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Super Smash Bros

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
(Redirected from Super Smash Bros. Brawl)
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Blazesonic's wet dream.
Every Gamefag's wet dream.
Brawl - Falco - any quality in graphics whatsoever + MS Paint + Krystal + SpongeBob Squarepants = one fantard's wet dream.
Every Tourneyfags wet dream.

Super Smash Bros. is a shit-tastic, clusterfuck party game (although Tourneyfags and Nintendo fanboys would have you believe it's a serious fighting game), where all the characters are from various faggoty Nintendo and other non-important games, which allows up to (depending on the game) either four or eight Gaming Fags (or two tourneyfags, that aren't in doubles) to realize their dreams of pitting Link against Mario in a fight to the death. The games Super Smash Bros. 64, Super Smash Bros. Melee, Super Smash Bros. Brawl, Super Smash Bros. for Nintendo 3DS and Wii U (way too long of a title, and feck the Wii-U), and Super Smash Bros Ultimate cause much nerd rage over how they should be played. Brawl is also the first game in the series to let third party characters in as well, which opened the floodgates of fags like Blazesonic who want to see every character in every game ever in Brawl.

The objective of the game is to knock other players off the arena using your skills, and if you're not a Tourneyfag, a variety of weapons, in a variety of locations (unless you're a tourneyfag, in which case you're choices of locations has been drastically narrowed down for you). Tourneyfags play with, depending on the game, Pikachu in Smash 64, Fox in Melee, Meta Knight in Brawl, Bayonetta in Smash 4, and Steve in Ultimate, with no items, on Final Destination (or any place similar in the case of Super Smash Bros Brawl and later).

Super Smash Brothers

Not playable to make room for more gay.

The game that started the series. Since the Internet was at the time confined to small clusters of like-minded individuals, there was no horrific shitstorm involved with its release. Smash 64 has a notably high amount of hitstun, making combos easy, and therefore, the only game where 5 stocks are used rather than 3. It only had a cast of 12:

Teh Original 12

  • Mario - Plays exactly like Ryu from Street Fighter. Given a new move in Brawl which only lets him shoot water at his opponents. Played by unoriginal noobs, and nobody else.
  • Luigi - Plays exactly like Ken from Street Fighter. Given a new move in Melee but only causes him to kill himself, the emo fag. Was secretly Dio Brando because his Final Smash in Brawl and Smash 4 is Za Warudo, but in Ultimate, he now uses his ghost vacuum to SUCC everyone and send them flying.
  • Kirby - Despite looking like a stupid pink piece of shit, he is actually the second-best character in the game, if only because Sakurai created him. Also, like Yoshi, he is imbued with the ability to consume his enemy and absorb said enemy's abilities. The aforementioned opponent may then be dislodged after a period of time; with Kirby retaining teh Falcon Punch. Also, Kirby is a known cockbite and will suc yo dic fo a fcking dollah. Played by 13 year old boys who will spam his fucking down special all match.
  • Yoshi - Kills his enemies by eating them and shitting them out, preferably off the ledge of the level. Played by absolutely nobody (Unless you know the Double Jump Cancel Nair shieldbreak combo).
The only reason 13 year old boys play this game.
  • Samus - She doesn't take off the suit in this game. Massive cockblock. People still fapped to her anyway. When Captain Falcon does a certain move, he grabs her tits. Coincidence? Played by fappers until Brawl came out. People used to not play her until Covid hit and everyone started playing her again because she was good online.
  • Ness - So few attacks that he steals everything from the other characters in Earthbound. Can throw ball lightning straight into his ass. This is because his final boss in the game quotes from snuff porn. Ness actually uses this to get back on the stage, which differs so much from other characters that if you encounter a Ness player, keep in mind he'll only ever pick Ness.

The final boss is a giant, universe-raping hand who later moonlights as a minor boss in Kirby games.

This game has some gamemodes that would never see the light of day beyond Melee, like Board the Platforms and Break the Targets.

Because of the small cast, everyone except Tourneyfags became bored and soon Sakurai began working on the next installment.

Super Smash Brothers Melee

As you can see, pretty much every level is banned.
Ike and one of his friends.
Ice Climbers can be found doing a variety of activities to keep warm.

Because the internets was popular at this point, the game was watched closely the instant it was mentioned by a random employee of Nintendo. It adds thirteen to the original roster of twelve, most of which caused a shitstorm, mainly since half of these were clones of an existing character and were from so out of nowhere that they had to have been fake. First, the non-clones:

Teh Roster (Non Clones)

  • Peach - Mario's bitch, taking a break from being kidnapped by Bowser. Does retarded shit like throwing vegetables and showing some panty. Used to be played by TEH BEST PLAYA IN TEH WORLDZ, which briefly made many tourneyfags play as her. Then they found it actually takes skill to play Peach and quit. No longer shows panty in later games due to Nintendo Censorship.
  • Bowser - Mario's nemesis, pissed off because he can't kidnap Peach. Moves and controls like a lardass. Breathes fire. Played by n00bs with a hardon for his smash attacks, and is now considered the worst character in the game.
  • Mewtwo - An evil bastard Pokémon. Despite being THE MOST POWERFUL POKÉMON EVAR, he gets knocked around like a bitch, and is therefore bad. You can abuse Melee's engine to clip opponents through the stage for the lulz. Not returning to Brawl due to how much he sucks Tourneyfag balls. Played by even bigger screaming Pokétards. Back in the fourth game but only as a DLC if you get Smash 3DS and Smash U. Also back in Ultimate.
  • Zelda - Link's bitch, see Peach, replace Bowser with Ganon. Transforms into Sheik. Also showed some panty. Played by nobody in this game, and other rabid fappers with elf fetishes in Brawl.
  • Sheik - Zelda's ninja-esque attempted trans male alter-ego, and looks exactly like her name sounds. Transforms back into Zelda. Used to be the tourneyfag's favorite character to play as before the discovery of wavedashing. Returns in Brawl with boob implants. Sheik also returns in the WiiU & 3DS version as a separate playable character. That's twice the Zelda, twice the fap. Same case with Ultimate.
  • Mr. Game and Watch - The only nigger in the game, besides Donkey Kong. Melee had so hopeless of a development cycle that they forgot to declone his Mario wannabe stats, and he has a bunch of other fuckups, like having no nose invincibility on his Up Smash. In Brawl, his final smash is Tentacle Rape.
  • Marth - The hero of the Japanese strategy game Fire Emblem. Because not much is known about the series elsewhere, he is a mysterious swordsman and is a favorite of sephirothfags the world over. Also, every Tourneyfag is gay for Marth. Melee is actually the first game where he wears no pants. He shouts random wapanese shit when he out-fag's everybody and wins, which makes animu fucktards jizz over him. Can grab tits from half way across FD. His Final Smash in Brawl, Critical Hit, is overpowered as fuck. He is dead last on the Brawl man tier.

There's also a number of 'clone' characters who perform just like other characters with minor differences.

Teh Clones

  • Falco - The most annoying fucking character from StarFox(excluding Slippy that little fucker), like Fox but not as broken. Returns to Brawl with a Landmaster and a Boston accent.
  • Ganondorf - See Bowser, replace Mario with Link and Peach with Zelda. A slow, powerful, and shitty version of Captain Falcon. He is now more of a nigger than Game and Watch could ever be as his Up Special allows him to choke out whiyt wimminz like Zelda and Samus, his Up Special is still rape, and his Warlock Punch is now a backhand. Unfortunately, Ganondorf misplaced his sword right before he joined the battle in Melee. He brought his sword in Brawl, but doesn't use it. People tend to make fun of Ganondorf for this. Still didn't use the sword in Smash 4, but he finally gets his sword in Ultimate. However people didn't prepare for his sword doing excessive damage (what did you think would happen, dingus), and now the tourneyfags put him in bottom tier. (archive)
  • Pichu - Like Pikachu except every time it attacks, it hurts itself. Sakurai even makes note of this, saying he was intended to be the worst character in the game (somehow isn't). No one ever uses him unless they have no pride or dignity, even in Ultimate.
  • Roy - Exactly like Marth only his Neutral Special explodes. Added as viral marketing, was removed because he's not the newest Fire Emblem character any more. BAWWWW HE SUCKS IN HIS OWN GAME AND HAS NO TIPPER! Played by nobody in place of Marth.
  • Young Link - Do I even need to say it? Attacks are just shitty versions of normal Link's. Got major plastic surgery and now looks stupid. See Toon Link. Again, played by nobody, despite his buffs in Ultimate.
  • Dr. Mario - OH COME ON YOU'RE NOT EVEN FUCKING TRYING ANYMORE, SAKURAI. At least Sakurai had the fucking decency to remove him from the next game. On the plus side he can use his megavitamins to determine that they have pig aids. Brought back in Smash 4 and Ultimate, seems he lost his decency.

Also, Melee features an adventure mode where there's actual side-scrolling levels and shit to do besides knock people off of ledges and instead knock generic enemies offscreen (and knock people off of ledges). Final bosses include a fucked up version of the hand from the first game, and a giant mega-sized mutant version of Bowser who dies to Jigglypuff's ultimate ability, Rest, which kills everyone in the game ever but only if they're right next to it when it pulls off the move. Also introduces side specials, dodging, and by accident, wavedashing. With this game, the tourneyfags were satisfied, but the world wanted moar.

Super Smash Bros. Brawl

This page contains spoilers — important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example,
HOLY SHIT THE ANCIENT MINISTER IS ACTUALLY R.O.B. WHO WAS BEING MANIPULATED BY GANONDORF, WHO WAS BEING MANIPULATED BY MASTER HAND, WHO WAS BEING CONTROLLED BY TABUU!!!1
This page contains spoilers — important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example,
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT TABUU ALMOST BANS ALL THE OTHER CHARACTERS BY RROD'ING THEM INTO TROPHIES (again) BUT THEN SONIC COMES OUT OF NOWHERE AT THE LAST SECOND AND SAVES THE DAY!!!1
Typical scene from Super Smash Bros. Brawl, illustrating the line "The monkey wants to hug him" from the theme song.
Trophies are fun to collect.
The only thing Ivysaur is productive at doing in this game

Also known as the game that launched a million shitstorms. Rather than release information in a huge chunk near the game's release date, updates were slowly added every weekday at a mystical hour known as Japan Time, which is 1/0 AM EST. Updates ranged from absolutely epic to things such as "how to jump". When Hong Kong got their hands on the game a flood of leaks hit the tubes, supplying more exciting information in 24 hours than the entire year Dojo was up and running. Sakurai seemed to be using Brawl to express his hatred of anything related to the Mother series of games, from trolling the fans to shoving everything into two characters and one stage.

Before the release date, literally hundreds of shoops and unreliable claims were made about the size of the roster and which characters would occupy it. In the end, there were only 35 characters. Only four of the new characters weren't revealed during Japan Time, and three of them are clones. The original twelve from Super Smash Bros are still in, but some of them require to be unlocked for some unknown reason. Also returning are eight unlockable characters from Melee; Peach, Bowser, Zelda (and Sheik), Ganondorf, Marth, Falco, Mr. Game and Watch, and just to piss everyone off, the Ice Climbers. Thus leaving only the characters that nobody cares about or sucked too much. Other characters include:

Rooster

  • Zero Suit Samus - Finally, she can take her suit off. Briefly pissed off tourneyfags because they would have to use an item to get her until it was confirmed that YOU CAN START AS HER BY HOLDING DOWN BUTTONS. Pretty much the only reason tourneyfags pause the game. Snake approves to cover up his gayness. Played by rabid fappers, who constantly pause the fucking game to see DAT ASS. Not a very strong fighter, though people only use her cause most ppl that play this game are 20+ year old basement-dwelling virgins. Zero Suit Samus is now a separate playable character in the WiiU & 3DS version. You don't have to select Samus to play and fap to her. And she wears high-tech heels. Heels! Seriously?!
  • Wario - Mario's even more obese anti-hero counterpart. However, instead of being a Mario clone, he uses moves based on WarioWare. Therefore, fanboys of the game scream for another character from the game to be playable. Final smash: eats garlic, becomes a crossdresser (superhero?)
  • Ike - The tourneyfags will tell you that he is nothing more than n00b fodder, but they are just butthurt that the n00bs can easily beat a tourneyfag using him. That is because he is one of the best characters evar. No complicated techniques are required (unless you don't suck cock), just hit one of the three smash buttons near an opponent and watch them fly. He is one of the mains from the latest Fire Emblem, only he's a heavyweight this time. Shown being raped by Snake. The first new character to be revealed in Japan Time, but noone knew who the fuck he was because the Gamecube had no games. Was the most overused character in Wi-Fi matches, before the wi-fi got shut down. /v/ often takes note of the fact that he fights for his friends and one should prepare themselves not to expect any sympathy from him. Final smash: basically a roadie kick where he brings them into the air and pussy kicks them off the screen. He fights for his friends. Used to be played by way too fucking many people online.
  • Pokémon Trainer - Uses his Pokémon: Squirtle, Ivysaur, and Charizard. Those are actually who you play as. The trainer just stands there and issues commands like a pussy. This is because if he fought himself he'd get his ass kicked and get raped hard time, JUST LIKE IN THE GAMES. Final smash: one-way gang bang. Returns in Ultimate, and is no longer burdened by poorly designed mechanics.
    • Squirtle - A dog shit Pokémon. It's trademark sunglasses, along with some advanced techniques such as shellshitting make Squirtle a tourneyfag favorite. Like Mario, he enjoys squirting his water during matches.
    • Ivysaur - A blunt smokin' Pokémon. No-one had ever heard of this thing except as it relates to its unevolved form, Tom Green, and it's evolved form, Venasaur.
    • Charizard - A deep-throating Pokémon. Famous for disobedience and shooting panang curry out of its nostrils. It is said that if the flame on its tail ever goes out, it will become an hero. Played by everyone except tourneyfags because "HES WAY TOO FUCKING SLOW!!!!!!"
  • Diddy Kong - A freakin' pussy who chucks bananas and peanuts at people. He squeals and screams like a little schoolgirl because monkeys hit puberty at a much later age. He also has a move where he jumps on people's faces and forces them to please him. Final Smash: flies around on a jet pack shooting nuts out of small wooden cylinders. WHAT THE FUCK?
  • Meta Knight - Kirby's mysterious rival that looks just like Kirby under the mask. Turns off the lights and raeps people with his sword for his Final Smash. More importantly, he has created considerable drama by being so good a character that tourneyfags everywhere were calling for Meta Knight's ban from tournaments. After considerable uproar considering his "transcendent priority," and kept whining that they were getting pwned by him he was banned from some tournaments, then unbanned shortly before the game died. Played by trolls who enjoy pissing off tourneyfags.
  • Pikmin & Olimar - Midget on steroids. He's supposed to be two inches tall but knowing how much Sakurai loves to piss people off, resized him in order to fit. Also knowing that he'd get pwnd since he can't fight himself, he uses his nigger slaves "Pikmin" to do his dirty work for him. By throwing his slaves on to his opponents, they latch on and start furiously raping the person to death. Tourneyfags used to label him as bottom tier because they're butthurt that he can cancel all their cheap spikes by using his slaves to grab the edge and pwn.
  • Lucas - From Mother 3, a game Nintendo refuses to release outside of Japan mostly for the lulz. But there's a English patch released several years ago. Looks just like Eddie from Fisher-Price's Little People. Caused a shitstorm among Earthbound fans because they're all worried he'll replace Ness. Luckily for them, that didn't happen since Sakurai was held at gunpoint during the development of the game. In his character description it reads "the Japan-only game Mother 3." Sakurai is dangling him in front of them as if to say "HAHA YOU CAN'T HAVE THIS." Also, Sakurai uses pretty much every chance he gets to have Lucas abused in various ways because he enjoys trolling Earthbound fans the most since Earthbound is the reason Sakurai couldn't greenlight another SNES Kirby game before it died of old age. Though that Mother fanboy on Yoshilore, Mini-Moog, claims that Lucas was a needed character for the game. And as Sakurai is a massive troll to Mother fans, he has given Lucas both autism AND ADD, which is noticeable in the cutscene where he stares at empty space after nearly being pwned by a statue, meaning his friend Ness has to dive and save his blonde ass. For much the same reason as Ness, any Lucas player will ONLY play as Lucas. No point in using Lucas as Ness is just a better version of him.
  • Lucario - No, not a DBZ style fusion of Lucas and Wario. This completely original Pokémon replaced Mewtwo, which spawned a wave of hate amongst Mewtwo fans. This resulted in the butthurt Lucario fans trolling any post that was pro-Mewtwo (like that Lucario-obsessed faggot, Sir-Lucario on DeviantART). Like Ness and Jigglypuff, Lucario was accidentally revealed in actual Brawl footage. His Final Smash, the Marshmallow Power, is clearly NOT a ripoff of the Kamehameha wave from DBZ. Unleashes the FUCKING FURY when getting pwnt, but is very easy to kill at that point. Most of his fans have a fetish for his footpads. Played by furries, you, and noobs.
  • R.O.B. - Because Sakurai wanted to troll the living shit out of everybody. I NO AWESUM RITE? R.O.B. is a retarded character who is also the only console to ever appear as a playable fighter in any game. His plastic ass won't make the next game (which is what people said about Mr. Game & Watch in Melee, and we all know how that turned out). Played by trolls who like to piss off nostalgiafags.

