SammyDS

Sammy D S.

"Suicide" Sammy D S. is a creepy weirdo who plagues the SF Bay Area Yelp Talk forums and famously faked his own suicide via a series of Yelp Talk posts.

Pre-Suicide Activity

Prior to his fake suicide and subsequent account closure, Sammy D S. distinguished himself in the SF Yelp Talk community by starting threads dealing with inappropriately macabre subjects, such as babies being cooked in microwave ovens. He was obsessed with the video sharing site Liveleak, and often posted Liveleak videos depicting gruesome medical procedures, acts of violence, or other things likely to make any normal viewer throw up.

If Sammy got into an argument with another Yelper, it was not uncommon for him to steal that Yelper's avatar image and place it in his own Yelp profile. In one case, Sammy D S. was arguing with a Muslim Yelper who'd started a thread about where to find Halal meat in the Bay Area. Because Sammy hates Muslims, he stole the fellow's avatar image and used it as the main profile pic for one of his alternate troll accounts, which he named "Al 'Juicy Ham Lover'", specifically in order to offend Muslim readers.

Posting as Al "Juicy Ham Lover", Sammy filled the thread about Halal meat with revolting descriptions of how his imaginary Hawaiian family used to roast and eat whole pigs. He did this for no other reason than to flout the Muslim prohibition against consuming pork, all the while staunchly denying that he was a troll.

Sammy's Islamophobia and Sexuality

Sammy D S. hates Muslims and loves to talk about the dangers of Islam. When pressed for a reason, he has claimed that he is a homosexual and is offended by the treatment of homosexuals in Muslim countries. He has at other times implied that he is a bisexual and has made allusions to possibly enjoying gay or straight porn. Quite frankly, the thought of Sammy having any sexuality at all is very disturbing.

Sammy's homosexuality may be a lie, as he often makes up biographical data about himself in order to support his positions. He has sometimes claimed to be black, at other times asserted that he was white, and more recently, while posting from alternate troll accounts, claimed to be a retired woman with a husband and adult children. For somebody who claims to be a homosexual, Sammy sure does spend a lot of time pestering female Yelpers in ways that are very stalkerish and frightening to them.

Violent Fantasies

In a personal message on another Yelper, Sammy once confided that he had fantasies about modifying the fire sprinkler system of a Muslim-owned business so that in the event of a fire, it would pour gasoline, rather than water, on the employees.

Sammy's Spectacular, Spurious Suicide

On April 13, 2011, Sammy started a thread in Yelp Talk's San Mateo forum entitled I am not even dead yet, and they are all fighting over my stuff.

In this thread, Sammy claimed the doctors had given him only a few months to live, and said his relatives and neighbors were circling like vultures, eager to get their greedy hands on his vast personal fortune.

Sammy's OP

Sammy complains about imaginary relatives

In order to keep his estate from falling into the hands of his rotten nieces and nephews, Sammy claimed he would be donating his fortune as follows:

• $400,000 to the California Academy of Sciences

• $800,000 to the California Department of Parks and Recreation

• $300,000 to Martha's Kitchen

• 1400 shares of Lockheed Martin stock donated to an as yet undecided organization (Sammy asked Yelpers to vote for which charity should get the shares.)

As Sammy was listing these dollar amounts and charities, he was also actively encouraging Yelpers to nominate other worthy causes.

Sammy divvies up his imaginary fortune

Numerous Yelpers posted messages telling him how sorry they were to hear that he was dying and offering words of support and comfort.

Even people who didn't like Sammy, people he'd previously creeped out with his inappropriate behavior, chimed in to express their heartfelt sympathy.

Less than ninety minutes after he started the thread, Sammy decided he wasn't getting enough attention despite the outpouring of love and concern. Naturally, he took things up a notch by posting from one of his alternate troll accounts, claiming to be his own neighbor, and informing the Yelp community that something terrible had apparently happened to him. Writing as "Bob C," Sammy said,

	“	I lived down the street from Sammy, and a person on yelp called me about this post. I regret to tell you, that I looked out the door, and there were 2 cop cars in front of his house and also an Ambulance. I think he did something to himself. They are still there, and I hope he is OK.	„
	—Bob C., AKA Sammy D S.

