- Portals
- The Current Year
- ED in the News
- Admins
- Help ED Rebuild
- Archive
- ED Bookmarklet
- Donate Bitcoin
Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.
Money: Difference between revisions
imported>Onideus →See Also: - Added Bitcoin |
imported>Coelacanth |
||
(51 intermediate revisions by 20 users not shown) | |||
Line 1: | Line 1: | ||
[[ | {{notice|''This article is about [[IRL]] currency. For [[OL]], see [[Internet money]]''}} | ||
[[ | <br> | ||
[[ | <center> | ||
[[ | {{frame|[[File:Merchant money.gif|center]] | ||
[[Image:Getmoney.jpg|thumb|One of the many ways to get money.]] | |border=#ffd700 | ||
[[Image:DuckNigeria.jpg|thumb|Even Technologically Impaired Duck is making money on the internet]] | }} | ||
[[Image:Washingtons_money.jpg|thumb|They love money too.]] | </center> | ||
<br> | |||
[[Image:Getmoney.jpg|thumb|350px|One of the many ways to get money.]] | |||
[[Image:DuckNigeria.jpg|thumb|220px|Even Technologically Impaired Duck is making money on the internet]] | |||
<!-- [[Image:Washingtons_money.jpg|thumb|They love money too.]] --> | |||
{{quote|Money can't buy love in this world, but it'll get you a half pound of cocaine and a 16 year-old girl.|[[Jew|Randy Newman]]}} | |||
<br> | |||
{{Quote|Money might not be able to buy love but it does a pretty damn good job of renting it.|[[Hookers and blow|John Delorian]]}} | |||
<br> | |||
[[Image:Lesbianmoney.jpg|thumb|220px|Lesbians are socially ostracized and have to use marked bills..]] | |||
[[Image:Bored.jpg|thumb|220px|Rich people are usually depressed because they don't have any real friends.]] | |||
[[Image:$20 and $5 01.jpg|220px|thumb|Presidents get angry at the defacing of money.]] | |||
'''Money'''{{jew}} is a term that refers to the medium of exchange in any standardized system of trade. Ancient cultures had yet to invent [[bullshit]], and so all of their 'money' was actually just a standardized form of barter - they traded a socially agreed upon amount of a certain precious commodity such as [[Salt|salt]], or [[semen|white gold]], for goods. | |||
If you're an [[azn|Asian]] or a [[poor|third world]] immigrant, you are considered rich by your people if you | Modern money has the advantage of not having any worth but what is socially agreed upon, because it is now made out of largely worthless metals, and fibers. [[Allegedly]] these worthless representations of wealth are backed by massive reserves of precious metals, specifically [[Jew Gold]]. In practice, however, nobody really cares as long as you can still afford a [[7-11|slushie]]. | ||
[[Zaiger|IT IS THE FUCKING THING THAT THE MORONS CLOSED THE OLD ED FOR]]. For more info: [[capitalism]] | |||
If you're an [[azn|Asian]] or a [[poor|third world]] immigrant, you are considered rich by your people if you have [[at least 100]] dollars in your debit card. | |||
There are [[over 9000|many many]] ways to get money. You can start by getting a [[job]] so you don't stay in your [[basement-dweller|mom's basement]] for the rest of your [[life]]. | There are [[over 9000|many many]] ways to get money. You can start by getting a [[job]] so you don't stay in your [[basement-dweller|mom's basement]] for the rest of your [[life]]. | ||
Line 20: | Line 33: | ||
[[United States]] Dollars are tracked by the government-run site [[Where's George?]]. | [[United States]] Dollars are tracked by the government-run site [[Where's George?]]. | ||
[[Image:Moneynz.jpg|thumb|right|[[New Zealand]] money is guarded by images of terrifying gargoyles.]] | [[Image:Moneynz.jpg|thumb|220px|right|[[New Zealand]] money is guarded by images of terrifying gargoyles.]] | ||
<center> | <center> | ||
Line 27: | Line 39: | ||
<youtube>ON-7v4qnHP8</youtube><br> | <youtube>ON-7v4qnHP8</youtube><br> | ||
</center> | </center> | ||
== With money you can: == | == With money you can: == | ||
[[Image:Mastercard_perks.jpg| | [[Image:Mastercard_perks.jpg|220px|right| money opens doors for you. It even spreads legs.]] | ||
*Buy [[slave|another human being]]. | *Buy [[slave|another human being]]. | ||
*Buy [[Cocaine|happine$$]]. | *Buy [[Cocaine|happine$$]]. | ||
*Find [[secks|true love]] | *Find [[secks|true love]] | ||
*Buy a [[furry|donkey for love making]]. | *Buy a [[furry|donkey for love making]]. | ||
[[Image:Feelsgoodonmytaint.jpg|thumb|Shop online.]] | <!-- [[Image:Feelsgoodonmytaint.jpg|thumb|Shop online.]] --> | ||
*Buy a [[gun]]. | *Buy a [[gun]]. | ||
*[[Buy a dog]]. | *[[Buy a dog]]. | ||
Line 45: | Line 55: | ||
