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Keith Olbermann: Difference between revisions
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Revision as of 05:59, 31 August 2017
Keith Theodore Olbermann (born January 27, 1959) is an old media liberal journalist and sports commentator who, following the election of President Donald Trump in 2016, quickly turned into a batshit insane Twatter troll and incoherently-babbling Tourettes monkey. Keith currently spends the remaining days of his worthless life locked up in his parents' basement where he can safely spam the president of the United States of America with profanity-ridden tweets and host his shitty web series called "The Resistance" free from his fear of being punched in the face.
The Resistance with Keith Olbermann is a series of short videos that document Keith's rapid descent into complete and utter insanity after realizing that Hillary Clinton will never be president. Some even argue that the entire series is a horror mockumentary in the vain of The Blaire Witch Project or Cannibal Holocaust due to Keith's over-the-top behaviour and constant peddling of crazy theories and speculation that are so batshit insane that they make Alex Jones look like a sane and rational human-being by comparison.
To give you an idea of just how fucking crazy this old git is, he dedicated an entire episode of his web series to speculating about how President Donald Trump might go about opening up death camps for Mexicans – yes, this man is so deluded and out of touch with reality that he actually seems to have convinced himself that Trump is literally Hitler.
—Keith Olbermann, warning others to not follow his path in life | ||
Early Career
Prior to getting work as a pundit for MSNBC, Olbermann was mainly employed as a sportscaster. After leaving ESPN to undergo anal prolapse correction surgery in 1998, he got a job with Fox Sports as an anchor and did the play-by-play for several world series games. One day in 2001, he decided that he'd rather voice long-winded comments about Guantanamo Bay instead of Mark McGwire's steroids. He was hired by MSNBC, and did bitch-work for 2 years before they realized that Phil Donahue's show sucked ass. The MSNBC Gods promptly fired Donahue's ancient ass and gave the time slot to Olbermann, who started a show called Countdown: Iraq to push MSNBC's anti-war propaganda. After Americunts ended up invading Iraq anyway, they changed the premise to the rage-filled Bush bashing and O'Reilly trolling that we know and love today. Olbermann routinely displays his metaphysical math skills, as he is dedicated to demonstrating how having one-half of O'Reilly's ratings actually means his show is more valuable to advertisers, citing something about ages 25-54 being "more important".
Cuntdown
Countdown is (oops, was, lol) the soapbox Keith uses to spew his anti-conservative rhetoric. He constantly deludes himself into believing that he debunks every single thing that Bill O'Reilly says, since no one else wants to. He is so obsessed with Bill O'Reilly (who he calls Billo The Clown) that he makes a point to mention him on every episode of Countdown. Every Countdown ends with a reminder that it is "Day X since George Bush declared, "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!" from the deck of an aircraft carrier in the Persian Gulf." However, Olby suddenly became pro-war when Obama was elected and pledged moar soldiers to baby-raping duty in Afghanistan.
Unlike Billo, Olby does not have guests with opposing viewpoints on his show to scream at (because he can't handle sarcasm when it's not aimed at Bush). His lineup of "usual guests" includes about 10 people from Newsweek and Time, editors of obscure leftist newspapers, unfunny liberal comedians, an idiot ultraliberal GWU professor and Joel McHale. Everyone he incessantly rants about has no chance to rant back, since it would interrupt his calculatedly rehearsed script. His show is closely associated with that of his dyke cheerleader, Rachel Madcow.
Speshel Comments
—Olbermann | ||
At the heart of the 30 Rockefeller Center, buried within an electromagnetically sealed vault crafted by Akashic monks harnessing pure essence of STFU and embedded in Kryptonite sits Keith's liberal stick of +10 summoning, which he uses to converse with the great Quezacotl about the coming of Catnarok. Their published conversations are known to the rest of the world as "Special Comments". Speshel Comments is a periodic segment on Countdown when Keith does his best Zero Punctuation impersonation and rants for an entire 10 minutes of airtime about how much (INSERT SOME RANDOM REPUBLICAN HERE) fails. Watching Olbermann special comment for prolonged periods of time has been known to cause dizziness, autism, homosexuality, goatse, herpes, furry lust, AIDs, and hatred for all things Republican, the latter of which he probably intends.
Drama
Factor Fiction
This is what passes for humor on Olbermann's show:
Keith Olbermann vs Lou Dobbs
—Keith, villainizing others | ||
—Lou Dobbs, telling Keith Olbermann to get back in the kitchen | ||
Red Eye talking about Ann Coulter trolling Olbermann
Keith Olbermann got all butthurt after Ann Coulter pointed out that he received his diploma from Moo School instead of an Ivy League institution. He also thought that it would be a brilliant idea to play "show & tell" with his diploma on national television, so that everyone could see his deep-seated insecurity.
Yes, My Show is Crap, Please kill it!
