Michael Moore

Moore in his natural habitat.

Semi-autobiographical feature.

Moore after his conversion to Islam.

	“	"Donald Trump is a genius"	„
	—Michael Moore getting a clue

Michael Moore is a fat, disgusting communist, from the abhorrent state that is Michigan, who wishes he was a Canadian woman. He directs shitty documentaries about how America is bad. He also writes vapid books that appeal mostly to first year college students, self-hating whites, and even more self-hating liberals.

Moore is the patron saint of liberals and is reviled by TV's conservatives talking heads, all of whom take him seriously and get outraged by him.

He is best known for his films about school shootings, health care and George Bush. Moore presents himself as a working-class hero, despite the fact that his "job" consists primarily of telling the camera and sound guys when to start and stop filming.

Common, everyday, average man that he is, Moore splits his time between his multi-million dollar apartment in Manhattan, his South Carolina beachfront property, and Jenny Craig. Like every other working parent, he sends his stepdaughter to a private school, in one of the whitest school districts in America. He has admitted that he did not have sexual intercourse with a woman until he was 34.

	“	I know Roseanne. And I know Trump. And they are about to rue the day they knew me…,	„
	—A butthurt Micahael Moore Threatens Roseanne and The Donald with a documentary. It really doesn't help your threat get taken seriously when your threat sounds like it came from Chris-Chan

Film and Television Career

Michael Moore has had a long and successful career turning a profit for the evil corporations, by railing against the evil corporations old media. All these movies are shitty documentaries in which Moore uses one camera, one sound guy, and forty editors.

• Roger & Me - A movie about how General Motors hates America by not continuing to throw money into the miry slough that is Detroit. This film is a shockingly graphic expose of the uncaring corporate world, distributed by corporate film studio Warner Bros. Also, to prove how credible he is, he flat out lied about interviewing Roger Smith.

• TV Nation - A short-lived television show about how corporations hate America, which was broadcast on corporate network NBC. Canceled because nobody cares.

• Canadian Bacon - See also: Anti-lulz

• Downsize This! - A book written about corporations and about how OJ is guilty and not guilty Also includes a footnote or two about how big book publishers hate America, published by corporate-owned Pan Books.

• The Awful Truth - Another shitty TV show based on Michel Moore's love of America, broadcast on the best, corporate-owned basic cable channel, Bravo.

• The Big One -Basically just a re-hash of all the shit he had been saying in all his published media prior to the film's release.

• Stupid White Men - Moore's second book about how white people are stupid. It can be noted that he is an expert on the subject matter.

• Bowling for Columbine - Moore's movie about Columbine. Features a lot of bowling, ranting about the fear-culture inflicted on Americans, a bank that gives you a free gun if you make a large loan (He leaves out the part where he ordered the company to fetch the gun in advance, and how they are legally required to do a full background check) and getting a single store chain to stop selling ammo for handguns and "assault weapons" (whatever those might be) and harassing Charlton Heston. The film only allocates 5-10% of the film to actually discussing Columbine. Michael Moore only even bothered to make this film after Brooks Brown (a Columbine survivor and friend of the perpetrators and a few victims) contacted him on his site. Despite acting as an assistant director and providing hundreds of hours of work, he wasn't even fucking credited for his contributions he was mentioned near the very end, with special thanks.

• Dude, Where's My Food? - A published copy of Moore's food diary from age 13, on. Despite the title of the book, Moore knows exactly where his food is, at all times.

• Fahrenheit 9/11 - Moore's movie about Iraq, and how George Bush caused the war for money and Oil (but no mention on the Iraq Liberation Act) and how he was responsible for WTC. Slightly modified from the name of Ray Bradbury's most famous book, the title is accompanied by the stupid tagline, "The temperature where freedom burns!".

• Sicko - Moore whining about how France, Canada, the United Kingdom and Cuba (srsly) all have great healthcare when compared to the U.S.A.

• Capitalism: A LOVE STORY - Moore's 2009 film about why the United States fails at capitalism and why people that like capitalism hate you. Please do not watch this film. In the film, Michael Moore repeats how evil capitalism is, even though he himself owns a heavily guarded mansion and has made millions off his shitty films.

• Where To Invade Next? - After 7 years of absence, Moore is back. In this latest liberal propaganda piece, he sets off on a quest to 'conquer' the world; mostly European countries, by observing each countries' best aspects, such as Finnish Education and French Sex-ED, while ignoring all of the dramatically negative consequences of European socialism. A good example is Italian work ethic, where the company he surveys gives the workers 2 hours' break. Italy has an unemployment rate of 12.4% compared to 5.5% for the USA. He also visits Norway, to study their prison system; Anders Breivik mass murdered 77 innocents, and has 3 rooms to himself, and has shown no signs of rehabilitation or remorse. The sweaty fat fucker does make a point though, regarding French Schools - they are provided actual meals instead of the prison-food American youth have to put up with. Regarding teen pregnancy rates, USA has significantly higher rates than France, and the rest of the civilized world.

