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EverQuest II
EverQuest II is the shitty sequel for EverQuest and is a furniture-collecting game. It is made by SOE and was released on November 8, 2004, just a couple weeks before World of Warcraft - while WoW soon became the largest hub of basement dwellers, EQ2 still kept on as 2nd place or some shit to MMO neckbeards. Being an MMO, it still harbors a ton of lulz (and faggotry, no kidding) within it. While still staying in the shadow of the better game. As old as EQ2 is, Sony is still trying to milk it, it is now (not exactly) free to play.
Storyline
500 years after EQ1, the Gods John Smedley got sick of atheists mortals Everquest being the only cash bin. So he decided to create an 'alternate universe' where he first made a couple of wars against niggers and ogres and then created the Shattering. Bunch of shit happened including Earthquakes, meteors, floods, tsunamis, and *insert disaster* while somewhere down the line two major cities were left, Qeynos and Freeport. Many of the original cities from EQ1 were annihilated or taken over and infested by robots, zombies, niggers, furries, or juggalos - and the adventurers must plunder each for loot. Oh, and kill dragons. And somehow, a lot of Van Halen references are involved. Oh, and the Goddess of Love dies. But who really cares about the storyline?
Gameplay and Features
The gameplay of EverQuest II started off similar to Dark Age Of Camelot's, but since John Smedley figured out no one gave a shit, he looked to the recent hit title: World Of Warcraft to emulate. A popular tradition among EQ2 veterans is to constantly complain via global chat or the forums that EQ2 is a lot more casual then it was before. Ironically, back at launch, it was just mindless tank and spank plus a couple of stats here and there, compared to the currents days which have about 1000 stats and a god damn surplus of gimmick bosses. There's the combat, which is pretty much like EQ1 or WoW's except with about 500 more buttons to click. In fact, the UI is so fucked that the player has to actually download a whole new UI mod in order to make the game actually playable.
Raids
Like every MMO, the raids in eq2 are extremely boring, except they only consist of 12-24 people instead of 48-1000, because if there is more than 24 people in one zone, the game will fucking rape your face off and melt your PC because the game is very GPU-intensive Single CPU-intenstive due to John Smedley's lack of foresight of multi cpu's. Other than that, raids still cause bitchfights over dropped rings and gems and shit as usual. Along with the typical job oriented day and night shift where if you fucked up or have to attend to something important you'll anger the basement dweller counsel and get kicked out of your guild. Basically, it's like every other MMO after EQ1 including EQ1, and nothing special.
Housing
EQ2 also has a housing system that's actually pretty awesome stupid, however acts like a less creepy Second Life. It's also a great trolling tactic if some retard allows you friends only access into their house, because you can put 300 pigs in there and steal the rest of their shit, add a bunch of objects that reduce your fps to 1-5, or go onto the forums to demand that SoE focus on housing then actual game content.
Voice Acting
EverQuest II is also well-known for having A-list celebrities for the NPC's voices, such as Christopher Lee and Heather Graham. How they were able to get them to do this is a mystery, probably by John Smedley bribing them with 3/4's of the development budget. Ironically, finding either voice clip of both actors in EQ2 is near impossible unless you one of those prelaunch small statues in your house, or go to Qeynos or Freeport's Big statue, which comes to the question of why the fuck would they even bother to hire them in the first place. SOE also added voices to player characters with the Desert of Flames expansion. Instead of hiring actual voice talent, SoE went to random bystanders to spoit terrible voice overs. Which are primarily used by roleplayers or trolls.
Pizza
One of the greatest features for the game was the pizza-ordering command implemented ingame in 2005. This caused Blizzard to make a parody called "Panda", where one could order Chinese food ingame. drama erupted in both the EQ2 and WoW communities as the EQ2 community attempted to back up how EQ2 invented fast food delivery. Nobody knows if anyone actually used the "/pizza" command.
Races
EQ2 has too many races, most of them being either exact duplicates or unoriginal D&D misfits.
Good
The good races can start in Kelethin, a not gay place filled with elves and fairies that lags to fuck, or the small and unorginal ice island Halas.