The game is also somewhat notable for including two non-Nintendo characters in the roster.

Seriously, you could balance a plate of drinks on that thing.
GUAH! STUPID SEXY SNAKE!
  • Snake - Included mainly because Hideo Kojima begged Sakurai to put him in the game. His incredibly burly ass is a source of much hate amongst the tourneyfags, because he can win with just two moves (Up Tilt be ridiculous). Sakurai also made Snake hate Sonic in a Codec convo, thereby punching all the Sonic fantards in the dick.
  • Sonic - Confirmed at least 100 weeks after Snake was confirmed. Despite this news was of no surprise by anyone, bricks were still shat. This happened most notably, in the Brawl message boards on gamefags, otherwise known as the place that /b/ will become if cancer isn't stopped. Sonic's the name, speed's my game...The only line in Brawl not by a Nintendo character created by sheer faggotry. A favorite to compete against by Tourneyfags. And now with the Final Smash made by putting Sega, Namco, and Bandai in the same bed, yeey! Played by faggots who think spamming two attacks makes them good.

Sakurai said that there was supposed to be three non-Nintendo characters, but was too lazy to program another character so he said 'Fuck that shit' and decided not to put another character in, along with Geno.

Oh, and despite the fact that Sakurai said there would be no more clones, he added clones anyway to fill up the roster, and of course, to troll everyone.

  • Wolf - Sakurai, apparently, was being threatened by butthurt tourneyfags for having Fox nerfed. So in order to make the tourneyfags and the furries happy, he decided to make 2 clones of Fox, one of them being Wolf. He added Wolf, who just barely plays in his own style, and was also too fucking lazy to give him a unique B-moveset and Final Smash since you can never have enough LANDMASTER!!!

Final Smash

In the first two games, Captain Falcon had an unfair advantage due to the ownage that is the Falcon Pouawnch. Because of this, Sarukai gave all of the characters a move known as a Final Smash into Brawl in order to level the playing field. Captain Falcon is worse than everyone else, though, if you believe a certain group of players...

  • Mario Finale (a.k.a. Mario Flamer) - Mario's Final Smash. Mario launches large fireballs that burn everyone in their path. Basically it's Mario's "Fireball" attack with moar power.
  • Negative Zone (a.k.a. Za Warudo) - Luigi’s Final Smash. Luigi inverts (and starts seeing) colors by swallowing hallucinogenic mushrooms, but instead of WRYYYYYYYing, he makes everyone retarded.
  • Peach Blossom (a.k.a. Unfunny) - Peach’s Final Smash. Probably the most shitty final smash in the game. Peach puts everyone to sleep and grows peaches. Get it? Her name is Peach, and she drops peaches. Are I lulz yet?
  • Giga Bowser (a.k.a. Steroids) - Bowser’s Final Smash. Bowser turns into a scary motherfucker that will fuck you up bad. No matter how much you hit him, he won't budge an inch, and will just kill you. Throwing a smart bomb at him will completely freeze him, while still getting massive amounts of damage, causing the user to go soaring off of the stage when the final smash is over.
  • Konga Beat (a.k.a Kongrolled) - Donkey Kong’s Final Smash. DK Kongrolls everyone with the DK Country theme song. He uses the shitty Konga Drums from his awful games that no one played.
  • Rocketbarrel Barrage (a.k.a. LOLWUT) - Diddy Kong’s Final Smash. Diddy flies around with barrels and shoots peanuts at people. Seriously? Is that it? All he can shoot are fucking peanuts? Not like a gun or something? And since when can barrels help you fly? Pretty ironic considering Diddy can’t even use them to do a barrel roll.
  • Super Dragon (a.k.a. Fuck You, I’m a Dragon!) - Yoshi’s Final Smash. Yoshi grows wings and breathes fire. ... Okay, why are you still reading? I’m done describing it. ... I don’t have to put a joke on every single one, you know.
  • Wario-Man (a.k.a. Purple Spandex) - Wario’s Final Smash. Wario picks his nose and he enters the fat lulzy Wario-Man suit. get's a cape and runs around protected in the suit without being able to get hurt. His moves help him float around, making him even funnier. Wario also has this lulzy ability to make a giant fart and stink. he does it for the lulz.
  • Beast Ganon (a.k.a. Furfag) - Ganondorf’s Final Smash. Instead of turning into the cool Ganon from Ocarina of Time and letting you control him, Ganondorf turns into a furry as he did in Twilight Princess and tries to rape people. His big furry cock knocks them right off the screen.
  • Zero Laser (a.k.a. SHOOP DA WHOOP!!!) - Samus' Final Smash. Samus charges her laser and shoops the motherfuckin’ whoop out of everyone. It is the second closest move to pure win in the game, right next to the almighty Falcon Punch. It also causes her to take her suit off.
  • Power Suit Samus (a.k.a. IT’S MORPHIN’ TIME!!!) - Zero Suit Samus’ Final Smash. Zero Suit Samus regains her Power Suit. Sure, this move sucks people in and kills them if they have enough damage, but the main point of this move is to shoop more whoop the next time you get a Smash Ball.
  • Palutena’s Army (a.k.a. Mystic Gangbang) - Pit’s Final Smash. Pit calls Palutena, the hottest goddess around, and she in turn calls the Centurions to attack the opponents. The Centurions have bows, but they don’t use them. WTF is the point of carrying them, then?
  • Iceberg (a.k.a. Big Fucking Ice Cube) - Ice Climbers’ Final Smash. The Ice Climbers summon a big Iceberg that hurts everyone that touches it. It is as hard as fuck to get to other people to fight. It’s also very uncreative. Oh, Ice Climbers summon a large block of ice? Really? Interesting! It’s just as creative as Link’s Triforce Slash! You thought I forgot about that, didn’t you? Well, you were wrong!
  • Chef (a.k.a Vore) - Kirby’s Final Smash. Kirby puts everyone in a pot and cooks them. He makes new shit come out when he’s done. It’s not that exciting.
  • Galaxia Darkness (a.k.a. Rape Cape) - Meta Knight’s Final Smash. Meta Knight swings his cape at people, takes them into the air, and rapes them. It has a really short range, and you can lololololololololol at your friends if they miss you with it because it will happen a lot.
  • Waddle Dee Army (a.k.a. Orgy) - King Dedede’s Final Smash. Dedede summons Waddle Dees, Waddle Doos, and Gordos to attack everyone while dancing as a disco reject. This attack is hit and miss. Sometimes it will own everyone, and sometimes everyone will get away. No matter what, one thing is for sure: Dedede is a lazy piece of shit and a fat fuck. Can crash the game if you use it on many sandbags and Icies.
  • End of Day (a.k.a. Shit sucks, I'm getting outta here) - Olimar’s Final Smash. Olimar calls his spaceship to pick him up and orbit the planet so the big scary monsters that come out at night don’t eat him but eat everyone else. Then he hits someone with the ship on the way down. Basically he does what the Challenger did, but on purpose and with better results that pwn the shit out of everyone.
  • Landmaster (a.k.a. Road Roller Da) - Fox’s, Falco’s, and Wolf’s Final smash. Easily the most EPIC Final Smash in the game (next to Za Warudo, of course). Personifies the crappiness of clones in Brawl by being Fox, Falco (who personally prefers the air) and Wolf's Final Smash. Sakurai had a chance to give Falco a different machine, but instead chose to fap to pictures of King Dedede. Originally intended to be the second part of Weegee's Final Smash, but you'll have to settle for yelling WRYYYYYYYYYYYYY IRL while you just uppercut everyone.
  • Blue Falcon (a.k.a. Not a Falcon Punch) - Captain Falcon’s Final Smash. Falcon calls his racer, the Blue Falcon, to hit the opponent, transporting them to a race track, where the douche bag hits the opponent again. Did I mention this attack isn’t Falcon Punch? I cannot stress that enough. Instead of the awesome divide-by-zero Falcon Punch he delivered to the Black Shadow that nearly destroyed the galaxy, he hits them with a car. Did he run over a dog one day and say, “Hey, that fucked him up pretty good! I’m gonna use that move in the next Smash Bros. game!”? Wouldn't you like to see your most hated character get face-raeped by a burning falcon? NOTE: Hackers have, in fact, get on the job. It's not perfect, but it's a start...
  • Volt Tackle (a.k.a. CHUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!) - Pikachu’s Final Smash. Pikachu transforms into a ball of energy that rushes around the stage. If you touch him, it will burn off your ass hairs. Protip: Don’t touch him.
  • Triple Finish (a.k.a. IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE!!!) - Pokémon Trainer’s Final Smash. Pokémon Trainer calls Squirtle, Ivysaur, and Charizard onto the battlefield to blast everyone's ass away with Hydro Pump, Solar Beam, and Fire Blast.
  • Critical Hit (a.k.a. Bleepbleepbleepbleep!) - Marth’s Final Smash. Marth dashes at the enemy, hit them with his sword, apparently depleting the health bar that is just added for no reason, and K.O.s them. Be the fuck careful not to use this on level 9 computers because they'll spot dodge it and you'll fuck yourself. Protip: Move and health meter are throwbacks to the original Fire Emblem, where Marth would have a random chance of twirling his sword like a faggot and raping the shit out of his opponent. Nobody knows that, though, because they're not retarded enough to use Marth in battle.
  • Great Aether (a.k.a. Pyromaniac) - Ike’s Final Smash. Ike swings his sword at the enemy, launching them into the air, where he finishes them off with a fiery combo. He does this for his friends, apparently.
  • PK Starstorm (a.k.a. PK Shitstorm) - Ness’ and Lucas’ Final Smash. Ness or Lucas yells, “PK STAAAARSTOOOOOOOOOOOORM!!!” and the sky falls down! It is easy to avoid. Ness and Lucas never even learned PK Starstorm on their games, so why can they use it in Brawl? This was addressed in a later game.
  • Octopus (a.k.a. Tentacle Rape) - Mr. Game & Watch’s Final Smash. Mr. Game & Watch turns into a giant octopus and raeps the enemy with his tentacles. He rapes them because he is black. OCTOPUS! HOW DID I GET HERE?
  • Grenade Launcher (a.k.a. Sniper) - Snake’s Final Smash. Snake jumps into the air onto a lollercopter and shoots grenades at people. Fun fact: Snake does not in fact say, “Surprise, cockfags!” when he performs his Final Smash. But he should. He totally should.
  • Super Sonic (a.k.a. Super Saiyan 8) - Sonic’s Final Smash. Sonic uses the Chaos Emeralds to turn into an ultrafurfag, not to be confused with a megafurfag, and flies around, fucking shit up. Since he evolved to the strongest form of furry faggatory there is, this attack is really strong, and you should really avoid it.
    Sorry, Piggy. R.O.B. got in instead.

