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MySpazz
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This article needs moar past tense. You can help by adding moar past tense. |
Was used to serve as a hybrid of Friendster and LiveJournal, MySpace (Pronounced: Old Meme) was initially invented for pedophiles, used to provide attention whores across the internets with twice the ability for tasteless self-promotion. MySpace was also a haven for middle-class suburban emo teenagers to whine and moan about how their lives are so "tough", even though they probably never got one in the face. A typical persons MySpace page looked like this: http://www.myspace.com/fantasia49 . Notice the annoying music, the anime and "artistic" pictures, and the use of many quotes. Therefore, many lulz can be found within this site. Many trolling groups, such as Penis Pump, deface MySpace pages for the lulz. MySpace was the cancer that brought us Boyce Avenue, a self-centered, untalented piece of whiny shit.
Originally, MySpace was created as a game to see who could get the most friends online. Unfortunately, the game grew immensely too popular and resulted in IRL drama and is now the leading cause in at least 100 IRL suicides. The MySpace game has announced that the game will not be over until every teenager has become an hero.
MySpace's "mission statement" is to function as a "meat market" for registered sex offenders to search for secretly fat 16 year old girls and camwhores who take it in the ass (once again, Encyclopedia Dramatica knew this fact months before it hit the wire).
As a web site, it's a lethargically coded piece of shit, rivaled in shittyness only by TagWorld; as a concept, it is a scourge on the entire human race and the epitome of Western insolence. If one had food poisoning and shat diarrhea followed by puking two days' worth of half-digested food on top of it, the result would be more pleasing to look at, easier to navigate, less annoying and more substantive than a typical MySpace profile (especially since a puke+shit mix doesn't autoplay shitty music as soon as you look at it).
However, as an institution of higher learning where strippers , Bam, and pr0n stars can learn HTML, it is rivaled only by DeVry University.
It is also known by all Concerned Mothers and internet humanitarians that, if you are on MySpace, you're gonna get a big black pedophile dick up you ass, despite your gender and appearance. If you don't have an ass, the pedophile will make one. Very few have tried to stop this internets phenomenon. In June 2008, MySpace changed their nav bar to be easier to use by idiots. Millions of emo kids ended up butthurt and became an heroes. WAY TO GO!
Sadly, MySpace has died, and its grave is located in Fapbook groups that are wiv da timz. Every scene ked has now had to join Fapbook and use their real surname because Fapbook doesn't allow scene kids, and MySpace is lyk mega old and shit.
Founder
In 2003, MySpace was designed, edited, digested, and shat out onto the internets by Tom Anderson, a crack baby and a kind of gay version of Brad. The two share many similarities, one of which is that they both sold out (see below). Tom has a taste for Adderall pixie sticks and a severe case of multiple personality disorder. As such, he created MySpace by combining the worst features of every so-called "social networking" site in existence in the most disorganized manner possible and adding horrifying features of his own. In reality MySpace is used to catalog all the fucktards (including you) in the world so they will be easily hunted down and ruthlessly assraped by Tom himself. He enjoys stroking kittens and eats Chinese people just for being chinks. According to the picture he is friends with Gary Glitter and Michael Jackson.
MySpace sellout
On 23:54, 19 Jul 2005 (UTC), Rupert Murdoch, owner of Fox News, bought MySpace for 580 million dollars. Yes. $580 million. Why a cesspool of mallcore faggotry is worth anywhere near that much is a mystery. Meanwhile, the fine folks at liberal have collectively shit themselves.
imeem buyout
On December 9, 2009, Rupert Murdoch bought imeem for Jew[1], rendering the imeem app usless for countless number of 13 year old boys and 16 year old girls.
The Web's Unholy Chimera
Similarities to Friendster
MySpace provides the benefits of adding friends in a desperate ploy to seem popular. It also provides camwhores with an amount of disk space to upload photos. This serves as a shrine to their own alleged hottness.
Users can list general interests on their profile, such as their favorite music, movies, television, and books. Well, not books. The last time anyone on MySpace touched a book was the day they dropped out of third grade.