- Frogloks - Speaking in Shakespearean dialect, the frogloks are a race of devout paladins and holy warriors that were created when Mithaniel Marr decided to troll everyone in Norrath and make the frogs into anthropomorphic beings. This is the greatest race to be in a MMORPG, period. Everything else sucks.
- High Elves - Typical generic fantasy elf, men look extremely gay with 18th century hair styles, while the women are targeted for typical virgin population.
- Wood Elves - Bunch of tree hogging elves, only difference from the previous is that they have markings on their face looking like ooga booga tribesmen. Untolerable if you ever hear an npc one with a voice clip. Typical person to play wood elves are fat ugly women or 13 year old boys
- Fae - Released in EverQuest II with the Echoes of Faydwer expansion pack. Apparently SoE created them for the purpose of attracting 16 year old girls. These colorful little faggots were fun for a day or two, and everyone who wasn't a Wiccan or homosexual promptly deleted the character. The only good thing about these guys is that they can glide. However, it's not the best idea to do this on a PVP server, because well, once you're hit by an arrow...
- Halflings - Probably the more irrelevant race in EQ2. The only people that play them are people who take raiding super cereal and like them because they're small.
- Dwarves - Typical Drawves, nothing so special about them other then their attempt to be like Warhammer drawves.
Evil
The evil races start in the underground city, Neriak, or Gorowyn, a city full of mercenaries.
- Trolls - The trolls are probably the best race in the game next to the ogres. Though retarded, they are a lot more tolerable then the other races out there.
- Ogres - Ogres, like Orcs from Warhammer, are the saviors of EQ2 along with the trolls and niggers.
- Dark Elves - Probably the only tolerable elf race in the game, you would think a race called Dark Elves would be a typical emotional mary sue. Surprisingly enough, SoE never took in that idea. Dark Elves are probably the most popular in the game which they greatly appeal to the RPfags.
- Iksars - These lizardmen enjoy starving, tormenting, gassing, and beating their enemies. For some reason, 99% of Everquest porn is gay Iksar shit.
- Sarnaks - Giant overgrown dragon-lizards that tend to look extremely awkward when using.
- Arasai - SOE, knowing that most straight men would never play as a Fae, attempted to make an evil, badass counterpart. Instead, the Arasai turned out emo. People only play Arasai for the wings (they can glide) and that's really about it. Their wings look like something you'd find on deviantART.
Neutral
These races can start in almost any city.
- Aerakyn - They're dragon-people or something, nobody really cares.
- Ratonga - Jewish rats that steal everything from everyone else, speak with Russian accents, and live in the sewers. They're considered cute but who the fuck would think a bloodthirsty, greedy Jew is cute unless you're a furfag?!
- Humans - Ironically, humans are probably one of the ugliest models in EQ2 next to Barbarians and Half Elves. Pretty much good at nothing but are best at getting around in the city. They are also responsible for forcing every other race into poverty. Female humans are fugly in EQ2.
- Erudites - In EQ1, the erudites were incredibly intelligent niggers with dreads. For some reason, they all contracted alopecia, turned gray, and grew glowing tattoos on their bodies within 500 years. This isn't explained, and the lore developers are too lazy to explain this.
- Freeblood Vampires - This is obviously meant to troll Blizzard's Cataclysm with its worgen/werewolves. Yet unlike Blizzard, the amount of modeling for this race is subpar, shit looks terrible and unrefined as fuck.
- Kerra - Easily mistaken for the Vah Shir, the furfag race that became extinct in EQ1. Then the Erudites discovered Kerra Isle, the Erudites took this opportunity to troll the Kerra as much as possible. Unfortunately for the Erudites, they landed in the same ghetto as the Kerra in Freeport. For a while, there used to be an NPC in said ghetto that would cry "RUN FOR THE HILLS!" all the fucking time and everyone would avoid that place until 2006 when the fuckers finally moved his whiny ass to an abandoned place in the Commonlands.
- Half Elves - Another shitty elf race, the half elves decided to become non-conformists, just like everybody else! They have hair that would make Final Fantasy characters shocked, and therefore look ridiculous when they have hats on.
- Gnomes - Small little Jews that were kicked out by their own inventions, so the gnomes made Gnomeland Security, or scattered into one of the cities with attempts at being 'wacky'. Katy plays as one of these because gnomes are obsessed with robots and "DOOOOOOM xD!1" . Gnome and gnome jokes are never funny, but the developers keep thinking it's hilarious, so every new expansion they jam some new retarded quest line into the game having to do with gnomes.