Potential Fighters

  • Guinea Pig - Unfortunately, this guinea pig didn't make it into the game. He was strongly considered though.
  • Krystal - Why was she so badly wanted in this game, aside from the fact that she provides big-time furry fanservice?! She sucks! Literally!
  • Hector - A Fire Emblem character from the first internationally-released game in the series, known for having anger management issues. Also a heavy character, as if we don't have any of those already. Then again, nobody outside of Japan cares who he is, because noone knows about Fire Emblem unless they're playing Smash Bros.
  • Lyn - Fire Emblem's version of every generic anime girl with a sword. Emblemfags wanted her to be playable for being the first female Lord character in an international release. Not included due to there already being a speedy FE character, and to make room for more gay. Strangely enough, fans of Fire Emblem only wanted the co-stars of the first international game to be playable instead of Hector or Eliwood, the game's REAL main characters. This is because Fire Emblem fans only use characters who have the highest average stats, even if that character has no personality. To be honest, nobody would have noticed the difference between she replaced Marth.
  • Mudkip - Oh come on, EVERYBODY wanted to play as Mudkip. Not included due to the fact that he'd be grossly overused. The real reason was to troll all the people who would have lieked to have played mudkips.
  • Geno - The best candidate for a Super Smash Bros. game, Geno was even mentioned in Sakurai's journal. Throw in the fact that he was the favorite character from Super Mario RPG and a fan-favorite of Nintendo and Square fans everywhere, he's without a doubt a character that should've gotten into Brawl. However, Square is too much of a pussy to let Nintendo use a character that they plan to use someday. Some argue he was simply left out to pwn all the Geno fanboys. Go to a Geno Fanboy video and tell them he looks like Pinnochio for major lulz. Geno has been cucked out of every game since, despite Square softning up to Nintendo and allowing Sephiroth and Cloud in.
  • Vivian - That one shadow-freaky lady from Paper Mario and the thousand year door. People just wanted her in because she can rape the other guys in the game like how she raped Mario.
  • Merchant - Not in the game because of how much he would own.
  • Dimentio - Flaming gay magician/batshit cultist from a shit Mario game nobody played. Nobody cares about him except his fangirls.

Assist Trophies

In Brawl, there is an item called an Assist Trophy containing various characters that didn't make the final cut to be playable like Lyn and Shadow to make fanboys baww. They work like the Pokéballs as items that either make you or your opponent rage as a random character appears and does things to annoy tourney fags and all your friends

  • Waluigi - Wario's ugly-ass brother. Since he has no useful moves of his own, he just runs around kicking people into the dirt and hitting them with a tennis racket.
  • Shadow - Put in to slightly please butthurt Sonic fans. Slows down time while looking constipated.
  • Hammer Bro - same shit as in the story mode. Throws hammers that aren't hard to avoid.
  • Tingle - That creepy fuck that makes maps and dresses like a fairy appears and makes random shit happen like spawning a ton of balloons or hammers
  • Advanced Wars - sprite tanks and infantry from said game proceed to death march all over everyone and off the side of the stage
  • The Devil - A blue Midget Satan appears in a red thong and proceeds to piss everyone off by moving the camera all over the place. It should be noted that he does this by pelvic thrusting and other disturbing actions. And he's always in the middle of your screen. Comes from the game that Yoshi was inspired from.
  • Nintendog - A totally kawaii puppy appears and blocks the screen begging you to release it from its tv prison.
  • Grey Fox - The Cyborg Ninja from Metal Gear appears to run around flailing his katana.
  • Excite Bike - A bunch of sprite asshole bikers arrives so you can check out their sweet rides. Then they become an hero like the advance war guys.
  • Saki - Some faggot from a Japanese Nintendo game nobody has ever heard of appears and runs around shooting and stabbing.
  • Andross - The blocky Polygon face from Star Fox appears and starts puking up squares at the stage that are a bitch to avoid.
  • Samurai Goroh - Captain Falcon's angry rival goes apeshit with a katana, you know, I've noticed a theme of the assists running around swinging swords. Also owns a pink race car.
  • Mr.Resetti - That angry mole from animal crossing that yells at you for not saving appears and bitches about how much you suck.
  • Little Mac - The guy who pwned Mike Tyson appears and punches people. Well known for jumping off the stage.
  • Lyn - Chick from Fire Emblem. Crouches and then proceeds to pick a random player and chop their balls off.
  • Metroid - A Metroid appears and face fucks the nearest enemy.
  • Dr.Wright - Makes a bunch of buildings appear out of nowhere knocking people into the sky. Although he sucks ass because it takes him so long to get his thumb out of his ass that people can easily move out of the way before he attacks.
  • Knuckle Joe - Because there weren't enough Kirby characters in this game, Knuckle Joe from Kirby Superstar appears and starts beating the shit out of everyone. He can do kamehameha blasts too.
  • Starfy - A star thing that is, " omg Super Kawaii ^_^ ." Is complete shit and is the only trophy you can kill yourself.
  • Barbara - Some random girl from a Japanese music game nobody has ever heard of and does basically the same thing as Donkey Kong's final smash, but with a guitar!

The Forbidden Seven

Soon after Brawl was released, some expert hackers found encoded data for seven characters, referred to as the "Forbidden Seven" that didn't make it onto the final roster because Sakurai was too lazy to finish them before the release date. These characters are:

As soon as it was discovered that Mewtwo and Roy were planned, all casualfags cried their eyes out. Everyone else was just moderately disappointed that Sakurai didn't finish adding the extra characters as he should have. The hackers tried to swap out current characters with the seven but got mostly nowhere because the data for these characters was incomplete, with only Mewtwo, Roy, and Dr. Mario working.

[to this on why Pra_Mai likely wasn't Plusle and Minun.]

Tabuu

The ultimate troll of the Subspace. He is the most powerful boss in the game. Basically think of him as the Anon of the Smash world, but with bots instead of a legion.

The Entire Subspace Plot in 5 seconds

A bunch of shit happens that is equal to that of some fag writing his own fanfic and throws every character known to man in it for one giant pile of steaming fail.

Online Play

One of the most notable features of Brawl is supposedly the ability to play over the Internets. One (supposedly) can play either "With Friends" in which you play with fellow basement dwellers that you obtain a special number from, or "With Anyone" in which you play with others in anonymity. Unfortunately, this is usually impossible because there is so much LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAG, which lead to Ike being the best character in the game. Trolling in such settings is extremely limited, though a good way is to taunt repeatedly for the entire match, especially with Pit, Sonic, Marth, or Captain Falcon. Taking this further, if one is actually good enough, beat them a few rounds beforehand. This will really piss off the tourneyfags, as they'll begin to think that you're convinced they're beneath your notice, thus dealing a grievous blow to their pride.

Typical Online in Brawl

Brawl's online gameplay encourages fighting and is openly racist to internet connections everywhere. Even good connections cannot prevail against the evil that is Nintendo. Once you reset your modem out of mild frustration, you have to wait for a good 20 to 50 minutes to connect, at which then Nintendo will surrender you your at least 100 digit identification code.

If you still have the balls to venture further into this pool of fail, you must overcome the challenge of getting to the selecting character screen and selecting your character before Nintendo unleashes the banhammer on you and throws you off their servers. If you managed to survive, you'll enter a small testing room where you must wait a good hour or 2 before another player shows up because you aren't the only one Nintendo is after. Once another player gets through Nintendo's bannings, prepare for the ultimate lagfest. Also, you won't know the name of the person you are fighting and you can't do anything like adding them as a friend because Nintendo hates fun. Anyway, The chances of you finishing the match are quite slim, as Nintendo is still out to ban you and the lag makes things unbearable, even for the biggest Nintendo fantard fuckup. You can expect these results from both "With Friends" or "With Anyone" modes, the only difference is that in With Friends mode you must enter 100 digit codes of your friends and wait a few days before the server finally realizes it's supposed to do something and register that person your friend. By the time you're done with dealing with all that shit, you finally realize there's nothing in it for you. Even if you are lucky enough by the extremely small chance to overcome Nintendo's evil friend roster, the banhammer, and lagfuck storms, you will be disappointed to see that everybody online is 50% tourneyfags that play this shit all day and thus far better than you, and the other 50% are douches who sit around and goof off the entire match.

tl;dr: In summary, Brawl's Online is pure fail. Only use it as a Final Solution.

Wi-fi's dead now.

Trolling in Brawl

Trolling on Brawl was extremely easy, it's like passing seventh-grade art, even if your work is shitty. If you somehow make it across Nintendo's wifi of death, there's always a way to squeeze some lulz out of the matches before you randomly disconnect.

  • Stand still the entire match while spamming a bunch of taunts like a retard. Be prepared for angry fanboys to come after you. If you did this right you will get to watch how you somehow managed to win the match anyway.
  • Pick the same character somebody's already been using repeatedly and rape them with it. Do this in multiple groups so other people know that person got owned by their own main also.
  • Set all items on high and use them the entire time.
  • Get 1 or 2 people to alliance with you and attack the remaining tourneyfag.
  • Pick gimmicky stages.
  • Pick someone like Bowser, Zero Suit Samus, or Wario and from behind someone tilt down the control stick quickly.
  • Use an obnoxiously loud move the entire match (Pokémon Trainer and Pikachu's down specials, all of Dedede's taunts..)
  • Use an obnoxiously loud item the entire match (All of the bombs.)
  • Set the time limit or stocks to 99, or just fuck up the options between matches entirely.
  • Use overused memes as taunts such as no u.
  • Make somebody else's main look bad by playing as them and then acting retarded. Steal their nickname also.
  • Constantly end the match as soon as it starts.
  • ???

Other ways to troll offline or online *Kirby 1. Stand on the corner of stage 2. Wait for player to approach you, then absorb player and jump off the stage 3. You can either spit the player and come back flying or become an hero *DK 1. Choose DK 2. Grab player with ‘Z’ 3. Jump off the stage and become an hero

Features

"Screw it. Let's just hire the first applicant and call it a day."

The game features a new adventure mode that totally isn't ripping off Kingdom Hearts (coincidentally X Play says this)(interesting note the story is written by the same guy so he is just a lazy fuck) and all sorts of features that seem to exist purely to piss off tourneyfags, including a lack of wavedashing. GG, Sakurai. There's also Pokéball-like items called Assist Trophies that summon the aid of characters not awesome enough to be playable. Another new addition is "Final smashes", which are to Smash Bros. as super moves are to regular fighting games. There's a shitstorm generated just about every day for some reason or another. Some examples include:

  • New Pork City because it has a one-hit-killing monstrosity lurking about. It also revealed that POKEY MINCH FROM EARTHBOUND IS IN MOTHER 3 AND IS THE MAIN VILLAIN AND QUITE OLD SINCE TIME TRAVEL DETERIORATED HIS BODY AND TURNED HIM INTO PORKY OMFG SPOILERS because people actually had a shred of hope Nintendo would bring the game over to America.
  • Pretty much every "how to play" update, for obvious reasons.
  • Samus taking her suit off, and showing the only booty tourneyfags ever have a chance of getting.
  • Any update that is something already confirmed in a trailer.
  • Any update that is something already confirmed in the demo.
  • Any update that is an item.
  • Knuckle Joe Assist Trophy, but only because the update after his was late.
  • Devil Assist Trophy, because he makes the whole level move and because OMG DEVIL WORLD CHARACTER IN US NINTENDO GAME WTF.
  • Any non-adventure-mode game mode update.
  • Any character update that isn't Captain Falcon or Jigglypuff.
  • Marth looking even gayer than before.
  • Any update at all.
  • No update at all.

Sonic the Hedgehog

The Sonic fanbase was so desperate for their beloved character to show up, a flood of photoshops such as this appeared prior to his newcumer confirmation.
Zero Suit Samus, everyone's favorite butterface, pointing out the pixels.

Sonic was confirmed on October 10, 2007, Sakurai's attempt to outdo the release of the Orange Box [Valve's latest installment of Half-Life 2: Episode 2, Portal, and Team Fortress 2]. Before Sonic was confirmed, all the retarded Sonic fanboys and fangirls were constantly discussing how awesome it would be that Sonic would be in Brawl. Going so far as creating stupid photoshops of the released trailer and claiming it as "evidence" that Sonic would be in the latest installment. Nothing could be sweeter than the suicidal cry of an entire fanbase when they realize their beloved video game character had been denied entry in their favorite cross-over fighting game, much like when Electronic Gaming Monthly magazine made an April Fool's joke in 2002 stating Sonic and Tails were unlockable characters; Unfortunately, the Sonic fans were actually right in their theories of Sonic appearing in Brawl.

Sonic's confirmation as a newcomer was paraded by his quasi-retarded fanbase, whereas the sane part of humanity thought that it was just an interesting update among all the shitty "assist trophy" and "sticker collection" bullshit updates. Making Brawl the most likely non-sucky video game featuring Sonic since the old side-scrollers, because every 3-D game ever produced by Sonic Team after Sonic Adventure is clearly insta-fail. Although now confirmed, we can still have lulz at all the shit the fanbase tried to pull off.

Sakurai, being the sneaky bastard ninja that he is, quietly changed the release date from December 3rd, 2007, to February 10th, 2008 in the midst of the fagfest from Sonic. Eventually, someone found out and the intertubes BAWWWED for the whole day, creating truckloads of lulz.

Wacky Japanese Leak

On January 21st, a disgruntled Nintendo employee took it upon himself to exact revenge upon Sakurai and his weeks of shitty updates, and edited a video which contained evidence of Ness, Jigglypuff, and Lucario. This news caused the collective internets to shit bricks and the amount of lulz skyrocketed to unknown levels. Feeling butthurt, Sakurai tried to delete fucking everything and remove said evidence, but unfortunately, it was too late since it leaked all over the internets and now everyone knows. Sakurai fails at keeping things secret.

  • so i herd u liek to play as mudkip?
    so i herd u liek to play as mudkip?

Also, before those icons were blocked, Mudkip was seen, and everyone lieked it.

Falcawn...PAWNCH!

As if there was any doubt, Captain Falcon is in this installment, doing what he does best. (Black Shadow not included)

Captain Falcon also sports his energy drink that can make you punch harder than any anal rapeshit Smash attack.

Awesome glitch that makes Captain Falcon actually useful. (Brawl)

Previous Video | Next Video

MOAR DELAY!

Never forget.

Brawl was delayed further until March 9th, which caused just about everyone to slit their wrists. (Yeah, that's right. It was delayed TWICE.) Much BAWWWWWWWWWing occurred including one retard on GameFAQs threatening to become an hero. Fans think this will allow the development team to program Mega Man into the game, however, people forget to realize that it takes more than a week to create a character. Also, people don't realize that any and all characters would have been finalized in the game at least a year ago while still in development.

Sakurai's Revenge

Sakurai giving the finger to tourneyfags on the December 3 update.

After Super Smash Bros. Melee gained a huge tournament crowd, Sakurai finally became aware of the menace that is the tourneyfag. Seeing them fag up his work really pissed him off, and while he was busy fucking around with Earthbound fans, he nobly laid out a series of epic plans to get rid of them once and for all. These included:

  • Final Smashes, a new super-powered attack that can only be used by turning on the Smash Ball item. Since tourneyfags don't use items, they were kind of pissed.
  • Their amount of anger at Final Smashes was doubled when it was revealed that the promising new character ZSS could "only be used" by turning on an item. The faggots failed to realize that

this was a lie, and you can play as ZSS by holding down some buttons at the start of the match.