Many users (usually dateless females) will list seemingly impossible qualities they are looking for in a humanoid life form, such as the body of Brad Pitt, with eyeliner, and the soul of Truman Capote, but they also have to be a shirtless drummer in a band with no gag reflex. Also, they have to wear expensive crack shoes made from virgin alligators or some such shit. Such people usually carry hand sanitizer to spritz teh cock before giving it a really toothy blowjob. Lastly, notice most profiles are of people in California!
MySpace also provides a so-called bulletin feature similar to Friendster, which allows users to post bulletins about local events and/or big news, but the feature is only used to spread retarded memes, emo pleas for new profile comments, irritating chain letters, suicide notes, and announcements about the posting of new hot photos.
Similarities to LiveJournal
MySpace offers a personal blog, allowing users to rate their popularity by the number of comments that are received. The difference between the blog feature and the bulletins feature is a closely-guarded trade sekrit known only to Tom. What is known is that Tom likes features. Lots of them.
The blog feature is often given a backseat to the posting of tiled blinking backgrounds with seven lens flares on a user's profile page. When used, it is famous for eating posts, depriving the world of countless stories of sloppy blowjobs performed in nightclub parking lots. MySpace-post-eating is responsible for at least 100 cases of cutting. Fortunately, subsequent photos of the wounds were posted without incident.
MySpace attempts to replicate LiveJournal's famed drama-friendly atmosphere, but due to its horrifying and utterly incomprehensible interface, drama is generated and maintained only through sheer force of will of the users generating it. MySpace also allows users to create communities, but lulz are rare due to the fact that English is never used.
Just like LiveJournal, MySpace was awash in attention-starved nerd wannabes who believed that their emotions and self-righteous descriptions of themselves are more important than God Himself. They also say "black person" a lot, jokingly of course. That's because they have a black person in their top 8, and therefore, are not racist. MySpace was infested with bitch boys who cry a lot and with fag hags who use the word "faggot" in the most irrelevant context possible, thereby making them look like gigantic homophobes. That's OK because everyone on MySpace was gay already.
Similarities to Bolt
Bolt and MySpace share a largely ignored blog feature, a restrictive area to share your camwhoring skillz, a list of general interests to plug the latest mainstream crap, a bulletin system for public drama, and a bewildering and useless interface. And also, horoscopes.
The only real difference between the two is that while MySpace caters to emos and scenewhores, Bolt is meant more for teenagers to try and one up each other for badges and tags.
Also, Tom is a disgruntled ex-employee of Bolt Media, who was fired after the Japanese bought the website and replaced all human employees with 40-foot tall fembots. The deep sense of self-loathing exhibited by Tom was undoubtedly caused by this disruption of underage poon.
Unique Features
Unlike Friendster, LiveJournal, or anywhere else, MySpace lets users define all aspects of their profile page. This means that users think they should. Therefore, in a throwback to the days of GeoCities, most pages include every web annoyance, ever, and break every guideline of web design, ever — pages with 300k bitmap backgrounds that make all text on the page unreadable (not that anyone wants to read it anyways) and load activex controls to play 50mb music videos, bouncing and flashing marquees, at least 100 glitters, and over 9,000 MP3s... and it's all on the same page. Poor or completely blind use of HTML and CSS often leads to a computer freezing up, so badly that you have to unplug it from the wall and curse the day you found MySpace. MySpace made history as the only social networking site that lets users install malware on visiting machines just by viewing a profile.
List of groundbreaking innovations
- Speeding up time required for people to fall in love.
- Autoplaying video clips embedded in a profile that never work properly and require five minutes to disable.
- The unique "Status & Mood" updates so people know how you feel.
- Allowing attention whores to earn popularity and fame status they would never gain IRL.
- Putting everyone on MySpace in an extended network, so nobody ever feels alone.
- Autoplaying music which inevitably starts by surprise at maximum volume, scaring the bejeezus out of you.
- Eye-searing color schemes that makes people's text impossible to read, and requires that you highlight it in order to read it but, after reading, you realize that it's all shit nobody cares about anyway.
- Sitewide custom of sending friends requests to strangers without ever contacting the person beforehand.
- People pretending to be television or movie characters, which has never been done before anywhere.
- People who add fake television or movie characters to their friends list and say "OMG lewk I em phreands with Morpheus LOLZORZ OMG!!!!!!!!!!!111
- Is always b0rked when you want to use it. Always.