- Barbarians - Another ugly modeled race, the Barbarians are known for their terrible accents and typical mentions of things such as beer, incest, and war.
Soga Models
- Soga Models - Somewhere down the line, SoE realized most of their original models were complete shit and could be outdone by a bunch of third rate workers. So they outsourced their models over to their Taiwan studio in hopes that it would pull in new subscribers such as weeaboos and koreans. It was found out that this method didn't work, so SoE over time just made the better looking ones into the default models for the races.
Classes
Most MMOs have classes, and EverQuest II is no exception. However, EQ2 has TOO MANY FUCKING CLASSES, causing everything to be imbalanced at least 100 percent of the time. The developer who works on the classes frequently picks a class out of a hat to nerf (except the assassin or any class they play at the time being.)
- Assassins - Loved by the (former) developer Aeralik, Assassins are trendy as fuck to play as, especially on the PvP servers. They're overpowered and dress like ninjas in the later levels. Usually played by 13 year-old boys. Overpowered.
- BeastLord - The most overpowered class. Mainly consists of 13 year old males playing as the Cat/Tiger/Cheetah race so they can be a beast taming another beast. NOTE: This is the only class where you can literally fuck a duck. Provides nothing to the group... EXCEPT FUCKING EVERYTHING
- Berserkers - The tank class everybody and their goldfish plays. They look like all other tanks and they wield huge axes while being able to fuck shit up on multi enemies. Cannot fight unless its getting raped by 100 enemies. NEVER used in raids for some reason.
- Brigands - The evil thief class that allows players to gain more money easily. Later on in the game, this ability is completely useless. Pretty much like the swashbuckley and assssin with typical backstab dps.
- Bruisers - Pretty much monks, but with more weeaboo inspired anime bullshit lore. They end up looking like karate guys anyways, but are more useful then monks.
- Channelers - Weird fucking healer pet archer hybrid class added to the game in the Tears of Veeshan expac. They suck and nobody plays them.
- Coercers - Enchanters that are able to take control of enemies. Useless against npcs, but excellent for trolling, since you can release aggressive monsters on people and watch them wipe out.
- Conjurors - Elemental-summoners that conjure up Earth, fire, wind, water, and heart beings from magic, and are primarily used for DPS. They are not as popular as their evil counterpart, the necromancers, because summoning moving statues and fire snakes is pussy compared to dead things.
- Defilers - The evil one of the two classes that can summon a little wolf buddy that can fight along with them. Too bad the wolves are worth shit. Tim Buckley plays this class.
- Dirges - An emo bard that plays depressing music and make their foes self-harm. Seriously. That's what they do. For whatever reason they can run really fast and will revive people.
- Furies - A class that can turn into a lion and heals people over time. They are one of the two classes that can make portals, which are another excellent raid trolling tactic - if you click the portal, you're immediately transported to its corresponding area. But in general, its pretty useless now since every zone pretty much has instant portals on each dock.
- Guardians - A tank class. Mostly played by 20 year-old men who shout at raids over voicechat. They can get hit by a truck and still live, but are completely shit in any sort of solo match.
- Illusionists - This class can create a sockpuppet for themselves and use it in battle, and distract enemies with dazzling flashing lights. They're pretty much the better half compared to the Coercer. In PvP, the dazzling flashing lights has been known to make people complain when they are attacked by an illusionist. However ALL Illusionists suck.
- Inquisitors - "Evil" Templars. SoE figured this was pretty stupid so later on made them accessable to both alliances.
- Monks - Unlike the bruiser, a Monk is a spiritual fighter than can make people think they're dead and heal themselves in combat. Pretty much complete shit, even to its counterpart due to its lack of dps or tanking abilities.
- Mystics - A good class that summons ghost dogs and use wards on the tank classes so they don't bitch as much when they eventually take damage. They wear bear hats. Formerly reserved for women over the age of 30, they're now overpowered as shit and everybody plays one.
- Necromancers - A class that everyone and their dog plays, because it's so metal to summon vampires and liches and spidermen and shit. However, they are incredibly bad at PvP. Who knew?
