User:Green Mystery/Minecraft

This page is being given drastic changes and is incomplete. The current, unlulzy and TL;DR version of this page can be found Here.

Minecraft (also known as Chris-Chan's Extreme Autism: Underground) is an over-rated online sandbox game created entirely in Java, and is the brainchild of the brilliant Swedish fat-ass Markus Persson, better known as “Notch.”

The first incarnation of this game appeared in 2009 as a simple time waster in which you would build pixel art of video game sprites and blocky dicks. But like all great internet phenomena, it caught the attention of depraved channers and goons to cast their influence on Notch’s ambitious project, which in part made the game more popular than it’s worth.

Being a game made in Java, it's slow, buggy, and overall extremely terrible; in fact being made in Java is the very reason why you shouldn't play it to begin with. All these problems are to be fixed sooner than later, since the lazy jew Notch has finally given up on this shitty game and his suck-up 'employee' Jeb took over the game design. The previous statement however, is at best wishful thinking; evidently Jeb is just as lazy and disconnected from the playerbase as Notch was.

The Game

This page contains spoilers — important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example,
HOLY SHIT everything is just a dream and you actually need to go into some portal shit kill a dragon and get a shit ending with a huge block of text!!!1

Typical when playing Minecraft

Few suggest that this is the easiest way to catch an enderman.

Minecraft's gameplay is composed mainly out of wandering pointlessly doing fuck-all in a blocky world before the sun sets down and the player gets raped in the ass by all sorts of enemy NPCs. Although arguably the experience goes deeper than that, no matter how 'amazing' your Minecraft life appears to be it always can be boiled down to the previous sentence. Whenever he is not wandering around looking for that one block he needs to complete his giant golden cock and balls statue, the player is expected to grid the fuck out of mining, farming, tree cutting and, in some tragic cases, even mob-slaying, the one thing that keeps the Minecraft experience just a little bit more varied and organic than a plastic picnic-mat.

Mobs

Mobs are just a bunch of NPCs that are designed to piss you off while you're building your gay house.

Passive Mobs

Pig - Pink thing that snorts at you until you kill it for pork chops. Notch added the completely fucking useless feature of being able to ride pigs. First, you go down to the depths of the fucking earth to get a saddle, then you place it on the pig, then you right click it. You can't control the pig at all, and it moves the same way that it does when you aren't riding it, so its fucking useless other than fulfilling Notch's sick fantasy.
Cow - Likes to jump in your face until you milk it or kill it for leather and beef. Milk in Minecraft functions as an antidote for food poisoning, which is ironic because normally if you ate rotten meat and then had milk that'd be suicide.
Mooshroom - A cow that has mushrooms growing on it's back. It's completely fucking worthless unless you like stew.
Sheep - You only get wool from these guys. They can now eat grass to regain their wool. This is pointless because in the game you need a total of 3 wool.
Wolf - Because Notch wanted to cater to furries. If you hit one of these animals, they will rip the shit out of you. If you give them bones, hearts will fly everywhere. Now the dog will follow you and attack anything you hit.
Squid - Pointless pieces of shit that live in water. You only get ink sacks from them and they do nothing!
Villager - Creepy, big nosed creatures with crossed arms. All they do is sit around in villages and practically do nothing besides having gay orgies to make babies. You can get different clothed people to show their jobs in society but nobody cares about that since they all act the same anyway. Another way these can be recognised as jews is that you can trade in all of your valuable emeralds for a piece of fried chicken. In short, the fan-made "Millenaire Mod" was at least 100 times better than these Jewish pricks.
Snow Golem - Made from a pumpkin and snow blocks. Basically, a wolf will a brain of Chris-chan. They fire snowballs at enemies that reduces their health by 0.1 each time. Completely pointless unless you want a distraction.
Ocelot - Worthless pieces of ass that do jack shit except wander around and run away from you.
Cat - When you tame an Ocelot, you get one of these little shitstains. They don't do anything except meow and make Creepers run away.
Iron Golem - These lumbering hunks of shit are possibly the coolest mob in the game mainly because they toss niggers 100 feet in the air and have 100 HP.