- Patented "browser crash upon visit" technology.
- Fun "click the stop button" game on every visit!
- Fun lack of vertical scaling for thumbnails - have Longcat as your avatar and piss your friends off! (Of coarse we mean your e-friends, because you have no friends IRL. LOL)
- Unwanted Spam!!1!!!one!1
- People who fail at knowing what is funny and what is no longer funny. E.g. '!!!111oneone' is no longer funny, yet at least one hundred members of MySpace still continue to use it as a means of getting cyber-laid after fellow camwhores see that they have used the outdated humor, and still find it rather lulz, but it really isn't lulz.
MySpace Users
| TYPICAL MYSPACE USERS | |||||
| Attention Whores | Killers | Killees | Child Molesters | Bands | The Musical Elite |
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Attention Whores
MySpace is home to many attention whores who use the bulletin feature to relentlessly beg for comments (i.e. "nEW pix!!1, pls lev me some cmmtz lol"). They will stop at nothing to have people comment, since they require frequent comments to keep them alive (so just don't comment). They literally require comments to live. If they don't get any, they will DIE.
Killers
For the shit band "The Killers", feel free not to look anywhere. Everyone on MySpace likes them. Or used to.
MySpace is the social networking site of choice for crazed killers everywhere:
- jakejekyll, the hatchet-wielding failed gay bar killer who committed suicide by cop
- haydren, the homeschooled kid who shot his girlfriend's parents
- the fat redneck with user number 73186198 who sniped motorists on Indiana freeways and was a confirmed non-loner
- A suspect in the Suffolk Ripper prostitute murders of December 2006
- A 15 year old fucktard who shot two police officers for trying to intervene in an argument with his mom
- A Red Neck and his Ginger Kid buddy who videotaped the planning and aftermath of stabbing their friend to death like a couple of n00bs.
As a drama-generating technique, murder is one of the best, though typically MySpace killers don't log in to approve new friend requests after beginning their spree. Therefore, only their prior fans can leave emo comments about how misunderstood they were.
And now a handy way to keep up with all of your dead friends
Killees
Since MySpace's user-base is mostly idiot, much lulz can be had in the form of dying. Regard here and here. The exact number of dead MySpace users is thought to be at least 99%. And those dead friends cause massive butthurt resulting in even more an heroes, which in turn does the same to their friends, until everyone is dead. Due of this higher chance of death via MySpace, some enterprising scallywags have set up MyDeathSpace, which catalogs dead/dying/hovercraft MySpace users and which prima facie, seems interesting. Unfortunately the lulz dried up early 2006 when the Mydeathspace forum drowned in clowns identified using the MySpace link on every post they make and became SHIT.
See also: Daniel Cicciaro and Carlie Ryan
Childs Molesterz
MySpace is well known for being a prime hunting ground for molesters to track down and meet children ripe for molesting.
Bands and Related Sewage
Lesser-known bands are allowed to create special music profiles on MySpace for publicity. These music profiles will immediately send thousands of friend requests to any user who has listed a related genre or band. Users can visit the band's profile to enjoy a sample of their music.
Sometimes people set up fake MySpace profiles for bands, so bands often throw in a salute photo.
According to a government report in 2004, bands on MySpace are the biggest vectors for AIDS on the internet.
You may comment an unknown band to death, but still they won't answer, because they have more important things to do.
The Musical Elite
Like any website with music, there's also the musically elite or 1337. You can refer to them as pricks. On MySpace, one can only be musically 1337 if you are a fag. This was proclaimed at least 100 years ago by Freddy Mercury when Queen became the first band to join MySpace after Freddy gave Tom one of his last blowjobs. This led to Freddy's death, since anything Tom touches gets infected with teh AIDS. One who is born with almighty MySpace musical 1337ness has the gossip, manipulation skills, and same amount of make-up as a 16-year-old girl. Piss one off and thousands of their MySpace friends will swarm on you with lulz-inducing drivel. Bands will usually claim they know their thousands of MySpace friends really well, on an individual basis, providing more lulz. Be careful, their minions will fill your inbox with shit too entertaining to pass up reading, which guarantees a higher chance of getting AIDS from spending time on MySpace. The bigger the band (or it's attitude), the more potent the AIDS they carry. Lately there has been an influx of hippies creating pages for something called psytrance. But beware of these pages, for they all lead back to the pedophiles.
| TYPICAL MYSPACE USERS | |||||
| Porn Stars | DIY Models | Rednecks | The Emos | MySpace Whores | Newfags |
Porn Stars
If you need some quick fap-fodder while kicking around on the tubes, MySpace has a wealth of pornstars, like Belladonna to fit your every need. Some even offer up pics for free!
