SammyClassicSonicFan

CLEAN UP IN PROGRESS

This person has Assburgers Syndrome, so you can't say anything bad! :-( Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck.

Sammy, as of May 2014

Proof that he's not 15: Dangerously underweight, arms looking like toothpricks with no muscles to be found, torso painfully thin with no body fat or visible ribs...

	“	He's a young teenage legend and the world's most dedicated Nintendo geek!	„
	—SammyClassicSonicFan, describing himself.

frick

SammyClassicSonicFan (Ethan Samuel Thomas), also known as SammyTanookiGamer, SnoopyFlyingAce64 and SammyPaperMarioFan, sets as a good prime example of why little kids should not be allowed to have an internet connection. He's the 10-year-old boy full of Aspergers, bad parenting, Sonic and USI. He is one of the angriest children on YouTube and is an underrated lolcow. He is a hardcore Sonic fanboy (duh), he believes that platformers are the best video game genre, and his favorite franchise of all time is Mario, contrary to what his name would suggest. He thinks that just because one of his retarded expressions he invented is on Urban Dictionary, he think he is hotshit and deserve the outmost respect imaginable.

Somehow he acquired a camera, and like every kid who thinks his opinions matter, he has to share them with all the other people in the world, who are only watching his videos for their own amusement. He claims being 15 years old despite looking and sounding like a 10-year old. However, he may not be lying, holy fucking shit.

He spends all his days, weeks and months playing video games. He has so much free time on his hands because he’s online schooled, which makes him "smarter than any other kids his age". This explains how he has next to zero social skills, and when a kid talks about Cowadooty he will just cry and run away, and come back with his sword he made himself out of sticks he found in the backyard and duct tape and beat the shit out of the kid with it (Oh no he won’t, even Chris-chan could easily beat him).

Sammy has slowly become less relevant, while still keeping a YouTube channel where he doesn't shout and cry over other people's stupid opinions. Some people still follow him, hoping that he'll rage in his videos again like the good old times.

In a nutshell

He pretends to be 15, but acts, sounds and looks like a spoiled 10 year old 8 year old. His egotism is very comparable to BLACKB0ND: He thinks his opinions and ideas are the absolute best, but he doesn't care about others’ opinions like all SonicFags. Again, like Chris-chan, he doesn’t even know what a troll really is (to him, a troll is simply someone who disagrees and is mean to him). He seriously believe he has ‘’friends’’ on the Internet but we all know that they pretend to like him so we can get more of his delicious tears and rage. Speaking of friends, the only IRL friends he has is his family. He spends all his days playing with his video games and toys. He dreams to become the next Shigeru Miyamoto, but knows jack shit about video game development (so far the only ‘’game’’ he ever made is a FlappyBird clone he made using a shitty generator). He writes shitty Sonic fanfictions while inserting a godlike version of himself and his personal problems in it (sounds familiar?).

He is also an expert on damage control and trollshielding, because just like Mr. C, he thinks that when trolls are presented a new target, everyone will leave him alone and troll that person.

Is he really 15?

Fuck, man, that's some delayed puberty right there...

He claims to be 15 years old, and if anyone says otherwise he becomes violently butthurt to the point where his anus is swollen shut. Even though he's obviously around 10 years old... right? ......right?

Well, in the video below, he claims to be learning stuff in school about slope-intercept forms and point-slope and fuckin' shit like that, shit a 10 year old would typically know nothing about.

But the really horrifying evidence is Sammy isn't lying.png, a screencap whose implications are so dreadful that they rival the pain series in shock value. It shows a post by someone named Danielle about his 14-year-old son who is attending an online school and lives in a place called Fisher. Sounding familiar?

The post was made in January 2013, around 10 months before his rage video above claiming to be 15 came out, so the provided age of 14 in the post does not contradict the evidence provided by Sammy as his birthday could well have fallen in the 10 month span. In that case, as of 2015, he would now be at or approaching 16.