  • Special Brawl, a feature in which you can play with a lot of different options (such as having the Lip's Stick flower be on your head at all times, or always be metal or some combination of effects). Tourneyfags haet options.
  • Most of the time stickers, and rarely CDs, appear in a match as a pick-up-able item, these items will always appear no matter if items are turned off or not, tourneyfags are really pissed at this fact even if they don't do anything worth shit in an actual match.
  • Bringing back stages in Melee that were previously banned by tourneyfags.
  • The development team nerfed Fox, making furfags and tourneyfags alike pissed.
  • To top that off, Bowser had gone from the shittiest character to supposedly one of the best characters in the game (Nevermind). In fact, Wario is the best character in the game, bar none. Meta Knight supposedly kicks ass too, but this is actually a lie created by Nazis.
  • Characters trip if they dash around like faggots. Also, if one tourneyfag is winning in a match, he will trip moar often than the one that's losing.
  • And the biggest win of all: WAVEDASHING REMOVED. However, some huge tourneyfag ruined everything by hacking the game to allow wavedashing once again. We all saw it coming. [2]

Thanks to Sakurai's brilliant plans to eradicate the tourneyfag menace, tourneyfags are bawwing over how their precious game was 'ruined' and turning on each other like wolves. Some, like Dylan Tnga, believe that no game will ever replace Melee in the hearts of tourneyfags. Others are trying to regroup and tourneyfag up Brawl by trying to make shit IN THE DEMO like "the ink drop". Little do those tourneyfags know, the ink drop actually seems to be intentionally programmed, and if it's not a glitch then they will be unable to use it.

Review-based Drama

THE BEST REVIEW EVAR (BRAWL GETS 2 STARS OUT OF 4)

Most likely the result of a Sony zealot, "Tim Rogers" made a shitacular, trolling, tl;dr "review" on Brawl that caused quite a semi-lulzworthy shitstorms on SWF. Not being able to understand "Nintendo", Tim Rogers attempted to give an honest review on the "biggest little dollop of gruel yet slopped on the lunch tray of gamerkind." Lulz.

Some quotes from his commenters for extra lulz:

   
“ 		 
"Mario: the fauna of the toad kingdom, is ok inside his kingdom. please don’t bring these animals for others things. make some miracle happens, that transform the toads people into more natural people. is time to replace Mario with Mario jr, the son of Mario. edgier and cooler, fan of punk and skate. also make the girls sexy, or you will end up planting some massive sexual disorder associated with toons, into humanity. Zelda cast, and fire emblem cast: what hideous clothes. please be creative. antique style clothing can be made cool. starfox cast: my god, remove from the world this disaster. donkey kong cast: cant stand these grotesque creatures. they almos make me cry when they appear in games.

back to ssbb, don’t like this game. the gameplay has too much fat. i would instead play www.soldat.pl."
 

„
  		 

—walkskull, [lol wut?]

   
“ 		 
"yeah. nintendo characters . . . really aren’t very good cartoon characters."
  		„
  		 

—108, [Oldie, but a good comparison: i think nintendo is a pretty cool guy. eh stomps goombas and doesn't afraid of anything.]

   
“ 		 
"but seriously though, i’m hard pressed to call this a fighting game.

it’s more like…cartoon battle royale wrestling.

are wrestling games considered fighting games? or are they sports games? does it matter?"
 

„
  		 

—iwontusemyname

You Can't Spell Ignorance without IGN?

Events reminiscent of Jeff Gerstmann's notorious 8.8 reviews of Zelda: Twilight Princess has occurred once again, as IGN gives a OMG HORRIBLE rating of 9.5/10 to Brawl. While any normal person would say "Hey, that's a high rating, I bet this game will be great", many of the game's basement-dwelling fantards went batshit insane that the game didn't receive a perfect 10/10, much like a Halo nerd. However, it probably deserves much less, anyway.

Zero Punctuation

While the above reviews may have ruffled the feathers of Brawl fanboys somewhat, no reviews really disturbed them enough to spark an outrage - until the much anticipated Zero Punctuation review, that is. As was expected by any frequent viewers of the The Escapist's "Zero Punctuation" segment that had half a brain, SSBB was hanged, drawn, and quartered by reviewer Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw. Needless to say, drama, butthurt, and rampant fanboyism followed. For more, see the Zero Punctuation article.

Brawl's Closed Due To Dust and Fail

At last, March 9th came, and so did the collective Internets. As thousands of basement dwellers rushed home to play their shiny new game, a few found that for some reason, their Wiis failed to read the disk, and commenced to BAWWWWWW as they had been since The Great Shitstorm of '08. Nintendo claimed that some Wiis were simply due to either dust collecting on the lens or because it couldn't handle the massive amounts of data on the 2-layered DVD disk. Nintendo, probably experiencing a case of troll's remorse, offered to repair people's Wiis for free and return them in a week's time. Many lulz were had by those whose Wiis didn't fail.

(P.S. Toad isn't playable because he's too gay for even this piece of shit game.)

Super Smash Bros. for Nintendo 3DS and Wii U

The fourth installment of the series, SSB4 pissed up a lot of by coming out on two platforms: Nintendo 3DS and Wii U. This caused outrage among fans even though Nintendo clarified that the only differences between the games is that they will have different stages (the stages on the WiiU version being shit compared to n3DS) and that each one will feature a new multiplayer game mode: *Smash Run (3DS) - The only mode worth playing. Players gather stats for 5 minutes and then fight in a random challenge. Was advertised as the biggest feature in SSB4 and then scrapped from the WiiU so that SSBfags would have the buy the shittier 3DS version and a 3DS. *8 Player Smash (WiiU) - Allows 8 players to fight in a clusterfuck Slide Show. *Smash Tour (WiiU) - A lot like Mario Party, but without the fun and annoying powerups.

Nintendo also made Amiibo figurines compatible with the game, but these are so scare and expensive that only nerds would buy them. Mewtwo is a DLC character given to those stupid enough to buy both versions of SSB4.

SSB4's amazing new AI

SSB4 tries to bring something new to the franchise by removing the Subspace Emissary/Story Mode, Stickers and fucking up the stage editor. The game promises however to innovate the multiplayer aspect but fails. The biggest innovation in SSB4 is that each character now has 12 special moves (which are basically 3 variations on the basic moves, except for Palutena) that cannot be used in multiplayer. The series features new and unique newcomers like:

Super Smash Bros.

Gameplay of Lucina in Multi-Man Smash.

Not satisfied with how much he had butthurt all of the tourneyfags, Sakurai decided to start on 2 new Super Smash Bros. games for the new Nintendo systems. All new fighters announced are as follows...

  • Villager - Pretty much the most batshit crazy motherfucker you'll fight. An ordinary villager from the game Animal Crossing at a first glance, this psychopathic bastard will water plants and give zero fucks until you let your guard down long enough for him to slice off your head with his ax and bury your remains with his shovel. Do not fuck with him. Ever.
  • Wii Fit Trainer - Okay, go to DeviantArt and look up "Wii Fit Trainer Smash Bros." and see what comes up. Hawt pr0n, right? Anyways, shes a generic white female, but she kicks ass by being in shape and stuff. Originally thought to be put in the game because of a lack of female characters in the Nintendo canon, we now know that's not true because you can play as Wii Fit Trainer as a guy. Way to go, Sakurai! Oh and many "fans" were massively butthurtz at the announcement of WFT's inclusion in this game!
  • Megaman - Even though Megaman sucks now, Capcom fanboys wouldn't stop bitching so now he's in the fucking game. When the announcement was first made, everyone flipped shit and thought of all the possibilities for moves, but that shortly changed after everyone realized how awesome the next two fighters would be...
  • Rosalina & Luma - Put in to simultaneously please newer Super Mario fans AND to piss off the Daisy fanbase, Rosalina of Super Mario Galaxy fame uses her "Lumas" to fuck shit up and is more of a bad bitch then Peach ever will be! She can attack you with Lumas from nearby or far away, so expect a lot of butthurt from your opponents if you use her. She is most effective against Mariotehplumber. Did I mention fuck Daisy?
  • Little Mac- Oh shit! This nigga here graduated from Assist Trophy to a playable character. Fast as fuck and will knock you the fuck out when his KO meter gets full. And when he goes Super Saiyan Giga Mac, run like hell bitches. Pretty much the only fighter that people use the only problem is that he's got no air game but then again we all can't be perfect like Meta Knight can we?
  • Charizard - Had enough of Pokemon Trainer's shit and went solo as a separate playable character. This was most likely done because only tourneyfags used the other two pokemons in Brawl.
  • Greninja - First off, what the fuck is a Greninja? Oh and it goes without saying that many Mewtwo fans were PISSED that Greninja was put in the game and not him alongside Charizard who returns from Brawl! Oh and to rub more salt in the wound, Mewtwo's blue furfag looking clone Lucario from Brawl is back as well.
  • Mii Fighters - Holy shit, you can add your Mii into Smash. You can be a martial artist, a swordsman, or wreck shit with your handcannon. Problem is that you can't play your Miis in "With Anyone" mode since Sakurai doesn't want any controversy bullshit.
  • Palutena - Pit's Patron Goddess enters the realm of mortals to kick ass! She's has a shitload of moves including a speed-up that leaves Sonic in the dust (Who's "too slow" now, bitch?) and a black hole/laser Final Smash. As we speak, artists are slaving away in adding Palutena in the great SSS Sapphic Orgy.
  • Pac-Man - Holy Fuck, he's finally in! The Cherry Chasing Dot Muncher can shift between old-school and recent looks, summon ghosts to do his bidding, fuck everyone's shit up with fire hydrant, and goes "Super Pac" on everyone's asses. Old and new school videogamers will jizz in their pants as they use the 4 legendary platformers in battle.
  • Robin - The player avatar from Fire Emblem Awakening. With his/her Thunder Sword and spellbook, he/she can be dangerous. Useless as fuck once he/she losses his/her book. Yes, I said him/her because you can choose a gender.
  • Lucina - Basically female Marth with tits, no tipper and fresh meat for the Super Smash Sisters Sapphic Saturnalia. Same moveset as Marth as well.
  • Shulk - I'M REALLY FEELING IT! Before you even ask, it's not She-Hulk. It's some RPG teen main character with a magic sword that gives him precog abilities.
  • Bowser Jr. Secret Character in 3DS version - The Koopa spawn everyone loves to hate is in Smash. Thankfully you can also play as his siblings even if they are skins. LOL THEY WERE NEVER BOWSER'S KIDS AND SUCK COCK! Press up B to an hero and take your enemies with you.
  • Dark Pit Secret Character - He was just going to be an alternate outfit for Pit as he should have been, but Sakurai thought it was a good idea to let him get his own slot, even though he has the exact same moves as Pit. Nothing more than an edgy recolor that looks like he came straight out of deviantART.
  • Duck Hunt Secret Character - Remember him? Think back to the mid-80s. You're sitting in your parent's living room on Christmas morning, and you've just unwrapped a new Nintendo Entertainment System, and it even includes Duck Hunt! You immediately begin to play, but for some reason you can't seem to hit any of the ducks that appear. Then, Satan himself appears from behind the fucking bushes, he points straight into your soul, and he laughs. He laughs a cold, heartless laugh that penetrates your very heart. Now, the tables are turned, and you can finally take out your revenge on that mutt bastard in such a way that would make Michael Vick proud.

Smash 4: Returning Characters From Melee

  • Dr. Mario Secret Character - Self-explanatory, it's just Mario in a doctor outfit. Has the Tornado attack back to please the Mario fags.
  • Mewtwo DLC - All the Mewtwo fags are happy!! Oh, it's DLC? We have to own both the Wii U and 3DS versions? Thanks a lot!
  • Roy DLC - Melee fags wouldn't stop crying about Roy not being in the game and supposedly being replaced by Roy the koopa. Sakurai then shuts up the melee basement dwellers by giving them Roy. Ironically he's now stronger than his transsexual counterpart.

Smash 4: Returning Characters From Brawl

  • Lucas DLC - HA HA HA OH WOW! Sakurai really brought him back. Still a weaker Ness so he's basically useless. Though that Up Smash will rape you....

Smash 4: Newcomer DLC fighters:

  • Ryu - Of all the fighters Sakurai brings this guy in Smash. Ironically requires more skills than he does in his own game series
  • Cloud - OH SHIT! You got Cloud Strife, Sakurai?! And the nigga ain't ever set foot on a Nintendo console! Or is it because of the Final Fantasy VII Remake hype and he's a special guest like Solid Snake in Brawl?
  • Corrin - The faggot from the new Fire Emblem Fates game. As if Smash needed ANOTHER homo-looking Fire Emblem character that won't see any play at all.
  • Bayonetta - HOLYSHITFUCKMYDICKSIDEWAYSJKHGFDUIOUNB<BM HVCFDYRTUYIUIJHBJVHGFYT! Ahem...anyway, the winner of the Smash Ballot since kids were retarded enough to vote for Goku and Shrek despite Iwata's dying wish being that they wouldn't.

Smash 4 Online

Just like Brawl, you can fight against your 30-year-old virgin friends and enjoy the intense lag. However, unlike Brawl, there are 2 modes that you can play in where you can fight anyone, being called "For Fun" and "For Glory"

For Fun: Pussies go here to fight as they suck too much cock in For Glory. Filled with noobs who never stop using taunts. Using items is required to win.

For Glory: Basement dweller's hangout place. Don't bother going here as it's filled with fags that shield and roll more than actually fight.

Smash 4 Online is about to go offline due to Nintendo shutting down 3DS/Wii U Servers.

How to win every Smash Melee battle

1) Shield and roll from every attack as it's a no skill and cheap way to win

2) Use Fox

3) Go on any omega stage or final destination or any huge stage like a temple for massive trolling

4) Spam laser and Fox Illusion. Stay away from your opponent as often as you can until they reach around 100%, then go for the smash moves. Don't try this on the following characters: Mario/Dr. Mario, Fox, Falco, Peach, Zelda, Marth/Lucina, Ike, R.O.B., Shulk, Little Mac, Palutena, Mewtwo, and Ness/Lucas

5) Not required as it may fuck you up more than your opponent but put all items to on and high.

If some retard has picked Fox in Smash 4

Tired of stupid wavedash-illusion fox spam? Try these to counter.

