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Delaware
A glorified rest stop along Interstate 95, Delawhere? (hehe) is a tiny, flat, shitty, polluted state on the U.S. East coast that nobody cares about. The old official state slogan emphasized its one claim to fame as being the "First U.S. State", as its state delegates circumstantially happened to be the first ones to sign the Constitution. That's right, they took a technicality and used it as a bragging point.
The new state slogan is "Small Wonder" as in "It's no small wonder everyone who lives there doesn't go an hero for living in Philadelphia's toilet." (omg lol). It's perhaps better known for being the place where Cubans stop for Mexican food on their way to sell Florida cocaine in New York.
Most people live near Wilmington and work in the screen door factory. Delaware also has Rehomo Beach, which is popular with lifelong bachelors and college students. It has been recently discovered that Delaware simply exists for the lulz. No one outside of the US has actually heard of Delaware and are sure it was something made up by Americunts so they can have 50 stars on their flag.
People of Delaware
Distinguishing itself from its rich colonial neighbors, Delaware is where most of the rednecks of the northeast were herded to (see: New Jersey, Pennsylvania). Seeing the opportunity to troll white people, a bevy of negroes was soon to follow. These two groups make up the two halves of Delaware, although wiggers would soon come to make the third half. It's important to note that Delaware is three halves in a two-half state - it's fairly amazing!
Also of note is Delaware's high percentage of skanky Oompa Loompas, thanks both to the University of Delaware and the state's proximity to Elkton, Maryland. However, these specimens are generally not formally counted in the state's population, as they generally only infest Delaware during the school months.
Celebs of Delaware
Most notable is anger-enthusiast Joe Biden. After him, notables include George Thorogood, Valerie Bertinelli, Elizabeth Shue, Ryan Phillipe, and most recently, Aubrey Plaza of the TV show Parks and Rec.
The thing to remember is that they all left Delware, never to come back.
DESU
Also of note is that Delaware State University's URL is desu.edu. Lulz. DeSU was established in 1891 as the State College for Colored Students. The 400-acre campus is in the northern section of Dover, across the street from the racetrack. This sets the stage for some pretty epic lulz when NASCAR fans invade the town.
Anthropologists in other states refer to DeSU as "Little Africa" due to the wide variety of negro cultivars and sub-types seen there. The primary function of DeSU is to instruct its students in basic reading skills and some elementary principles of arithmetic and prepare them for all sorts of exciting careers.
DeSU's main claim to infamy was some sort of prank pulled last Thursday. Two students were shot and wounded, one died a month later. The campus was locked down for a while as police searched desperately for the gunman. Classes were canceled and students were able to leave their dorms later that day to get more Colt 45 and KFC.
University of Delaware
University of Delaware students are one of the state's major exports, after wiggers, heroin, and members of the DuPont family. Located in downtown Newark, the University is primarily notable for being located adjacent to a railroad crossing that demands frequent sacrifices to slake its thirst for drunken co-eds and syphilis. Naturally, this sparks an obligatory week of hand-wringing and petitions to have the area around the tracks fenced. However, Murder Train will not be thwarted in its quest for nomz.
Other interesting sites located on the University campus include the scenic, charmingly designated Rape Alley, as well as Deer Park Tavern, where Edgar Allan Poe allegedly fell down the stairs and cursed the entire state. This event is also known as the "Only Interesting Thing to Happen in Delaware, Ever." Humor is used here to imply that Delaware is boring.
It is also to be noted that male graduates from this university are often found to be masochistic and enjoy being dominated by women. This is factual and backed by extensive scientific evidence. The origin of the symptoms, however, is unknown.
Last Thursday, people shit themselves over the revelation that DESU and the U of D would finally be playing each other in a handegg championship of some form. This caused some minor controversy, as most Delaware residents are still uncomfortable with the idea of ending segregation.
