- Portals
- The Current Year
- ED in the News
- Admins
- Help ED Rebuild
- Archive
- ED Bookmarklet
- Donate Bitcoin
Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.
Coolest Monkey in the Jungle
Coolest Monkey in the Jungle (Powerword: Liam Mango) is a 5-year-old Kenyan child model living in Stockholm, Sweden, whose family became the latest victim of angry white libturds, SJW feminazis, Rachel Dolezal and the entire black population of South Africa after he modeled a kewl green hoodie with the text "Coolest Monkey in the Jungle" for H&M clothing's online store in January of 2018.
Believing that black people look like monkeys, the usual upper-middle-class white liberal millennials in the social justice realm immediately realized that the hoodie was highly problematic and began bitching at H&M with their usual unintelligible babble about "racism" that didn't actually exist. Wanting to avoid being brutally lynched like a black man in the 1800s, H&M quickly caved into the demands of the social justice terrorists and removed the hoodie and the ad for it from their site. Unfortunately, when word finally reached South Africa via dial-up several days later, the local H&M store became the site for an epic reenactment of Planet of the Apes that replaced all of the intelligent monkeys with retarded black people.
Unfortunately for liberal whitey, a strong woman of colour would soon stand up to inform them that they are all fucking retarded. Enter Terry Mango, the mother of Liam Mango and the most uncucked and redpilled person in all of Sweden. Terry informed the buttmad SJW crybabies of the internet that she had let her son model the hoodie and that black children are allowed to like monkeys just like white children are allowed to like never getting laid, shooting up their school and getting owned by a little old lady with a fucking couch.
As you'd probably expect in THE CURRENT YEAR, this led to Terry being attacked by utterly retarded lefty crackers who believe that the best way to bring about racial equality for blacks is to harass a black woman for being a white-supremacy-enabling Aunt Jemima who disagrees with the holy wisdom of the almighty hivemind. ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD!
The Hurtest Butts in The Western World
—DanielShalomJNR, not knowing what George Soros wants him to do | ||
You Are (Not) Alone
Following the initial chimpout, a parody news site called Huzler.com posted an article entitled 
H&M To Release “Equally Racist” Collection As Apology To Blacks which claimed that H&M were going to release a collection of clothing that was racist to all races and not just niggers.
—Huzlers.com, trolling the shit out of everyone | ||
Being the complete mongoloids that they are, people on Twatter quickly began buying into this fake news and began sharing their shitty opinions on H&M's supposed "attempt to make amends with the black community".
—MaxxyC_ | ||
—Gmanfrmchicago, not getting the joke | ||
Dolezal'd
Desperate for moar attention after having her last 5 minutes of fame back in 2017, prominent transracial activist and batshit crazy white woman Rachel Dolezal decided to profit off the H&M controversy by releasing her own green hoodie with the empowering slogan "Coolest Prince in the Hood". Rachel also talked about how her pure-blooded Aryan son was racially discriminated against at school for being a nigger.
Unfortunately for Blackface McGee, actual black people didn't want to be whitesplained to, were actually of the opinion that this supposedly empowering slogan was just as bad if not worse than the Coolest Monkey in the Jungle hoodie and they all quickly told her to fuck off and go back to anywhere but Africa.
Notice how her design doesn't include a 10 year old kid, because even she knows that nobody gets that old in Shithole.
Shithole South Africa Responds
Several days after the initial shitstorm, South Africa finally managed to connect to the internet via their shitty 56k modem and learned about the Coolest Monkey in the Jungle hoodie that was being sold by H&M. Enraged by this, black South Africans decided to take a rare break from their daily routine of brutally murdering white farmers and began vandalizing their local H&M clothing stores – and yes, we were also surprised to learn that they actually have clothing stores in Africa. This of course made their shithole of a country into even more of a shithole.
Following the vandalism, the angry gorillamen told H&M to either shut down their stores or face more acts of domestic terrorism from the local savages. Way to prove that blacks aren't apes, you fucking retards!
Coolest Monkey in the Oval Office
See Also
|
Coolest Monkey in the Jungle is part of a series on Visit the Social Justice Portal for complete coverage. |
|
Coolest Monkey in the Jungle is part of a series on Visit the Memes Portal for complete coverage. |
| Featured article January 15 & 16, 2018 | ||
| Preceded by DACA |
Coolest Monkey in the Jungle | Succeeded by Doki Doki Literature Club |
| Featured article February 9 & 10, 2019 | ||
| Preceded by Bernie Goetz |
Coolest Monkey in the Jungle | Succeeded by The Central Park Five |