- Paladins - Just like in World of Warcraft: if you don't heal, people get pissed off, even if you state that the paladin is not a healer-type class.
- Rangers - A neutral-aligned class that wields a bow and arrows, and piss everyone else off because their arrows one-shot a monster from far away before anyone could get to it. But in most cases, Rangers are terrible, especially in instances where there is no long range combat. SoE gave up 14 expansions ago.
- Shadowknights - The Shadowknight is essentially an evil paladin that tortures and saps the life out of people. Just like WoW's Death Knight, everyone played one, but they finally got nerfed in Destiny of Velious. They can mass mob a whole zone, but for some reason still can't tank
- Swashbucklers - Somehow, a pirate is aligned with the good guys. Swashbucklers are flamboyant and wield rapiers. One of their attacks are even called "Flamboyant Swathe".
- Templars - Holy men who beat people with Bibles. Underpowered as hell and no one plays them anymore.
- Troubadours - You'll either need a bard or an enchanter in most groups in EQ2. If you don't, you're pretty much fucked or shit will take a longer time to kill. If your group is full of mages, you'll suck a dick to get a troubadour in your group.
- Warlocks - Often played by teenage boys, the Warlock is pretty much a wizard but with dps that kills overtime and more encounter spells. They can also summon demons and slugs. Also can turn into a bat and a rat.
- Wizards - See above, except this class does elemental damage, and summons cats instead. Also able to set themselves on fire.
Adventure Packs
Adventure packs are like mini-expansions that cost like five bucks when they first released, but now come with the game. People bitched about the price and claimed that they were poor - which is retarded because if you could afford a computer that could even run EQ2, you're not poor. Ironically, years later, the same community welcomed the typical mmo microtransaction scheme with $25 mounts. How they accepted this, yet got upset about 5 years ago over $5 dungeon content is beyond me.
The Bloodline Chronicles
Nobody played or liked this one, and those who did were roleplayers and should be castrated immediately.
The Splitpaw Saga
Another Adventure pack no one played after the first two weeks. Only thing worth while the solo quest that allowed you to gain xp faster. SoE finally figured it out months later and patched it. Typical quests involve going through long bland caves in order to achieve a five hour-long quests that involve lighting torches and fighting their pit champion. Hope you like the same drumming music over and over.
The Fallen Dynasty
Originally created by SoE's Taiwan Studio, this Adventure Pack is well known for its chinese farmer models. Whenever SoE feels too lazy to make new models, they'll randomly stick these Chinese peasents everywhere. Especially the child model, which can be located in Estate Of Unrest baby crib or during an event of the parody Christmas Carol during Frostfell. This is probably SoE giving a hint that their products are just as cheap as a product from China. Due to fucktardedness, a lot of the characters have Japanese names. Other then that, no one uses this content anymore, ever, unless you're a tradeskiller that is who's cashing in on daily quests in the local town.
Expansions
The expansions of EverQuest II are similar to the first game's: full of the most ridiculous fantasy-based crap and there's a lot of them, especially considering that the game's only been around since 2004. Like Sakurai, SOE likes to do this weird balance/unbalance thing every time. The plots for each make less sense than WoW's and prove that this game is made by drugged-up faggots from SoCal. Is it also known, that every single expansion is based off of EQ1 content and lore, so SoE doesn't need to try hard when it comes to being creative with this shit.
Desert of Flames
The first actual expansion, released right after September 11, which is pretty hilarious considering the Arab-theme of it. There's even two adjacent oases called the Twin Tears. This expansion was well known for being incomplete and broken as fuck with a level tier (51-60) being completely void of actual good content for years. It was instantly succeeded by Kindgom of Sky 5 months later because SoE didn't figured out people didn't like that shit of having 5 months to beat broken content.
Kingdom of Sky
The second expansion involves floating islands from the creative bargain bin . People can travel across these islands from floating clouds to fight vulture, dragon, and eagle men but the real lulz lies with the Hooluk race - a clan of owl men named after obvious memes SoE also discovered unfunny internet humor during this time period that they used for their new aviak owlmen. This expansion is the most popular because of its decent raid content, and since basement dwellers love raiding...
