Hawaii

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Hawaii's flag. They seem to be going through an identity crisis and believe they are or ever were part of the British Empire.

Hawaii, Hawai'i, or Huh - Vai -ee if you're a Trendy Fucker or a West Coast Liberal, is one of the 50 states of America, and one of only two states offshore from the mainland, Alaska "currently" being the other one until the days of The United States Of Canada come about.

Notable for being the site of the Pearl Harbor bombings, extremely expensive real estate and nesting old white people. The weather is hellish; extremely hot and humid with intense thunderstorms. Even Florida weather isn't as bad as here. You have to call in exterminators to cleanse your house or apartment of insects once every week, or else your place will be swarming with horrifying and giant bugs hell bent on biting the shit out of you. Centipedes, spiders and tarantulas are everywhere and definitely out to get you - especially if you have a vagina. They're probably even in your food. A bite from one of the centipedes will put you in the hospital, but on the bright side you'll be out soon if you come out of the coma and places are really wheelchair-accessible these days.

History

At least 100 years ago, some polynesian ass rapists settled on the insect infested islands that are today known as Hawaii. They primarily lived in small chiefdoms until some shithead named Kamehameha I pwned everyone and made himself King of Hawaii and created the Kingdom of Hawaii. In 1778 some asshat captain named James Cook arrived in Hawaii and named them "the Sandwich Islands". Kamehameha ruled over Hawaii until he died in 1819. In 1849 The French invaded Hawaii and decided to fuck shit up in Honolulu for a few weeks because catholics in Hawaii were butthurt over not having enough rights to practice their shitty excuse for a religion, but they gave up and went home because nobody cared. The Kingdom of Hawaii existed until 1893 when Americunts came to Hawaii and overthrew Queen Liliʻuokalani in a coup and party v& her, Replacing her with some fag named Sanford Dole whose family was of Dole Food Company fame, srsly. After permabanning the monarchy, America annexed Hawaii as its own territory in 1898 which gave Queen Lili a major case of BAWWWtism which lasted until she died in 1917, She was so butthurt in fact that she wrote an entire book about it. Lili tried to restore Hawaii's monarchy many times but failed because her controller was broken, Which many Native Hawaiians are still butthurt about to this day.

In 1941, The Japs attacked Pearl Harbor by kamikazeing into it, America enacted its revenge by BALEETING the Japanese cities of Hiroshima and Nagasaki with the nukes they spent so long working on. In 1959, Hawaii and Alaska officially became states of the Jewnited States of Americunts.

Just In Case You're Japanese And Want Pearl Harbor 2 Point O

GPS Coordinates:

• 21° 21' 4.2588 N
• 157° 58' 48.8640 W

Things Hawaii Has

• Volcanoes
• Pineapples
• humuhumunukunukuāpuaʻa AKA Reef Triggerfish- Hawaii's state fish
• At least 100 tourists at the beaches or private resorts which causes native Hawaiians to suffer major butthurt since they were here first.
• Giant Bugs that will eat you alive
• Crystal Meth that's easier to score than a Big Mac
• Dudes and Dudettes dropping out of school thinking that they'll make it as a Pro Surfer
• Monuments to remind us that Japan, for all their claims of honor and having a warrior's soul is a sneak ass, ignores the rules of War and will stab you in the back if they think it'll give them an advantage country and nationality

Things To Do In Hawaii

• Blame God when you wake up to lava in your living room.
• Stomp on the giant roaches that will attack you when you move your fridge to sweep under it
• Dodge Wild Fires
• Why be the real thing when you can be a surfing Poseur?
• Watch as your needle tracks turn gangrenous thanks to the humid weather
• Pay $6 for a gallon of milk. Hell. Get raped on everything, except for pineapples, because it has to be shipped in
• Build yourself a shack to live in because you can't afford an apartment because you're hooked on meth
• Die a Virgin's death by throwing yourself into a Volcano
• Suffer through white people that have lived there for 2 years that act like their family has been there for 30 generations
• Join in with the U.S. Navy and the Locals to beat the living shit out of the Japanese residents every December 7th.
• Adopt a Nihilist attitude and wait for that super Tsunami that will wipe the island chain clean.

Islands

This is a short list of some of the islands of Hawaii, (classified by alphabet)

• Big Island: The most recognized island in all of Hawaii. It also contains a volcano which erupted in 2018 and 2020, but is still completely overrun by centipedes.
• Kauai:Another Hawaiian island that no one cares about.
• Lanai:This small piece of land, contains two ships stranded on the shores.
• Maui:An uninteresting island, in August 2023 it suffered 3 fires.
• Molokai:A very abandoned island, also overrun by centipedes. Chloe Sagal considered a night hike on the island but went with the more painless method of burning to death.
• Niihau: A very desolate island. Almost nobody is allowed on this island except one family that has owned the island since Last Thursday.
• Oahu:The most important island in all of Hawaii, it contains the capital. Here the attack of Pearl Harbor occurred and, like Lanai, has wrecked ships. Not overrun by centipedes thanks to frequent use of DDT and napalm.

Insects

Hawaii is home to many animals insects, mostly notable for their vibrant colors when seen in pictures and their size when scuttling towards you. While the increased mass and aggression of these creatures can be disturbing to tourists, it's not without its advantages: For instance, while the more nimble Floridan mosquitos take a well-timed swat to kill, the larger Hawaiian mosquito can be easily dispatched with a common shotgun.

Centipedes are another fascinating Hawaiian creature, though also the subject of unfair rumors. While they will attack people with their paralyzing bite it's not for food, centipedes are opportunistic predators and their dietary needs are met by a combination of small dogs and unconscious junkies. The actual motive is kind of touching, they care for their young and just need a host for their brood. While the insect means no harm, quick intervention is still recommended. The surgical option is luckily quite painless due to the nerve damage, and is completely done after a follow-up blood test and a liver transplant. Centipede attacks and the subsequent brood removals contribute to Hawaii's high abortion rate.

Gallery

• 
  GOD IS PISSED
• 
  God is cooking something up. Keep pissing him off.
• 
  A map of the area. Only one of the islands is habitable.
• 
  Your new friend.
• 
  Hawaii Driver license

Notable Residents

• Nigahiga - once the most popular Youtuber back in the day.
• Barack Obama - Born and raised here.
• Duane Dog Chapman
• Jason Momoa
• Nicole Kidman
• McLovin

See Also

• Hawaiian Dicking
• SpongeBob SquarePants