seen them fornicating with two furries, six dwarves, a large dog, or an ax murderer. Also a great place to ask for new names for your cat. In spite of their endless claims of having a "great resource" of "knowledge", it's actually nothing more than Another Online Forum Full of Little Rectum-Biters.
- Ask about editing Wikidickpedia, and you'll get advice from "Dhartung", one of the Jessamyn buddies who helped "protect" her TOW article for years, rewrote Haughey's biography, and offered his opinions on COI editing of TOW on a 2006 thread he added to a year later. Comical part: by 2010 they were routinely bitching about how pedantic and crazy the Wiki-World was. Hypocrites.
- Try looking at their top discussions of all time to see what narcissistic dull pantysniffers they really are.
- Plus as usual, sexytime is a scary, scary subject. [76] "Ask" also serves as a dumping ground for people who talk about things they don't want to see on the main forum. (No trigger words!!)
- Ask Metafilter’s Human Relations tag is dominated by “anonymous” questions from confused souls asking, for example, whether they should be troubled that their husband wants to engage in wife-swapping or their therapist has recommended that they join a vegan sex cult. In all cases expect the recommendation to be more therapy. When the questions aren't from invisible lesbians and insufferable sad sacks whining about how much they, as middle-class Americans, have it worse than starving African AIDS baby rape victims, they're from equally insufferable Nice Guys who want to know how best to get away with date raep. Any known woman caught asking a question about her relationship will rightfully be called a slut over and over, until her post is deleted by Jessamyn, who can't stand the thought that her centipede-infected vagina isn't the only one on MetaFilter. [77][78]
- AskMetafilter also serves as an official support group for high-testosterone, lantern-jawed feminist women who recoil in horror at the thought of reproducing with their husbands, who complain about their husbands not serving as adequate emotional tampons, and those live with husbands who are allergic to work, completely ineffectual, and addicted to video games.
- Nothing screams "autistic pedants" louder than a thread about whether pizza is a sandwich or not. It appears that MeFuck's "golden age" peaked in 2008 and they've been sagging ever since. Like your mom's penis.
- The last time any MeFoob mentioned this very article was in 2010. Anyone posting the link today is instantly banned and reverted.
A totally real and genuine Ask MeFi thread:
MetaTalk
Of course they have a place to "unwind". Where they actually generate abuse and lulz against each other. In the wake of particularly traumatic front page posts, huge swaths of comments on the sub-section MetaTalk are devoted to working out just how offended people are. One recent enormous MetaTalk thread, for example, devolved into a tedious and arcane discussion of how offended feminist theorists should be if transsexuals show up at women’s rights meetings. Afterwards most of the participants logged off MetaFilter and headed over to /b/ to fap to delicious lolis, all the while congratulating themselves for being smarter than your average /b/tards.
MeFites are famous for lauding themselves for "pulling together as a community". “Oh my God you guys are so amazing,” someone will post after a death results in a chain of “.” symbols, and then the mod will post it to the front page. Everyone will be amazed by themselves for honoring the dead person with a mass of astute punctuation marks, demonstrating the good sense of being on Metafilter instead of 4chan.
For numerous hot stinking examples, consult the "Sexism" list given above. Or look at their "Etiquette/Policy" section, where threads with hundreds of name-calling posts are almost a daily occurrence. Complaints about the moderators are also routine, and always followed with smug personal attacks. [79][80][81] Being quoted in "mainstream news media" makes for hardened clits. [82]
In 2010 the constipated neebs gave themselves a stroke over how they busted up a white-slavery ring. The Ask section thread was one of the most upvoted in Ask history. Of course, like most of their good deeds, months later they learned it exists only in their retarded imaginations. (The blog post by "Miconian" that blew the whistle was disappeared, along with the rest of his blog. Probably because Haughey and company threatened him. Luckily it's still on archive.org.)
Not to mention the 2012 suicide hoax. User "holdkris99" had an account created for his "wife", who proceeded to bullshit at much length that he'd killed himself. Even Haughey fell for it.
