Dr. Laura Schlessnigger

We all know you're here for the nudes. SKIP AHEAD

	“	A hypocrite is someone who says 'Do as I say, not as I do.' A teacher is someone who says, 'Do as I say, not as I did.	„
	—Dr. Laura, irony-ing her dirty laundry

Dr. Laura Schlessblack person, commonly known as just Dr. Laura^✡, is a physiologist that styles herself as a shrink on the radio. She is very well known for her morally conservative views, blunt commentary and ability to troll both liberals and the generally sane with her strident candor. She thinks she is better than you and will attempt to remind you of this as often as possible. Recently, her first-amendment rights were so viciously marginalized by black people that she quit her entire radio career in lulzy shame.

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Seconds before the vicious mauling and lynching

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Heil Hitler

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This is not a humorous comic this is a true comic.

While the good doctor does hold a doctorate degree, it is in neither psychology or psychiatry or anything related to mental sciences. Her doctorate is in physiology: as in, medicine regarding your organs. This is, naturally, about as useful for giving mental health advice as a philosophy degree is for getting a respectable job. Her audience constantly refers to her as a therapist and due to some menacing law, she has to repeatedly inform them that she holds no degree that qualifies her to examine or diagnose anything psychological but she does it anyway and they eat it up (see also: Dr. Phil and Whorly Taitz^✡. She relies mainly on ignorance and stupidity to hold any validity, which found her a very widespread target audience in America.

Notable trolls

Nigger Nigger Nigger

	“	NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER	„
	—Dr. Laura

On August 10, 2010 a niggerette named Jade called her radio show asking for advice about her white husband. She claimed that her ebony-fetish husband wasn't defending her against her husband's evil racist friends that were attacking her with examples of extreme verbal excellence such as: "is it true black people like watermelonz?" When Dr. Laura pressed the issue, Jade said that they'd used the "N" word against her. Dr. Laura then gave the nigress very rational and straightforward advice: informing Jade that she's hypersensitive, and then set the bitch straight by repeating the word "nigger" at her eleven times in rapid-fire succession.

Victim's Response

The following day, the NAACP forced Dr. Laura to issue an on-air apology. Nita "Jade" Hanson, the jig claiming responsibility for calling decided this wasn't enough and went on CNN to rip Dr. Laura a new asshole. Poor Mrs. Hanson talks about her "crying sprees" since the event and baws on the air. Her testimony proved that the call was not a troll in disguise, but a legitimate nigress with a taste for the white meat.

Dr. Laura is now "retiring" because of this.

	“	So obviously they were saying things that got under your - that got to you.	„
	—Host

All in the family

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Another reason to take Dr. Laura's advice. lol DO IT FAGGOT

Deryk Schlessnigger, son of Laura and deployed soldier in Afghanistan is also a proponent of the lulz. In 2007 he stirred up some lol when he created a myspace page with "cartoon depictions of rape, murder, torture, and child molestation; photographs of soldiers with guns in their mouths; a photograph of a bound and blindfolded detainee captioned 'My Sweet Little Habib;' accounts of illicit drug use; and a blog entry headlined by a series of obscenities and racial epithets..." Dr. Laura is clearly doing it right. It's tough bringing up a gay rapist, pedophile, racist, child in today's society.

Farewell to thee

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Oppressive minority groups and pressure from the jewlords of old media forced Dr. Laura to end her talk show. She also stated that she will not be renewing her contract at the end of this year. If this is due to the Nigger controversy or if it just her time to go, we may never know. What we do know is that she will continue to battle against the unfair language facism of the melanin-possessing. Some say her next target is Obama.

	“	My First Amendment rights have been usurped by angry, hateful groups.	„
	—Dr. Laura on the fucking CONSTITUTION, The liberal Jew is a plague.

Response

A letter to the doctor:

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Dear Dr. Laura,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them.

a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an Abomination (Lev 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

g) Lev 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev 19:27. How should they die?

i) I know from Lev 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev 24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted disciple and adoring fan.

lol

Rule 34

While preaching monogamy to her followers, Dr. Laura was having sloppy buttsecks with a married man. She then allowed nude photos of her to be taken. Many years later her sexual partner, himself also a radio personality that flogged conservative values, sold the photos for cash and lulz. Dr Laura attempted to have them removed from the internets, but to no avail. Streisand Effect wins again. Also irony. ZOMG NOODZ

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See Also

• Radio
• Oreilly
• Don Imus
• Kramer
• White Power
• Jew
• Helen Thomas, who also resigned in disgrace

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