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{{nobody}}
[[Image:MBF Sammy.jpg|200px|thumb|right]]
{{eduser|RealMenLoveBratz}}
{{eduser|Sunshine896}}
{{eduser|MylarBalloonFan}}
{{eduser|MylarBalloonFan}}
{{Aspergers}}
{{eduser|Mylarballoonlover}}
{{eduser|FuckDSB}}
{{eduser|BratzSamuel2006}}
{{eduser|IrnBruAndDrPepperFTW}}


{| align="center" style="width:40%; background-color:#FFFFFF; border: 2px solid #FF0022; padding: 2px;"
{| style="background: #F8F8FF; border: 2px solid #8888AA; width: 50%; margin: 5px auto; border-radius: 10px;"
|[[File:SocialSecuritySeal.PNG|60px]]
|width="1%" style="padding-right:1em;"|[[File:Lightbulb.png|50px]]
|<center>'''[[Welfare|This article is paid for by taxpayers like you]]'''
|'''[[EDiots]] have translated this article'''<br>'''into the following obscure language(s):'''
Thank You, <s>America</s> [[Denmark]].
|[[File:Denmark Flag.gif|40px|link=MylarBalloonFan/Danish|Danish]] [[MylarBalloonFan/Danish|Danish]]
|}</center>
|}


[[File:MBF Sammy.jpg|center|450px]]
It may come as a surprise to some that anyone over the age of 8 would have an obsession with foil balloons; however, some people never outgrow such childish things. '''MylarBalloonFan''' AKA [[Powerword|Samuel "Sammy" Petersen]] or Sam Asp Glassen (born on 12 August 1991) is a [[fat]], 30 year-old [[basement dweller]] who is obsessed with [[Balloon Fetish|Mylar balloons]], old technology, square objects, [[McDonalds|American]] [[Mountain Dew|junk food]], the [[1990s]], shitty [[techno]] music, and [[Bratz]]. He is also an [[autistic]] [[Denmark|Dane]] who hates his own country for various stupid reasons. Sammy also is something of an Ameriboo and wants to move to the [[USA]]. However, due to Sammy spending his [[welfare]] money on other things, he won’t be touching [[American]] soil anytime soon. Also to no surprise he is a fat fuck. Clocking in at only 170 centimeters tall, he weighs a staggering [http://www.motion-online.dk/sundhed_og_vaegt/fedtprocent/beregn_dit_body_mass_index_-_bmi/ 87 kilos]. (5'7" and 191 pounds for imperialists)


<!--forcing an extra linebreak-->
== Mylar Balloons ==


It may come as a surprise to some that anyone over the age of 8 would have an obsession with foil balloons; however, some people never outgrow such childish things. '''MylarBalloonFan''' A.K.A. [[Powerword|Samuel “Sammy” Peterson]] is a [[fat]], 22 year-old [[basement dweller]] who is obsessed with [[Balloon Fetish|Mylar balloons]], old technology, square objects, [[McDonalds]], the [[1990s]], and [[Sailor Moon]]. He is also an [[autistic]] [[Denmark|Dane]] who hates his own country for various stupid reasons. Sammy also is something of an Ameriboo and wants to move to the [[USA]]. However, due to Sammy spending his [[welfare]] money on other things, he won’t be touching [[American]] soil anytime soon.
[[Image:Sammy masturbating with balloons.png|thumb|Sammy telling the internet about how he masturbates with balloons]]


== Mylar Balloons ==
Samuel has an intense love for Mylar Balloons. So much so, that he has [[Over 9000|over 200]] of them in his room. Due to [[Denmark|Køge]] not having very many places that sell Mylar Balloons, Samuel has to import them from the US. He spends at least 200 USD for one Mylar balloon and has spent over 5000 USD on Mylar balloons. Yes, he spends 200 dollars to import a shitty balloon that costs 7 dollars at Party City.
 