You can now breed animals by feeding them wheat, multiplying the faggotry in the game and also adding a bit of incest as well. If you feed an animal wheat, he enters love mode and if another animal of the same type is nearby and in love mode too, they have kinky hot nose sex until they ejaculate another version of themselves. In 1.9 prerelease 2 you could multiply animals like cells as long as you had wheat, but in all updates after, Notch changed it so that when 2 animals have a baby they can't make another until the baby grows up (which takes at least 100 years.)

Aggressive Mobs

Zombie - Easy as hell to kill. They drop rotten flesh. Eat rotten flesh and it fucks up your food bar permanently.
Skeleton - One of the most annoying features of the game. It just sits in a dark corner spamming arrows at you until you die. Drops arrows and bones.
Creeper - The ultimate trolls of the game. They pick the moment when you just found your first diamond or two. When come near you, they hiss and explode and rape the shit out of anything near it. This causes major butthurt for the player. You can get gunpowder from them to make TNT. Also, they can get struck by lightning and that makes them have a wider blast radius for even moar rape.
Spider - They like to climb up walls and jump in your face. Variations include Spider Jockies and Cave Spiders. Spider Jockies are spiders with skeletons riding them, and Cave Spider are spiders that poison you which takes you down to HALF A HEART. You can get string for these guys to make bows and fishing rods. You can also get Spider Eyes to make potions with.
Slime - They live deep underground. If you kill one, they split into at least 100 more smaller ones. You can get slime balls from them and make nothing but sticky pistons.
Enderman - They are EXACTLY like niggers: they are tall, black, they steal things, and if you look at them, they will freeze. If you look away from them, they will attack you. As soon as you look away from them they teleport and hit you from behind. They drop ender pearls that make them disappear. Throwing enderpearls can make you teleport but in sacrifice for self-harm.
Silverfish - If you mine the wrong block of stone in a cave, little hairy pricks come out and rape you. But then they wake up their buddies to rape even MOAR shit!
Enderdragon - Big ass dragon in The End. Swoops down to rape your shit all the time until you get off your ass and kill it by firing over 9000 arrows up its ass.
Zombie Pigman - They appear in the Nether or from a pig being struck by lightning (there's at least 100 percent chance that this will never happen). If you hit them, they use their golden swords to decapitate you. You get rotten meat and golden nuggets from them. They function like niggers: they spawn in groups, and if you hurt one, the whole group will come after you.
Ghast - Huge flying, white squid ghost things that also live in the nether. Makes creepy baby noises and fires flaming meteors at you. The only two ways to kill them is by spamming arrows at them or reflecting the meteors back at them with your sword. You can get gunpowder and ghast tears from them but they always end up in lava anyway.
Magma Cube - Notch thought it would be a good idea to re-texture the slimes. They appear in the Nether and like to dismantle themselves. Like most mobs, they're fucking useless.
Blaze - They appear in Nether fortresses and catch fire to themselves before firing flaming meteors at you. These yellow flying pricks drop blaze rods which are essential for bonus pleasure points that add to your score at the end.future uses.

Planned Mobs

Fish - These mobs were announced back in 2010 and they still haven't been added to the fucking game. If they ever do get added they'd probably be wankstains.
Red Dragon - These mobs have been confirmed and will be the second asshole dragon to be in the game. They'll supposedly be more peaceful and they'll have lairs in cliffs. That being said, they'll still probably be able to rip you to shreds.
Jayden A fat dick that no one likes and follows you around everywhere untill he gets pissed at you. Also he will go on about "trolling" and thinks he is good at it.

Removed Mobs

Giant - Giants are giant mobs that do absolute shit and can't even break blocks. They have been removed from the game but their coding is still there, mainly so that hackers can spawn them on your game and scare the shit out of you, and/or because Notch is so fucking fat and lazy that he can't reach the backspace key.
Human - Humans were only in Classic and they did nothing except run around like fucking retards. They had no use. Seriously.

