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Ebola virus
Ebola Hemorrhagic Fever is a God-sent disease that kills 90% of Black Persons infected and 0% to 60% of White Aid workers depending on how fast the White person is airlifted to a facility with abundant Campbell's chicken noodle soup, DayQuil, and Sprite . The illness (which causes the black person infected to poop blood) is caused by most strains of the Ebola virus, a Filovirus carried by bats endemic to the rain-forests of the Congo Basin and parts of the West African highlands. The zoonotic virus is transmitted then to monkeys. When a black person has buttsecks with a monkey, as it is the custom in the bush, the virus is released into the general population and eventually, with divine justice, to American female college students participating in aid programs in Africa.
History
Ebola was invented in 1995 by Dustin Hoffman and Rene Russo for the explicit purpose of depopulating poor places as it was the style in Hollywood at the time. Meanwhile in the Soviet Union, a humanitarian by the name of Kanatjan Alibekov merged Ebola Zaire virus which is not airborn, with some smallpox which is, and engendered a little creature baptized "Ebolapox". As of today, Ebolapox has not yet been deployed outside Soviet Union (and maybe North Korean) laboratories, or on other than local political prisoners, so we do not know its effect on black people, although we can speculate it would be EPIC. As Doctor Alibekov is currently hired by the United States Department of Defense, you can contribute to his research by getting a job and paying your taxes.
2014 Ebolafest in West Africa
The ongoing Ebola Awareness Symposium 2014 began in December 2013 in Guinea when a wealthy Guinean family fond of game and exotic meats fed medium rare jungle bat to their 2 year old son. The virus spread quickly to other promising West African nations such as Liberia and lately as far south as the Democratic Republic of the Congo, ex Zaire, where it is currently combining with a Sudanese strain. It is possible that the original bat was infected by Time Warner executives to boost the ratings of a recent and very realistic television series produced by one of their subsidiaries in collaboration with the Navy.
Ebola in Europe and North America
Germans have been importing Ebola infected monkeys to Europe since the 70s. In 1995 a passenger exhibiting Ebola symptoms arrived in Toronto from Zaire and was quickly put to death by the Canadian Ministry of Health; the news is now forgotten. In 2014 a Spanish Catholic Monk who was involved in missionary activities in West Africa got infected while participating in such activities with a young black person boy. He was quickly transferred to a military health facility in Madrid where he was given Sprite, and the European equivalent of DayQuil. Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup however could not be located (because of the EU's isolationist policies) and it was the Paella they served him instead that killed him. Prayer did not play an important role as The Lord doesn't pay attention to Catholics. Also in 2014 two American doctors got infected, airlifted promptly to Atlanta, and given the proper treatment. The medical doctor thanked very much the American public for their prayers remarking that their good English coming from Reformed Christians made all the difference. The doctor attributes high mortality in Africa to the fact that the Lord can not understand their accents correctly. Dr. Kent Brantly and Nancy Writebol are now back on their feet and spreading Ebola around the streets of various American towns and suburbs.
Gallery
External links
- Full Lyrics to "If you like the monkey" song
- An Enthusiastic American outlook on the current oubtreak
- Evangelist Anita Fuentes on Ebola and Obama's new power to detain people with asthma
- Deadly African Ebola Virus Linked to Bushmeat
