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FPS

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OMGZ IM TEH PWNZORZ!!

A First Person Shooter (FPS for short and "Faggy Penis Sucker" for you) is a very popular game genre due to its properties of allowing nerds to act tough. They do not rely on a storyline or plot that makes any sense to people who are not basement dwellers, but instead focuses on trying to animate weapons that rape the laws of physics. Throughout a FPS-game you will be constantly assaulted by enemies of any sort, for no apparent reason. The only winning move is not to play. According to Conservatives, FPS-games, music, white sneakers, and anything not in the bible are offensive. FPS-games are made by the formerly bullied, for the currently bullied, to train them for the oncoming mass slaughter they are going to create at their local school. Because Hillary Clinton hates training, she wishes to ban them.

Rules Of First Person Shooters:

  • Everyone else is always better than you. No exceptions.
  • It is impossible to headshot someone else, but everyone else can headshot you no matter how far away they are or what gun they're using.
  • If someone is rushing toward you swinging his knife, it doesn't matter how many times you shoot him in the chest with a machine gun; He will always kill you.
  • If you stay on a tower or other sniping point for more than two minutes and get four or five kills, you are a camping faggot who needs to get fucked and stop cheating. If someone else hides behind a wall on the only path that connects your spawn point to the rest of the map for fifteen minutes and shoots everyone in the head with a sniper rifle five seconds after they respawn and you complain about it, you need to stop being a crybaby pussy and you got 0wned.
  • If you are able to kill someone else more than twice, you are a fat 36 year-old basement dwelling faggot who does nothing but play first person shooters 16 hours a day. No exceptions.
  • If you kill someone else more than three times in a row, you are hacking and will be booted.
  • If you fire at someone else with a sniper rifle and the targeting reticule is directly in the middle of their chest or face, you will always miss.
  • Only you are capable of camping or hacking. If anyone else has an obvious unfair advantage (like a wall hack or a sniping position that lets him kill anybody who tries to move more than 20 feet away from their spawn point), it's because they're l33t and you are teh n00bish suxxorz.

Multiplayer

Many First Person Shooters have multi-player modes. This is where 13 Year Old Boys hang out when they are not riding skateboards. FACT: multi-player IS SERIOUS FUCKING BUSINESS and many gamers will become enraged when you play by the rules, and kill their character. Just like IRL most players will run their fat ass into a corner and hide until someone comes by, at which point they'll commence spraying and feel pretty awesome for it. Some may even feel that are the shit, because of their impressive skill of hiding their fat ass in a corner and emulating a trapdoor spider. Others will corner snipe, use abilities that increase nothing but damage, and generally exploit the game's flaws in order to win. Most FPS gamers cannot handle the fact that another player actually got a one-up on them, as this could effect their k/d ratio. It's speculated that most gamers are people who have lives and spend most of their time at work. The prospect of not being the BEST GAMER EVAR is enough to disrupt even the most hardy of FPS players. This is particularly annoying when your opponents have microphones, and think they have some sort of reputation to defend. Everyone has a microphone except niggers. Examples of FPS abuse includes:

  • FUK YOU< Cum AND FYT ME IRL
  • STOP HAXING?!!
  • HAI? FUCK OFFF11111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Another example can be:

  • You fire 15 rounds at some basement dweller, and 7 of those hit him in the chest. Basement Dweller turns around and shoots you three times in the pinky toe with a UMP45 w/ Stopping Power; You fall down dead.
  • OMFG you Scrub!!!!
  • LOL YOU SUX!

Gallery

See Also


FPS is part of a series on

Gaming

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