Echoes of Faydwer
Somewhere during production, SoE finally got the hint people didn't like expansions lasting only 5 months, so they took 9 months to create their next one. Which was probably the most blighted mary sue expansion to ever come out, SoE decided to bring back Faydwer and sprinkle it with pussyshit in an effort to keep their female subscribers. Of course, like any grinding expansion pack, shit was taken over such as Robots taking the gnome city of Ak'anon and turned it into "Klak'anon" (very original), furries invaded the dwarf city Kaladim, and orcs terrorize the Fae in Kelethin. Oh, i mentioned the Fae right? Yes, SoE decided to release the Fae to fag things up even more. Everyone played as one for maybe two days before deleting the characters because no straight man would be caught playing as a glittery little faggot unless you're a 16 year old girl.
Rise of Kunark
Finally aware that their fanbase just wanted rehashed content from EQ1. The developers decided to take one of the most popular EQ1 expansions "Ruins of Kunark" and remake it as "Rise of Kunark". You see the originality in that? Like EQ1's Ruins of Kunark, this expansion is filled with familiar faces such as lizard people, Frog people, dragons, and a different type of lizard people. Everything in this expansions is pretty much the same as what it was in Ruins of Kunark, except unlike that expansion, all the zones in this one aren't bland miles on end low ressed textured floors and they actually have variety. The storyline involves something similar to EQ1's lore. Iskar make a giant army, want to battle dragons, dragons have shiny stone that will kill everything, hero must beat dragons and iskar and get the stone that gives the person unlimited power. Rise of Kunark also introduces the Yha-lei, a race of fish men that worship a giant penis monster that lives in boiling hot green shit. 90% of this expansion is solo content. A lot of EQ2 fans whined about this religiously back in 2007 and compared it to the World of Warcraft. Yet they forgot that most overland zones with heroic content were ignored constantly in favor of shit like instances or contested dungeon.
The Shadow Odyssey
Like their previous expansions, SoE looked back at EQ1's expansion list and decided to bring back "Lost Dungeon Of Norrath" grindy as fuck shard system. In general, you go through 9-12 small-big dungeons over and over gathering shards to become semi-decent in the game. Infact, most of the dungeons were too difficult for average geared players, so you pretty much stuck with the first 3 easiet dungeons for a couple of months until you gathered enough shard armor to do actual shit. This expansion was supposed to suck, but surprised fans as they learned that it actually was like goth Metroid on crack. It actually did suck as it targeted hardcore fat neckbeards guilds who were already geared from the previous expansion to enjoy most of its content from first few months.
The plot actually went back to the original plot SoE had in mind prior to fan orgy espansions. Actually it caused a lot of butthurt with lorefags and fans in general because SoE got slightly creative and introduced Giant Monster Crabs. Apparently EQ fans seem to relate this to aliens, yet if you count all of the shit in their previous games, this is actually pretty tamed as an idea.
Sentinel's Fate
Like their previous expansion, SoE once again brought back the shard system, but a lot smaller, and lot more fucked up at launch. Shit was pretty terrible as most zones expected you to be buffed in tier 3-4 TSO gear. If you were a solofag that completed the end solo content, you were pretty much fucked as the typical gear was terrible. Pretty much had to wait for a group to allow you to grind even worse unfinished content known as The Hole or buy gear from a bidder in global chat.
Plot pretty much goes back to the original erudites, High Nigras. Shit went to hell as their little island went between dimensions or something liek that. They all follow their leader El Arad to submit under Roehn Theer or some shit to make everyone else slaves as part of affirmative action. Probably out of jealousy as their counterparts were all turned grey while they all got stuck being niggers. Also The Hole is featured in the game as well. Though ithas a very small plot to the storyline ect other then the island being ripped apart. Speaking of which, yes, apparently teleporting the island also teleported the doorway leading to the underfoot. How this makes sense, no one fucking knows. But if you consider how taking a glance at odus at an angle, you'll notice it looks like a giant piece of shit floating in piss. No kidding. This probably acts as a metaphor for SoE's creativity. Also Panda's make an apperance. Other then for solo quests, their appearance makes no fucking sense. Either some idea SoE thought of to compete with WoW, or SoE just wasted glorious time making a new useless model. Who the fuck knows.