DIY Models
Many people think since they are a humanoid life form having secondary sex characteristics, they can be a model and post endless camwhoring pictures of themselves in various states of undress. Many of these so-called "models" are not even good enough for CrackWhore Monthly's amateur "Labia Hunt".
Better even than "models" are "dancers" who add themselves to every male the MySpace search finds within 100 miles of their "performing arts center". The only redeeming thing about their profiles is the ego boost from reading the comments men leave them — even in your darkest fits of depression you know you're a better person than the hundreds of fags making sincere sappy comments to a stripper whore.
Rednecks
Rednecks comprise one of the latest sets of Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers to flood MySpace with their pathetic lives. Most of them are gun-nuts, pro-life, or NASCAR fans. Remember, if you mess with one of them on the Interwebz, they will make sure to Git-R-Done on you.
Some of the inbred retards who were surfing for Cock eventually ended up on MySpace. They are easy to spot since they use a primitive form of phonetic language transferred to writing by mashing the keyboard with their goiter or their sister's(mother's) amputated leg stump ,and their intellectual capacity is that of an infant. If one is confused by the similarities to niggers, don't worry. black person=Redneck.
Emos and MySpace
An emo's MySpace is also know as a cryspace. Emo's make up over 9,000 percent of all MySpace users. Emos also fit in the categories of "MySpace whores", "attention whores" and "Killeez". These people are always as fat as you would like to think. Most of these specimens are very desperate and once they have sunk their vampire-like teeth into a member of the same sex they're hard to get out. The emo are currently being studied in many research facilities, experienced doctors are using their genetic strands of faggotry in an attempt to find a cure for social networking, emos have been known to have no taste as this being an example.
How To Identify An Emo:
- Excessive makeup (most likely to hide their emo induced fugliness.)
- Angled pictures
- Anorexic gay males, and overweight females that look like they're lesbians.
- Pathetic sounding quotes all over their profile.
- Black, white, red layout.
- They get butthurt really easily.
- Happens to have a cock around (or in) them.
- Links to, or videos of this
If you spot one of these, press the back button on your browser before you catch emo too. Recent scientific studies show that it is contagious.
MySpace Whores
A MySpace whore is a faggot-mouth yuppy, who dwells on MySpace for more than a period of time that is needed. Which is anything more than a few seconds. These loud mouth twats have poured whatever pathetic part of their life that is left into the dark social cesspit that is MySpace.
They sometimes don't realize that they post too much info about themselves, so they become all shocked when they find that people IRL know everything about them, as this video demonstrates:
Newfags
The Group quicklink to "forum"
MySpace=newfags. They are the sole reason for pestilence that infects every corner of the interwebs. These newfags have even been spreading Jew lies about Encyclopedia Dramatica. ie...
1. Encyclopedia Dramatica is not racist.
FACT: ae is the epitome of racism.
2. Encyclopedia Dramatica is not an attack site.
FACT: We attack everyone and drink their blood.
MySpace and the law
In early 2005, MySpace became the first site to aid in arrest of spim. Spim is spam sent via instant message. A teenager sent millions of messages to MySpace accounts advertising mortgages and other services. Then he attempted to blackmail Tom into an exclusive marketing deal, threatening that he would make his spamming techniques public. MySpace contacted police and lured the spimmer to cops under the pretenses of a business meeting with Tom. This is probably the closest to IRL law that MySpace Internet lawyers have ever gotten.
In July 2006, the United States House of Representatives voted 410 to 15 to ban MySpace from schools and public libraries, thus ensuring its future popularity.