Dimensions

Overworld - This is where you start off and live your every day life. Biomes include grass plains, swamps, jungles, snowy lands, deserts, forests and mushroom islands. The stuff you may find underground will be mine shafts, caves, tombs, and strongholds which all contain creatures of rape. It's also the only place where day and night happen.
Nether - You decide you don't want to life on this planet any more, build a portal out of obsidian and explore what would happen if WW3 took place. As soon as you enter the nether, you will be raped by zombie pigmen and cum throwing ghasts, if you don't fall into the deep oceans of lava first. Explore it even more and you will find fortresses with genital warts growing in them, guarded by Blazes and magma cubes.
The End - You may also find that the strongholds may contain a different portal. Shove a bunch of eyes of the ender into to it for it to open. This world is just a big block of white shit filled with endermen within a skybox that looks like a black tv fuzz. BUT THEN THERE IS A FUCKING HUGE DRAGON YOU HAVE TO KILL BY DESTROYING ITS HEALTH SOURCES AND WHEN IT DIES IT SHITS OUT EXPERIENCES ORBS AND A PORTAL UNDER A DRAGON EGG. Once you jump in, Notch pulls out his troll face and explains in the credits how he made his money from making you buy this shitty game in the first place with two people who take 10 minutes (not long to you) to tell you to get a life.
Skylands - This part of minecraft used to only be accessible by modding, even though the code for the world was still there. Notch confirmed the Skylands would happen but then later replaced it with The End. It has since been confirmed again.

Other Ports

And if this game isn't shitastic enough as it is, they had to port it onto two other consoles!

Heckx Bawx Three-seisty- This shitastic port plays similar to the online version, except you're world is as small as your chances of getting laid and you are constantly under the threat of the Red Ring of Death.
Android- You gotta be kidding me! Yup, Notch thought he didn't have enough money to fill his fat folds and had to port it again, but this time to a FUCKING PHONE!!!

The in-game world is as small as a petri dish and the world has fog everywhere! Sound familiar? Also the game controls like shit and has no fun value.

	“	WEEEE! Now I can build golden penises on the go!	„
	—Fanboy

Griefing

	“	>What kind of sick person would actually ENJOY griefing!!??	„
	—everyone on the minecraft forums

Griefing is discouraged in Minecraft. In fact it's not really griefing, it's raiding. However, the autistic manchildren who play Minecraft believe that someone going around setting fire to everything is griefing, and that only good people exist in the universe. Protip: doing this IRL isn't griefing, it's called arson and will get you v&. However, if you somehow gain access to spawning TNT in a server, the following is the best course of action:

Previous Video | Next Video

Many PVP servers (player vs player) have asspie admins who put in plugins that ruin the server by disabling fire and explosions. Doing so completely removes the possibility of going to the Nether (hell in the game) as well as burning down shitty wooden houses other people made, blowing them up, and TNT mining, but they do this because "explozins and fir r teh ghey"

	“	Why are explosions disabled on this server? Its PVP	„
	—cunt

	“	oh no its michal myers and he needs his expl,osions lol!!! XDD	„
	—faggot

The Man

Valiant effort, but we all know "That's so gay" is HILARIOUS.

All Notch does all day is swim in his money vault and play Civ V instead of developing your favorite new feature. Make sure to comment about it in his tumblr.

As stated before, the fatass behind Minecraft is no other than Notch, a Swedish Gabe Newell clone who tries as hard as possible to piss off everyone around him without being caught. Over the years he has developed an unmatched ego and he now thinks he's the center of the internet world and everything revolves around him and his half-ass game. Notch frequently disguises his awful narcissism using cute smiley faces like ":-)" and "<3" at the end of his blog posts, as well as shitty jokes no better than his game. This ultra-ego finally surfaced during the huge Minecon 2011 flop and the Yogscast drama aftershock.

Notch's Tumblr

	“	I visited my doctor last week, and he told me I had to stop masturbating. I asked him why, surely it’s not dangerous. He said it was distracting him.	„
	—Typical post on Notch's Tumblr.