1) Pick either Falco (Skip to "A"), Bayonetta (Skip to "B"), or Greninja (Skip to "C").

A) Use your bounce-back shield over and over until Fox gets annoyed and begins to use Fox Illusion. Spam Aerial moves to dodge the illusion and rain down attacks at the same time. Lulzy because it's freaking FALCO. Falco generally sucks except against distance spammers like Fox.

B) Spam Witch Time/Bat Within to counter basically everything. Abuse the fact that she can shoot and jump at the same time to get free hits while getting in to better position. Use the smash attack if he's holding still. His little reflector shield can't block your summons.

C) TELEPORT MOTHER FUCKER! Bounce around the screen like a kangaroo on crack and fling water shurikens occasionally until the other player rage quits. Keep moving no matter what: you are way faster than Fox is and he can't keep up. Abuse items for maximum rage levels.

Smash Ballot

With the announcement of Mewtwo and Lucas, Sakurai decided to make a ballot of which Nintendo character get to be in Sm4sh as a DLC. While some choices make sense like Cranky Kong, there are others that are assbackward retarded like wanting Goku to be in Smash. IT DOESN'T FUCKING WORK! GOKU DOESN'T FIT IN SMASH YOU MISBEGOTTEN PILES OF WASTED JIZZ! This is due to most of the weeaboos not realizing that Sakurai told people to ask for video game characters only. No, it doesn't matters if Goku appeared in games, given he didn't originate from a game himself. Nice job wasting your vote, though.

Update: BAYONETTA WON

Update: SORA WAS THE ACTUAL WINNER, AND FINALLY ADDED IN ULTIMATE, NINTENDO IS JUST A PUSSY FOR COPYRIGHT

SHREK FAGS ON SUICIDE WATCH
SHANTAE FAGS ON SUICIDE WATCH
SHOVEL KNIGHT FAGS ON SUICIDE WATCH
GOKU FAGS ON SUICIDE WATCH
EVERY FAG ON SUICIDE WATCH

File:BayonettaUMad.gif

Super Smash Brothers Ultimate

The 5th and possibly final installment in the series, Sakurai once again makes another game to make de monez. It has the notable record of being the best selling fighting game of all time (for the Nintendo Fanboys and Tourneyfags), the second best selling game on the Nintendo Switch the second fastest-selling, second only to Pokemon:Sword and Shield, and somehow concentrating the toxicity of the Smash Community into a purified form that repels everyone. In an attempt to appease both the Tourneyfags and Casuals, Sakurai decided to change the physics of the game to be faster and more combo heavy than the previous two installments, but slower and easier to understand than Melee, and somehow still managed to piss them off. Some of the changes made to Ultimate include; New UI's for characters that didn't have them before (like Shulk's Monado Arts), having Battlefield and Omega forms for each stage (so Tourneyfags could choseen something other than Final Destination, even though they still don't choose them), stage hazards can now be turned off, stage morph allows the stage to change mid-match (which fucks with your eyes if you have epilepsy), having a 1.2x damage and knockback modifier in tourneyfag situations, flying back so hard that you get sent to space from one jab, rage being decreased to 1.1x, directional airdodges without freefall that can only be used once in the air (which would normally allow for wavedashing, but due to the characters now going slightly backward before starting the airdodge, and increased traction, and increased landing lag, it's about as useful as trying to fly a rocket filled with dogshit), proper dashdancing and foxtrots, along with other more technical things. At a cost to this, the things the tourneyfags used to like from previous games are no longer present, such as shield dropping on platforms, and perfect pivoting.

Spirits

As a replacement for the trophies of the past, these "items" are part of the new story mode and can be equipped in battles outside of story mode. When equipped, you gain new superpowers like speed, attack power, defense, jump height, super armor, instadrop, etc... You can also equip them on amibos to change their playstyle (such as being aggressive like a motherfucker on bath salts, or being a pussy and running away from all battles and winning by stalling) and make them gods.

World of Light

Sakurai once again decided to make an attempt at Subspace again but managed to make an entirely different thing. The story goes like this; Everyone once again meets up on that orgy cliff again, to fight off a new threat to their orgy, a god in the form of a ball of light surrounded by rainbow wings, known as Galeem. Galeem controls an army of Master Hands, and begins to delete his army and absorb their energy, which allows him to go Sicko Mode and eviscerate everything in the universe. Kirby is the only one that lives because of a Deus Ex Machina, and now it's his fate to kill Galeem. After supposedly killing Galeem, Dharkon shows up and fucks up more shit, but eventually, Kirby kills both of them and allows everyone to have their orgy again.

After several years everyone has come to the conclusion that World of Light is dogshit and Brawl did it better on the first try.

WOL in 5 seconds

Galeem deletes everything, Kirby lives, Kirby kills Galeem, Dharkon Shows up, Kirby kills both, everyone can have their orgy again. Also, the story mode is basically a shit-ton of battles against other fighters.

Galeem/Dharkon

2 Seraphims/Gods who have the power to delete the entire universe, therefore kicking Tabuu off his podium. They're less interesting than Tabuu however.

Super Smash Brothers

What Isabelle is like outside of tourneyfag situations.

With the release of Ultimate and it's subsequent DLC, Sakurai decided to appease and piss off both sides of the spectrum by adding certain fan choice characters like King K Rool, Sora, and Banjo, but also adding characters like Isabelle, Min-Min, and Byleth. Since the game's dlc is now finished, here's every single newcomer in the game about "everyone is here".

Smash Ultimate: Returning Characters from Melee

  • Pichu - Looks like the Pikachu clone is back and better than ever, this time being a serious glass cannon instead of being a joke. Got nerfed in 3.0.0 due to being too good. No-one plays this character anymore after the nerf to the tilt, which is a good thing.
  • Young Link - Being a faster version of Link, he has no endlag when using aerials, which is fair and balanced, this makes him high tier to the tourneyfags. The little twerp is generally considered better than his other counterparts, and as such, is the worst to fight out of them all. Still uses triforce slash which is a shame.

Smash Ultimate: Returning Characters from Brawl

  • Pokemon Trainer - With the removal of the stamina mechanic from Brawl, it makes them better. The down air and up air of Ivysaur was so massive that many people were butthurt over it. As such, It's down/up air was decreased in size to only the size of Earth.
  • Snake - After nearly a decade, he's finally back. He's mostly nerfed from his Brawl glory days, mainly in his ass. When he was announced in June of 2018, everyone flipped themselves so hard that they slowed the rotation of Earth by 1 microsecond.
  • Ice Climbers - The icies are also back, but don't worry about their chaingrabs and wobbles. When you throw an opponent, Nana/Popo diddles around and does jackshit, so you don't have to worry about that. They still have de-syncing though, which allows for deadly combos. (Note, some fucker found an infinite, but it's like, near frame perfect, so only worry about the best potentially doing this).
  • Wolf - Sakurai decided to change this echo into someone more unique, so instead of being a fast fuck clone of Fox, he's now an aerial spamming, semi-heavyweight, which is just great. Given how Ultimate has taken the advice of Falco and having good aerials is the meta, Wolf subsequently becomes the best of the three spacies. No longer uses Landmaster.

Smash Ultimate: Newcomer/DLC Fighters

Echo Fighters

Echo Fighters are the official name for clone characters in this game, and somehow, they're even less distinct than the clones of the previous games.

  • Daisy - An echo fighter of Peach, and being the ruler of a forgotten kingdom, she has basically no differences between the two.
  • Dark Samus - An echo fighter of Samus, and has a better-looking suit. She's the exact same as Samus.
  • Chrom - An echo fighter of Roy. He has some minor differences from Roy, like no fire, no increased damage at the hilt, and becomes an hero when using up special.
  • Ken - An echo fighter of Ryu, he currently has the most differences of all the echo fighters, such as having better comboability, slightly less damage, and being worse overall.
  • Richter Belmont - An echo fighter of Simon Belmont, he has no differences other than aesthetics.

Newcomers

  • King K. Rool - Being one of the most requested characters in the community, this lardass was revealed during a surprise Smash Bros reel. With a belly covered in brass and the weight of a planet, this reptile is very difficult to kill. You would think that like most super-heavyweights, he would have no projectiles and have a weak ass recovery that you could easily cuck over, but nope. When even threatened with the thought of going off stage, he can pull a jetpack out of fucking nowhere and ascend to stupid heights. He also has 2 projectiles, a crown, and a cannonball, both of which do sick fuck amount's of damage, that can combo into both themselves, and down throw, which buries you for at least 100 years (Edit, Down Throw can now randomly fail because some people wanted to troll online and infinite, which is a bitch move on Nintendo's part).
  • Ridley - Another requested character, people thought that he would be too big to fit into the game without him being broken, but Sakurai made him small to make him fit in. His side special grabs the opponent by the neck and grinds them to paste at supersonic speeds, his down special does over 9000 damage at its sweet spot and his up special makes him go in random directions, no matter how hard you slam the thumbstick towards the stage.
  • Incineroar - After beating the shit out of Ken, this Pokemon is in. It's the purest form of muscle and testosterone (even for the female variants), and the beefiest motherfucker around. It chugs 600 KG of protein every hour, can topple skyscrapers with a flick of its wrist, send Pichu's flying backward so hard that they are sent back to Melee, and is great with children. Considered by Tourneyfags to be mid tier, which is what all grapplers strive for.
  • Isabelle - A newcomer from Animal Crossing, she is best known for furry porn and the best command grab to fight against. She is 38 in dog years, and also gives Villager fellatio when not fighting. Also, her grab will make you want to kill yourself because it has excessive range.
  • Inkling - Squid/Human hybrid that is mainly used for loli/shota porn and has a side special that buries you for so long that you could read all the religious books in the world 50 times over, and still have plenty of time to brew a gallon of tea (as of the last patches it's now only 25 times).
  • Simon Belmont - The projectile king, and destroyer of all prostates. With his trusty/rusty chained whip, he can pop a Jigglypuff from halfway across the stage, and can destroy Dedede's nuts (but can't recover).

DLC 1: Test Your Might

  • Piranha Plant - The first DLC fighter, and a confusing one at that. No-one asked for this fighter, but Sakurai did it for the lulz. Now considered bottom tier because for some reason he's laggier than he should be.
  • Joker - The second DLC fighter. Since Sakurai is a bitch for Persona, he thought Joker was a good idea to add. Joker is a dimension-hopping, mind-altering, thot slaying teen who can summon a stand to beat the shit out of you. He was also considered the best character by the Tourneyfags, before the meta developed and the blocky form of autism decided to break the game.
  • Hero/Eleven - HOES MAD!!! HOES MAD!!! Being the third DLC fighter, when he was revealed at the 2019 E3, every hoe got mad, and when his abilities were shown, every Tourneyfag was waiting to ban his ass out of the gate, but they decided that he wasn't broken enough to ban him. He has quite a few random abilities (Which is why the Tournyfags were trying to ban him), such as having a 1/8 chance of his smash attacks critting, which does double damage, and his down special, which pulls up 4 random options from a list of over 20 different options, some of which can either have a chance to instantly kill the opponent, kill yourself, give you super speed, make you invincible, along with other options.
  • Banjo & Kazooie - In a race to see which character would be the first Microsoft representative, between Master Chief, Steve, and Banjo & Kazooie, Banjo won the race at E3 2019, and when that first jiggy showed up, so many people screamed out in excitement that it could be heard from Mars. These two rednecks are what Duck Hunt Dog strives to be, and they use many moves from their franchise, such as Banjo abusing Kazooie for attacks.
  • Terry Bogard - Not much information was shown about this character until near his release, but when he was revealed after the Banjo & Kazooie direct, all the Mexicans shit so many bricks that they could build Donald Trump's wall 7 times over. If you want to know how he fights, 2 things; 1: He fights like Ken/Ryu but with a trap card above 100%, and 2: Jab Jab Power Dunk is the most common confirm he has and it's the only one you'll see online.
  • Byleth - No information was revealed about this character up until a few days after ED shut down (for like, the 5th time), so many people were confused as to why there was no info. When they were revealed, so many people got mad that it raised the temperature of Earth by 50F for 24 hours, and some people sent hatemail towards Sakurai, however, Sakurai had no choice in the addition of Byleth, as he was tortured by Nintendo employees for 3 days straight to promote the DLC for Fire Emblems: Three Houses. Sakurai has acknowledged that there are too many sword fighters, and he personally wanted Geno to be added. They do have some notable differences from most Fire Emblem Characters, such as having a bow and using different tools to fight. The best player in the world uses them.