BROKEN NEWS
MySpace sued an Epic Spammer for at least $200M. Sanford Wallace and Walter Rines, possible /b/tards, failed at court and sent 730,000 spam messages to emos and other assorted faggots, resulting in BAWWWWW and lulz. The spam contained "adult material that was harmful to teenagers," and the U.S. Government had passed a law which requires spammers to pay $100 for each piece of spam. Clear faggotry is indicated here by MySpaz sending more spam messages than the spammers themselves. Retribution is in order.
MySpace Break-Up letter
If you feel like someone is questioning your actions on such a childish and meaningless site, please copy and paste this letter, copyright free into a message for the MySpace loser:
"Dear _______:
In regards to your question pertaining to the recent removal of your name and picture from my top ______ friends, I hereby provide you with following as a viable explanation as to my current actions.
This has been a most difficult decision because I knew the repercussions of the actions I have undertaken. These repercussions being having to write such a trite and pointless letter to explain to you something that should need no explanation. However, since you insist, I will provide you with the following rationalization in order to provide a cessation of further communication in this matter:
First of all, I can boldly state that I do not need to determine the status of our friendship through the placement of your picture and name on an online networking site. The childish nature of that ideology shows to me that you therefore should not be located in a "top spot" on my front page. Since my personal MySpace page is surfed several hundred times a day, and I feel that you would be a bad representation of my person.
The high school mentality of your request of me to provide you with a verification of status by placement on such a network site is something I do not appreciate nor something I want to associate with. However, if you need to look deeper into the meaning, the fact that i removed you from my top friends should denote an absolute detachment in regards to the status of our current relationship.
In closing, please feel free to return the favor and remove me from your friends list. At this point, I'd only be doing you a favor by staying up there and I don't feel that you deserve that. Trust me, I'll understand and I won't force you to write me a letter of explanation.
Sincerely,
(Your Name Here)
Easy layout making
New nice layout for you MySpace users out there, that has a number of Themes. Just copy and paste this code into the about me section of MySpace. Raping children for the lulz is cool!
Ruining of a meme
Only recently did MySpace completely destroy a meme by introducing this meme to its faggotry. This meme is Happycat.
http://www.myspace.com/icanhascheezburger The page that killed the meme for good.
R.I.P Happycat
2003-2008
Apps
Recently, MySpace has allowed 13-year-old boys to become a pro developer by posting a tutorial on the forums. One of the hottest apps is Own Your Friends! followed by a bootleg copy of Mafia Wars they stole from Facebook. In this app MySpace users can catch and trade each others friends! Thus creating a new way to piss off all the idiots!
A great example of Own Your Friends:
Basic Tutorial: Enlarging Private Profile Images
Faced with a Myspace private profile when trying to get a good image for your dox? Even though you can't view the account, you can still get a larger copy of the profile image, perfect to add to your dox of someone. In this example I'll use Tom Anderson, the founder of Myspace, although he has an ungodly number of friends on his account here: myspace.com/tom he also maintains a private account: myspace.com/tomanderson.
Private Profile
- Faced with a private myspace profile? Find the image that you wish to enlarge.
Small Profile image
- Right Click → "View Image"
- Look at the URL of the image:- http://anonym.to/http://a810.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/23/m_79f994a90f7c6a5910ff644d4290fac1.jpg
Full Size Image
- Change m to l
- http://anonym.to/http://a810.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/23/l_79f994a90f7c6a5910ff644d4290fac1.jpg
- and Hey Presto! the full sized image...
Basic Tutorial: Private Pics
Maybe you've been stalking some chick on myspace and you wanna find out more about her (AKA see her naked), OR maybe you're trying to compile some mad Dox against a target or simply trying to find some blackmail material. Regardless, this method works well for finding private pictures of a lot of myspace users by accessing their photobucket accounts.
Find the profile
Okay so you found her profile, but it's private. Fuck, okay, shit. Okay, you need to find some nudez or at least some more pics, right?
Find the vulnerability
Wait- what is this little heart image next to her picture?
Right click on that mutha fucka and go to "View Image."
Oh shi- the url of the heart image contains her photobucket username! Maybe we can access her photobucket?
Let's try it!
NOTE: In the case that the profile is not private, you can still find random images on their myspace and try to see if any of them are hosted on photobucket and contain the target's photobucket username in the urls.