Notch's Tumblr is essentially Notch's blog for the game. It used to be a breeding ground for all sorts of Minecraft fanboyism and autism, before Notch finally got his shit together and disabled the comments on his blog (only to have all the faggotry flow to the Minecraft Forums). The idiots who commented there were very easy to troll and used to white knight Notch in the hope of getting a free account or whatever, but failing to do so since their actions consisted of nothing more than omg hi notch i made a site and it has a review its at (Insert Shitty Site Name) plz sign up!!11

	“	I’m exhausted! I’d really like to do a Seecret Friday update, both to keep you guys happy and to actually get to do some programming myself, but I need to wind down.	„
	—Just one of Notch's fine examples of laziness.

Notch's Tumblr, like all Tumblr blogs, consists mostly of shit nobody gives a fuck about. It used to be filled with news about Minecraft's development progress (back when there was still any progress to report), but as the months flew by and the fanbase grew to a ridiculous size for such a crappy game the place got littered with posts of Notch praising himself and talking about how he loves playing video games.

Notch's Twitter

This is where Notch tells everyone about shitty updates he's adding, chats to Jeb about when they're going to have buttsecks together, and what he's eating. He also tells about what videogames he's playing and how he's procrastinating when he's supposed to be working on gaycraft.

Recently, Notch replied to a ~~buttsex request~~ challenge from a brony, and came out of the brony closet: https://twitter.com/#!/notch/status/160076467559071744

	“	Civilization 5 just got unlocked on Steam.	„
	—Notch, telling us about his interesting life.

Notch and Judaism

The truth about Notch

As time goes by, more and more evidence piles up in favor of Notch being a kike. If it wasn't obvious from his fat, bald Jewhead, Notch keeps proving to everyone that he's in it just for the money. At first he turned Minecraft into a paid game, and he then increased the price (twice!) in order to squeeze out more cash. In addition to that, Notch claims that anyone who bought Minecraft after the 20th of December, 2010 will have to pay for some future updates and expansions unlike the high elite who bought the game during its Alpha stage. Denying these beta-ordering faggots free updates will increase the size of egos in autists who bought the game beforehand. At this point, it's obvious that Notch included this feature to help alpha-fags get better hung than others.

The Community

The Minecraft community is a prime example of stagnation and faggotry taking over a nice place. What started out as a small group of gamers who simply enjoy a small indie game turned out to be one of the world's most repulsive shitholes in the history of the internet. The community is so bloody overflown with faggots, self-importance, sexually-repressed fanboys and Autism it's virtually impossible to find even a single shred of lulz or faith in mankind in the Minecraft swamp.

Minecraft Forums

Moar info: Minecraft Forums.

Minecraft forums in a nutshell.

A neko crying over above image, sent by other complete aspie Quatroking.

Minecraft's Forums is the core of the Minecraft community, and therefor it is the most disgusting part of it. The forums contain the biggest shitpile of drama ever seen for at least 100 years. Drama ranging from oldfags been chased off by illiterate newfag Muslims to Alchohol fueled genital photography. Filled with asspies and moderator cock-sucking, the dramafest never ends whilst mouth-foaming aspies try to defend themselves from hundreds of other mouth-foaming aspies.

Some veterans may argue that things were much better before Minecraft became popular, and before the furfag attack began. This argument is supported by the fact that most, if not all the original players left the forum years ago. Today it's essentially walking into hell - furry faggots with over 5,000 posts bragging about their ED edits and getting banned for calling out other furfags. Because of how buttmad the administration is there now (as with any community that is Minecraft related), saying anything negative about furries, pedophiles, necrophiles, black people or white people will result in a ban. This may be due to the fact that the administration team is normally extremely diverse.

/r/Minecraft

/r/Minecraft is the fastest-growing Minecraft-related fan circlejerk and another prime beacon of faggotry and a small inner-circle inside the big liberal and 'intellectual' blob that is Reddit (AKA a "subreddit"). While /r/Minecraft isn't occupied by furries and underage boys, it is full of the next worst type of fans: Overweight, 25+ year old basement dwelling manchildren and social freaks who live off their parents' disapproving looks.