He expresses his love for Mylar balloons on Yahoo answers and [[Youtube]]. He comments regularly on videos of other Mylar balloon spergs that videotape themselves and their balloons. He also posts [[U mad?|negative]] comments to anyone that uploads videos of themselves popping his favorite type of balloons. In his own words: anyone who pops Mylar balloons is "killing his girlfriend".
 
Yes, Samuel has a sexual fetish for Mylar balloons. It’s not enough for Samuel to own Mylar balloons; he also has sex with them and admits that Mylar balloons feels good against his microdick on Yahoo answers without any shame. He even videotaped himself slobbering all over a Mermaid balloon. [http://videobam.com/fMBWE You can watch the video here.]
 
As an avid Mylar balloon fan, he hates the dreaded latex balloons with a passion. He posts [[TL;DW|long]] rant videos about how much he despises them and of him flipping off latex balloons at a store. He even popped latex balloons in a couple of [http://videobam.com/ueqhZ videos].


<center>
<center>
<youtube>SgcyTp6tZbk</youtube>
{{morphquote|morphquote1|background-color: white;width:100%;|font-weight:bold;
|MYLAR MAKES MY PENIS WET WITH JOY IF YOU HATE MYLAR YOU SHOULD BE KILLED MYLAR BALLOONS IS SEXIER THAN DIRTY HIPPYS AND HUMANS|
|When I see a Rubber Balloon I becomes angry and want to shot the latex balloon but I am very happy when I see a Mylar Foil Balloon. to me Latex Balloons are fake and Mylar is real balloons.|
|Mylar Balloons smell good and feel good on my penis.|
}}
</center>
</center>


[[File:Sammy troll art.jpg|thumb|left|Sammy spending quality time with his balloons]]
== He Loves the '90s ==
[[File:Sammy masturbating with balloons.png|thumb|Sammy telling the internet about how he masturbates with balloons]]
 
[[File:Sammy wanting to fuck balloons.png|thumb|''Is it normal to get a boner from a balloon?'']]
[[Image:Sammy autism coat.jpg|thumb|left|Sammy's 1990s cosplay, fanny pack and all]]
[[Image:Sammy Sailor Mars.jpg|thumb|''In the name of [[lolicon]], Mylar, and the 1990s, I shall punish you!'']]


Sammy has an intense love for Mylar Balloons. So much so, that he has [[Over 9000|over 200]] of them in his room. Due to [[Denmark|Køge]] not having very places that sell Mylar Balloons, Sammy has to import them from the US. He spends at least 200 USD for one Mylar balloon and has spent over 5000 USD on Mylar balloons. Yes, he spends 200 dollars to import a shitty balloon that costs 7 dollars at Party City.  
Sammy has other obsessions besides Mylar balloons that he spends quite a bit of his welfare check on. He is also obsessed with schoolgirl animu, old technology, squared objects, Dr. Pepper, and McDonalds. What these obsessions all share in Sammy’s autistic mind is their relationship to his favorite decade, the 1990s. Being born in 1991, Sammy is very nostalgic over his childhood. Unable to adjust to modern technology, Sammy despises the modern world and everything about it.


He expresses his love for Mylar balloons on Yahoo answers and [[Youtube]]. He comments regularly on videos of other Mylar balloon spergs that videotape themselves and their balloons. He also posts [[U mad?|negative]] comments to anyone that uploads videos of themselves popping his favorite type of balloons. In his own words; anyone who pops Mylar balloons is “killing his girlfriend.”
He’s obsessed with Sailor Moon and similar type school girl anime that came out in the 90s. He has spent quite a bit of money on animu little girl toys, Sailor Moon Mylar balloons, and other [[Plastic crap|various animu crap]]. He even wore Sailor Mars [[cosplay]] and schoolgirl outfits in public, letting every single Dane in Køge know how special he is. He once made a top ten [[kawaii]]-est anime girl list and every single girl listed was younger than 16, some were even as young as eight years old. When [[trolls|viewers]] pointed out their age and asked him if he was a pedophile, Sammy raged at them.


