Silkroad Online
Silkroad Online is an MMORPG that is based on true events in which China traded to Europe using the Silkroad that connected the two continents. But it seems that we as the well edumacated people, were left in the dark as to what people back then were really like. Apparently, some chicks can float, some are furries, all held massive irrelevant weapons, and everyone can turn into a raging, red, pedo, buttsecks demon used to rape small animals with their HUEG boners. This game has been fucked over by real money traders so epically that it threatens to tear time and space apart, where all of us would be tossed into a world of Nigras, furries, Brian Peppers, and computers totally devoid of porn. But, for a totally free game, it is worth some lulz, and is not the worst game on teh internets.
The truth about Silkroad
Silkroad is not FREE and it never was. It's for those people who are either too poor to buy a decent MMORPG or for the mentally handicapped. You cannot get on the servers unless buys sild to get a premium ticket which is like a monthly subscription. Joymax bans bots they don't like so new and improved bots made by Joymax itself can take its place, forcing every 13-year-old boy to milk their parents for money to buy silk. Premium tickets are buyable via silk which is buyable via IRL money. It's said it lasts for four weeks, but in reality, it lasts for three weeks and six days, thus stealing 24 hours worth of money from the players. Neither GMs or admins care about players so don't expect to see any improvement. Since the game comes from Korea, it features some amazing never before seen Engrish action that makes The Game's story even better!
MAJOR UPDATE! According to almost-creditable source, Joymax has been bought by a company related to Joymax. The following quote was on their official site, now deleted.
—JoyMax pwning itself? | ||
Nobody really knows what the fuck happened here, but since then the bots are being banned every week, dropping the lulz/drama level of the game almost zero. (Some servers are always full providing some level of drama) It doesn't matter really, the game is still shit.
Even that whomever wrote that has no picture proof of this "joymax" claim, we can be sure to say Silkroad lies about many things. In the end, they will pay a lot of their little mistake.
Silkroad online a Trojan virus?
One lovely day, all Silkroad players woke up to find out that their favorite game is recognized as a Trojan by AVG antivirus and removed some of the game's files, making it unplayable, causing drama across the intertubes. Joymax became butthurt and told the players to flame the company who made AVG because they didn't want the people know the truth about their game and they can't make money off of them. So every Silkroad fanboy (mostly the botters and all Turks) went on a crusade against AVG, producing many lulz in the process.
The truth according to Joymax
Back in the days of the silkroad, the people used magic, glowed luminous colors, were sometimes monkeys, other times Mime monkeys, don't leik mudkipz, and turned into the aforesaid demons of buttsecks.
When in demon mode, you become larger, grow horns, glow red, and receive a massive erection used to spray AIDS over unfathomable distances into a single asshole of a weaboo.
This also makes little boys a prime target on your minimap for aggravated rape.
Weapons
There are no classes in the game, it all goes by the weapon you are using; you could have all your skillz set on magic, and then pick up some axes and hack at shit just as fucking well.
China
- Glaive - A blade at the end of a stick.
- Spear - A pizzapan at the end of a dick.
- Sword - A small blade.
- Blade - A bigger blade.
- Bow - Not a blade.
Europe
- Sword and Shield - Self-explanatory.
- 2-Handed Sword - Once again...self-explanatory.
- Dual Axes - Probably one of the coolest weapons in the game, you hold two axes and commence the pwn.
- Staff - Used by the nukers. They die constantly and in an orderly fashion, on preset times decided by Admin who like to spawn hard fucking monsters already very far up your own asshole, resulting in a buttsecks implosion followed by nerd rage.
- Crossbow - Usually used by nigras to make a fast getaway after stealing their Grandmother's welfare checks.
- Some sort of wand - Spews happy magic.
- Some other sort of wand - Shoots cum into another players eyes, causing temporary blindness.
- Harp - Best weapon ever. Haven't you always wanted to kill with crappy chromatic scales? Think Tom Bombadil.
SOS, SOM AND SUN
Seal of Star, Seal of Moon, Seal of Sun, Seal of Penis. These are the weapon attributes that make every Silkroad player cream themselves in joy. It's so rare that if you find it every player on the server will suck your cock for it. People sell these for shitloads of gold and nobody can buy them unless they buy gold for the game. Pretty cool, huh?
Jobs
As said before, there are no classes, but once you get lvl 20, you get a whole pair of pants tidbits that stay fun for about five minutes. First of all, once you're lvl 20, you are able to attack any other players over lvl 20 for no particular reason, but be aware you will be wanted and have a bounty on your ass, thus leading to your imminent death by an extremely high level basement-dweller who masturbates to his glaive that he just used to give you AIDS. There are three jobs you can choose from after hitting that magic level 20!
- Black Person - Thieves are probably the one reason anyone keeps playing after the initial fail that is this game, they look very cool, but come up short in how well this job was integrated into the gameplay. (read trader)
- Hunter - Hunters hunt thieves, and like to give much pleasure to penis.
- Jew - Traders are the Jews of the gamem they make all the money. There are different levels of trade depending on how much cargo you are carrying, it ranges from 1 to 5 star trade. You can now get killed in a 1 star trade if you're over level 40, so you're pretty much fucked, because every thief in existence will rape you in the ass, kill your family after they rape your mom and then steal your goods.
Updates
Now you can´t do any trades after lvl 40 without getting nuked by a fucking thief.
You can kill people at a lower level and use a retard cat, pig, bunny, There are no black people on the Internet, fairy to pick up money dropped by your victims.
Joymax makes even more money by selling Fugly clothes which adds some extra stats. Whoopie-fucking-do!
Fortress War! The first guild who got the fortress will own it forever because they are so fucking strong no one has a chance.
You can no longer have more jobs than one, and without an über weapon you shouldn't even bother getting a job.
External Links
- Main site
- A Silkroad forum
- Silkroad Online botting community. Come on, you know you want to.
- Another bot site. Also a nifty little server traffic chart.
Gallery of Silkroad
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Need a new way to look more gay? Buy wings. -
No, no, and no, you are still a faggot. -
Only good looking guy in the game. -
The girl is hot, but WTF the dude. -
Female = Sexy, Dude = WTF -
This is normal in the game, screenshot from Korean version of SRO. -
People who play this are fags. Joymax way to block bots...works well (not).
Videos
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Silkroad Online is part of a series on MMORPGs. | [Ding!] |