Destiny of Velious
Hammering at their shitty game engine for the past 6 years, SoE finally figured out how to implant flying mounts in their game. That's pretty much it for this expansion, that's their most unique feature. Well there is also public quests, which were a lot of fun to grief for the first two months by spawning giant gazebo's reducing the fps for everyone down to 2-4. Also like the previous two, a bunch of dungeons with shards to grind the shit out of.
This expansion was known to cause a bunch of drama among the eq2 community. A typical thread would appear bawwwing how SoE should have spent 2 years with this expansion since IT'S VELIOUS! Or how SoE doesn't have the budget like they did with EQ1's Scars Of Velious. Yes, the EQ2 community firmly believes an expansion with flat white textured hills and some midi music here and there costed quite a lot of jewgold.
Other expansions
- Main article: Shit no one cares about
Seriously. DoV came out in 2011, there's been like 6 or 7 expansions since then, and nobody cares enough about them to bother updating ED.
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Nerds have masturbated to this box. -
SoE's New memetastic Expansion "Please Buy Our Game" -
Note the fairies. -
For some reason, a dark elf is on the box of an expansion primarily based on lizardmen.
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Probably one of the gayest things, ever. -
The Leviathan imagined by SoE, in Rise of Kunark.
PVP
Player-verus-player, or PVP for short, was introduced in February 2006. The developers tacked it on because they were running out of ideas or something. It mostly involved running around the floating islands and failed attempts at parkour. Things were and still are unbalanced as shit, rendering some classes damn near useless. (See: the necromancer.) The largest server for this painful-to-play shit is Nagafen. Here is a typical PVP video, complete with shit music. People run from each other and overall it is a gankfest of screaming retards trying to "HT the fuck out of your ass." (Scientists are still hard at work deciphering that code.) The Nagafen community loves everyone, especially new players, so come by and say hello anytime!
There's also Battlegrounds, which people claim was taken from WOW, but those people completely forget that WOW is essentially DAoC and EQ1 combined. Battlegrounds feels like a weird hybrid of some FPS games and EQ2. Best way to troll Battlegrounds is sit there and do nothing. Since most use their microphones, you'll hear a lot of screaming if use you macros at the right time while watching your teammates die.
EQ2 Community
Like it's sister community of EQ1, EQ2 community constantly ensures you that it's one of the most mature MMO communities out there. However contrary to this belief, EQ2 is perhaps one of the most drama induced butthurt MMO communities, if not on the same playing field as World Of Warcraft.
EQ2 Forums
EQ2 forums are pretty much a place for either to constantly cocksuck a developer or whine about how it's not EQ1. Typical population includes lorefags, retards who take house building very seriously, or people with constantly spam threads for expansions with unrealistic expectations. Notable dramafags include the likes of Casahorn. Typically the forums are run with a ironfist by SoE. Anything that they find offensive such as asking for something to be fixed, could result your thread being deleted, or you being banned.
EQ2Flames
EQ2Flames is probably the biggest hellhole of EQ2 to exist. From developers giving out strats to guilds, transferring characters off of beta-test servers onto main ones, to LFG, the admin, suddenly getting a newfound faith in Jesus and dumping his previous life of doing a truckload of meth. There's even more too, including WoW fanboys being constantly trolled, people wanting to try to take ED and EQ2Flames down, someone setting fire to themselves for a suicide attempt, wives fucking guildmates at cons, and even DDOSing. Now, how the fuck could meth, cheating, Jesus, an failed hero by fire, ED, EQ2, and more shit mix together? (Only at EQ2Flames...)
Drama
Ceciliantas
One of the earliest bits of EQ2 drama was in December 2004, when a player named Ceciliantas was caught having cybersex with a girl in his unlocked player house. A scout used a stealth spell to hide himself from the cyberlovers, and took hilarious screencaps of the event. It got so big, that Something Awful did a Weekend Web for it. Some of the best quotes include "Be a man and tell us who you really are, so you will face my Justice." and "I take Aggro tanking very seriously, I played nothing but a Paladin for 5 years." (Too bad that many of the paladins in the game's lore are celibates!) The whole thing can be found here. Everyone involved has quit the game out of shame.