Yes, Sammy has a sexual fetish for Mylar balloons. It’s not enough for Sammy to own Mylar balloons; he also has sex with them and admits that Mylar balloons feels good against his microdick on Yahoo answers without any shame. He even videotaped himself slobbering all over a Mermaid balloon. [http://videobam.com/fMBWE You can watch the video here.]
His obsessions with ancient, pre-[[Web 1.0]] technology include comfortable 1980s chairs, square electronics, and ancient computers. He also posts rants on his hatred for Windows Vista/7/8 and does not give a clear answer on why he dislikes them other than that they are modern computer systems. It’s also no surprise that Sammy likes 90s fashion (or, lack-thereof) and extremely bright, noisy, and generally annoying clothing. In every single one of his videos, he blasts [[shit|Gabber]] [[techno]] for those who are unfortunate to listen. He also wears god awful 90s light-reflecting fashion that makes someone look like they lost a fight with a tub of highlighters. So far, his highlighter look consists of a New Kids on the Block fanny pack, a woman’s soccer jacket, and a girly watch. His fashion choices are interesting, to say the least. He chooses to wear the same type of stuff that [[women]] and effeminate gays wore in the 90s before quickly ditching them when they realized how retarded they looked. However, this should be expected from the same guy who wore schoolgirl outfits in public.


As an avid Mylar balloon fan, he hates the dreaded latex balloons with a passion.  He posts [[tl;dr|long]] rant videos about how much he despises them and of him flipping off latex balloons at a store. He even popped latex balloons in a couple of [http://videobam.com/ueqhZ videos].  
It can be assumed that he eats McDonalds on a weekly basis from [http://videobam.com/hnSQZ the song his posted], the video of himself exiting out of one, and even his own comments about the franchise. He makes videos of himself [[Foul Bachelor Frog|obnoxiously burping]] on camera after drinking Dr. Pepper.


{{quote|when I see a Rubber Balloon I becomes angry and want to shot the latex balloon but I am very happy when I see a Mylar Foil Balloon. to me Latex Balloons are fake and Mylar is real balloons.}}
{{clear}}


== He Loves the 90s ==
== He Loves the Early 2000s==
Recently Mylar has taken a bit of a plot twist. He now loves the early 2000s and sings their praises, expressing the opinion that 2000-2006 were the best years and everything after has been shit.


[[File:MylarBalloonFan crysis armor maximum 90s.jpg|400px|center]]<br />
== Herfølge Skole ==


[[File:Sammy autism coat.jpg|thumb|left|Sammy's 1990s cosplay, fanny pack and all]]
The autist also has an obsession with Herfølge Skole (Herfølge School), so much that he comments on every fucking thing on their Facebook page. In the Facebook group he proudly announces his hatred of anything new.
[[File:Sammy Sailor Mars.jpg|thumb|''In the name of [[lolicon]], Mylar, and the 1990s, I shall punish you!'']]


Sammy has other obsessions besides Mylar balloons that he spends quite a bit of his welfare check on. He is also obsessed with schoolgirl animu, old technology, squared objects, Dr. Pepper, and McDonalds. What these obsessions all share in Sammy’s autistic mind is their relationship to his favorite decade, the 1990s. Being born in 1992, Sammy is very nostalgic over his childhood. Unable to adjust to modern technology, Sammy despises the modern world and everything about it.
''Other Person: Even better library opening, now with school library.''
<br>{{colortext|orange|Sammy: The old library was better more cosy this is way too modern and bright.}}
<br>''Another Person: I disagree. We have a wonderful library...''
<br>{{colortext|orange|Sammy: Bright and modern is boring.}}
<br>''Another Person: I think our library brims with life and engagement - and I like brightness and air.''
<br>{{colortext|orange|Sammy: Bright and modern makes me depressed.}}
<br>
<br>He loves Herfølge school so much he even got one of their tables that he could use as a desk.
<br><center>[[Image:Mylarballoonfan_Desk.jpg|400px]]
<br>'''He uses it as his current computer desk'''
<br>
<br>[[File:Mylarballoonfan_has_a_2003_computer.jpg]]
<br>'''Where he proudly places his computer from 2003'''</center>