DLC 2: Electric Boogaloo

  • Min Min - Sorry Twintelle fans, Min Min, the official winner of the ARMS Tournament has been selected for the 2nd wave of DLC! Min Min was revealed on June 22nd, 2020 at 10 am EST. Despite the fact that there was an assist trophy of Springman, and there was a spirit of her in the game before this, Sakurai decided to add this character before his choice. Min Min comes from the ARMS games, which are fighting games that involve young people using slinkys for arms to punch the shit out of each other. The reveal started with an animation where Captain Falcon and Kirby are eating ramen, then all the characters from Arms fight for the invite envelope before Min Min jumps in and steals it. Basically Little Mac mixed with Dhalsim. Some notable things about the character are that she has the longest ranged melee attacks of any character to date, she can use smash attacks in the air, she can use her fists independently of each other, and she can change out her style of attack. Her down-special is similar to Shulk's Monado Arts and damage dealt depends on the ARMS she's wielding. These vary from having average damage and speed (Dragon form), to being fast, but low damage (Ram Ram), to being slow, but having high damage (Mega Watt). Her air game is ass, similarly to Little Mac, despite having a dive kick, and if her opponents get close, IT'S RAPING TIME!!! (for her). Ironically Min-Min's Up Special in the air is better than Little Mac's. The release date was June 29th.
  • Steve - Oh boy, the autist lord himself, and destroyer of any Banjo Fan, Steve joins the orgy and will rock your cock. Fanboys exploded so hard it crashed Twitter. Steve was introduced by having Mario having his shit beaten in by everyone, before being launched by Blue Blur into a cave. Steve mines his lego ass into the scene, and leaves Mario to be a victim of Terrorism. Their playstyle can be described as "Resource Management", where you camp out people while mining to obtain power, and proceed to kill anyone who comes your way when fully powered up. You can also play as Alex, some black skins, a Zombie and an Enderman Steve has several tools and advantages that make him splendid, and I will discuss them in detail. Anvil goes over his Dair, it requires 1 iron, and can wreck your shit if you get hit by it, and it's also cancelable within 30 frames. Use this in conjunction with Minecart and watch people rage for dying at 90% from a sub frame 20 move. Minecart goes over Side Special, it also requires 1 iron, and has special properties, like being an attack when Steve is riding in it, and a grab when he jumps out of it. This also has trolling potential, as it can grab an opponent on stage, and drag them to hell. Mine/Craft/Build goes over Neutral Special, and it's what allows Steve to do the "Resource Management" part of his game. You'll mainly use this to obtain building materials and stronger tools, but you can also use the building part for combos, extending recovery, and building dicks. Victory Screen was edited because the pixelated nature of the items made it look like a cock to the Japanese. Tourneyfags hate Steve so much now that he's in consideration for banning.
  • Sephiroth - Expecting Reimu or Jonesy? Too fucking bad, Sephiroth, also known as the original Anime Swordfighter, and a twink, descends his way into Smash. Sephiroth was introduced when Galeem was about to do his Universal Genocide, when suddenly, he's sliced in half, like a 1000 degree knife through an Untermensch's head. Galeem falls apart, and out of nowhere, One Winged Angel starts, and everyone loses their damn minds. Once again, Sephiroth must always torment Cloud for eternity, no matter where he goes. Sephiroth wields the Masamune, a 7 foot long katana/whatever type it is, that is probably compensating for a lack of something, and he uses it to outrange basically everyone. Down Air is known as Hells Gate, which is a clear reference to the lulzy moment where Sephiroth deletes Aeris through a sword to the back, and causing all basement dwellers to cry. Also unleashes THE FUCKING FURY when "in danger". Pears for everyone tonight.
  • Pyra/Mythra - Tits Mcgee, also known as Pyra and Mythra, join from Xenoblade Chronicles 2, a rpg that involves personified weapons fighting for people, and Sakurai is a simp for Pyra. Pyra and Mythra are Blades, which means basically nothing when it comes to this game, since their driver can't die. Pyra is the stronger of the two, which involves her having no combos and Smash Flare, which kills almost as hard as sweetspot Dedede's F Smash, therefore making her not appealing to tourneyfags, and we also have Mythra, who has bat piss damage, but much higher speed, which is akin to Sheik. In other words, these 2 are a mix of Female Ganon and Weak Sheik, and I think we should get onto the lulzy controversy. We have controversy 1, which involved their inclusion in the first place, where people got pissy over the fact that a character like them got in and potentially ruin ratings, but if that was the case, they wouldn't add them in the first place. Now onto controversy 2, and this is a rare controversy because it involves the modding community, who barely get controversies, in part because of the small size of community. Some nobody made an account on Gamebanana, and posted one mod that involved Pyra being declothed, and oh boy, the snowflakes got really pissed at this mod. They intially tried taking it down, but to no avail, and people really getting pissy over how someone made a nude mod for Ultimate, when there's much bigger problems with the community that the people getting pissy over Nude Pyra don't notice, like you know, the multiple pedos still remaining in the competitive scene, and the general toxicity of the community, but that's how they work. After they got pissy over it, more sensible people countered their points by saying that you're getting pissy over Naked Women in a game, and it all disappeared over a day or so.
  • Kazuya - Betcha didn't see Tekken crossing over with Smash Bros huh fellow EDiot? Naturally, Smashfags were disappointed that yet another FCG character joined their precious "real fighting game" and not Waluigi or whoever the fuck they keep demanding Sakurai adds instead (cause they're never happy). It's speculated Harada himself told Sakurai to add Kazuya to Smash Bros despite his previous BTFO of Smashfags if only to watch them BAWWWWWWWWWWW during the E3 2021 Nintendo Direct and later when Kazuya inevitably rapes their virgin asses in Online with his genuine fighting game combos. In fact, Kazuya's combos are so good that he's also in consideration for being banned, but to that I say, Git Gud.
  • Sora - Sora from the Kingdom Hearts series is the last DLC fighter, because we didn't have enough gay weeb shit characters in Smash already. The newly added stage is a Battlefield clone with only one platform and a simple moving background skybox camera that flies around a boring low-res castle to satisfy the tourneyfags. In usual modern Smash fashion his final smash takes 5 minutes to finish so everyone can go get a coffee, get drunk or go outside and see the sunlight for once.

Final Smash 2: Enough is Enough

Because it's been 12 years since the release of Brawl, and more characters have been added in later sequels, I've decided to update every final smash:

Mario Finale (a.k.a. Mario Flamer) - Mario's Final Smash. Mario launches large fireballs that burn everyone in their path. Basically it's Mario's "Fireball" attack with moar power.

Poltergust G-00 (a.k.a. SUCC) - Luigi's new Final Smash. Luigi takes a vacuum with a backpack attached to the end of it, and begins to pull every fighter in a 5 mile radius into the backpack, before launching them out at supersonic velocities. It only succs hard when very close to him, and you could easily avoid it.

Peach Blossom (a.k.a. Unfunny) - Peach’s Final Smash. Used to be shit in Brawl, but is quite useful to to high healing power, and putting opponents to sleep for up to 10 seconds. Peach puts everyone to sleep and grows peaches. Get it? Her name is Peach, and she drops peaches. Are I lulz yet?

Giga Bowser Punch (a.k.a. Macrophilia) - Bowser's new Final Smash. Bowser begins the animation for him growing to Giga Bowser, but instead of being a controllable character, he goes into the background, akin to that of Super Mario Galaxy 2, and has the ability to punch people out of existence.

Doctor Finale (a.k.a Drugs) - Dr. Mario's Final Smash. It's an exact copy of Mario's, but with pills instead of fire. Less cool, next.

Grand Star (a.k.a Big Dumb Star) - Rosalina & Luma's Final Smash. They summon a Grand Star, which grows in size before bursting and launching whoever got caught. It could optimally do up to 200% in Smash 4, but it does almost nothing now.

Shadow Mario Paint (a.k.a Drawing) - Bowser Jr's Final Smash. He summons a Shadow Mario to paint the screen with a damaging X that detonates after some time. If you have the right position on a stage, you can completely avoid it.

Stampede (a.k.a Mufasa) - Yoshi's new Final Smash. He rams into the opponent, which launches them off a cliff, before being stampeded by a horde of Yoshi's. Not nearly as depressing.

Jungle Rush (a.k.a ORAORAORAORAORAORAORA) - Donkey Kong's new Final Smash. Donkey Kong telegraphs a punch, which if caught in, will cause Donkey Kong to release a flurry of punches before uppercutting the opponents jaw off. Much cooler than his previous Final Smash.

Hyper Rocketbarrel (a.k.a Suicide Bomber) - Diddy Kong's new Final Smash. Diddy Kong activates his barrel jetpack, which causes him to rapidly fly across the screen, damaging whoever he hits, before targeting one opponent and exploding on contact. Unlike most suicide bomber attacks, he lives the attack, so it's not much of a suicide bomb.

Ancient Bow and Arrow (a.k.a Sniper) - Link's new Final Smash. Someone complained about how Link's old Final Smash sucked, so they changed it to match the latest LOZ game. Upon activation, Link will grab his bow and charge an ancient arrow, before firing, and doing very high damage.

Triforce of Wisdom (a.k.a Black Hole) - Zelda's new Final Smash. Zelda will summon her triforce and begin to pull all fighter's towards it. This thing is insanely powerful (60-70%), and lasts so long, with such high pulling power, that it's impossible for ~75% of the cast to not get hit.

Sheikah Dance (a.k.a Ninja) - Sheik's new Final Smash. Sheik pulls out her dagger, before dashing towards any opponent in the way. If caught, she darkens the screen and begins to shank and slice the opponent, before upperslashing (like an uppercut, but with a dagger) the opponent away.

Triforce Slash (a.k.a. SKRAAAAH!) - Young Link and Toon Link’s Final Smash. Young Link or Toon Link traps someone in between two Triforce and repeatedly slashes them with a sword. Neither of them do this in any game. Honestly, out of all fourteen Zelda games, they couldn’t find a good move to be the Final Smash? What about turning into Fierce Deity Link or something? Calling in Kaebora Gaespora to talk the opponent’s head off would have been ten times cooler than this bullshit. Most likely done just out of laziness.

Ganon, The Demon King (a.k.a. Pig) - Ganondorf’s new Final Smash. Ganondorf transforms into his demon form from Ocarina of Time, and rams down any fighters that are in his way. Because Sakurai was trying to appeal to the Tourneyfag's, he basically removed all controllable Final Smashes.

Zero Laser (a.k.a. SHOOP DA WHOOP!!!) - Samus, Zero Suit Samus, and Dark Samus's Final Smash. Samus charges her laser and shoops the motherfuckin’ whoop out of everyone. It is the second closest move to pure win in the game, right next to the almighty Falcon Punch. For normal Samus, it's more streamlined in this game than Brawl, and doesn't cause her to take her suit off. For ZSS, she jumps on her gunship and fires the laser, and for Dark Samus, it's the same as Samus.

Ultra Sword (a.k.a Big Swords) - Kirby's new Final Smash. Kirby summons a massive sword to slash out at opponents, which if caught in the crossfire, get wailed on with many sword slashes before being launched.

Darkness Illusion (a.k.a Rape Wings) - Meta Knight's new Final Smash. Meta Knight grows a new pair of wings, which shock the area adjacent to him. If caught, then Meta Knight unleashes a flurry of slashes before shoving the sword up the opponents ass.

Dede-Rush (a.k.a Banhammer) - King Dedede's new Final Smash. Dedede swings his slow as fuck hammer in front of him, which if some poor fuck gets caught in, will be sent to the BONE DOME OF DAMMNATION, where they will be hit with a barrage of missles, before being slammed in either the chest, or if they are big enough, the nuts with a rocket charged hammer.

Team Star Fox/Wolf (a.k.a Star Wars) - Fox, Falco, and Wolf's Final Smash. No longer being a Landmaster, it instead involves them targeting the opponent, before hitting them with their space vehicle of choice, akin to that of Captain Falcon. They then unleash a barrage of laser shots before detonating the opponent.

Volt Tackle (a.k.a. CHUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!) - Pikachu and Pichu's Final Smash. Pikachu transforms into a ball of energy that rushes around the stage. If you touch him, it will burn off your ass hairs. Protip: Don’t touch him. The difference between this version, and Brawl's, is that it moves faster, is uncontrollable, and is brighter and bluer.

Puff Up (a.k.a. Binging) - Jigglypuff’s Final Smash. Jigglypuff grows. Huge. That’s it. If you touch her when she deflates, it MIGHT kill you. Probably not, though it is better due to it being faster.

Psystrike (a.k.a Brain Blast) - Mewtwo's Final Smash. Mewtwo evolves into his Mega Y form, then sends out a sphere that contains such complex topics (like Quantum Mechanics, and Magnets) that their head explodes in psychic energy.

Triple Finish (a.k.a. IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE!!!) - Pokémon Trainer’s Final Smash. Pokémon Trainer calls Squirtle, Ivysaur, and Charizard onto the battlefield to blast everyone's ass away with Hydro Pump, Solar Beam, and Fire Blast.

Aura Storm (a.k.a. KAME... HAME... HAAAAAAAAAA) - Lucario’s Final Smash. Lucario floats into the air and shoops everyone with his laser. It isn’t as effective as shooping with Samus, but you can guide this move easier. Uh, oh, yeah. IT’S POWER LEVELS ARE OVER 9000!!!

Secret Ninja Attack (a.k.a Copy + Paste) - Greninja's Final Smash. Basically the same as Sheik, but in the air, and they launch them in the air with a mat.

Blue Falcon (a.k.a. Not a Falcon Punch) - Captain Falcon’s Final Smash. Falcon calls his racer, the Blue Falcon, to hit the opponent, transporting them to a race track, where the douche bag hits the opponent again. Did I mention this attack isn’t Falcon Punch? I cannot stress that enough. Instead of the awesome divide-by-zero Falcon Punch he delivered to the Black Shadow that nearly destroyed the galaxy (Technically, the Falcon Punch wasn't the thing that caused the explosion, but rather a reactor, and he just used the punch to prevent Black Shadow from escaping), he hits them with a car. Did he run over a dog one day and say, “Hey, that fucked him up pretty good! I’m gonna use that move in the next Smash Bros. game!”? Wouldn't you like to see your most hated character get face-raeped by a burning falcon? NOTE: Hackers have, in fact, gotten on the job. It's not perfect, but it's a start...

PK Starstorm (a.k.a. PK Shitstorm) - Ness’ and Lucas’ Final Smash. Ness or Lucas yells, “PK STAAAARSTOOOOOOOOOOOORM!!!” and the sky falls down! It is easy to avoid. Because of previous games not including them, they added the characters that can learn PK Starstorm by their sides.

Critical Hit (a.k.a. Bleepbleepbleepbleep!) - Marth and Lucina's Final Smash. They dash at the enemy, hit them with their swords, apparently depleting the health bar that is just added for no reason, and K.O.s them. Be the fuck careful not to use this on level 9 computers because they'll spot dodge it and you'll fuck yourself. Protip: Move and health meter are throwbacks to the original Fire Emblem, where Marth would have a random chance of twirling his sword like a faggot and raping the shit out of his opponent. Nobody knows that, though, because they're not retarded enough to use Marth in battle. Also, you can lessen how far you go by holding the directional thumbstick in the opposite direction.

Roy and Chrom's Final Smash has the same name, but instead of charging towards the enemy and instakilling them, he instead twirls his sword, before slamming it in front of the target.

Great Aether (a.k.a. Pyromaniac) - Ike’s Final Smash. Ike swings his sword at the enemy, launching them into the air, where he finishes them off with a fiery combo. He does this for his friends, apparently.

Pair Up (a.k.a. Friends) - Robin's Final Smash. He summons Chrom to slash at you, while he fires spells in the background, before both of them slam the opponent into the ground. This also works on Chrom, which allows you to have Chrom beat up Chrom.

Torrential Roar (a.k.a Dragon) - Corrin's Final Smash. They turn into their dragon form, while slamming the floor in front of them. If someone is caught, they will be blasted into a typhoon.

Octopus (a.k.a. Tentacle Rape) - Mr. Game & Watch’s Final Smash. Mr. Game & Watch turns into a giant octopus and rams the enemy with his tentacles. OCTOPUS! HOW DID I GET HERE? If the Icies are caught, and Game and Watch grabs the second one, then the main one will take up to 750% before instadying.

