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Captain Crunch: Difference between revisions

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* [http://www.webcrunchers.com/crunch/ cap'n crunch in cyberspace]
* [http://www.webcrunchers.com/crunch/ cap'n crunch in cyberspace]
* [http://www.myspace.com/jdcrunchman his myspace]
* [http://www.myspace.com/jdcrunchman his myspace]
* [http://www.cultdeadcow.com/bovinedawn/viewtopic.php?p=30350 OracleGD tries to setup captain crunch as a pedo and FAILS.]
* [http://www.hackthismovie.com HackThisMovie]


==Gallery==
==Gallery==

Revision as of 09:41, 17 January 2012

That hair is liable to cut up the roof of your mouth.
Captain Pedo Johnbear
Captain Crunch, serving on a panel for cock enthusiasts.
Cap'n and Pedobear both hitting on the same guy.
Capt. Crunch whistle that emits 2600Hz frequency used for pwning Ma Bell, not his work.


Many Vietnam vets find their solace in heroin and whores. Captain Crunch (aka John Draper), on the other hand, took his tortured mind and abused Bell. Contrary to what he claims, he actually never had any skill besides lvl 2 soldering. Blue boxers had become the script kiddies of phreaking by the time Crunch was doing anything. He had a friend who realized that the 2600hz sound in a breakfast cereal toy was not the devil speaking to him, it was actually a time travel machine that could make free telephone calls. Woz recruited Crunch into his super elite hack team and they travelled around the US doing acid and confing. Soon, he turned media whore and spilled the beans to the Village Voice. The Man didn't like the fact that Captain Crunch was bragging so loudly about his skillz, so they put him in prison.

Working with Woz

After working at Apple for a bit, he programmed one of the first word processors ever for the Apple ][ and the IBM PC -- therefore, he should be rich, but he's not because his code was all ripped from Bill Gates. He blew all his money on acid parties and virgin boy rape factories.

What he is doing now

Captain Crunch is now a dirty old man who`s pupils are pinholes and he's missing most ABSOLUTELY ALL of his teeth, likely due to meth. His incredible laundry list of famous people on his resume failed to get him any actual work. Once people realized he was completely clueless he had to start his own failure of a business... which then failed. He is now working as the CTO for a small start-up film company.

Failures

His first and only project was CrunchBox which was supposed to be an OpenBSD firewall+intrusion detection system. The project proved to be a huge failure and never went past anything more than talk. However if you talk to Draper he will claim that he sets up custom CrunchBox's for networks at 20 k a pop. Draper has pretty much slipped into obscurity, don't ever start a convo with him or you may never escape, especially if you are a teenage boy. But for those that are brave he can be IMed at jdcrunchman on aim. His other only project was an attempt at making a TV show (CrunchTV) targeted at noobs with the goal of "Handling 95% of all the security threats in the Internet Frontier". Future guests may include Kevin Mitnick, his energy-workout partners, or his friends.

Links

Gallery

Captain Crunch is part of a series on
UnV& Pedophiles [-+]

Aaron WilliamsAdam LanzaAlenonimoAlison RappAmber ButtrumAndy MaherAngryjediAnimatedJamesBeefraveBikerfoxBill CosbyBritbongCamHeadCasey AnthonyChaosscizzorsColonel McBadassComicalityCyraxxCyril SmithDan SchneiderDoomentioDr DisRespectDreamDrossRotzankDaddyOFiveDahvie VanityDangermanDeekerDidaskalosDynacatlovesmeEric RidenourErik MöllerFergie OliverFrank BonafedeGreg MazujianGreville JannerG-ZayGeosheaGalaxyRailways2199Harrison DigfootHumonHypnoHunter MooreIrish282Isabella Loretta JankeJames Terry Mitchell JrJaSonicJerry Peetjervaise brooke hamsterJimmy SavileJoey NigroJohn Patrick RogersJoseph KonyJustin BerryJustin DabrowKaitlyn HuntKatherine MarionKyle PerkinsLena DunhamLeonard F. Shaner Jr.LittleCloudLtFlaggerLogansperman2Lucian HodobocM. ChaosMagicrichMandoPonyMar9122Michael JacksonMikevirusMatrooko11MZMcBrideNathanrNeil FoxOmegaloreOnideus Mad HatterOnisionPaul WalkerPennywisePurple AkiPutridRalph SquillaceRiverman72Roger SampsonSam DeathWalkerSam RassenfossSarah ButtsShane LeeSibeScientologySethistoSmartschoolboy9Sophie LabelleTheAmazingAtheistThomas Watt HamiltonTimboxTrap-kunTyciolUncle GrandpaUpdownmostlyViolentacrezVonHeltonWoody AllenW. T. SnacksYandereDevYoung Tubers UnitedYtaskZeitgueist

Related Topics [-+]

Captain Crunch
is part of a series on Web 1.0

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Old Memes  • Celebs, h4x0rz, and Phreaks  • Technologies  • Fun and Games  • Events  • Death of Web1.0
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Captain Crunch is part of a series on Security Faggots

1337 h4x0rz

Captain CrunchCult of the Dead CowDavid L. SmithGary McKinnonGOBBLESHD MooreJeff MossKevin MitnickLance M. HavokRobert MorrisTheo de RaadtweevWoz


Try-Hards

2cashAnonOpsBrian SalcedoFearnorFry GuyGadi Evrong00nsHack This SiteHacking TeamhannJoanna RutkowskaJohn FieldJoseph CampLizard SquadLulzSecMark ZuckerbergMarshviperXMasters of DeceptionMichael LynnKrashedRavenr000tRyanSteve Gibsonth3j35t3rThe RegimeSabuZeekill


Related Shit

AviraCiscogateCloudflareConfickerCyberDefenderDefconThe GibsonThe Great Em/b/assy Security Leak of 2007HeartbleedI GOT NORTON!Is Your Son a Computer Hacker?Operation SundevilPIFTS.exeSocial engineeringStylometrySubSevenZone-H