He’s obsessed with Sailor Moon and similar type school girl anime that came out in the 90s. He has spent quite a bit of money on animu little girl toys, Sailor Moon Mylar balloons, and other [[Plastic crap|various animu crap]]. He even wore Sailor Mars [[cosplay]] and schoolgirl outfits in public, letting every single Dane in Køge know how special he is. He once made a top ten [[kawaii]]-est anime girl list and every single girl listed was younger than 16, some were even as young as eight years old. When [[trolls|viewers]] pointed out their age and asked him if he was a pedophile, Sammy raged at them. 
== Bratz ==


His obsessions with ancient, pre-[[Web 1.0]] technology include uncomfortable 1970s chairs, square energy-consuming electronics, and ancient computers. He also posts rants on his hatred for Windows Vista/7/8 and does not give a clear answer on why he dislikes them other than that they are modern computer systems. It’s also no surprise that Sammy likes 90s fashion (or, lack-thereof) and extremely bright, noisy, and generally annoying clothing. In every single one of his videos, he blasts [[shit|Gabber]] [[techno]] for those who are unfortunate to listen. He also wears god awful 90s light-reflecting fashion that makes someone look like they lost a fight with a tub of highlighters. So far, his highlighter look consists of a New Kids on the Block fanny pack, a woman’s soccer jacket, and a girly watch. His fashion choices are interesting, to say the least. He chooses to wear the same type of stuff that [[women]] and effeminate gays wore in the 90s before quickly ditching them when they realized how retarded they looked. However, this should be expected from the same guy who wore schoolgirl outfits in public.
Without exception, manchildren fap to things meant for young girls.  [[Chris Chan|Some]] fap to [[Sailor Moon]]; [[Bronies|others]] fap to [[My Little Pony]]. The things that get Sammy's tiny dick hard are [[Bratz]], a line of dolls modeled from ugly [[guido]] [[prostitutes]]. He keeps a creepy Bratz shrine in his room, loaded with decapitated doll heads, like a serial killer proudly displaying his trophies.


It can be assumed that he eats McDonalds on a weekly basis from [http://videobam.com/hnSQZ the song his posted], the video of himself exiting out of one, and even his own comments about the franchise. He makes videos of himself obnoxiously burping on camera after drinking Dr. Pepper.
{{center|
{{fv|youtubevids|background-color: #D7D7E0;|font-weight: bold;|
<youtube>KfcoiXZM6Oc</youtube><center>'''My pretty!'''</center>|
<youtube>mQd2sEa1FhY</youtube><center>'''Mylar rubs this thing on his dick'''</center>|
<youtube>AirLE1fLPSs</youtube><center>'''First love'''</center>|
<youtube>WqqA-NoKXaM</youtube><center></center>|
<youtube>CYLAEUvtYtg</youtube><center>'''Buying a Barbie ballon to show his hate'''</center>
}}
}}


{{clear}}
He also has a hate-bonker on [[Barbie]], because Barbie is too old.