All of this means that Sammy was, as of the last we heard of him, a 15-year-old manchild with balls that refuse to drop out of fear that that would cause Sammy to slice them off in one of his fits of rage. That... is genuinely terrifying. Someone write a creepypasta about it! No

Sammy's Videos

IF YOU'RE AUTISTIC AND YOU KNOW IT FLAP YOUR HANDS

His videos begin with a 30 second-long intro, it consists only of random Sonic gameplay clips, a lot of explosions, and awful Sonic drawings. In these video, he usually screams about shit nobody cares about. Mostly about why platforming games are underrated and why Frick-Person-Shooter games are the cancer that is killing video games. In the background are songs of old platformers playing for which he doesn't have permission to use, but when the music plays it sounds like someone put it there to ridicule Sammy.

He will then proceed to show off his huge Sonic/Mario toy collection, which he will eventually throw around. He will say "frick" about a thousand times per video and smack his libs every 4 seconds, most of the time when he doesn't know what to say he just says "fricken" until he gets an idea.

Eventually he will go Super Sayain to make his point abundantly clear, that he is always right. Occasionally he doesn't know what he's talking about anymore and will pretend to leave, and then he puts a trailer of a Mario/Sonic game in his video. He doesn't even do it for the ad money, he literally just puts them there, most likely without Nintendo's permission. Then he completely freaks out and the credits roll, which will contain a huge wall of text in a terrible font you are supposed to read.

LIKE SONIC

	“	"LIKE SONIC LIKE SONIC LIKE SONIC LIKE SONIC LIKE SONIC LIKE SONIC LIKE SONIC LIKE SONIC LIKE SONIC LIKE SONIC LIKE SONIC LIKE SONIC ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRR	„
	—SammyClassicSonicFan, showing off his anger management skills.

But you've never played any FPS games!

Occasionally he will make crossover videos with other youtube nobodies like his cousin ( HaleyTheHedgehog), or his ginger friend ( BowserMan101) and debate about Vidya. Mostly those videos consist of Sammy's cousin making fun of him and the ginger friend being irrelevant while Sammy yells "frick" and is being immature overall.

Excellent social skills     “   "All it is is fighting elves. If you want fighting elves, go to the North Pole and be with Santa   „     —HaleyTheHedgehog11 - Summarizing The Legend Of Zelda

What he thinks of ED     “   "How is Encyclopedia Dramatica not banned from the internet?   „     —SammyClassicSonicFan - Deciding to keep his head up his ass

