Marcellus Williams

Murderer Marcellus Williams, as he's seen through the eyes of insane black people and dumb liberals.

Marcellus S. Williams is an upstanding member of Missouri's black community who, on August 11, 1998, was treasure hunting in a private residence when one of the dwelling's owners, 42-year-old fat chick Felicia "Lisha" Gayle Picus returned home and started screaming after mistaking the strange black man in her home for a common criminal. Realizing that Felicia's screaming would disturb the neighbours, Marcellus attempted to calm her down by gently poking her with a large butcher knife – when that failed, Marcellus then proceeded to poke Felicia 42 more times to represent each year of her life that she had failed to properly diet.

After Marcellus was done, he realized that Felicia was no longer breathing and decided that her computer and other useless material possessions would be better off with an owner who was less dead than Felicia. After returning home to his lovely crack-addicted girlfriend, Laura Asaro, Marcellus informed her of the events that had transpired and then decided to set up his shiny new laptop. After about 30 minutes of banging rocks against the strange device in an attempt to unlock its secrets, Marcellus finally came to the conclusion that technology is for gay nerds and decided to just sell it for drugs instead.

Less than a month later, on August 31, 1998, Marcellus decided to nobly volunteer his time at the county jail to help keep the other inmates company during their incarceration. While in jail, Marcellus and his roommate Henry Cole were watching television when they saw a report about the murder of Lisha Gayle – Marcellus then confided in Henry about his complete and utter shock over Lisha's murder, as she was still somewhat alive and bleeding profusely when he had last seen her earlier that month.

After Henry was released from jail in June, 1999, he immediately decided to be a fucking snitch and informed the police that he suspected that Marcellus may have been involved in Felicia's murder. The police then talked to Laura Asaro and searched Marcellus' car where they found Felicia's belongings and quickly jumped to the conclusion that Marcellus must have been the one who murdered her. Despite there being literally no evidence against Williams, he was tried and convicted of murder and sentenced to death on January 14, 2003. Many black activists have since taken up the cause of attempting to correct this massive injustice and "exonerate" Marcellus Williams so he can be free to kill again.

HE DIDDU SUNTHIN

Prosecutor Bob McCulloch, as he's seen through the eyes of insane black people and dumb liberals.

Despite the case against Williams being a fucking slam-dunk, many racist cop-hating blacks have latched onto the idea that Marcellus was a good boy who DINDU NUFFIN and was railroaded by the evil white man. In order to further their agenda, Marcellus' attorneys have pointed out that male DNA was allegedly found on the murder weapon that didn't match Marcellus – meaning that the defense either tainted the evidence or they were just too fucking dumb to realize the implications of this when you add in the fact that the murder weapon was a kitchen knife that belonged to Felicia and her husband.

Other ridiculous shit that the defense points out includes the fact that a shoeprint at the scene didn't match Williams' shoes – because of course Williams would have kept a pair of blood-stained shoes after committing murder. And the fact that his DNA wasn't found under Felicia's fingernails – nor was anyone else's.

See Also

Reality's a bitch.

• DINDU NUFFIN
• Michael Brown
• Linda Carty
• Niggers

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