== Videos ==
== Videos ==


<center>
<center>
{{fv|youtubevids|background-color: #D7D7E0;|font-weight: bold;|
{{fv|youtubevids2|background-color: #D7D7E0;|font-weight: bold;|
<youtube>yFCuHTxfcSw</youtube><center>'''What he thinks about Latex Balloons'''</center>|
<youtube>1AiUwSZgHKw</youtube><center>'''Are you horny yet?'''</center>|
<youtube>a2_wIkK2nvU</youtube><center>'''What he thinks about The Beatles'''</center>|
<youtube>MuaUROYXvBA</youtube><center>'''What he thinks about Latex Balloons'''</center>|
<youtube>_FOuFTo63TY</youtube><center>'''Proud owner of a neon fannypack'''</center>|
<youtube>qZLOd3nh7aU</youtube><center>'''What he thinks about Ovals'''</center>|
<youtube>jZ0mgK21PDk</youtube><center>'''One of many burp videos'''</center>|
<youtube>bmjPHEyhEeI</youtube><center>'''Proud owner of a neon fannypack'''</center>|
<youtube>kCxOcdQxKZ8</youtube><center>'''Dr. Pecker: Approved!'''</center>|
<youtube>J0zUy-pUYOE</youtube><center>'''One of many burp videos'''</center>|
<youtube>odpOnzcqgKk</youtube><center>'''"Trolls & haters" video, complains about YT while still using it'''</center>|
<youtube>hQSf_hbH8kM</youtube><center>'''Dr. Pecker: Approved!'''</center>|
<youtube>6YteSNlS5Is</youtube><center>'''$105 wasted on a worthless keyboard'''</center>
<youtube>wp-ncxnBjvM</youtube><center>'''$105 wasted on a worthless keyboard'''</center>|
<youtube>bjgPkAJN7Bc</youtube><center>'''Proudly displaying his [[cheap]] [[plastic crap]]'''</center>
}}
}}
</center>
</center>


== Sammy and trolls ==
== Sammy and trolls ==
{{Warning|Sammy flags down mirrors of his videos on YouTube}}
 
<center>
<center>
{{fv|youtubevids2|background-color: #D7D7E0;|font-weight: bold;|
{{fv|youtubevids3|background-color: #D7D7E0;|font-weight: bold;|
|<youtube>R1vEbaG_t0k</youtube><center>'''Sammy's response to this article.'''</center>
<youtube>R1vEbaG_t0k</youtube> <center>'''Sammy's response to this article.'''</center>|
<youtube>OMrhLRweJdQ</youtube><center>'''Another response to this article, using [[South Park]]'''</center>
}}
}}
</center>
</center>


 
{{quote|<stopthe60s> 888chan and ED are illegal}}
[[File:MBF Sammy and 789chan.png|thumb|left|Getting mad at 789chan and people who compare him to Chris Chan]]
[[File:MBF Sammy and 789chan.png|200px|thumb|right|Getting mad at 789chan and people who compare him to Chris Chan]]
[[File:Sammy mad at troll.png|thumb|right]]
[[File:Sammy mad at troll.png|200px|thumb|right]]
 
Sammy is [[thin skin|very touchy when it comes to criticism]] and argues with trolls and people on and off youtube. Being discovered by [[789chan]] users, Sammy quickly found his way to the site and raged at the users. So much so that he flagged down mirrors of his videos, sent trolls butthurt messages on Youtube, and made a couple of videos on [http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xt0r32_homer-sucks_fun Daily] [http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xt0pse_rsduke-sucks_fun#.UTlJ_DfEbYY Motion].  
Sammy is [[thin skin|very touchy when it comes to criticism]] and argues with trolls and people on and off youtube. Being discovered by [[789chan]] users, Sammy quickly found his way to the site and raged at the users. So much so that he flagged down mirrors of his videos, sent trolls butthurt messages on Youtube, and made a couple of videos on [http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xt0r32_homer-sucks_fun Daily] [http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xt0pse_rsduke-sucks_fun#.UTlJ_DfEbYY Motion].  


He even, at one point, [http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xt1kgn_to-789chan_lifestyle#.UTlMSjfEbYY attempted] to team up with [[Robert Wayne Stiles]] to get trolls arrested by the FBI. However, he quickly ditched Robb, because sending trolls to jail was taking time away from fucking his Mylar balloons.
He even, at one point, [http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xt1kgn_to-789chan_lifestyle#.UTlMSjfEbYY attempted] to team up with [[Robert Wayne Stiles]] to get trolls arrested by the FBI. However, he quickly ditched Robb, because sending trolls to jail was taking time away from fucking his Mylar balloons. Isn't that awesome?