Station Cash
To troll EQ1+2 fans once again, SOE has decided to release Station Cash in December 2008 - by purchasing a special ingame currency with IRL money, you can obtain several exclusive items. Sound familiar? Why SOE would do something like that is beyond me, but they haven't thought things through. (Blizzard also seems to be going down this path!) As you can see in the thread linked earlier, only three people like it. Even on the official forums, people have threatening to close accounts (again) as seen here. What really pissed off players was that Smedley's definition of RMT (real money transactions) differs from the rest of the world's, as seen in this thread. Smedley, in reaction, lol'd, and went to go get more toupees.
How to Troll EverQuest II
Ingame, and want to harvest some fresh lulz? Here's a handy guide.
- In auction, shout out random bids that are not relevant to the bidding price.
- Download a trial account and play as a male Fae. Hit on every male character you see.
- Bitch about how similar or dissimilar EQ2 is to WoW, or its own prequel.
- Try to form up a raid to kill the Nagafen dragon (not the server, idiot).
- Run around the Desert of Flames expansion areas and make 9/11, Islam, or Iraq jokes.
- Play as a Jew or Froglok and hop around people. If Ratonga, give it a Jewish name, since they're basically Jewish anyway. If a Froglok, mention Battletoads as much as possible.
- Ask where the Murlocs are at. Someone will direct you to the Yha-lei (fish-men) eventually.
- Put quotes from 300 in a /petition form and wait.
- If you play as an Enchanter class, charm a named NPC and run around with it. Extra lulzy if it's required for a quest.
- Obtain the goblin-throwing catapult, fireworks, turkey/cow launcher, or as many pets as possible, and run around a raid. This is even more fun if you're a druid, since you can open portals that instantly transport someone to the corresponding area upon clicking.
- Ask why the /pizza command no longer works.
- Tell people that Antonia Bayle isn't hot, and that her cosplayers are fat cows.
- Go to a PVP server, and start flaming the good/evil/exile side while pretending to be from one of the opposing factions.
There will be lulz. I guarantee it.
The Billy Doll
Billy is EQ2's Murloc - a lethal character that looks cute and cuddly but actually wants to rip off your head and shit down your neck. He's an ingame meme, and is required to kill for multiple instances (for example, a little Chinese girl plays "Pop! Goes the Weasel" on a jack-in-the-box, and guess what pops out!) He also appears in multiple haunted castles, watching you from far away, ready to strike. It should also be noted, however, that Billy is incredibly unfunny, as are anyone who uses the Billy illusion form, because only someone who thinks Invader Zim is the pinnacle of comedy would even find Billy remotely amusing.
Carotidcutter
The Carotidcutter is a weapon which is linked to in the Nagafen levels 1-9 chat over and over. It's similar to WoW's "[Dirge]" chat spam, except [Carotidcutter] is infinitely more annoying. Compare:
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To do this yourself, post \aITEM -1136430526 1996356593:CARAWTIDCUTER\/a everywhere.
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![[Carotidcutter]](/images/thumb/1/1f/Carot1.png/120px-Carot1.png)
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![[Carotidcutter]](/images/thumb/0/06/Carot2.png/120px-Carot2.png)
[Carotidcutter] -
![[Carotidcutter]](/images/thumb/c/c4/Carot3.png/120px-Carot3.png)
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![[Carotidcutter]](/images/thumb/6/6b/Carot4.png/120px-Carot4.png)
[Carotidcutter]
![[Carotidcutter]](/File:Carot1.png){kind=small}
![[Carotidcutter]](/File:Carot2.png){kind=small}
![[Carotidcutter]](/File:Carot3.png)
![[Carotidcutter]](/File:Carot4.png)
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![[Carotidcutter]](/images/thumb/3/3a/Carot5.png/120px-Carot5.png)
[Carotidcutter] -
![Actual [Carotidcutter]](/images/thumb/2/25/Carotidcutter.jpg/84px-Carotidcutter.jpg)
Actual [Carotidcutter] -
![Some people don't "get" the [Carotidcutter]](/images/thumb/2/24/Carot_34_no.PNG/120px-Carot_34_no.PNG)
Some people don't "get" the [Carotidcutter] -
![Shit quality image of the dude who drops the [Carotidcutter]](/images/thumb/e/e6/Fallen_Emperor_Vekin.jpg/120px-Fallen_Emperor_Vekin.jpg)
Shit quality image of the dude who drops the [Carotidcutter]
![[Carotidcutter]](/File:Carot5.png)
![Actual [Carotidcutter]](/File:Carotidcutter.jpg)
![Some people don't "get" the [Carotidcutter]](/File:Carot_34_no.PNG)
![Shit quality image of the dude who drops the [Carotidcutter]](/File:Fallen_Emperor_Vekin.jpg)
Technical Difficulties
EQ2, being a MMORPG, has a lot of lame problems with it. Many of these issues are unnoticed for days (nevermind, YEARS) because the developers are either too busy taking immense amounts of acid, loling at old memes, or feeding on the tears of the banned, and Rise Krispie Treats.