*Enjoy the [[hookers and blow|finer thing$]] in life. | *Enjoy the [[hookers and blow|finer thing$]] in life. | ||
*Get your girl a diamond, since all women are materiali$tic harpie$ and if you don't, you'll never get laid. | *Get your girl a diamond, since all women are materiali$tic harpie$ and if you don't, you'll never get laid. | ||
*Get really good at forplay. By this I mean taking a girl to a Jewlry Store to get her lubed up. | |||
*Rule at Nerd Poker because you can by all the best cards in [[Magic The Gathering]], [[Pokemon]] or [[Yu-Gi-Oh]]. | |||
*Light your cigars with $100 bills. | |||
*Buy a dildo, if you’re [[bisexual|bi$exual]] or [[gay]] | |||
*Buy gabe butt$ech$. | *Buy gabe butt$ech$. | ||
*Get mugged. | *Get mugged. | ||
Line 55: | Line 69: | ||
<center><youtube>DAWoWIECfXM</youtube><br></center> | <center><youtube>DAWoWIECfXM</youtube><br></center> | ||
*Scam the living [[Shit]] out of [[Retards]] by investing in [[cooldude|Derek Stewart's]] money making [[facepalm|opportunity]]. See [[Youtube]] video below and call him for a [[pwnage|chat]]. | *Scam the living [[Shit]] out of [[Retards]] by investing in [[cooldude|Derek Stewart's]] money making [[facepalm|opportunity]]. See [[Youtube]] video below and call him for a [[pwnage|chat]]. | ||
<center><youtube> | <center><youtube>TFI2bNQPVnw</youtube><br></center> | ||
And many many [[moar]]!? | And many many [[moar]]!? | ||
== Things equal to money == | == Things equal to money == | ||
[[File:Hellokittymoney2.jpg|thumb|right|150px|[[Hello Kitty]] has her [http:// | [[File:Hellokittymoney2.jpg|thumb|right|150px|[[Hello Kitty]] has her [http://archive.fo/qNl92 own currency].]] | ||
*[[Sex]] | *[[Sex]] | ||
*[[Love]] | *[[Love]] | ||
Line 79: | Line 93: | ||
==Things to do when you owe somebody money== | ==Things to do when you owe somebody money== | ||
[[File:Scrooge McJew.gif|right|thumb|Take note of specimen, this is who you will end up owing money to <s>90% of the</s> every damn time.]] | |||
* Postpone payment | * Postpone payment | ||
* Ask for more time when he demands his money | * Ask for more time when he demands his money | ||
* Tell him you have | * Tell him you have a liquidity problem | ||
* If he's a friend, start a fight for an entirely different reason. A person who doesn't want to talk to you is not likely to ask for money. | * If he's a friend, start a fight for an entirely different reason. A person who doesn't want to talk to you is not likely to ask for money. | ||
* Tell him he's too obsessed with money. | * Tell him he's too obsessed with money. | ||
Line 93: | Line 108: | ||
* Offer a partnership | * Offer a partnership | ||
* Offer stock option | * Offer stock option | ||
* Pretend to forget about the amount and discuss | * Pretend to forget about the amount and discuss it forever | ||
* Offer to pay it by second hand assets | * Offer to pay it by second-hand assets | ||
* Ask for his IBAN account if the conversation occurs in offline environment. | * Ask for his IBAN account if the conversation occurs in an offline environment. | ||
* Offer to pay in person if the conversation is online | * Offer to pay in person if the conversation is online | ||
* Ask him to sue you | * Ask him to sue you | ||
* Pay money to a gang to get rid of him -and | * Pay money to a gang to get rid of him -and your debt, eventually | ||
* Disappear | * Disappear | ||
== Riches! == | == Riches! == | ||
[[File:Rich Jerk.jpg|thumb|right|Rich asshole]] | |||
[[Image:Animation money.gif|thumb|Rabbis masturbate to this.]] | |||
Money makes you [[Rich and beautiful|rich]], and having more money than someone else makes them [[pwned]]. You can [[Asses|assess]] how rich and pwning you are on Adam Smith's Riches Calculator. [[divide by 0|The Calculator analyzes what you do when your toilet breaks:]] | Money makes you [[Rich and beautiful|rich]], and having more money than someone else makes them [[pwned]]. You can [[Asses|assess]] how rich and pwning you are on Adam Smith's Riches Calculator. [[divide by 0|The Calculator analyzes what you do when your toilet breaks:]] | ||
* 9 - Your highly paid [[scientist]]s have invented new organs that don't require you to take a [[crap|dump]], so you don't care that your toilet is broken. This is known as the [[shit nobody cares about|don't give a shit]] level. | * 9 - Your highly paid [[scientist]]s have invented new organs that don't require you to take a [[crap|dump]], so you don't care that your toilet is broken. This is known as the [[shit nobody cares about|don't give a shit]] level. | ||