Sammy's Rise To Fame

DOOS EX FRICKING SUCKS     “   "Wow, another FPS! When will people learn that all FPS games are frickin' garbage? The game is too dark, the game is like Minecraft, the game is uncontrollable, and the urban setting is for frickin' fricks and has Goth punks. Deus Ex just gets a negative 30,000 out of 10, okay?"   „     —SammyClassicSonicFan, showing off his objective reviewing skills How true. When someone spergs out so badly like that, they will get noticed. Eventually v found out about his Doos Ex rant, and many laughed, cringed, or wondered: "Is this guy genuine?" "Where are his parents?" "What are his neighbors thinking?" "Will he be the next Chris-chan?" or "STOP VIRALING ON /v/ SAMMY" Nobody knew whether he really had autism or ADD, but many knew he was going to be a huge lolcow, so many subscribed, pretended to like him, and eventually he became known on Tumblr. However a huge frickin' frick will eventually get fricking trolled, and he disabled the comments. Although everyone knew this was gonna happen eventually. The videos where he rages the most are the ones with the most views, showing why people watch Sammy's videos (and to this day, he still doesn't understand why). Also his newspage confirms that he was diagnosed with high-functioning autism when he was 3 years old, removing any other possible mental human defect from the equation. SammyClassicSanicFan "Why won't you fricking trolls leave me alone?" Someone saw all this lulz and decided it had to be documented for future generations. Among them were gameplay videos of Sonic 4 and Sonic Adventure, in which SammyClassicSonicFan claimed to be a huge expert in Sonic games, yet fails numerous times in them, and rages louder than your average CoD babby. He uses the free version of FRAPS, which results in him making a shitty transition every 30 seconds. On top of that his framerate is too bad for recording gameplay. But you are not allowed to make fun of his gameplay videos, because they are not fricking speedruns!!! Okay?! SammyClassicSanicFan uploaded videos he made himself playing the same stages the real Sammy played, except he does it a hundred times better, while calmly explaining that Sammy should chill the fuck out. Then the real Sammy responded by saying the reason he sucked is because "he had to slow down the clips so that the clips looked like they would lead into eachother" which completely explains why he sucks in Sonic games. How a fucking retard plays Sanic     “   There is no need to be upset.   „     —Everyone - telling Sammy to fricking calm down The Legend Conludes Many tears were had. He surely won't be gay when he grows up The trolling somehow got the attention of his parents, who, in actions typical of the over-protective parents of retard children, forced Sammy to stop making videos. Not because he is acting like a huge retard on crack, but because people are making fun of him in the comments section. A bigger shock to everyone was not that Sammy would stop making videos, but that he actually has parents. Nonetheless Sammy made his videos private to reduce troll activity and get his parents off his back. (You can still watch his videos if you are subscribed to him and go to his profile to the Classic Videos playlist where he will update. Or you can just watch them on SammyClassicSanicFan's channel. Sammy's Parents Didn't his parents forbid him from making videos? He surely isn't possessed by demons After a while, /v/ fed Sammy's ego so much he decided like every Youtube nobody, he needed a second channel to scream in. You can find it here. New videos include him screaming about the already-overstated lack of innovation in the new Call of Duty, awesome ideas for the Sonic/Mario franchises, and one of his favourite videos included a My Little Pony Youtube Poop, it's now confirmed that he's a brony, in a video where he thinks of himself as Pinkie Pie and showing us at the end his l33t skillz in Sonic Adventure (why he put that in a pony video is beyond unknown). Many deaths, many comebacks Bad people leaked our address, but our special snowflake never did anything wrong so we will let him go back on the Internet. In December 2013, a group of trolls found out and leaked Sammy's dox for the lulz. Everyone expected him to make a video of him going apeshit, but surprisingly he didn't. Probably the only smart decision he ever made during his Internet career. Eventually, his parents found out about this and decided to cut down his Internet. Some people got sad, but most didn't care because the Sammy fad was gone long ago. A few weeks later, he was already back on Youtube and uploaded a generic Sonic 2 video, but he deleted it 2 days later because dem fricking trolls already found him. So he decided to shelter himself, he made a private channel that only his closest and most loyal White Knights could access to (about 2 or 3 people). Videos on this said channel were nothing but generic Sonic 3D Blast videos, generic