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Kobe Bryant: Difference between revisions
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[[Image:Kobe demotivator.jpg|thumb|Ms. Faber wasn't the only one to benefit financially from the incident]] | [[Image:Kobe demotivator.jpg|thumb|Ms. Faber wasn't the only one to benefit financially from the incident]] | ||
'''Kobe Bryant''' is a typical uppity-ass [[nigger]] and all-star NBA Basketball player for the Los Angeles Lakers who looks like a Doberman Pinscher. He spent a large portion of his childhood in Italy where his father was playing professionally, which automatically made him a | '''Kobe Bryant''' is a [[typical]] uppity-ass [[nigger]] and all-star NBA Basketball player for the Los Angeles Lakers who looks like a Doberman Pinscher. He spent a large portion of his childhood in Italy where his father was playing professionally, which automatically made him a sophisticated mulatto [[guido]][[faggot]]. He returned to the states to play high school basketball, where he was instantly hailed as the boss nigger and acquired via illegal labor practices by the Lakers. In 2003, while rehabilitating from knee surgery at a [[Colorado]] spa, Bryant had consensual sex with a white woman and then [[rape|raped]] her [[in the ass]]. | ||
==Rape Ape== | ==Rape Ape== | ||
Kobe was arrested and interrogated by police and then released back into the wild where he scored a team high 28 points and added 7 rebounds in the [[Yankees|Laker]] victory. The spa incident looked like an open and shut case for the prosecution because the victim was a [[white]] wiminz and Bryant was | Kobe was arrested and interrogated by police and then released back into the wild where he scored a team high 28 points and added 7 rebounds in the [[Yankees|Laker]] victory. The spa incident looked like an open and shut case for the prosecution because the victim was a [[white]] wiminz and Bryant was a big, oogily-boogily nigger. However, the [[victim|accuser]], whose identity was to remain super-secret, turned out to be [[batshit insane]] and a likely [[Slut|nymphomaniac]]. In short, it turned out that Kobe had raped a [[whore]], which is petty theft in Colorado- a class 1 petty offense. The victim refused to testify against Kobe out of fear of revealing her identity and the fact that she was a total [[skeezer]]. That didn't really matter, though, as her [[powerword|real name]], Katelyn Faber, and her [[n00dz|pictures]] were already well known on the internets. | ||
Ebony and ivory eventually agreed to an out-of-court settlement; Kobe hoping not to go to jail and suffer the ironic fate of being buttraped by the [[Ku Klux Klan|White Kingdom]], and Faber hoping to get a shitload of unearned money from a hard-working black man. | Ebony and ivory eventually agreed to an out-of-court settlement; Kobe hoping not to go to jail and suffer the ironic fate of being buttraped by the [[Ku Klux Klan|White Kingdom]], and Faber hoping to get a shitload of unearned money from a hard-working black man. | ||
==The Settlement== | ==The Settlement== | ||
As compensation for the rape, Kobe agreed to pay the [[whore|victim]] for her services, scored 81 points in a basketball game, and tacked on a | As compensation for the rape, Kobe agreed to pay the [[whore|victim]] for her services, scored 81 points in a basketball game, and tacked on a predictable ape-ology: | ||
{{Quote|"Although I truly believe this encounter between us was only [[almost raped|almost rape]], I recognize now that she did not and does not view this incident the same way I did. If I had known better I | {{Quote|"Although I truly believe this encounter between us was only [[almost raped|almost rape]], I recognize now that she did not and does not view this incident the same way I did. If I had known better I still would have just raped her but I probably would have only [[I did it for the lulz|done it for the lulz]]."|Kobe Bryant|[http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=1872928]}} | ||
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It is quite unfortunate that the case never went to trial as lulzy details of the encounter would have been made public record. Details such as: | It is quite unfortunate that the case never went to trial as lulzy details of the encounter would have been made public record. Details such as: | ||
* This wasn't the first time Kobe had cheated on his wife and he bragged to the police about getting away with numerous extramarital affairs. | * This [[Duh|wasn't the first time Kobe had cheated on his wife]] and he bragged to the police about getting away with numerous extramarital affairs. | ||
* The victim had semen from [[at least 100]] different men on her underwear at the time of the rape. | * The victim had [[semen]] from [[at least 100]] different men on her underwear at the time of the rape. | ||
* Bryant had to choke a bitch during the rape because of his injured knee. | * Bryant had to choke a bitch during the rape because of his injured knee. | ||
* It was consensual sex until Kobe decided to [[Stick it in her pooper|stick it in her ass]]. | * It was consensual sex until Kobe decided to [[Stick it in her pooper|stick it in her ass]]. | ||