* 8 - You don't use a toilet | * 8 - You don't use a toilet anymore, your Palestinian slave siphons the [[crap|poo]] from your ass with his mouth while you sleep each night. | ||
* 7 - The toilet attendant fixes the toilet as soon as it breaks without you noticing and then you [[buttsecks|buttrape]] him for not working hard enough probably. | * 7 - The toilet attendant fixes the toilet as soon as it breaks without you noticing and then you [[buttsecks|buttrape]] him for not working hard enough probably. | ||
* 6 - THE EQUILIBRIUM: you buy a new toilet. | * 6 - THE EQUILIBRIUM: you buy a new toilet. | ||
Line 117: | Line 133: | ||
== Getting Paid == | == Getting Paid == | ||
<center><youtube> | <center><youtube>aMQaxVIkww0</youtube> | ||
Realistic representation of what happens when you get paid. | Realistic representation of what happens when you get paid. | ||
</center> | </center> | ||
[[Image:Black money.jpg|Right|thumb|[[Black people]] love money too.]] | <!-- [[Image:Black money.jpg|Right|thumb|[[Black people]] love money too.]] --> | ||
== Funny money == | == Funny money == | ||
[[Image:Money4.jpg|thumb|[[Sluts]] [[lie|love to be paid in monopoly money]].]] | [[Image:Black Monopoly.jpg|thumb|220px|Don't hate the game hate the player.]] | ||
[[Image:Money4.jpg|thumb|220px|[[Sluts]] [[lie|love to be paid in monopoly money]].]] | |||
A slang term that is used to describe any form of money that is not the [[United States]] dollar. Funny Money is invariably more technically advanced than real money, and often shows its superiority through [[gay|the use of multiple colors on a single bill]], as opposed to the boring dollars monochromatic tones. | A slang term that is used to describe any form of money that is not the [[United States]] dollar. Funny Money is invariably more technically advanced than real money, and often shows its superiority through [[gay|the use of multiple colors on a single bill]], as opposed to the boring dollars monochromatic tones. | ||
Line 131: | Line 148: | ||
NB - Ironically perhaps, the term 'funny money' is a term sometimes applied colloquially in [[Europe]] to counterfeit notes. Therefore if you're in Paris, Prague or erm... S'''cunt'''horpe then bear in mind you really don't want to fill your wallet up with the stuff, irrespective of what's been said above. Not to be confused with [[furry]] money, which is money used in transactions to purchase [[animal]] [[sex]]. | NB - Ironically perhaps, the term 'funny money' is a term sometimes applied colloquially in [[Europe]] to counterfeit notes. Therefore if you're in Paris, Prague or erm... S'''cunt'''horpe then bear in mind you really don't want to fill your wallet up with the stuff, irrespective of what's been said above. Not to be confused with [[furry]] money, which is money used in transactions to purchase [[animal]] [[sex]]. | ||
===Monopoly money=== | ===Monopoly money=== | ||
President [[Obama]] has stated that we cannot treat [[US]] tax dollars like Monopoly money [http://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2009/12/21/obama_we_cant_treat_tax_dollars_like_monopoly_money.html]. | President [[Obama]] has stated that we cannot treat [[US]] tax dollars like Monopoly money [http://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2009/12/21/obama_we_cant_treat_tax_dollars_like_monopoly_money.html]. | ||
Line 141: | Line 158: | ||
Experiment 1 - dollars as Monopoly money | Experiment 1 - dollars as Monopoly money | ||
Admittedly dollars do not have the right numbers on the front | Admittedly dollars do not have the right numbers on the front but the use of an orange crayon can soon convert them. Like [[Lioncash]]. | ||
Experiment 2 - as Coke straws | Experiment 2 - as Coke straws | ||
Line 149: | Line 166: | ||
Experiment 3 - as cigar lighters | Experiment 3 - as cigar lighters | ||
Monopoly money burns a bit too fast but then it cheaper than using dollars to transfer [[fire]]. Both dollars and Monopoly notes can theoretically be used to roll [[drug|joint]]s, but they burn [[shit]]tily, taste shitty and the ink gives you [[cancer]]. | Monopoly money burns a bit too fast but then it is cheaper than using dollars to transfer [[fire]]. Both dollars and Monopoly notes can theoretically be used to roll [[drug|joint]]s, but they burn [[shit]]tily, taste shitty and the ink gives you [[cancer]]. | ||
Experiment 4 - as toilet paper | Experiment 4 - as toilet paper | ||
Dollars don't allow your fingers to burst through, but Monopoly | Dollars don't allow your fingers to burst through, but Monopoly money is softer if you have piles. | ||