rant videos and a cringy as fuck culinary critic of Golden Oreo cookies. It didn't took long for those videos to get leaked. Sammy got buttmad and closed his private channel. But Sammy, just like every lolcow suffering from USI, is always hungry for attention (either positive or negative), so in February 2014 he created a new public channel. Mostly to promote his shitty novels and Sonic fanfictions that nobody cares about. During his Internet career, he created a total of 7 Youtube channels. The Subreddit Not only they follow Sammy's every move 24/7, they also have some weird Big the Cat sexual deviants. Because every Internet faggot deserve a place/forum entirely dedicated about him, a Subreddit about Sammy was eventually created. Here, his fans, trolls (trolling is not allowed) and white knights talks about him and his latest videos all while sharing some fanworks too. Sounds nice, right? But no. You can't talk negatively about Sammy in any form, or else everyone will enter in moralfag mode and say Give him a chance, he's autistic, and he's improving himself these months or the admins will ban you. And your posts must be 100% related to Sammy, or else it will get deleted in less than a minute. Avoid this Subreddit like these guys avoid to do anything productive in their life like Sammy. Sammy as of now Yes, surely he's matured. As of 2014, Sammy is still making videos on a new channel, plus a gaming channel where he plays his favorite SANIC and MEHRRIO games. Whoops!! It looks like someone had the common sense to delete their amazing gaming channel. He has learned absolutely nothing from being doxed and absolutely nothing from the people who cared begging him to leave YouTube for his own good. He also talks about an online book series that he created called Skylar Space-Time. He always brags about how much he's "improved", but in reality, he's just as bad now as he was before, if not worse. At least his older videos were somewhat exciting. Nowadays, instead of screaming, Sammy cries about Sonic (he literally cried over Sonic Lost World not being a "3D-classic-Sonic game"). Now his videos just consist of boring, trivial shit relating to the gaming industry that no one gives a shit about. Also, he made a sequel to the monstrosity SammyClassicSonicFan's Adventure and is planning to make a third installment for attention for his fans. He has also for some odd reason started to suck the dick of Mariotehplumber. Mariotehplumber is basically an the SammyClassicSonicFan prototype, complaining about the most trivial shit towards Sonic the Hedgehog, while destroying almost every object he sees when he's butthurt, including his own home. Mariotehplumber is also known for his racism, sexism, xenophobia, and his massive butthurt when trolled. For some reason, Sammy looks at him as a pretty cool guy. The reason for this is beyond the knowledge of any scientists. However, Mariotehplumber has been pissing and whining on Jewtube since 2010. It's pretty safe to assume that Sammy is Mariotehplumber's lost son or brother. Coincidence? I think not. Both could also be distant cousins of Chris-chan too.     “   I sort of figured you were acting. I did the same thing with this identity, last year. My videos now are actually legitimate, though. Everyone thought my older videos were legitimate, but I actually just formed the SammyClassicSonicFan persona to entertain others while discussing what I love: gaming. Unfortunately, in addition to that came consequences. I had an Encyclopedia Dramatica page posted about me, my dox was posted online, I sparked controversy amongst the Internet... in summary, I can relate.   „     —'Sammy, showing his l33t self-victimizing and damage control skills to his boyfriend, Mariotehplumber. Public School     “   It's actually not that bad. I haven't encountered any bullies yet (and I hope it stays that way), I have plenty of friends (such as BowserMan101, and others whose names I shall not mention to protect their privacy), not to mention I have acquainted with quite a few people.   „     —Sammy, obviously lying trough his fangs. In August 2014, Sammy announced that he now goes to public school. Perhaps the first time he ever interacted with the oustide world in his life. He claims that so far people hasn't played Kick the Autistic with him yet and that he made lots of friends. Considering that he knows jackshit on how society actualy works, still has zero culture and knows nothing about anything that is not video games, make of that what you will. Supporters of Sammy During his many years of shitting out terrible videos, Sammy somehow managed to gain himself a lot of fans and supporters. Sammy's "supporters" encourage him to keep acting like an annoying dipshit for the rest of his life and often deny that he is doing anything wrong at all but don't let them fool you. Sammy's so called supporters watch him for the same reasons we all do, to count how many minutes this rabid ten year old can waste