Lightning Chariot (a.k.a Santa) - Pit's new Final Smash. Pit hops onto a chariot, then targets an opponent, akin to that of Bowser's Final Smash, before ramming into them. Had a glitch that caused the game to crash by aiming it offscreen.

Black Hole Laser (a.k.a Dumbhole) - Palutena's Final Smash. Palutena leaves the screen, then summons a black hole, before summoning a laser to blast whoever gets caught in it. Not as useful as Zelda's.

Dark Pit Staff (a.k.a Gay Beam) Dark Pit's Final Smash. Dark Pit pulls out a laser rifle, then spits out "It's time/Goodbye", before firing the thing and piercing through any targets in it's path. The laser however isn't as strong as light arrows.

Wario-Man (a.k.a. Purple Spandex) - Wario’s Final Smash. Wario consumes bad garlic and he enters the fat lulzy Wario-Man suit. get's a cape and dashes straight in front of him. If anyone is caught in the crossfire, Wario will perform a beatdown before releasing a massive fart. He does it for the lulz.

End of Day (a.k.a Shit sucks, I'm getting out of here) - Olimar's Final Smash. Olimar calls his spaceship to pick him up and orbit the planet so the big scary monsters that come out at night don’t eat him but eat everyone else. Then he hits someone with the ship on the way down. Basically he does what the Challenger did, but on purpose and with better results that pwn the shit out of everyone.

Guided Robo Beam (a.k.a Techno-Jew) - R.O.B.'s new Final Smash. R.O.B. transforms into a laser cannon that sends out 3 volleys of homing lasers, before sending out a large laser that increases in intensity momentarily. It's also hard to avoid if caught off guard.

Dream Home (a.k.a Insurance) - Villager's Final Smash. Villager pays his overlord Tanuki to have him and his nephews to build a house around the opponent, and after building it, something detonates the house and causes the 3 tanukis to fly. Villager, despite having all capacity to fuck up the opponent, stands and cheers while they build.

Wii Fit (a.k.a Yoga) - Wii Fit Trainer's Final Smash. Wii Fit Trainer stands in a Tree Pose, then switches to the Warrior Pose, before spamming out a barrage of human silhouette, before releasing a final massive one that covers everything in front of them. Practically a copy of Mario's, but less likely to kill.

Giga Mac Rush (a.k.a Punch him so hard he explodes) - Little Mac's Final Smash. Mac enters Berserk Mode, before unleashing his FUCKING FURY on the opponent, and uppercuts them.

Chain Attack (a.k.a Party Spam) - Shulk's Final Smash. Shulk spawns a bright light in front of him, which if caught in, causes him to summon his 3 butt buddies to unleash an onslaught on the opponent, before Shulk charges up his Monado and sends the opponent flying.

NES Zapper Posse (a.k.a Gangsta Fire) - Duck Hunt's Final Smash. Because Duck Hunt has only one game, Sakurai had to get desperate for a Final Smash, so he decided to use assets from all the games that used the NES Zapper, which involves Duck Hunt sending a squadron of Ducks in front of him, which sends the opponent to the desert shadow realm, before being gunned down by the cowboys.

Covering Fire (a.k.a Homing Missles) - Snake's new Final Smash. Because Sakurai had to remove most controllable Final Smashes, he had to repurpose what Snake had, which now involves him throwing a Flare Grenade, before summoning a bunch of missles that lock onto the opponent.

Super Sonic (a.k.a Super Saiyan 8) - Sonic’s Final Smash. Sonic uses the Chaos Emeralds to turn into an ultrafurfag, not to be confused with a megafurfag, and flies around, fucking shit up. Since he evolved to the strongest form of furry faggatory there is, this attack is really strong, and you should really avoid it (Though Ultimate's version is weaker, because how much of a furfag you can be is dependent on the number of furries around, and since there are more than in Brawl, it's quite a bit weaker).

Mega Legends (a.k.a Lazars everywhere) - Mega Man's Final Smash. Mega Man shoots out a black hole, which if the opponent is caught, Mega Man will summon multiple Mega Men from the Mega Man Series, before firing a multitude of Energy Beams at the opponent. Another utilization of Black Holes means soon enough well get a character where they use nothing but black holes.

Super Pac-Man (a.k.a Vore) - Pac-Man's Final Smash. Pac-Man eats both a Power Pellet and Super Pellet, which causes him to go ballistic and become a massive 2d form of himself, who then starts charging around the stage, and begins consuming anyone in his path.

Shin Shoryuken / Shinku Hadoken (a.k.a Uppercut) - Ryu's Final Smash. Ryu has 2 different variations on his Final Smash, which is dependent on where the opponent is. If right next to the opponent, Ryu will preform a much stronger version of his Up Special, which makes him uppercut their head off. If done away from the opponent, he will charge up a massive ball of ki, before unleashing it and dragging opponents to the blast zone.

Omnislash/Omnislash Ver. 5 (a.k.a R1 spam) - Cloud's Final Smash. Cloud knocks his opponent into the sky, before unleashing multiple slashes that lead into a charged downward strike. Because of the addition of Sephiroth, Advent Costumes of Cloud now use Omnislash Ver. 5, where his blade splits into 6 different blades, 5 of which orbit the opponent, and one hangs above them, which Cloud then slices with each blade, before slamming down with the final blade.

Infernal Climax (a.k.a Dragon Vore) - Bayonetta's Final Smash. Bayonetta slows down time, where if she hits enough hits, she'll partially strip her hair down (unlike the games where she fully strips), and summon Gomorrah to devour the opponent. Because Nintendo wants to keep it's E10 rating, she can only partially strip.

Omega Blitz (a.k.a Obliteration) - Mii Brawler's Final Smash. Mii Brawler uppercuts the opponent, which launches them up for a multitude of punches and kicks before ending in a rising triple spin kick into a downward chop. It has been described as one of the more brutal Final Smashes in the game.

Final Edge (a.k.a Too Many Swords) - Mii Swordfighter's Final Smash. Mii Swordfighter does a Mario and unleashes a barrage of many weak sword beams. More fighters keep having this.

Full Blast (a.k.a Mechanical Kamehameha) - Mii Gunner's Final Smash. Mii Gunner attempts to one up Samus by summoning 2 extra blasters that fire smaller lasers, but it doesn't match up to the awesome of the original.

Petey Piranha (a.k.a Big Plant) - Piranha Plant's Final Smash. Piranha Plant summons a knockoff of Audrey II known as Petey Piranha, who jumps around with 2 cages, and will capture them in the cages, before breathing fire on them and slamming them onto the ground. You can use this to capture opponents and send them off stage, but the angle it sends at doesn't help with it.

Blast-O-Matic (a.k.a LAZAR BLAST) - King K. Rool's Final Smash. Now this is how you one up Samus. K Rool stomps in front of himself, before charging at anyone in his path, which if caught, K Rool will laugh in his throne like the troll he is, and fires the massive laser at DK Island, which destroys the island.

Plasma Scream (a.k.a Autistic Screeching) - Ridley's Final Smash. Ridley does an Autism Moment, before rushing at the opponent, which if they are caught, will have them land on Samus's Ship, where Ridley fires a massive plasma beam that destroys the ship. The Gunship can be seen crashing in the background.

Max Malicious Moonsault (a.k.a Smackdown) - Incineroar's Final Smash. Incineroar dopes on Incinium Z, and attempts to grab the opponent, which if they're caught, Incineroar will Irish Whip the opponent into an uppercut, then a dropkick, and another uppercut into a final diving battering ram, which causes a massive explosion upon contact with the ring. If he misses, Incineroar will get pissed.

Progenitor God Ruptured Heaven (a.k.a Png:The Final Smash) - Byleth's Final Smash. Byleth lashes in front of them, where if caught, Sothis, the jailbait deity give Byleth some of her power, and Byleth lashes out with extreme force.

Dream Town Hall (a.k.a Building) - Isabelle's Final Smash. Same shit as Villagers, but she doesn't have the potential to fuck up the opponent unlike Villager.

Burning Sword/Sacred Arrow (a.k.a Fire Sword/Light Arrow) - Pyra/Mythra's Final Smash. Pyra summons Rex, where she slashes at the opponent, then they hold the sword together and slash the sword upwards, creating a pillar of fire. Mythra's involves another slash, where both then aim the sword into the sky, creating a rainstorm of light beams.

Killer Wail (a.k.a Punny Joke) - Inkling's Final Smash. Basically a Samus Final Smash, but they can act out of it, and has a bad pun for a name.

ARMS Rush (a.k.a Long Range Spam) - Min-Min's Final Smash. Min-Min will punch outwards, and if they're caught by it, other ARMS Fighters, including Springman and Twintelles will release a barrage of ARM strikes before Min-Min uses her Dragon ARM to blast the opponent against a Gong. Notice the large amount of capitalization.

Shippu Jinraikyaku / Shinryuken (a.k.a Whirlwind) - Ken's Final Smash. Like Ryu, Ken also has different Final Smashes depending on the distance of the opponent, where when in front of him, He does an uppercut that releases a pillar of fire. If he's far away from them, Ken will unleash an onslaught of rapid spinning kicks.

Supernova (a.k.a Micheal Bay) - Sephiroth's Final Smash. Sephiroth slashes Masamune forward, saying Moonspeak. He then transforms into the ultimate Twink known as Safer Sephiroth, and instead of taking 2 minutes to perform the Solar System destruction event, takes 8 seconds to do so, and still manages to use both incorrect equations, and is still the longest cutscene Final Smash. It also applies random effects.

Grand Cross (a.k.a JEBUS) - Simon/Richter's Final Smash. Simon/Richter summon a coffin that utilizes another black hole to trap fighters within it. Simon then grabs it with his chain whip, throws it up into the air, and use the power of Christ to rain down religion on the fighters. Not as effective as it should be.

All-Out Attack (a.k.a Firing Squad) - Joker's Final Smash. Our top tier teen bitch over here dashes at the opponent, and transports them to the red realm, where Cat, Azn Americunt, Crowbar, and Authority beat up the entrapped fighters, while either Cat or Nerd Girl comments on the onslaught. When the attack is finished, Joker drops down and fixes his glove, while a splash screen plays and the affected fighter is shown spraying sparkles from their neck. This is another case of Nintendo being pussies for censoring a Final Smash, as the original showed them spewing blood from the neck.

Gigaslash (a.k.a LIGHTNING IS THE BEST) - Hero's Final Smash. Hero does an upward slash that if caught by, a cutscene will play where NPC's join up to power up Hero's sword, and he proceeds to slash forward with great force. Decently powerful, but has dick range.

The Mighty Jinjonator (a.k.a Jinjo Rush) - Banjo & Kazooie's Final Smash. Banjo summons the statue of the Jinjonator, which if hit by, plays a cutscene where The Jinjonator awakens from the stone, and proceeds to ram the opponent with high speed strikes, before it and 4 Jinjos release 1 final strike. Unlike the end of Banjo & Kazooie, you don't crush your opponent with a boulder.

Triple Wolf (a.k.a Crispy Crombos) - Terry's Final Smash. Terry performs 3 power geysers, which if struck by, plays another cutscene where Terry strikes down using Power Dunk, before muttering a few lines, and releasing one final strike with Buster Wolf. In other words, using too many cutscenes for Final Smashes and using moves from the normal moveset.

House of Boom (a.k.a Nuke House) - Steve's Final Smash. Steve places down a massive piston, which if anyone is hit by the piston, it will either catch them, or be knocked back by it. If caught, a cutscene (how many are there) will play that involves the player being thrown into the House of Boom, which is a house filled with TNT and Mobs. Creepers detonate and cause the entire structure to detonate, all while Steve eats a "Victory Steak" in the foreground. One thing to note about this is that because it's Minecraft, and it runs on Java, the massive explosions cause the cutscene to lag.terte

Final Blaster (a.k.a. Satan Laser Barrage) - Kazuya's Final Smash. Kazuya fires a powerful blast from his third eye, and if it connects, he goes full Devilman and fires a barrage of lasers from his chest and wings.

Sealing the Keyhole (a.k.a. No Gloryhole for You!) Sora's Final Smash. Sora fires a beam that sucks his foes into a giant keyhole that turns into a giant door and he fires another that locks you out of the game while laughing at your sorry ass.

Smash Ultimate Online

While online has improved since the days of Brawl and Smash 4, it's still a fucking nightmare (like always). The lag is still unbearable, however, if you set up a LAN cable, the lag will mostly disappear. They have changed the online again, such as removing taunts, and having a tournament mode, and separated it into 2 differing categories, one being "Quickplay", and the other being "Elite Smash".

Quickplay: Where most people lie, it's the cesspool of either fighting people who don't know jackshit or tourneyfags who do this shit 25/8 (since GSP isn't a determiner of skill). Item use is through the roof.

Elite Smash: Tourneyfags supposed dreams, though this is a false hope because GSP isn't a show of skill. You can only get here if you have a high enough GSP (Currently above 5.5-6 million), and once you get here, you'll find a large portion of people who will spam Nair with Palutena/Ike.

How To Win Every Smash Ultimate Online Battle

1) Shield/Dodge every single attack you can, though you shouldn't do it excessively because it lessens how much invincibility you get the more you do it.

2) Use either Ganondorf, Ike/Palutena (They are interchangeable), or Joker.

2a) For Ganondorf, spam either F Smash, Up Smash, or Nair, because your damage output is so high that you will kill people in 2 hits (normally this is metaphorical, but in this case, Ganon can kill Pichu in literally one move).

2b) For Ike/Palutena, their game plan is slightly different, but they have the same jist, that being; NAIR. Rain aerials down upon your opponents with no mercy, and if that don't work, use their tilts.

2c) For Joker, first manage to grab your opponent, then up throw them, then use up air, then use up special, and repeat. Once that stops working, your stand will come out to play, so use more of them aerials/tilts.

Trolling in Ultimate

Trolling in Ultimate is harder than trolling in Brawl, due to Nintendo trying to make it more appealing for the tourneyfags, but there are still ways to troll.