== Donate == | == Donate == | ||
[[Image:Ae-bullshit.jpg|thumb|[[Idiot|Pleasure doing business with you.]]]] | [[Image:Ae-bullshit.jpg|200px|thumb|[[Idiot|Pleasure doing business with you.]]]] | ||
A small organ lodged behind the prostate and ahead of the rectum, in the general region known as the taint. ED routinely encourages its users to stimulate this organ and ejaculate money that can in turn be given to ED so that it can continue bringing you lulz. | A small organ lodged behind the prostate and ahead of the rectum, in the general region known as the taint. ED routinely encourages its users to stimulate this organ and ejaculate money that can, in turn, be given to ED so that it can continue bringing you lulz. | ||
Of course, everybody knows that's a scam. Should it have been true though, the solution | Of course, everybody knows that's a scam. Should it have been true though, the solution | ||
Line 188: | Line 183: | ||
[[File:Donation Banner 0005.JPG|center]] | [[File:Donation Banner 0005.JPG|center]] | ||
<br> | |||
==Galleries== | |||
{|style="margin: auto;" | |||
|{{cg|General|1|center|<gallery perrow="5"> | |||
Image:Jews_-_Twenty_Dollar_Bill.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Having_Money_To_Burn.jpg|Having money to burn. | |||
Image:Money_-_Icons.png|Pixel monies! | |||
[[Asians]] are easy to buy with money. Boston mob money launderer Michael keeps a tight hold on his fuckslut Boston | |||
Image:Money_-_World_Series_Of_Poker_Winnings.jpg|World Series Of Poker winnings. | |||
Image:Jew_detector.gif | |||
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5"> | |||
File:Two buttons space jew 6million AD.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Weezus.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Kittens.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Take_It_Card.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_eCard.png | |||
Image:Money_-_Bitches_Love_It.jpg | |||
Image:Spiders_-_Drawing.jpg|Money...it's just paper with drawings on it! | |||
Image:Proper_Tipping.jpg | |||
File:Coin Architecture.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Zero_Dollar_Bill.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Whore.gif | |||
Image:Plastic_Money.jpg | |||
File:Trollfacedollarnote.jpeg | |||
</gallery> | |||
|}} | |||
<br> | |||
{{cg|Defacements|2|center|<gallery perrow="5"> | |||
Image:Money_-_Defacements_-_01.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Defacements_-_02.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Defacements_-_03.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Defacements_-_04.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Defacements_-_05.jpg | |||
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5"> | |||
Image:Money_-_Defacements_-_06.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Defacements_-_07.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Defacements_-_08.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Defacements_-_09.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Defacements_-_10.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Defacements_-_11.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Defacements_-_12.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Defacements_-_13.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Defacements_-_14.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Defacements_-_15.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Defacements_-_16.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Defacements_-_17.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Defacements_-_18.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Defacements_-_19.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Defacements_-_20.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Defacements_-_21.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Defacements_-_22.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Defacements_-_23.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Defacements_-_24.jpg | |||
</gallery> | |||
|}} | |||
<br> | |||
== See Also == | {{cg|Juxtaposition|3|center|<gallery perrow="5"> | ||
Image:Money_-_Juxtaposition_-_01.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Juxtaposition_-_02.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Juxtaposition_-_03.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Juxtaposition_-_04.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Juxtaposition_-_05.jpg | |||