foaming at the mouth over Sonic before hyperventilating but since their morals are much higher than the average viewer's (they are big fucking pussies) they feel guilty about disagreeing with his maddening ways because the poor kid has autism and thus everything he does is okay. They spend their time crying crocodile tears over some shrieking kid they've never met in their life because they are too spineless to admit autism has nothing to do with Sammy being an unlikable little brat who likes to throw tantrums over people having opinions. Basically anyone claiming to support him are hypocrite faggots who probably point and laugh at people like Chris Chan but act all sympathetic towards Sammy because he is slightly less grotesque and younger than Chris Chan is. The average supporter of Sammy can be found spazzing out in the comments of anything Sammy related giving stubborn and obnoxious rants with autism as their only fuel for an argument similar to how Sammy defends the Sonic franchise with "SONIC IS GOOD GAME. FRICK YOU IF YOU DISAGREE". If you try to take the argument away from Sammy's autism they will squeal about cyber bullying for a few moments before bringing the topic back to Sammy's autism. Avoid talking to them at all costs since they are just channeling their inner SammyClassicSonicFan on you. They know deep down that they are equally autistic and shitty as Sammy is so they give him pity hoping one day someone might give pity to them when their favorite game franchise is made fun of and they finally snap into a fit of uncontrollable rage brought on by their aspergers or autism or whatever the fuck their doctor decided to call them to finally make their parents shut the fuck up. May they all continue to heil the miniature Hitler of autistic video games. How to piss him off Simply disagree with his opinions Praise the video game franchises he hates (I.E. Everything that is not Mario, Sonic or a platforming game) Put his biased logic in question Ask him how many IRL friends he has Point out resemblances between him and Chris-chan and make fun of him overall and you'll become his enemy for life. Say he's not actually 15. Yes, it's that simple. More of Sammy's Batshit Insane Videos Warning! These videos contain ear rape, bad opinions, and massive assburgers GOTTA GO FAST     “   Legendary Fire Mario backpack? What is this I don't even   „     —Everyone     “   "FRIIIIIIIIIIICK"   „     —SammyClassicSonicFan, playing games like usual     “   "My body is not ready."   „     —Reggie Fils-Aime, upon watching this video     “   "STOP CRITICIZING THE WII U!   „     —SammyClassicSonicFan, on constructive criticism.     “   "Is he wearing fucking Sonic slippers?"   „     —Various People     “   "Stop hating on Sonic 2"   „         “   "Tut, tut, tut"   „     —SammyClassicSonicFan, smacking his libs every second     “   "Biggest video game glitch evar"   „         “   "This is just not fricking fair that I have to get treated this way on the internet, why does it have to be me specificly?"   „     —SammyClassicSonicFan, realizing that no one likes him, but still failing to understand     “   "What Sammy does when he's not playing video games"   „     Previous Video | Next Video Gallery Gallery Of Austism About missing Pics We're not trying to ruin your image, Sammy. 'We're simply telling the truth Sammy lying about his living city. Sammy thinking that using complicated-as-fuck words like deuteragonist that no one ever heard of will make him look smarter. Sammy telling his exact age. [Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery] Sammy dealing with bronies like an expert Answer the question. I think this answers the question. Sammy at age 25. YouTube Parodies     “   Because every idiot on YouTube will get parodied   „     —FactCat Previous Video | Next Video See Also Retro Video Game Kids Ulrichthehedgehog Aspie Sonic Rage Chris-chan ADD Angry Homo Kid JoshU2uber Mariotehplumber External Links Latest Youtube channel hopefully it won't die on us for a while His Daliy motion account His 7th and most recent Youtube channel - Deleted. SammyClassicWikiFan - The wiki has pulled itself from the churning abyss. Admin Banned for "vandalism and hate speech" Wiki is ded again. SammyClassicSonicFanBALEETED SammyClassicSanicFan - Mirror Channel SamsungGalaxieSZ - Still operational, but assumed abandoned.BALEETED<br the Classic Sonic Fan Sammy the Classic Sonic Fan SCSFProductions - His newest account. (KYM) BALETED His own USI-infested wiki DED His official Facebook page - Deleted. Unofficial SCSF Fanpage another YouTube - Deleted. His Google+ page GONE His Instagram page DELETED 100% Official wiki Abandoned. Sammy's Official Newspage Taken down. Sammy's NEW Official Newspage DEAD XBL Gamertag: TrueBlue042 (note the high amount of games with low Gamerscore) PSN Account: SupasamiStar14 (note the high amount of unearned trophies and lack of completed games.) 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