• Fahrenheit 11/9 - Just 2 hrs & 8 mins of Moore BAWWWing about Donald Trump

• "An American Carol" - Comedy designed to show how the world would look if everyone embraced Michael Moore's ideas.

Videos

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Near-Death Experience

Michael Moore, the infamous documentarian behind Fahrenheit 9/11 and Sicko, died today at 1:37 pm. He was 55 years old. Witnesses say he was on a toilet at a neighborhood Arby's at the time of his demise. Paul Rockford, one of the men who bravely tried to assist Mr. Moore, recounts the incident:

"I was sitting at a booth with my kids when I heard this awful noise. At first I thought it was a feral pig squealing outside the restaurant, but then I heard it shouting obscenities. I told the kids to wait and I got up and knocked on the bathroom door. I asked if he needed help, and he shouted, 'God dammit, call a fuckin' ambulance, you cock-sucker! MOAR COCK PLZ K THNX, I'm dying in here! FUCK!"

Arby's Manager Raymond Soto quickly unlocked the restroom door and both men rushed to Moore's aid. Mr. Soto describes the situation:

"A large man came in earlier and ordered enough food to feed a starving Ethiopian village: About forty-two cherry pies, a 28oz steak, an ice-cold glass of mayonnaise, jalapeno poppers, a gallon of whole chocolate milk, and a colander full of onion rings. My staff tells me he was consuming a large kielbasa sausage he had brought from home, when he shit himself and ran to the bathroom. When the shouting started, I opened the restroom door and found him [...] on top of the toilet seat vomiting pure human body fat.

Mr. Soto declined to state why Moore wasn't at McDonalds that day. Both witnesses say Moore was straining himself to exhaustion when he collapsed. Authorities found him "sunny-side down" in front of the toilet. The few remaining guests had to be evacuated due to the smell of shit and assburgers and to preserve the erotic scent of the scene. Investigators found a large, half-eaten sandwich by the bowl. "He must have brought it in with him", says Detective Mathew Rowsey. Police do not suspect foul play at this time, but "investigations will continue." This report was retracted shortly after when it was learned that Moore was allegedly revived by paramedics on his way to the local equine hospital.

RETRACTION (6/29/2009)

Yesterday it was erroneously reported by The Michigan Standard that filmmaker Michael Moore had died from his stomach's weight when he rolled onto his back collapsing his lungs. Moore was revived on route to Grand Traverse Veterinary Hospital (they needed hippo sized gurneys and a flatbed). Paramedics say Moore was actually "quite alive" and reminded them of it "loudly and frequently” the entire drive (primarily by asking for sammiches). Doctors say Mr. Moore had suffered a heart attack while trying desperately to simultaneously move a large shit through his asshole and deep-fry his dog. His bowels became severely impacted and required surgery to remove the obstruction. After surgery, nurses say Moore was in good spirits and requested the sandwich he had left in the restroom where he collapsed.

The Michigan Standard apologizes for any stress yesterday's report may have caused Moore's family.

In either case, the world kept turning as usual due to his fat ass' gravitational pull. If only he would have died. Then we wouldn't have this shit. Woe is me.

Friend of the Trolls

Accurate depiction of Michael Moore protesting against the 1% on South Park.

Even the briefest mention of Moore's name in any internet political debate will generate mass lulz, fighting, ranting and everything else that you might expect to see in an online political forum. Bloggers who accused the Bush administration of trying to "silence" them were blissfully unaware that he allowed Moore to call him a mass-murderer on theater screens nation-wide like 5 times.

We don't know if this was intentional or not, but he helped blow the cover on how gung-ho right wing South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone are by commissioning an animated bit in their style about how the KKK was supported by the NRA after all these years. Even if this was over 9000 years ago in 2002, considering that Matt and Trey jerked themselves off over how their work was given tribute in the totally fuckin' radical anime known as FLCL, it's pretty much evidence that even the most bombastic and outrageous creators of shock jock shit are egotistic enough to get asshurt level offended if something doesn't suit their style and put the guy responsible for it in humiliating faux cameos for years to come. Matt & Trey later gave Michael Moore an appearance on South Park episode 1% protesting outside Red Robin against the 1% which is just Butters and Jimmy.

Moore is also bed buddies with TV jew Sacha Baron Cohen.

#Weareallmuslim

Michael Moore declared himself to be Muslim to show opposition to Trump. This is appropriating Islam since he didn't convert.

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