He also gets [http://ca.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AjFKyfxJBxUe_itj9gG6GKHBFQx.;_ylv=3?qid=20120819175215AAFWohy very irritated] when trolls compared him to [[Chris Chan]]. Like Chris, he also wears out-of-date pedo glasses, likes Sailor Moon, eats at McDonalds almost religiously, is obsessed with toys, and even looks kind of like Chris. He even got referred to as "Danish Chris" by trolls before they found out his name. The main reason why he gets so butthurt when people compare him to Chris-chan is because Chris likes [[Pokemon]] and [[My Little Pony]] and that Chris is [[Hipster|"too mainstream"]]. Another thing that is true when comparing him to [[Chris-chan]] is that Sammy does not [[Liar|understand]] copyright law.
He also gets [http://ca.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AjFKyfxJBxUe_itj9gG6GKHBFQx.;_ylv=3?qid=20120819175215AAFWohy very irritated] when trolls compared him to [[Chris Chan]]. Like Chris, he also wears out-of-date pedo glasses, likes Sailor Moon, eats at McDonalds almost religiously, is obsessed with toys, and even looks kind of like Chris. He even got referred to as "Danish Chris" by trolls before they found out his name. The main reason why he gets so butthurt when people compare him to Chris-chan is because Chris likes [[Pokemon]] and [[My Little Pony]] and that Chris is [[Hipster|"too mainstream"]]. Another thing that is true when comparing him to [[Chris-chan]] is that Sammy does not understand [[Copyright|copyright law]].


Another thing [http://videobam.com/knhlK Sammy gets upset over] is when people dislike his videos, whether they be trolls and/or people who didn't find his videos very entertaining. He also seems to believe that the [[Samefag|same person]] disliked all of his videos rather than a few people finding them to be boring.
Another thing [http://videobam.com/knhlK Sammy gets upset over] is when people dislike his videos, whether they be trolls and/or people who didn't find his videos very entertaining. He also seems to believe that the [[Samefag|same person]] disliked all of his videos rather than a few people finding them to be boring.


Like so many people before him, when he had found his ED article, he wanted to [[vandalism|take the information down NOW NOW NOW]]!!!1 So he used the ED account that he already had and practically blanked the article. Needless to say, [[vandalism is pointless|his edits were quickly reverted and he was banned]]. The article itself was only up for a few hours before this happened:
Like so many people before him, when he had found his ED article, he wanted to [[vandalism|take the information down NOW NOW NOW]]!!!1 So he used the ED account that he already had and practically blanked the article. Needless to say, [[vandalism is pointless|his edits were quickly reverted and he was banned]].


 
Later he made a second account and a second attempt with the same results. He also made yet another attempt some time later, trying to turn his ED article into a vanity article, but was discovered and banned yet again.
<center>
{{frame|[[File:MylarBalloonFan vandal.png|center|MylarBalloonFan vandalizing this article while someone was editing it.|link=Special:Contributions/MylarBalloonFan]]|background=white|border=black}}
</center>
 
 
In all, he can't deal with trolls or any forms of criticism from the internet.