Several Yelpers responded in horror, hoping and praying that this was just some kind of sick joke. Again writing as "Bob C," Sammy assured them that this was no joke, and that he really had killed himself:

	“	No not a joke. The Coroner just left. I may have been the one who knew him the best on yelp. I urged him to join a few years ago. He had his issues, and I am sure this was not how his family wanted to see him go. The officer I talked to said his two dogs would be cared for. I guess his brother who I just met for the first time, did not want to take them.	„
	—Bob C., AKA Sammy D S.

"Bob C" breaks the terrible news

In order to solidify the illusion that he'd killed himself, Sammy also used his Bob C account to send personal messages to the Yelpers who'd expressed the most concern and gullibility. Here is one such message, which the recipient shared publicly:

	“	I think he shot himself, but the people next door, said they did not hear anything. I feel real bad, as I knew he was having some issues but he was so good about being able to smile and say I am OK.	„
	—Bob C., AKA Sammy D S.

At this point, one very astute Yelper by the name of Rachel H pointed out the obvious, which was that not nearly enough time had elapsed for all of the events described by Bob C to have taken place:

	“	Hmm. Sammy made his last post 2 hours ago. Bob said 1 hour ago that he saw an ambulance. 32 minutes ago, he said the coroner just left. This doesn't add up. I have seen a coroner come for a dead body and they take their sweet time. Definitely 3 or 4 hours. EMTs don't generally give up on a body that quickly too. They would get them out of there and rush them to the hospital even if they couldn't find a pulse. In the case of overdose/cutting wrists, they normally wouldn't pronounce them dead at the scene, not when he'd been conscious 2 hours ago. Unless he'd done something that made him dead without a doubt, like shooting himself. Again, shooting himself would make a mess, thus making the coroner stay for a very long time. Sorry if this is morbid, but this is me hoping that this is just a tasteless joke.	„
	—Rachel H.

Despite these facts, a few Yelpers actually stayed up all night worrying about Sammy, crying and praying and sending each other supportive personal messages. Since Sammy was known to be a Sunnyvale, California resident, one especially caring Yelper by the name of April V. went as far as to start phoning the police, coroner, and hospitals in and around Sunnyvale. Predictably, none of these agencies had any record of such a grizzly suicide occurring within their jurisdiction on the night in question.

Sammy's suicide debunked

As Sammy's fiction began to fall apart and his suicide thread turned into a massive outpouring of understandable contempt, he staunchly maintained, in character as Bob C, that he had killed himself. Demonstrating a real propensity for fantasy and bullshit, he even went as far as to hint that Sammy may have been a federal agent of some sort who'd "gotten himself mixed up in something" and been silenced by The Powers That Be.

Realizing the thread had gotten completely out of control, and was making him look like the brain damaged asshole that he is, Sammy took the extraordinary step of closing his Yelp account, mistakenly believing that his "suicide" thread would be deleted along with the account. He had no such luck, and when the Yelpers noticed that somebody had been alive and able to close his account, the obviousness of his lie only became more apparent.

Sammy's Many Returns from the Grave

Because his Bob C and Al "Juicy Ham Lover" troll accounts were quickly exposed as belonging to him, Sammy was eventually forced to give up on them. He could not, however, give up on Yelp Talk, and chose to come back under a series of progressively stupider, less believable fake identities. He recently appeared as a woman named "Annete F.," which was particularly funny in that he didn't even know how to spell the name Annette.

As Annete F., Sammy tried to stir up shit, encouraging people to flag the profiles and posts of an Elite Yelper who had made a bit of a fool of herself publicly. This is because Sammy is a coward, and will always seek to safeguard himself by encouraging the group to pick on those who are perceived as weak.

When his Annete F. account was deleted, Sammy returned as Ann F., claiming to be a retired woman with a husband and grown kids. Sadly, Sammy only Yelp Talks with one "voice," and is totally incapable of disguising that voice. Therefore, the Yelp Talk regulars quickly identified Ann F. as a Sammy troll account and repeatedly called him on it.

Ann F. stubbornly stuck to "her" story and engaged in many flaming and flagging wars with those Yelpers who insisted on addressing him by his true name. Ann F. lasted a surprisingly long time, but was eventually flagged and deleted. Sammy came back briefly under the name Richard, but that account was deleted rather quickly.

Though Yelp HQ is making things difficult for Sammy by employing IP bans and other anti-troll measures, it's only a matter of time before he again rears his ugly, stupid head.