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==Software Development== | ==Software Development== | ||
This is what actual coding is. You will soon discover that it is a tedious, time consuming, head smashing, bureaucratic, black hole of time that is 100% necessary if you don't want to ship a steaming pot of spaghetti code. Fortunately, other people have pinpointed exactly how much this sucks so the whole process is pretty streamlined. | This is what actual coding is. You will soon discover that it is a tedious, time consuming, head smashing, bureaucratic, black hole of time that is 100% necessary if you don't want to ship a steaming pot of spaghetti code. Fortunately, other people have pinpointed exactly how much this sucks so the whole process is pretty streamlined. This is called the development cycle. | ||
* '''Initialization''' | * '''Initialization''' The customer approaches the company in hopes that they are desperate enough to make their ludicrous fantasy into a marketable reality. The idea is pitched to a bunch of upper level managers who don't even understand how to close the tabs on their phone, let alone know how to do any of the actual work required. After a large amount of false promises and exaggerations, the general idea of the product is set so that it can be mangled and distorted properly later down the line. | ||
* '''System Concept Development''' | * '''System Concept Development''' The least incompetent people working on the project are gather to discuss the details of how exactly they will go about assembling this shit sandwich. Big questions are answered, such as "What language should we use?", "How should we handle the back-end?", "How should we outsource of this as much as possible?", and "Why does my soup keep disappearing from the break room fridge?". | ||
* '''Planning''' This is the stage where deadlines are set so that they can inevitably be missed, and where teams will be divided into subgroups. This stage is mostly so that the people involved can feel like adults and waste more time in board meetings. It's biggest function is to establish more stress in the environment. This part involves a lot of writing stuff down and woefully attempting to hold people accountable for their actions. | |||
* '''Requirement Analysis''' | |||
== See Also == | == See Also == | ||
* [[Computer Science III]] | * [[Computer Science III]] | ||
Revision as of 21:14, 6 February 2018
Computer science is a branch of science focusing primarily on pretty much anything that can be done on a computer. It attracts a wide population of neckbeards because everyone thinks just because they play a lot of video games they will be good at programming. The field of Computer Science ranges from using advanced mathematics to precisely determine why your solution is dead wrong even if you knew how to do it, all the way to banging your head against a metaphorical brick wall for an hour because your program won't compile only to discover it was because you added an extra curly bracket.
Requirements
- At least one or more of the follwing: Neckbeard/Fedora/Macbook covered in obscure tech stickers/BMI of 36+
- A Pair of glasses to adjust on your face anytime you say the phrase "Well Actually..."
- A vast and superior knowledge of your favorite language which you will use whenever it is possible, and also when it is not possible
- Complete lack of sex drive, as the three or less females in your major will be not only repulsive, but probably already have a neckbeard boyfriend with a katana
- 4 or more Github accounts because you keep forgetting the password
- A really great idea for a revolutionary new app, it's like an uber for starbucks or something, you'll let the nerds in India figure out to to code it...
- A healthy diet of memes
- Phone to play with in class
Software Development
This is what actual coding is. You will soon discover that it is a tedious, time consuming, head smashing, bureaucratic, black hole of time that is 100% necessary if you don't want to ship a steaming pot of spaghetti code. Fortunately, other people have pinpointed exactly how much this sucks so the whole process is pretty streamlined. This is called the development cycle.
- Initialization The customer approaches the company in hopes that they are desperate enough to make their ludicrous fantasy into a marketable reality. The idea is pitched to a bunch of upper level managers who don't even understand how to close the tabs on their phone, let alone know how to do any of the actual work required. After a large amount of false promises and exaggerations, the general idea of the product is set so that it can be mangled and distorted properly later down the line.
- System Concept Development The least incompetent people working on the project are gather to discuss the details of how exactly they will go about assembling this shit sandwich. Big questions are answered, such as "What language should we use?", "How should we handle the back-end?", "How should we outsource of this as much as possible?", and "Why does my soup keep disappearing from the break room fridge?".
- Planning This is the stage where deadlines are set so that they can inevitably be missed, and where teams will be divided into subgroups. This stage is mostly so that the people involved can feel like adults and waste more time in board meetings. It's biggest function is to establish more stress in the environment. This part involves a lot of writing stuff down and woefully attempting to hold people accountable for their actions.
- Requirement Analysis
See Also
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Computer science is part of a series on Aspies. | [Sperg out] |
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Computer science is part of a series on Visit the Softwarez Portal for complete coverage. |