Station Launcher and Steam
SOE finally found out that Steam was the way to go on downloading games over the internets. Unfortunately, they did it wrong. As the user finally downloads their copy of EverQuest II off of Steam, they click on it and become enraged. SOE forgot integrate the patches within Steam. Therefore, Station Launcher has to be used right after the application, EverQuest II, is clicked on in Steam. The Station Launcher is supposed to "update" EQ2, but instead fails. It will either need administrative privileges on shitsta or it'll crap out on the user. Therefore, the user has to dick around with the updating process manually in order to get it to work since SOE will not do their jobs.
This creates a long, strenuous process of going through multiple folders to find out how to update the damn to game so it will actually start up. It's kind of like Where's Waldo, but 100 times more annoying.
Here are some quotes of the joy the users have when experiencing problems with this:
—SOE hardly helped this person on their forums. |
—RAGE |
—A reply from SOE Support. They obviously lie about how much they are working on getting the game to work. |
Another major problem is that Station Launcher, when downloaded off of the EverQuest II website, will take hours to install a few updates.
The game installs itself fast and properly after it is downloaded by the user. Then, the user thinks that they can just play the game, but they are wrong. Instead of having fun, you have to download many patches before playing. When downloading the patches, there is an estimation time to show how long the patches will take to download and update the game. This estimation time will make the user rage due to it saying that the download will take four to five hours. So, the user waits until it's almost done and the timer goes BACK UP TO 4-5 HOURS. Finally, when the user has the game all patched up and ready to go, the game will either crash, glitch out, or plain old suck due to the Station Launcher's wonderful service.
Uninstalling
Uninstalling EverQuest II will probably be the best thing you could ever do for your computer. It's just not worth the 9-15 GB of space on your hard drive. (Of course, you deserve to be maimed for playing a MMORPG in the first place.) The problem is that SOE is an evil corporation which does not want you to uninstall the game. It will not show up on the add/remove programs list on Windows therefore making your life harder. This has caused much drama over the Station forums and has made many people rage. You have to locate the "Sony" folder, delete the "EQ2" folder, "StationLauncher" folder, then remove the "Sony" folder in your Program Files to do this.
—The guy that posted this never had any help on uninstalling the game. Thanks SOE! |
EverGallery II
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Demographics! -
FEAR THE IKSAR -
THANKS BE TO CAZIC -
Anashti Sul's henchman off-duty
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STFU PLS GOD DAMN -
What the game looks like if you have a crap computer. -
Taxidermy made to look like a warg mount. -
NO JEWS ALLOWED. -
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Some Shitty EQ2 Videos
Previous Video | Next Video
See Also
- MMORPG
- EverQuest
- World of Warcraft
- Free Realms
- Rogue
- Team Fortress 2 (cash shop hat-trading game just like EQ2, what is it with sequels anyway, goddamn.)
- Cash Items
- Sony Online Entertainment
- Aeralik ... lol he quit.
- Brenlo ... fired, apparently.
- EQ2Flames
- Silver Circle
- Shawn Woolley
- Alexander Stern
- Esachasa
External Links
- The official website. The trial client will place you with Eurofags.
- EQ2Players, the player/dev community news site.
- EQ2Flames, the drama site.
 EverQuest II is part of a series on [Flame on!] | ||||
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EverQuest II is part of a series on Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage. |
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EverQuest II is part of a series on MMORPGs. | [Ding!] |