—--idiot |
Eventually Cortex realized they'd been trolled:
—--Cortex finally showing some brain tissue, lol, and OF COURSE they banned both accounts quickly |
In 2016, a handful of high-strung faggy Asian SJWs got butthurt over the existence of something called Rage Yoga in the basement of a bar in Canada, and were outraged that not every MeFite agreed that "Rage Yoga" was an evil example of "cultural appropriation." This led to a festival of butthurt whining and nastiness from the Asian crybully Mefites and their limp-wristed white enablers. Small-dicked Oriental Mefites like Errant, Conspire (who is an epic whinger), and 23Skidoo flew into rage about this adoption of colored people's culture, perhaps not appreciating the irony of Asians, who basically are only good at copying shit that other people invent, being pissed about their culture being ripped off. Metafilter mods, defending against the accusation that they had not tried hard enough to find a person of color during their last moderator hiring (when they hired a white soccer mom and attorney), claimed that they had a binder full of people of color but that the binder got lost in Jessamyn's armpit hair and the moderator team was "stretched too thin" to conduct an expedition into that jungle to retrieve the binder.
In the course of the debate about Metafilter's lack of moderator diversity, it was mistakenly claimed that Metafilter lacks a transgender mod. This is not true, Metafilter has a CAFAB moderator that is transgender. Its name is Jeremy. (June 2016 update: Metafilter added a new sexually confused he/she transfag as a tech person, an Austrian transgender named "frimble", a username that stands for "free, nimble rim jobs" that frimble is known for.)
Metafilter Advice: In the Case of Muslim Terrorist Attacks, Choose to be Gay!
One of Metafilter's saddest, loneliest pre-suicidal faggots, Fizz, likes to remind everyone when there is a raghead terrorist attack that you should always choose to be gay. Do not hate, do not vote for Trump, do not exclude swarthy people with stone-aged religious beliefs from your country. Instead, join Fizz in being gay and getting your anus stretched to about yay big. Here is Fizz's standard copyfagsta:
The faggiest comment ever posted anywhere on Metafilter
One of Metafilter's freakiest, shriekiest faggots is a socially awkward female troll named Frowner (archive), who showed up in 2010 and has repeatedly waxed suicidally in comment after shrill comment about her dismal existence as a secretary, rueing the opportunities she never seized due to her poor self-esteem arising out of her freakish gender presentation and trailer park origins. And the MeFools upvote her ravings again and again. She knows the way to "trigger" them correctly, with displays of self-loathing.
Crazy shit issues forth from Frowner routinely. And don't ask her about trans people.
She posted what is surely the faggiest comment ever seen anywhere, on any Metafilter site, perhaps even in the entire history of the internet (which is quite an accomplishment since the internet is no stranger to the word-dribblings of damaged freaks). Here is what she said:
—lolwut? | ||
Said comment came up when Frowner was recounting her Tumblr-induced self-loathing as a white person. If you, as a Metafilter member, do not repeatedly engage in public, ritual self-flagellation on account of your whiteness, you will be summarily shunned from Metafilter. Also note that Frowner has removed all her user info as of 2016. Like all great Internet asswipes, she seeks to tear down other people while remaining anonymous and untouchable.
—--[83] |
—--[84] |
Frowner treated Metafilter to a lovely disquisition on her gender presentation, we were all rapt as she shared how butch she is, and how problematic she finds expectations of butch "women":
—--[85] |
Extremely Lulzy Threads
The awesomest ones tend to appear on MetaTalk because putting the shit on the front page would be bad. Also note that the Talk threads invariably attract snide putdowns from Haughey, West or Cortex. Narcissistic fuckheads always must have the last word. Despite claiming publicly to be a place to express open opinions, Metafilter's various subsections are actually places for hatred, abuse and personal attacks.
- Something something Christian "There are enough people pretending to be Christian that I hardly think one more is going to hurt anything."
- Overmoderation? "Hi there, mods. Yes, you. Mathowie, jessamyn and cortex. Please stop closing MeTa threads so early and so often. I think you're forgetting the "community" part."
- From 2009, someone brings up the 1989 massacre at École Polytechnique in Montreal, and it degenerates into sexist namecalling. From both sides.
- The above led to this which has something to do with this.
- "I really wish people could post comments as anonymous sometimes. Because by percentages alone, YOU KNOW that there are people reading this thread who are, indeed, serial flashers or public masterbators. There HAVE to be. You know, I can take a bit of sexism, but this is really overboard." Original thread deleted by Haughey, because.
- "A post about how women experience street harassment has been deleted."
- More MRA/feminist japing
- From 2007: "please erase this MeFi user from my brain" which led to the deletion of the front-page thread and the eventual bannination of the user. As usual.