Last Thursday, Bill O'Reilly started an online poll to get Olbermann's show removed from MSNBC. Olbermann completely failed to realize that O'Reilly was fucking with his stupid ass and to show his support for his favorite pundit, Olbermann and the entire staff of his show signed the petition live, on the air. Olby also took a number of jokes O'Reilly had made out of context (either because Olbermann is incapable of distinguishing humor from serious statements, or because O'Reilly simply isn't funny).
Kickbanned!
Olby was up against the banhammer. Last Thursday, he donated $6K to democratic candidates. As a means to prove that it isn't politically biased, MSNBC prohibits its workers from donating to political campaigns. As a result of ignoring this rule and generating ratings on par with those of Antiques Roadshow, Olbermann was suspended without pay. A petition was put online shortly after he was suspended, and it eventually got over 250,000 signatures. Two days after the suspension, Olbermann was reinstated, and he came back to air a scant four days after his suspension began, much to the delight of his thirty regular viewers.
Then he fired his mouth off again in 2011, and MSNBC (which had just been bought by the Evil Empire of Comcast) b&d his ass permanently. So he took his shtick to Al Gore's fucking lame-ass cable channel, and got fired from there as well. Maybe you can find him up your mom's gigantic snatch.
—Olbermann, on S.E. Cupp | ||
The Worst Person in the World (And No Strong Contenders)
On February 22, 2015, Keith was browsing teh Twitters when he decided to offer his support to a group of Penn State University and Jerry Sandusky's Playhouse students who had raised a whopping $13m for kids with cancer. As usual, Keith's support wasn't so much support as it was him telling people to go fuck themselves and that kids with cancer should just fuck off and die.
—Keith Olbermann | ||
As expected, PSU students didn't take kindly to Keith's unbridled douchebaggotry and quickly delivered the swift E-beatdown that he was so desperately asking for.
Previous Quote | Next Quote | |||||
Naturally, referring to a bunch of people who had RAISED THIRTEEN MILLION FUCKING DOLLARS FOR CHILDREN WITH CANCER as "pitiful" and then starting a Twitter bitchfest against their students was not a good idea, and Keith soon found himself knee-deep in a pile of his own shit as ESPN quickly responded by cancelling his show – but not before forcing Olberdouche to offer a half-arsed apology at gunpoint.
—Olberdouche, being forced to apologize by ESPN | ||
The Loser
After getting his arse fired from ESPN for being a complete cunt, GQ (the magazine formerly known as Gentleman's Quarterly) made the absolutely horrible decision to hire the down-on-his-luck Olbermann as a "special correspondent" to do a new web series entitled The Closer. With the 2016 Election nearing, this new series quickly devolved into a complete shitfest that featured Keith constantly bashing and slandering Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump.
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Resistance: Fall of Olbermann
Following the election victory of Supreme God-Emperor Donald J. Trump on November 8, 2016, Keith Olbermann's shitty web show was promptly rebranded as The Resistance with Keith Olbermann and its content began to fall even further down the rabbit hole as Keith literally began to go insane.
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The Tourettesistance with Keith Olbermann
Previous Quote | Next Quote | |||||
Keith Olbermann is F★cking Crazy (This is not a Joke)
WE ARE THE MAJORITY.
LET'S ACT LIKE IT.
This is about a man not in his right mind...
who spends all his free time attacking the president on Twatter.
IT IS THE BIGGEST PILE OF SHIT NOBODY CARES ABOUT, RIGHT NOW.
Quote
—Keith Olbermann, believing that he can be anything | ||
Gallery
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Olberman is a terminator sent to rape O'reilly. -
Now you can steal that Classic Keith™ look for yourself! -
External Links
Keith Olbermann on Twatter- SNL accurately predicts what Olbermann will become.
- Herr Olbermann gets pwned by the jewy Jews of the Anal Dicking League
- Countdown on MSNBC.com
- Biography on MSNBC.com (lol look at teh pic)
- Daily Kos contributions
- The Countdown Blog - A blog by his crew and others who work for them. God bless their souls.
- Olbermann circle jerk on Tumblr
- Oh, he does sports too, and he's a crybaby there as well.
See Also
- The Resistance
- Batshit Insane
- Kurt Eichenbald
- Alex Jones – Keith is now as conspiranoid as him.
- Retarded Olby Fanboy Faggots
- Billo The Clown
- Vladimir Putin – Keith's secret obsession
- Stephen Colbert
- Professor Glenn Beck
- Rachel Maddow
- Seth MacFarlane, fellow leftard and close friend
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Keith Olbermann is part of a series on Fox News [Over To You] |
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Keith Olbermann is part of a series on Visit the Television Portal for complete coverage. |
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Keith Olbermann is part of a series on Aspies. | [Sperg out] |
| Featured article September 3 & 4, 2017 | ||
| Preceded by MuchoZucko |
Keith Olbermann | Succeeded by J.K. Rowling |