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5"> | |||
Image:Money_-_Juxtaposition_-_06.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Juxtaposition_-_07.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Juxtaposition_-_08.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Juxtaposition_-_09.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Juxtaposition_-_10.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Juxtaposition_-_11.jpg | |||
</gallery> | |||
|}} | |||
<br> | |||
{{cg|Moneygami|4|center|<gallery perrow="5"> | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Aligator.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Angel.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Ant_Eater.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Baby.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Badger.jpg | |||
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5"> | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Bear.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Bird_Nest.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Buddha_-_01.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Buddha_-_02.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Butterfly.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Chinese_Man.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Cloak.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Dancer.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Devil.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Dolphin.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Dragon.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Elephant.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Fish.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Gnome.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Hippo.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Humming_Bird.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Koi.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Man_And_Woman.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Nun.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Nun_Praying.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Owl.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Penguin.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Person.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Pink_Flamingo.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Snake.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Sting_Ray.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Teddy_Bear.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Top_Hat_Man.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Turtle.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Wasp.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Wizard.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Bat_-_01.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Bat_-_02.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Box_-_01.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Box_-_02.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Cat_-_01.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Cat_-_02.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Cat_-_03.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Cat_-_04.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Cat_-_05.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Cat_-_06.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Dog_-_01.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Dog_-_02.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Dog_-_03.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Star_Of_David_-_01.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Star_Of_David_-_02.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Bra.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Cross_And_Hearts.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Elf.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Horse.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Shamrock.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Star.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Unicorn.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Unicorn_And_Hearts.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Abstract_Cube.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Flower.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Houses.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Ring.jpg | |||
