The Crackhead

WARNING! This article contains Niggers!

The Crackhead is a crazed, homeless black person living in Las Vegas, and actor Don Cheadle’s significantly less successful twin brother. He was originally featured in the Disney feature Bumfights 3, but gained true e-celebrity through the JewTube and numerous threads on Chimpout.

He is going places.

PT Loser

The Crackhead in action

(Crip destroying a blue car at 0:59, lol.)

The Crackhead begins his video with a rather excellent Bix Nood imitation. After thoroughly confusing viewers with his unintelligible diatribe, he further perplexes them by wandering into traffic and smashing a PT Cruiser. Nobody else intervenes, of course, most likely because they enjoy seeing such a hideous automobile being destroyed and because the woman driving looks to be about as attractive as her shit-stain of a car. And, well, it's Nevada. They're probably just glad he isn't trying to fuck it and drive it through the wall of a kindergarten.

It is quite possible that The Crackhead may have randomly beat the shit out of some soccer mom whore’s car just for the lulz. If this is so, this would make him the second greatest black troll ever. (The first being Frederick Douglass, whose “autobiography” was written to troll the South’s happy slaves by viciously slandering their kind masters.)

Crackhead Remix

Every toke you take

Every toke you take
Every twitch you make
Every window you break
Every honky will say
They'll be arrestin' you

Every single day
Every ebonic word you say
Every claim you make
Every fight you create
They'll be arrestin' you

Oh the popo can't see
You belong in jail
How your poor lungs ache
With every toke you take

Every dent you make
Every hood you break
Every smirk you make
Every car you hit
They'll be arrestin' you

Since you escaped, gone without a trace
I'm scared at night, I can only see your face
I look around at what I can't replace
Black crackhead fuckin' up my place
I keep callin' police, police please

Oh now I see
Get your crack rocks away from me
How my poor car breaks
With every swing you take

Every twitch you make
Every window you break
Every drug test you fail
Every crackhead wants steak
They'll be arrestin' you.

Every comment you make
Every toke you take
Here come the Red and Blue
They'll be arrestin' you.

Miscellaneous Information

Little is known of The Crackhead’s past, other than that he has been on his muhfucking corner for ten muhfucking years. It is unknown as to whether it was during this period in which he lost his teeth, or if he had pulled them out as a youth to get Tooth Tooff Fairy drug money.

In his JewTube habitat, The Crackhead’s natural enemies are e-thugs and rednecks, who, behind the safety of their monitors, promise to “run his ass over” or cap him with their gats should they ever actually encounter him in real life. However, seeing as how a firearm would take up precious space that could be used to store their hawt loli, and that their only experience with real human beings is seeing their geriatric parents on the occasions that they venture up from the basement, their actual response to a scary black man destroying their mother's car would most likely be “whimper pathetically and beg for mercy.”

The Crackhead lives near Las Vegas' World’s Largest Gift Shop on East Sahara Boulevard. His stint as a greeter at said store was shortly terminated when he welcomed white wimminz with rape.

Osama Obama's first act as President, after painting the White House black, will be to appoint The Crackhead as warchief of the nigra hordes that will terrorize crackers nationwide in order to establish the United States of Africa.

Fellow primate Travis the Killer Chimp, who was computer savvy, may have made his brutal attack on white wimminz as a re-enactment of his brotha The Crackhead's video.

Although he is a crack-addled sociopathic derelict who would strangle your cat to steal its delicious food, The Crackhead is still less of a failure as a human being than "Soulja Boy Tell 'Em".

The Fresh Crackhead of Sahair

Will Smith unfortunately did not make the Bumfights auditions.

Now, this is a story all about how
My corner got flipped-turned upside down
And I’d like to take a minute
Just sit right there
I'll tell you how I became the prince of a street called Sahair

In west Los Angeles born and raised
In a crackhouse was where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool
And all sellin’ some smack behind a grade school

When a couple of whites
Who were up to no good
Started gentrifying up my neighborhood
I got just one little job and my gang got scared
They said "You're movin' with the bums and winos in Sahair"

I waited for a car and when I came near
The bitch said “Oh Shit” before I took out a mirror
If anything I can say this ho is scared
And I thought "Fuck you nigga" - "Bitch get outta Sahair!"

I was up on YouTube about 7 or 8
And I yelled to the camera 'Yo homes smell ya later'
I looked at my movie
I was finally there
To sit on my throne as the Prince of Sahair

Gallery

• 
  Imma chargin' mah lazer fo years nigga!
• 
  Now exploitable!

[WatermelonsFried Chicken]

The Crackhead is part of a series of topics related to Black People☻