  • Stand still until the opponent approaches, then use your fastest move to throw them off. Most people will rage at this, and become an hero's.
  • Pick the same character that your opponent has been using, then destroy them with it. Doing this with multiple people will allow for lulz and dominance, at the cost of looking like a tourneyfag.
  • Set all items on high and use them the entire time.
  • In matches where you are fighting with 4 people, team up on one person, and easily destroy them (don't do it excessively, or Nintendo will ban you).
  • Pick gimmicky stages like 75m, and the Great Cave Offensive.
  • Pick fast characters like Sheik, Greninja, Fox, or Sonic and dash away from your opponent.
  • Use obnoxiously loud moves, like Ganon's F Smash, Pokemon Trainers down special, Dedede's down special, or items like bombs.
  • Set the time limit/stocks to 99, or randomize the options every time you start a new match.
  • Use Dedede's crouch, as it is the best taunt you have access to.
  • Kill yourself and lose all your stocks as soon as you can (Don't spam it because Nintendo will ban your ass), or lose one stock, then proceed to still win anyway.
  • If you are in the arena mode, you can set spirits on and custom stages on, causing even more pain for the opponent, at no cost of doing the forbidden techniques above.
  • ???

Other ways to troll online/offline

  • Kirby/Dedede/King K Rool

1. Stand on the corners/ledges. 2. Wait for the opponent to approach, then use neutral b (Use the Kannonball for K Rool before getting the suck). 3. Jump off the stage and either become an hero (through just letting them stay inside, or releasing them and spiking them with an aerial), or spit them out and come flying back to victory.

  • DK

1. Choose DK. 2. Grab player with 'Z'. 3. Use forward throw. 4. Do one of 3 things. 4a: Jump off stage and become an hero, 4b: Jump off stage and back throw opponent into the stage, causing them to fall to their death, with the chance of you becoming an hero, or 4c: Do the same thing as the first one, but turn around before jumping off, then down throw, which makes it much harder to tech, and is more likely to succeed, but is much harder to accomplish.

  • Anyone with projectiles, like Young Link

Spam the shit out of the projectiles, and if they approach, use your lightning-fast aerials to keep them away.

Gallery

  • What furfags want when Krystal wasn't in the game.
    What furfags want when Krystal wasn't in the game.
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]
  • Jesus makes a cameo appearance
    Jesus makes a cameo appearance
  • And people still voted for Goku and Shrek.
    And people still voted for Goku and Shrek.

Videos

A classic.

Why would anyone waste their time analysing such pointless details in this game?

Tourneyfags can't record their awsum skillz on the demo!
SAKURAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

This basement dwelling fatass tries to fool everyone by printing out the boxart and slipping it in the case.

GAMESTOP IS UNRELIABLE! This video is NOT A JOKE.

Weeaboos decide to fag this game up using the shitty caramelldansen fad. No one cares.

Previous Video | Next Video

Sakurai writes pr0n fic

Recently, a certain fag on GameFAQs named yczover9000 realized that all the captions of the various pictures on the Smash Bros. Dojo are actually lines from a porn fic involving the various characters gangbanging Samus. However, we can see that Sakurai has roughly the same writing ability as Tara Gilesbie.

[Click to collapseClick to view]

 Mmm...It feels nice and peaceful here. Hold on a second! What are you guys doing here?! If you think they're all going to be the same as they have been, it'll be rough for you. 
Trying to fight back is useless. Hey. Stop that...QUIT IT! I mean it! Samus has a problem. All of her armor fell off! What?! Is this...Could it be?! Look at her Power Suit shine! It’s time to rise up against this blatant provocation! You should really get a hold of this and just sink your teeth in. The more distant you are, the worse your connection becomes, and the slower it feels. 
 
Hang on a second. Do you see that thing dangling from Fox's waist? Surely he wouldn’t bring that thing out?! It's...It's HUGE! It’s HUGE! He’s huge! Whoa, that’s huge! Whoa! He’s huge. It’s...big... This time it gets REALLY long! It's almost unthinkable! There are big ones and small ones. That weapon is extremely powerful. A solid hit from this delivers a mighty blow... but when it comes back, it also lightly pulls the foe's body. It really is a versatile piece of hardware. It's round, pink, and soft. And it is ethereal. Oh, yes. I-I…I want it! 
 
This expansion also increases your possible strategies, so fire away! If you see one of these, be absolutely sure to grab it. Basically, you hold it in your arms. Gotta heft this thing! Hurrrgh! Well, he certainly appears to be in good shape. Where are you sticking that thing? Is...Is it safe to eat that? Bowser has a slightly different flavor this time around It slowly turns around... Aim well and sally forth. The Wii is trying to connect in earnest! Look out below! 
 
He jumps on and starts racing! 
H-he has absolutely no problem fitting in! It's always hot to the touch. Hot! Hot! HOTTT! Whoa! That looks hot. Hot! Hot-hot-hot-hot-hot-HOT! Hot! HOT! You can move forward and backward! He strikes repeatedly with lightning speed! Hee ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya! Hup! Hup! Hey! Ho! Not too shabby, eh? Want more? 
 
The tension rises. Yes. That feels gooood...It’s exciting and exhilarating. Mmm...That’s amazing. Bzzzzzzzzzzt! I can’t get enough of this. My heart’s aflutter. 
 
I like the feel of that powerful rumble. They...They're really flying! MAXIMUM CHARGE! 
 
Power up and unleash it when the time is right! You can pull out. When you hold it in as much as you can...?! There's no waiting! This is it. It's magnificent! And then comes the finishing strike! (Check your volume settings.) SKRAAAAH! Off it goes! Down


Hacking

Of all games, SSBB is one of the most thoroughly hacked. Yeah, that's right-faggots actually take the time to HACK THIS SHIT. Mostly either 1337 haxxors who have too much time on their hands, and butthurt meleefags who don't like how casual Brawl is. I'll give you one guess as to which kind is better at what they do and which kind is more common.

More common hacks include: *Nude Zero Suit Samus *Nude Peach *Nude Zelda *Nude (Naked) Snake *Nude Captain Falcon *Nude Ness *Nude Wario *Wavedashing in Brawl *Melee 2.0 3.0 (SERIOUSLY!). No, really-this is the new hyped thing; melee 2.0 3.0. Probably some gay melee thing. *Inserting music into Brawl. Not good music; usually some gay remix from another game. *Inserting Pokémon into Brawl. Not good Pokémon; usually some gay 3rd gen shit.

People have gone as far as to completely recreate the way the game works. There are 4 major projects changing everything. *Brawl+ - The first official hack. Melee 2.0. Speeds shit up, makes characters "more balanced"; succeeds its original goal of sucking Captain Falcon's cock so hard that it falls off. *Balanced Brawl - Attempts to "rebalance" the game without changing the parts that suck. Sucks any and all fun out of it in the process. *Brawl- - "If everyone is super, nobody is". Great plan. So, The Tick vs. Superman? Half fucking annoying, half stupidly overpowered. Oh, and Sonic can say "You're too slow about 90 times as much". Still lulzy if you want to troll tourneyfags. Just don't show them fox as he's melee fox 2.0 with wavedashing and all. *Project: Melee - Melee 3.0. No, seriously. Now with 100% more wavedashing and tourneyfag bullshit.

Hacking your Wii with super smash bros brawl

Hacking your wii is probably the only way to get your money's worth out of the terrible, terrible console. "But ED, why would hacking the console make it better?" Well, if a Wii game is any good at all (and there are at least a few of these), you can get it for free with hacking. Plus, you know, make existing games almost worth playing (gimmicky minigames need not apply).

  • Step 1: All you need is a Wii, a hammer, and an SD card. If you have both of these things, please continue to step 2. *Step 2: Hit your hand with the hammer as hard as you can. Why the HELL did you buy a Wii, you stupid Nintendo fanboy? *Step 3: Get bootmii and hack your wii *Step 4: ??? *Step 5: PROFIT!

All things considered, all of the brawl hacks except balanced brawl make the game a considerable bit more fun to play and will make tourneyfags like Xyro rage at you for raping brawl. Also, will make Nintendo rage. Especially hilarious is that the hackers found a way to hack the console through the super smash bros game disk itself. And this isn't like the twilight hack or indianapwns, that abuses a save state and that can easily be patched by Nintendo's internal system... This is caused by an in-game mechanic bugging up, which means that because Nintendo doesn't patch games, this will probably never be fixed. Yay for haxxors.

Hacking your Nintendo Switch

Hacking your Nintendo Switch is harder than previous consoles, due to Nintendo making new models as of June 2018 that are currently not-hackable due to a hardware issue (even after nearly 2 years), and Nintendo going hard against piracy/modding. But it is still possible to mod the old ones. Here's how to do it.

(Use this link to follow through https://nh-server.github.io/switch-guide/)

(This section only tells you how to get CFW for your switch, the next section will tell you how to get mods.)

  • 1) You need the appropriate materials, which are, a HAC-001 Nintendo Switch with a serial code that is below a certain value (use this link for reference https://ismyswitchpatched.com/), a micro SD card of a minimum of 64 GB, a PC/Phone (PC is preferred due to using fewer tools), a micro SD card adapter, a USB-C cable, and either a RCM jig (preferred) or a paper clip that has been bent properly.
  • 4) Connect the USB-C cable.
  • 5) Hold the power button until the menu shows up, then select power off.
  • 6) Extract the downloaded files.
  • 7) Run Tegra RMC, and select the TegraExplorer.bin file.
  • 8) Insert the micro SD card.
  • 9) Press both the power button and the volume + button at the same time, it Tegra goes green, then it worked.
  • 10) Inject the payload.
  • 11) Navigate to SD Format and press the power button to enter the menu (Controls are V+ for up, V- for down, and Power to select).
  • 12) Navigate to Format for EmuMMC setup and select the power button.
  • 13) Read the warning, then press the power button when the countdown is finished.
  • 14) Press any button to return to the main menu.
  • 15) Navigate to exit, then select Reboot to RCM.
  • 16) Eject the card.
  • 17) Download all the links in the guide mentioned above in the SD Preparation section.
  • 18) Connect the micro SD card to the computer.
  • 19) ??? (continue the guide).
  • 20) Inject the Hekate payload.
  • 21) Select emuMMC, then select Create emuMMC, then select SD Partition, and select continue.
  • 22) Select Change emuMMC, then SD RAW 1.
  • 23) Make a NAND Backup.
  • 24) Get the Keys of the Console.
  • 25) Reboot into RCM, then run the Hekate payload, then select Launch, then select Atmosphere FSS0 EmuMMC (also known as CFW emuMMC) and launch.

Note: emuMMC is not required if you are only playing with mods, and is mainly used for stuff like piracy, however, there is one thing you can do with it, and that's stuff like using the switch when you update it and Atmosphere hasn't updated.

How to hack Smash Ultimate

(Tutorial is located here: https://gamebanana.com/tuts/12827)

1: Download Arcropolis (https://github.com/Raytwo/ARCropolis/releases/)

2: Download Arcadia (Not necessary, but useful, https://gamebanana.com/tools/6865)

3: Extract the release.zip file

4: Drag the folder's contents into your SD card

5: On your root or sd:, create a folder named "ultimate", and in that folder, create a folder called "mods"

Now to add the mods, you simply need to put them in "sd:/ultimate/mods" for non plugin mods, and "sd:/atmosphere/contents/01006A800016E000/romfs/skyline/plugins/" for code plugins

Notable Hackers

  • Phantom Wings - The first really great hacker. Most of the big advances were lead by him. 1337 h4x0r. Retired because of the endlessly whining faggy community.
  • Dantarion - Followed in PW's footsteps. Almost exactly in PW's footsteps. Got sick of the whiny crowd and left.
  • Kryal - Not even really a brawl hacker. Created a tool to hack ANY wii game and get shit like models. As if anyone cares. Never does anything anymore.
  • Shanus - Tourneyfag with decent skills in using the knowledge the above three gave him.
  • The Silence Pwns You - see shanus. Also fat.
  • Blind - See The Silence Pwns You. Also Gay.
  • Guy - See blind. No, seriously. Like half of the people, I considered for this list like the cock.
  • Veril - HARDCORE tourneyfag. Super hardcore. As in, spends hours gathering every bit of data available for a single technique. Probably loves the cock just like the rest of these guys
  • Xyro, AKA "The Green Lesbian" - Loves hackers (and therefore the cock).
  • Vishera - Canadian Ganondorf main that has mainly modded Smash 4 and Ultimate. Notable for Lumadorf, Air Mac, Fanondorf, Turbo Mode, Expand Dong, and other strange things. No longer mods.
  • BluJay - A fucking coding wizard who managed to do something even the Project M Devs couldn't do, being fixing the 1 frame delay that has existed since Brawl. Main developer of Hewdraw Remix (The main mod for Ultimate).

Notable Tourneyfags

A Challenger Appears

Last Thursday, Sony, continuing their long and proud tradition of seeing what Nintendo have done, then shamelessly copying it while simultaneously extracting everything that made the original idea fun, charming or exciting, foisted upon the general public PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale, a Super Smash Bros ripoff with the most generic, forgettable name imaginable (presumably Sony Computer Entertainment's Copyrighted Intellectual Property Crossover Fighting Game Product was just too inspiring a title for Sony's marketing department).

The game seeks to bring the Smash Bros-style experience to Sonyggers across the globe and score some of that sweet, sweet Jew gold for Sony by targeting that demographic of PS3 owners who don't have a Wii and can only look wistfully at all the people playing SSBB having fun.

Unfortunately, however, the developers seemed to have forgotten the fact that the PS3 has no gaems and as such, the roster of playable characters in PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale is truly pitiable compared to Smash Bros, and it's certainly isn't helping as well with the fact that the game's roster are mostly a collection of nobodies or long forgotten characters from old Sony IP's.

Gamer reaction to the game varied from "Meh" to "HA HA HA, OH WOW" to "DO NOT WANT."

Sony also released a "Remastered" Version of the game for the PS4 for some fucking reason.

Rivals of Aether is what would happen if Nintendo had a Steam Workshop, then removed shielding. It has 12 base characters (10 without the DLC), and the Steam Workshop, which has hundreds of Sandbert clones and only a few good characters. A list of notable characters includes; Several rips from Smash Bros, joke characters like Ronald and 100% accurate Fox, and some OC's.

The reaction to this game is mostly positive, similar to that of Smash Ultimate.

Or if you're too broke to spend money for Aether, there's Brawhalla. a F2P alternative that is also avaible for PC, despite being published by a company with a rather very infamous reputation, the game turned as somewhat decent, It has 57 characters as of 2023 all of them are free to use, Although in a weekly rotation where the Game would randomly choose 9 characters you can use for free per-week.

Oh and there's also the "crossovers" characters which is are all just skins, really.

And last but also least there's MultiVersus a game nobody except Warner Bros Neckbeards cared about. Also it's pretty much dead on arrival kek.

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