Image:Money_-_Moneygami_-_Train.jpg | |||
</gallery> | |||
|}} | |||
<br> | |||
|} | |||
==See Also== | |||
[[File:You're home early.jpg|right|240px]] | |||
* [[Bernie Madoff]] | * [[Bernie Madoff]] | ||
* [[Bitcoin]] | |||
* [[Dead-Pool]] | |||
* [[Dong]] | * [[Dong]] | ||
* [[ | * [[Forbes]] | ||
* [[I go chop your dollar]] | * [[I go chop your dollar]] | ||
* [[Jew]] | |||
* [[Operation LIONCASH]] | * [[Operation LIONCASH]] | ||
* [[ | * [[Rape dollars]] | ||
* [[So Cash]] | * [[So Cash]] | ||
* [ | * [[Plastic Straws|Starbucks]] | ||
== External Links == | == External Links == | ||
* [http:// | * [http://archive.fo/dNCyP How America killed money] | ||
* [http://tryvindale.com/VsrT2sIW <s>How to make money</s> DO NOT VISIT THIS WEBSITE!] | * [http://tryvindale.com/VsrT2sIW <s>How to make money</s> DO NOT VISIT THIS WEBSITE!] | ||
{{Business}} | {{Business}} | ||
{{Jewseries}} | |||
{{Life}} | {{Life}} | ||
<br> | |||
<center> | |||
{{frame|[[Image:Jew in the box.gif|300px|center]] | |||
|border=#ffd700 | |||
}} | |||
</center> | |||
<br> | |||
[[Category:Fandom Stuff]] | [[Category:Fandom Stuff]][[Category:Drama-generating techniques]][[Category:Jews]][[Category:Crime]][[Category:IRL Shit]] | ||
{{timeline|Article of the Now July 23 and 24, [[2022]]|[[Moviebob]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Zaiger]]}} | |||
[[ | {{timeline|Article of the Now July 10 & July 11, [[2023]]|[[Death]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Life]]}} |
Latest revision as of 02:40, 29 April 2024
This article is about IRL currency. For OL, see Internet money |
Money✡ is a term that refers to the medium of exchange in any standardized system of trade. Ancient cultures had yet to invent bullshit, and so all of their 'money' was actually just a standardized form of barter - they traded a socially agreed upon amount of a certain precious commodity such as salt, or white gold, for goods.
Modern money has the advantage of not having any worth but what is socially agreed upon, because it is now made out of largely worthless metals, and fibers. Allegedly these worthless representations of wealth are backed by massive reserves of precious metals, specifically Jew Gold. In practice, however, nobody really cares as long as you can still afford a slushie.
IT IS THE FUCKING THING THAT THE MORONS CLOSED THE OLD ED FOR. For more info: capitalism
If you're an Asian or a third world immigrant, you are considered rich by your people if you have at least 100 dollars in your debit card.
There are many many ways to get money. You can start by getting a job so you don't stay in your mom's basement for the rest of your life.
United States Dollars are tracked by the government-run site Where's George?.
Ode to Money
With money you can:
- Buy another human being.
- Buy happine$$.
- Find true love
- Buy a donkey for love making.
- Buy a gun.
- Buy a dog.
- Be a pimp.
- $ave Encyclopedia Dramatica, they're broke! WE NEED THE FUCKING MONEY!!!
- Buy thousand$ of low priced tran$$exual hookers in a third world country.
- Purchase gift$ for a camwhore from their wishlist.
- Enjoy the finer thing$ in life.
- Get your girl a diamond, since all women are materiali$tic harpie$ and if you don't, you'll never get laid.
- Get really good at forplay. By this I mean taking a girl to a Jewlry Store to get her lubed up.
- Rule at Nerd Poker because you can by all the best cards in Magic The Gathering, Pokemon or Yu-Gi-Oh.
- Light your cigars with $100 bills.
- Buy a dildo, if you’re bi$exual or gay
- Buy gabe butt$ech$.
- Get mugged.
- Have the ability to post on $omething awful's forums.
- Speak "the language of love."
- Be a Jew.
- Obtain happine$$ and porn!
- Buy a huge a$$ machine to divide by zero.
- Lo$e it
- Scam the living Shit out of Retards by investing in Derek Stewart's money making opportunity. See Youtube video below and call him for a chat.
And many many moar!?
Things equal to money
- Sex
- Love
- NephilimFree
- Drugs
- Xenu's penis
- And sweet sweet lemon pie.
Things only weirdos feel are equal to money...
Things that are the complete opposite of money
- Encyclopedia Dramatica - see Irony
- Yenom
- Pieces of random scrap paper saying, "I.O.U." You is spelled with a 'Y'.
Things to do when you owe somebody money
- Postpone payment
- Ask for more time when he demands his money
- Tell him you have a liquidity problem
- If he's a friend, start a fight for an entirely different reason. A person who doesn't want to talk to you is not likely to ask for money.
- Tell him he's too obsessed with money.