== Quotes ==
== Quotes ==
Line 100: Line 133:
{{morphquote|mq1|background-color: transparent;|font-weight: normal;;
{{morphquote|mq1|background-color: transparent;|font-weight: normal;;
|FUCK COCA COLA!!|In response to an opinion on YouTube about soda[http://youtu.be/kCxOcdQxKZ8]
|FUCK COCA COLA!!|In response to an opinion on YouTube about soda[http://youtu.be/kCxOcdQxKZ8]
|'''I Don't like Coca Cola.'''<br />It just tastes boring.<br />Dr Pepper Tastes better.<br />I only Buy Dr Pepper.<br /><i>1/5 stars given</i>|[http://www.trustpilot.ie/users/3746630]
|MYLAR BALLOONS FEELS GOOD AGAINST MY PENIS!|lol[http://youtu.be/5ZF90EKUMFQ]
|MYLAR BALLOONS FEELS GOOD AGAINST MY PENIS!|lol[http://youtu.be/5ZF90EKUMFQ]
|[[Basement Dweller|I hate day light people that makes noice so I can't sleep.]]|THE SUNLIGHT IT BURNS[http://youtu.be/m-wgcZ5nC8g]
|[[Basement Dweller|I hate day light people that makes noice so I can't sleep.]]|THE SUNLIGHT IT BURNS[http://youtu.be/m-wgcZ5nC8g]
Line 115: Line 149:
File:Sammy as a Danish grandma.jpg|Sammy [[Cosplay|cosplaying]] as a Danish grandma.
File:Sammy as a Danish grandma.jpg|Sammy [[Cosplay|cosplaying]] as a Danish grandma.
File:Sammy picking up a girlfriend 0.jpg|Sammy picking up his daily rape victims.
File:Sammy picking up a girlfriend 0.jpg|Sammy picking up his daily rape victims.
File:Sammy picking up a girlfriend.jpg|Sammy's rape-mobile.
File:Sammy troll art.jpg|Sammy spending quality time with his balloons
File:Sammy and Chris lookalike.jpg|[[Chris-chan|The resemblance]] is uncanny!
File:Sammy and Chris lookalike.jpg|[[Chris-chan|The resemblance]] is uncanny!
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Sammy wanting to fuck balloons.png|Is it normal to get a boner from a balloon?'
File:MylarBalloonFan crysis armor maximum 90s.jpg
File:Sammy picking up a girlfriend.jpg|Sammy's rape-mobile.
File:MBF Sammy 0.jpg|Plastic crap and a shitty old computer? It's definitely Sammy's battle station.
File:MBF Sammy 0.jpg|Plastic crap and a shitty old computer? It's definitely Sammy's battle station.
File:Sammy and rapist glasses.png|Complaining about people calling his glasses "rapist glasses."
File:Sammy and rapist glasses.png|Complaining about people calling his glasses "rapist glasses."
Line 127: Line 164:
File:Sammy liking gay balloon video.png
File:Sammy liking gay balloon video.png
File:Sammy on Danish girls and balloons.png
File:Sammy on Danish girls and balloons.png
File:mylar.png
File:mylar2.png
File:Mylar3.png
File:MermaidMylar.jpg|His favorite fuckbuddy.
File:StrawberryMylar.jpg|[[Pedophilia|He likes them young]].
</gallery>}}
</gallery>}}


== Websites ==
== Websites ==


* {{gplus|101045171567894608060|His Google Plus}}
* {{fb|onpu99|His Facebook}}
* {{fbid|9686227819|Where to find his inane scribblings about his former school}}
* {{Zippcast|MylarBalloonFan}} (FUCK GOOGLETUBE)
* [http://mylarballoonfan.weebly.com/ His own personal site]
* [http://mylarballoonfan.weebly.com/ His own personal site]
* {{facebook|MylarBalloonFan}}
*<s> {{facebook|MylarBalloonFan}}</s> Closed.
* {{yt|ILoveSailorMoon1000}}
* {{yt|DoReMiForever}} Current YT account
* {{yt|1Suppi}} Old account
* {{yt|ILoveSailorMoon1000}} DELETED
* {{yt|MylarBalloonLover1}} DELETED
* {{dauser|mylarballoonfan}}
* {{dauser|mylarballoonfan}}
* {{twitter|MylarBalloonFan}}
* {{twitter|MylarBalloonFan}}
Line 140: Line 189:
* [http://www.wrongplanet.net/forums-profile-viewprofile-u-46653.html Wrongplanet profile]
* [http://www.wrongplanet.net/forums-profile-viewprofile-u-46653.html Wrongplanet profile]
* [http://s830.beta.photobucket.com/user/MylarBalloonFan/profile/ Photobucket account]
* [http://s830.beta.photobucket.com/user/MylarBalloonFan/profile/ Photobucket account]
* [http://www.flickr.com/photos/29586741@N02/ Flickr Account]
* [http://ca.answers.yahoo.com/activity?show=Oo30UByjaa&link=answer&answerfilter=best_answers Yahoo answers account]
* [http://ca.answers.yahoo.com/activity?show=Oo30UByjaa&link=answer&answerfilter=best_answers Yahoo answers account]
* [http://www.zippcast.com/user/MylarBalloonFan ZippCast account]
* [http://videobam.com/XyGvP A video of teenage Sammy and his buttbuddy]
* [http://videobam.com/XyGvP A video of teenage Sammy and his buttbuddy]
* [http://videobam.com/MqUlu A video of Sammy complaining about a train]
* [http://videobam.com/MqUlu A video of Sammy complaining about a train]
* [http://videobam.com/MCmMq Sammy complaining about going green]
* [http://videobam.com/MCmMq Sammy complaining about going green]
== External links ==
* {{fb|Onpu99|His Facebook}}