/r/Minecraft is perhaps best known for being the lurking ground of the game developers, Notch and Jeb. Although most Mojang employees only post something once in a blue moon, many of the miserable losers who surf there see it as a soap box, from which they can order the developers around using "suggestions" and "ideas".

Whenever they're not presenting any "humble suggestions", most fags on /r/Minecraft spend their days participating in a horrible fan circlejerk. This involves posting pictures of themselves wearing Minecraft costumes, baking Minecraft-themed cakes and buying overpriced Minecraft merchandise all in an attempt to earn as much digital points (called "karma") as possible. If you enter /r/Minecraft more than once you might notice how repetitive the top threads tend to get; that's because the local hivemind only upvotes the same handfull of post types, and nothing else.

In terms of drama, /r/Minecraft is quite dull. Even the most lulzy of events there are simply reflections of much larger flamewars (e.g. the Yogscast flop). It is worth visiting only for the sake of research and study; holding such a fine array of manchildren and leeches on society.

Minepedia

	“	<@Quatroking> Being mildly autistic myself, I do not tolerate any of this shit at all.	„
	—Quatroking, banning anyone on IRC for making remarks about autism

The Minepedia is Minecraft's community-run Wiki. It is run by Quatroking, a known aspergic and sufferer of USI, also a known newfag. There are a bunch of Wikipedos monitoring the site too, assuming they are "a vandal fighter, and sock hunter on wikipedia". The Minepedia normally gets trolled by /v/ every friday during an update, tricking the autistics into thinking cars/dragons/whatever was added to the game.

There are actually two Minepedias. This one supports the lulz.

Quatroking himself

	“	So i was just hanging out with my cousin, and we were in my room and somehow we ended up blowing eachother... hes coming over tomorrow ;D	„
	—Quatroking before he got popular

Quatroking in the flesh.

He collects dolls too?

Quatroking feels himself to be 1337 in every way, starting with having his own article on Minepedia whilst saying no vanity articles are allowed. This article is under a constant edit war due to the fanbase denying Quatroking being of any significance at all. He finally caved in after realizing he is unimportant and actually contributed nothing at all to the game.

After finally getting OPs for sucking a lot of furry cock, Quatroking bans people from #minecraft for dissing autism due to himself being autistic. However, Quatroking doesn't actually know how IRC works, it seems:

File:Quatrokingunbanningsomeone.png

Quatroking trying to unban one person from IRC.

Also, he's so hated by the community itself, his title was once changed from "Wiki Admin" to "Dick" on the official Minecraft forum.

The Aspergite drama

The original Aspergite article.

In July 2010, /v/ decided to fuck with the asspie admins of Minepedia. Because one of the items Notch added to the game originally had no name, players had to come up with their own name. /v/ called this new item Aspergite. Fitting for the game, amirite?

/v/ soon created the article for Aspergite. It was honestly very lulzy and for the time in which it existed made the Wiki worth going to. However, as this article came into view of the admins, Quatroking got severely butthurt as his disability was mocked. He banned users for arguing on Aspergite's talk page, then had to ban a wide range of users (plus innocent ones as well) then bawwwleted the article.

After the article's deletion, Anons from /v/ asked Quatroking via his talk page about why the article was removed. He replied saying it was due to trolls.

A page on Aspergium is also archived here. You can use it to effectively troll the autists.

The Notch Defense Force

There are two cliques that frequent the Minecraftian community swamp - an army of entitled basement-dwellers who believe the $10EUR they borrowed from mommy to pay for their digital crack gives them the right to dictate the developer's life, and The Notch Defense Force, a collection of underage faggots and asspained autists willing to jump to the defense of Notch's e-peen, and kiss his fat-ass for recognition. When these groups collide, it can create bullshit so massive that it breaks the very fabric of the internet.