Examples Of Cortex Having His Ample Ass Kissed
(note: he's deleted all these early sound files, prob. because they're embarrassing, but if you must hear the 2010 album, DL it here and DON'T PAY FOR IT)
- HE CUMS AGAIN
- Yes, tell him to stop being himself
- you're one to complain about spamming
- worst cover of "California Dreamin" evar
- Woody rolls in his grave
- a track off his utterly forgettable and forgotten 2010 album
- another track off his utterly forgettable 2010 album
- ditto
- his attempt to suck up to his suckups on MeFi
- let's be glad she never heard this cover
- ANOTHER track from his shit 2010 album
- more of the same
- too awful to listen to--a "parody of the Portal end song"
—--He OWNS Metafilter?? Since when? Did he cuck-buy it from Haughey the way Zaiger crawled away from ED? |
Let's "OUT" some more MeFites for the lulz
- One of their most popular users, John "The Whelk" Leavitt, writes awful fan fiction about TV shows. And uses Metafilter to promote himself. (Try searching for "Whelk Projects".) He disabled his Meef account in early 2020, maybe he saw this article?
- Another popular user is Marisa "kitteh" Sandlin. She is a commie-vegan-blahblah feminist from Canuckistan who runs a lame podcast about beer and has a CV that is the pure stereotype of the flaky millennial urban feminist. Can't seem to hold a job for very long. (After she was added to this article she yanked her website down. Archive)
- Let's not forget that brilliant shining genius Max Sparber (who? BTW he pulled his blog down after seeing this article so you will have to be satisfied with archives of his ravings)
- Let's not forget that other brilliant shining genius, MeFi's own Kristen Roupenian, a/k/a Pretentious Illiterate, whose story Cat Person caused MeFi's shrillest feminists to go apeshit with delight
- Nor should we forget Liz "poffinboffin" Wickerman. Formerly "elizardbits". Annoying sperg to the max and a card-carrying JAP from NYC who goes around the internet trying to remove any mentions of her usernames. Don't ask her about Chris Hardwick. Or about her old Tumblr.
- And Joseph "hippybear" Parkton is, according to this thread, a furry and coder from Spokane. Totally predictable. Yiff in hell, dude.
- In the real world Dr. Erin Kane is a primatologist and researcher of some note, specializing in the study of Diana monkeys of West Africa. On Metafilter? She (was) a drooling idiot. And disabled her account in 2021, apparently because of this article. Funny how these Meta-Whingers can't take a little heat.
- Faint of Butt has an IMDB entry. He used to run a stupid blog.
Butthurt videos
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- WAAAHHHH MY IPHONE IS BROKEN WAAAHHH
Previous Video | Next Video
External links
- HAVE YOU BEEN TO HELL??? WANNA SEE WHAT HELL LOOKS LIKE? (Also wanna stalk some MeFucks?) Here is cortex's Flickr. Do not examine witout a bucket close at hand.
- You don't have to worry about MetaFucker for much longer. Their Alexa rank has been dropping like a rock for the past several years, and Haughey recently resigned as Glorious Dear Leader. Of course, he blamed Metafilter's decline on a "change in Google's algorithm". They had to lay off workers, too. Yes, that's correct, MeFi was just another Google AdWords moneymaking scheme, posing as a "free and open community". No fun anymore, maaan. Of course Haughey went on MetaTalk and tried to smooth it all over with his usual half-assed dick snorkley nonsense.
- "Metafilter’s downfall is the perfect metaphor for the way we Internet now", gasp! You mean things aren't wonderful in MeFlop Land?
- There's a subreddit on Reddit about Metafilter. Cleverly made to look like Metafilter's front page....moderated by Jessamyn and Cortex....and almost dead. A few posts per month.
- The same day this article ran as AOTN, this post appeared on MetaTalk. And was dismissed and attacked. The top-voted comment: "As exemplified by restless_nomad's incredibly patient comment in this thread, given the tone of the post and personal insult directed at her, I will once again go on record as saying I think the moderators on Metafilter are not only some of the best moderators anywhere, but some of the best, most patent (sic) people on the face of the planet. Most of the rest of us would probably have just told you to cram it." "posted by bondcliff at 8:42 AM on August 28, 2015 [266 favorites] "
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MetaFilter is part of a series on Visit the Sites Portal for complete coverage. |
| Featured article August 29 & 30, 2015 | ||
| Preceded by Vester Lee "Bryce Williams" Flanagan II |
MetaFilter | Succeeded by Gen Zed |