NOTE 2: This exploit above is now well known in the Myspace community, and therefore users now refrain from using those pics where you can easily access them as shown. Here's an alternative to access the background image (considered inaccessible by myfags) with Chrome.
<< Right click somewhere in the background, "inspect element", and look under "Computed Style" for a link and track the mutha fucka down. (click on it & proceed)
Get in to the photobucket
Simply delete the image filename (in this case, "heart.png") from the end of the url, so you're left with:
http://anonym.to/http://s259.photobucket.com/albums/hh314/daddyslittleslut69/
This new link will take us to her photobucket account.
Note this might not work anymore. Every time I do this with accounts it sends me to a "This is not available!" picture.
Find the goods
Once in the photobucket, you gotta find the goods.
In the case that the target's photobucket album is private, you need to use a fuskering program to find pictures. Read the section below for more information.
WTF? There's no hot pictures in here! Just shitty myspace glam pics...
NVM! Found it!
Click on the album named "naked" and enjoy the win!
Cracker
In the event that said Photobucket account is private, use Photofucket or Navnet to fusker for pics at incredibly high rates(photofucket is faster I think and less resource-heavy imo). You can also use a Javascript Fuskerer to do this on other sites besides photobucket.
Gallery
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MySpace also supports self hate. -
It ruined everyone's, sweetheart, so there's no need to be so emo about it. -
MySpace quite satisfied with rapid increase in pedos. -
Typical 16-year-old-girl's Myspace pic.
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typical MySpace banner ad. -
A MySpace user fishing for pic comments. -
MySpace is a home for Trolls. -
Bolt (compare to MySpace). -
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MySpace PWND! -
Oh shi- you're no longer cool to your friends anymore!
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Trolling isn't always successful. -
LOL this guy took a picture of his computer screen to post a screen shot what a noob! -
Important announcements. -
Typical MySpace comments. -
Ignored. -
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When you troll too hard, you will be reprimanded. -
Quite true. -
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Even raccoons use MySpace now. -
Despite what so many nigras say you can't be gangster on MySpace.
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MySpace categories. -
What you should do. -
Typical MySpace blog. -
World's First Time Traveler. -
Typical wigger on MySpace. -
Cock goez were?
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Typical picture of American teenage girl, complete with its offspring. -
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Truth Box is ripe for trolling. -
Typical MySpacer. -
It's the HAMBURGLAR! -
fat wigger and self-proclaimed rap producer, on myspace to promote his shitty beats
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MySpace Murderers. -
Not cute. -
Deep. -
Methinks there is trolling to be done. -
Aren't you supposed to look AWAY from the shitty camera? -
Hey look it's an azn MySpace whore! -
The only way to improve MySpace. -
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Fat people like the one on the right side edit to make themselves look skinnier. Fail. (But you'd still hit that, amirite?)
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Wearing lots of make-up and abusing photoshop still makes you an ugly, fat goth. -
Myspace knows what the population wants. -
creepy guy on myspace that talks to 13 year old girls and works at mc donalds,click on the image for this fags personal information
See Also
- Attention Whore
- Fail
- Fake Your Space
- Foursquare
- Friendster
- Girl Drama
- imeem
- Internet Celebrity
- Internet Model
- Latenightshots
- Maddi
- Multiply
- MySpace Kid
- MySpace Trolls
- MyYearBook
- Regina
- Suicide Girls
- Teenspot
- Truth Box
- Unrealistic Expectations
- ZuuP
External Links
The shiznit- The ONLY reason to join MySpace
- My DeathSpace- a place for dead MySpace users
- A Scientific Approach to MySpace's Failure
- An accurate domain appraisal for myspace.com
- MySpace Layouts
- A TL;DR article about the government watching you blog (see also Jeff Goldblum is Watching You Poop)
- NiggaSpace
- Link to bash teh MySpace
- Mycrimespace - A list of MySpace dumbasses
- |Get pics from friends-only profiles
- Meeting guys from MySpace may result in getting almost raped...in the butt!
- Dear God, iTards rejoyce!
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MySpazz is part of a series on Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage. |
| Featured article April 3, 2005 | ||
| Preceded by England |
MySpazz | Succeeded by Asperger's Syndrome |