Obviously this creates ample trolling possibilities, but members of the community have over-compensated to the point where anyone who simply disagrees with someone's comment is labelled a "troll." Ironically, this hyper-sensitivity makes trolling even easier. Sometimes it seems that even Notch trolls the community, such as when he delayed a "Secret Friday Update" to play Civ 5 instead.

The Drama

As you might have noticed (if you've actually read everything written above), the nature of the shitty game, lazy developer and Autistic community all make Minecraft an excellent stage for lots and lots of E-drama (and in some cases even IRL-drama). This section will list all the major conflicts and lulz-spewing trollcanoes.

The Great Multiplayer Code Leak of 2010

Late at night on July the 26th 2010, somebody joined the World of Minecraft Livestream and leaked the invite code "!!Thomas!!" to the Survival Multiplayer testing whilst the faggot who was streaming was giving out clues about the code. 5 minutes later this code found it's way onto /v/.

Quatroking, trying to keep Multiplayer to himself like a Jew and continuing to want to feel important, demanded Notch to shut down the server. Notch responded with a simple "lol no" and kept the server up, even releasing the invite code on his Twitter. Quatroking then tried to cause drama by blaming the code leak on World of Minecraft and Brocraft, then eventually the blame spread to /v/.

The next morning, whilst the server was being raped by autologin scripts, Notch decided to take down the server so he could get some work done. This caused more butthurt as retards blamed it on the fact that everyone had access to the server regardless of Notch publicly inviting everyone.

The Server Mod MCAdmin Drama

	“	i prefer computers to people, they don't let you down, they don't lie to you, they don't fuck with you	„
	—Doridian, fully expressing how pathetic he is

Sometime later, on October the 26th, 2010, a user named Bradster was running his server with this mod when Doridian (the mod's creator) bypassed the whitelist and fagged up the server with his shitty English until the dude banned him. Doridian was butthurt and banned the server owner from his own server and proceeded to chastise him until he got unbanned.

Later the mod was decompiled and it was discovered that the devs Doridian and Intoxicated had added backdoors to give them power to troll the servers of everyone using the mod, and even to globally ban people they don't like from using these servers. The dev began to BAWWW that no one liked him irl and everyone else began to whine that his actions were illegal. Eventually they wrote a dubious disclaimer excusing them of everything and removed the offending code.

tl;dr Doridian is a furry who owns a gay furry group on Steam and a troll who pissed off the masses with his shit mod. Because the Minecraft forums is overrun with furfag moderators, simply saying yiff in hell will result in a ban, so how about you call him to tell him how much you appreciate his work?

Secret Beta Update Drama

On December 21, 2010, Notch moved the game into beta. Along with this, he added capes for his fellow Mojang Employees, and an update he dubbed more rare than this. On the forums, the Minefags tried as hard as they could to find the secret. Many trolls took the opportunity to create hoaxes about what the update was. Many created fake screenshots, saves, or simply lied about what it was. In the end, the Notch told them that he had given a user named Deadmau5 a custom model that gave his character mouse ears. Notch had already posted a screenshot of it prior to the beta release. Deadmau5 had gained this custom model because he had used Minecraft graphics at a rave party.

Receive More Updates

RMU is some sort of Internet Tough faction that DDoSed minecraft.net because there weren't any updates to Minecraft in a certain timeframe, and wanted updates NAO. This ended up in minecraft.net being taken down for a few days whilst a 15-year-old script kiddie was busy LOICing the site to death.

After the Halloween update to Minecraft, RMU continued crying about it saying it wasn't good enough, boasting about how they had 3,000 or whatever members who would help launch a DDoS against Notch. As anything performed by aspies, it failed pretty quickly.

Minecon 2011

Minecon 2010 was a poorly planned fanboy wankfest taking place in the US shortly after Minecraft got its first spoonful of unwarranted self-importance. About 50 Autistic faggots rounded up to suck Notch's lower body section while wearing "silly" Minecraft costumes.