- Tell him he's shallow
- Just don't pay it
- Make somebody else pay it for you
- Pay half of the amount
- Change the subject
- Pay in a different currency
- Ask for more money
- Offer a partnership
- Offer stock option
- Pretend to forget about the amount and discuss it forever
- Offer to pay it by second-hand assets
- Ask for his IBAN account if the conversation occurs in an offline environment.
- Offer to pay in person if the conversation is online
- Ask him to sue you
- Pay money to a gang to get rid of him -and your debt, eventually
- Disappear
Riches!
Money makes you rich, and having more money than someone else makes them pwned. You can assess how rich and pwning you are on Adam Smith's Riches Calculator. The Calculator analyzes what you do when your toilet breaks:
- 9 - Your highly paid scientists have invented new organs that don't require you to take a dump, so you don't care that your toilet is broken. This is known as the don't give a shit level.
- 8 - You don't use a toilet anymore, your Palestinian slave siphons the poo from your ass with his mouth while you sleep each night.
- 7 - The toilet attendant fixes the toilet as soon as it breaks without you noticing and then you buttrape him for not working hard enough probably.
- 6 - THE EQUILIBRIUM: you buy a new toilet.
- 4 - You try and save your wages to buy a new toilet but actually you spend it all on booze to drown the sorrows of your miserable life.
- 4b - Daddy buys you a new toilet. Worst. Birthday. Ever.
- 2 - You shit in the broken toilet, fall down and slice open your anus on the shards of whatever toilets are made of, causing you to stumble out of your bathroom with blood pouring out from behind.
- 1 - Courtney Love's merchandise profits.
Getting Paid
Realistic representation of what happens when you get paid.
Funny money
A slang term that is used to describe any form of money that is not the United States dollar. Funny Money is invariably more technically advanced than real money, and often shows its superiority through the use of multiple colors on a single bill, as opposed to the boring dollars monochromatic tones.
It is rumored that Europe's Funny Money, the Euro, has a coin that is actually worth as much as it buys.
The official currency of Vietnam is the Dong, which is, of course, hilarious.
NB - Ironically perhaps, the term 'funny money' is a term sometimes applied colloquially in Europe to counterfeit notes. Therefore if you're in Paris, Prague or erm... Scunthorpe then bear in mind you really don't want to fill your wallet up with the stuff, irrespective of what's been said above. Not to be confused with furry money, which is money used in transactions to purchase animal sex.
Monopoly money
President Obama has stated that we cannot treat US tax dollars like Monopoly money [1].
To test this theory we hired a troop of scientists and stuff.
Experiment 1 - dollars as Monopoly money
Admittedly dollars do not have the right numbers on the front but the use of an orange crayon can soon convert them. Like Lioncash.
Experiment 2 - as Coke straws
Monopoly money is easier to roll but is a bit small unless you have a Jew nose. Dollars have the advantage of already having traces of cocaine on them and so CSI can't prove it was you.
Experiment 3 - as cigar lighters
Monopoly money burns a bit too fast but then it is cheaper than using dollars to transfer fire. Both dollars and Monopoly notes can theoretically be used to roll joints, but they burn shittily, taste shitty and the ink gives you cancer.
Experiment 4 - as toilet paper
Dollars don't allow your fingers to burst through, but Monopoly money is softer if you have piles.
Donate
A small organ lodged behind the prostate and ahead of the rectum, in the general region known as the taint. ED routinely encourages its users to stimulate this organ and ejaculate money that can, in turn, be given to ED so that it can continue bringing you lulz.
Of course, everybody knows that's a scam. Should it have been true though, the solution instead of giving money would be to stop going to EncyclopediaDramatica, so you wouldn't invade their precious little wimpy baww bandwidth.
Wikipedia's bait
Galleries
General About missing Pics
[Expand Gallery]
|
See Also
- Bernie Madoff
- Bitcoin
- Dead-Pool
- Dong
- Forbes
- I go chop your dollar
- Jew
- Operation LIONCASH
- Rape dollars
- So Cash
- Starbucks
External Links
Article of the Now July 23 and 24, 2022 | ||
Preceded by Moviebob |
Money | Succeeded by Zaiger |
Article of the Now July 10 & July 11, 2023 | ||
Preceded by Death |
Money | Succeeded by Life |