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==Tips from the Big Man== | ==Tips from the Big Man== | ||
During the investigation, Kobe told police that "he should have done what Shaq does ... that Shaq would pay his women to [[STFU|not say anything]]" and that Shaq already had paid up to $1 million "for situations like this." [http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6134411/] Shaq, disappointed in Bryant's inability to take good advice, promptly deleted Kobe from his buddy list then raped 3 [[Philippines| | During the investigation, Kobe told police that "he should have done what Shaq does ... that Shaq would pay his women to [[STFU|not say anything]]" and that Shaq already had paid up to $1 million "for situations like this." [http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6134411/] Shaq, disappointed in Bryant's inability to take good advice, promptly deleted Kobe from his buddy list then raped 3 [[Philippines|Filipinas]] to spite him. Kobe and the Love-Shaq have since reconciled their differences in order to continue making'' '''millions of dollars''''' from advertising a '''''fucking shoe''''' manufactured by repressed Chinese faggots. | ||
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<!>Image:Epicpwnage.jpg|Great year for Kobe!<!> | <!>Image:Epicpwnage.jpg|Great year for Kobe!<!> | ||
Image:Kobe seduces 2.png | Image:Kobe seduces 2.png | ||
Image:Kobe-4.jpg|[[ | Image:Kobe-4.jpg|Secret [[Raghead]]? | ||
<!>Image:Shaq to Boston.jpg|Kobe's thinking "Bitch, oh no you didn't!"<!> | <!>Image:Shaq to Boston.jpg|Kobe's thinking "Bitch, oh no you didn't!"<!> | ||
</gallery>|0}} | </gallery>|0}} | ||
==See Also== | ==See Also== | ||
Revision as of 18:51, 1 January 2019
|
WARNING! This article contains Niggas! |
Kobe Bryant is a typical uppity-ass nigger and all-star NBA Basketball player for the Los Angeles Lakers who looks like a Doberman Pinscher. He spent a large portion of his childhood in Italy where his father was playing professionally, which automatically made him a sophisticated mulatto guidofaggot. He returned to the states to play high school basketball, where he was instantly hailed as the boss nigger and acquired via illegal labor practices by the Lakers. In 2003, while rehabilitating from knee surgery at a Colorado spa, Bryant had consensual sex with a white woman and then raped her in the ass.
Rape Ape
Kobe was arrested and interrogated by police and then released back into the wild where he scored a team high 28 points and added 7 rebounds in the Laker victory. The spa incident looked like an open and shut case for the prosecution because the victim was a white wiminz and Bryant was a big, oogily-boogily nigger. However, the accuser, whose identity was to remain super-secret, turned out to be batshit insane and a likely nymphomaniac. In short, it turned out that Kobe had raped a whore, which is petty theft in Colorado- a class 1 petty offense. The victim refused to testify against Kobe out of fear of revealing her identity and the fact that she was a total skeezer. That didn't really matter, though, as her real name, Katelyn Faber, and her pictures were already well known on the internets.
Ebony and ivory eventually agreed to an out-of-court settlement; Kobe hoping not to go to jail and suffer the ironic fate of being buttraped by the White Kingdom, and Faber hoping to get a shitload of unearned money from a hard-working black man.
The Settlement
As compensation for the rape, Kobe agreed to pay the victim for her services, scored 81 points in a basketball game, and tacked on a predictable ape-ology:
—Kobe Bryant | ||
After the incident, Bryant was dumped from his endorsement deals and had to give a lulzy press conference where he pretended to cry and say he loved his wife for reals despite all the raping, rapes and rape.
It is quite unfortunate that the case never went to trial as lulzy details of the encounter would have been made public record. Details such as:
- This wasn't the first time Kobe had cheated on his wife and he bragged to the police about getting away with numerous extramarital affairs.
- The victim had semen from at least 100 different men on her underwear at the time of the rape.
- Bryant had to choke a bitch during the rape because of his injured knee.
- It was consensual sex until Kobe decided to stick it in her ass.
Tips from the Big Man
During the investigation, Kobe told police that "he should have done what Shaq does ... that Shaq would pay his women to not say anything" and that Shaq already had paid up to $1 million "for situations like this." [1] Shaq, disappointed in Bryant's inability to take good advice, promptly deleted Kobe from his buddy list then raped 3 Filipinas to spite him. Kobe and the Love-Shaq have since reconciled their differences in order to continue making millions of dollars from advertising a fucking shoe manufactured by repressed Chinese faggots.
Videos About Rape
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Gallery
See Also
External Links
- http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0810042kobe1.html The indictment
- http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=1872928 Kobe's bullshit apology
| Featured article June 22 & 23, 2013 | ||
| Preceded by Asalieri |
Kobe Bryant | Succeeded by Paula Deen |