Marcellus Williams

Marcellus S. Williams is an upstanding member of Missouri's black community who, on August 11, 1998, was innocently treasure hunting in a private residence when one of the dwelling's owners, 42-year-old fat chick Felicia "Lisha" Gayle Picus returned home and started screaming after mistaking the strange black man in her home for a common criminal. Realizing that Felicia's screaming would disturb the neighbours, Marcellus attempted to calm her down by gently poking her with a large butcher knife – when that failed, Marcellus then proceeded to poke Felicia 42 more times to represent each year of her life that she had failed to properly diet.

After Marcellus was done, he realized that Felicia was no longer breathing and decided that her computer and other useless material possessions would be better off with an owner who was less dead than Felicia. After returning home to his lovely crack-addicted girlfriend, he informed her of the events that had transpired and decided to set up his shiny new laptop. After about 30 minutes of banging rocks against the computer in an attempt to unlock its secrets, Marcellus finally came to the conclusion that technology is for gay nerds and decided to just sell it for drugs instead.

See Also

• DINDU NUFFIN

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