Minecon 2011, happening roughly a year later, was pretty much the same thing but on a much larger scale. The place was crowded, hot and stuffed to the max with stupidity and fan-cum. Survivors reported seeing endless lines, shitty entertainment and a cluster fuck of shinny colors and sad, underwhelmed people. Some idiots actually payed thousands of dollars between plane tickets, hotel costs and the bloody overpriced entry fee just to get spit in the face by Notch himself.

Yogscast E-Peen Drama

Notch got ~~trolled~~ butthurt by the Yogscast gags on November 2011

The Yogscast is a group of Minenerds taking it to the extreme. During Minecon 2011, being the epic Minecraft celebrities they are, they got all butthurt and USI and decided that they are the prime alpha males in the particular nerdwank they were taking part in. Notch took this as a personal attack on his ego, and accused the Yogscast team of being assholes. The Yogscast team replied by calling Notch and Mojang out and finally telling them what a bunch of lazy greedy Jews they are. Notch, now really pissed, summoned his army of fanboys by addressing the issue on his Twitter.

The biggest shitstorm seen in ages was to follow. Each side called the other dicks, then apologized and then called them dicks again. The Minecraft-related Web 2.0 websites were torn to pieces by all the shit, rage and trolls. It is said that the original fight between Notch and Yogscast was barely lulzy enough to keep the flamewars lit for one day, yet the flamewars continued for eight bloody days of constant butthurt. A true Jew miracle.

Community Aftermath

The entire convention was no more than a way to squeeze out some extra dollars out of the little kids who play the damn game. Notch and his little action team broke a new record in unprofessional party planning by trying to be as Jewish as possible and avoid spending even one unnecessary buck. But don't tell that to their little personal army, for saying even one bad word against the savior of the internet will lead you to an instant ban.

Soon after the convention was over, the more mature parts of the community stood up and revealed its horrors, and the internet, being the internet, wanted someone to point fingers at. The Jews were, as always, the first to blame, but soon enough the Minefags have found a much more satisfying target: No other than the great attention whore MinecraftChick.

MinecraftChick is a gurl gamer, of the most annoying type. Although claiming never to play Minecraft (or any other vidya in her life) she names herself after it BEFORE she plays it "for the first time". Being Notch's personal whore, Mojang have actually hired the ugly landwhale to be paid for doing nothing. No. Seriously. Look it up. MinecraftChick 'works' for Mojang, and her official job title is "Director of Fun" (ain't that something to put on your resume, eh?). If rumors are to be believed, one of the only actually jobs the Mojang Director of Fun ever had to do is to manage and plan the convention, which would explain why it turned out terrible, and might even explain the terrible greediness from Mojang's side. Just one more reason why this monster-whore has to die. Even though "Director of Fun" translates to what most (non-retarded) people call the "Director of Community Relations", all she does is tweet about annoying her co-workers, as well as trashing and blocking people asking for help with community-related matters, 'cause she is nawt a secretary.

TL;DR

The Gallery

Minecraft About missing Pics

Typical Minecraft creation.
What has been seen cannot be unseen.
Another waste of time.
Definitely NOT gay!

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

Minecraft lieks Mudkips too!
Even Chris-chan likes Minecraft.
North Korea is best Korea
Honesty isn't Minecraft's strongest trait.
Minecraft, IRL
Happy 9/11
Welcome to Minecraft!
Minecraft has even caught the attention of VG Cats, which they created a failtastic comic about it.
This game is way too deep for you, dad!
The Truth. And if you look closer you'll see he doesn't like nudity or porn.
Notch seen at MinecraftCon. Note how afraid he is to see so many people in the same area.
This guy actually has fanboys.
You can get tons of Youtube exposure in a short time period for doing literally anything related to Minecraft. Partnership guaranteed.
Actual photo of Notch on train with bag of gamers money. Why aren't you fixing SMP?
A Ninja Creeper!
Basically this.
With all that "awesome community" shit, maybe we can bring a message across to them...
These are the facts
Minecraft addiction is no joke.

Rule34 About missing Pics

When they say "No Exceptions" they mean it.
Who in their right mind would be aroused by this damned material?
Or this, even?
Maybe even this?