== See also ==
== See also ==
 
* [[Billoon45]]
* [[Balloon Fetish]]
* [[Bratz]]
* [[Denmark]]
* [[Denmark]]
* [[Chris Chan]]
* [[Balloon Fetish]]
* [[Sailor Moon]]
* [[Autism]]
* [[Fat]]
* [[YouTube]]
* [[ZippCast]]
* [[ZippCast]]


{{Dying alone}}
{{Dying alone}}
{{Aspies}}
{{Aspies}}
{{ytseries}}
{{Lulcowboard}}
{{VidLii}}
 
{{Timeline|Featured article May 11 & 12, [[2013]]|[[Skullgirls]]|[[{{PAGENAME}}]]|[[Pirate]]}}
 
[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]

Latest revision as of 20:26, 5 July 2022

Nobody has heard of this person, but whoever they are, vandalizing this article only makes us want to learn more...


Note: this is an article about an Encyclopedia Dramatica user. For more information, please see the appropriate user page. To leave this user a message, please visit their talk page.
Note: this is an article about an Encyclopedia Dramatica user. For more information, please see the appropriate user page. To leave this user a message, please visit their talk page.
Note: this is an article about an Encyclopedia Dramatica user. For more information, please see the appropriate user page. To leave this user a message, please visit their talk page.
Note: this is an article about an Encyclopedia Dramatica user. For more information, please see the appropriate user page. To leave this user a message, please visit their talk page.
Note: this is an article about an Encyclopedia Dramatica user. For more information, please see the appropriate user page. To leave this user a message, please visit their talk page.
Note: this is an article about an Encyclopedia Dramatica user. For more information, please see the appropriate user page. To leave this user a message, please visit their talk page.
Note: this is an article about an Encyclopedia Dramatica user. For more information, please see the appropriate user page. To leave this user a message, please visit their talk page.
EDiots have translated this article
into the following obscure language(s): 		Danish Danish

It may come as a surprise to some that anyone over the age of 8 would have an obsession with foil balloons; however, some people never outgrow such childish things. MylarBalloonFan AKA Samuel "Sammy" Petersen or Sam Asp Glassen (born on 12 August 1991) is a fat, 30 year-old basement dweller who is obsessed with Mylar balloons, old technology, square objects, American junk food, the 1990s, shitty techno music, and Bratz. He is also an autistic Dane who hates his own country for various stupid reasons. Sammy also is something of an Ameriboo and wants to move to the USA. However, due to Sammy spending his welfare money on other things, he won’t be touching American soil anytime soon. Also to no surprise he is a fat fuck. Clocking in at only 170 centimeters tall, he weighs a staggering 87 kilos. (5'7" and 191 pounds for imperialists)

Mylar Balloons

Sammy telling the internet about how he masturbates with balloons

Samuel has an intense love for Mylar Balloons. So much so, that he has over 200 of them in his room. Due to Køge not having very many places that sell Mylar Balloons, Samuel has to import them from the US. He spends at least 200 USD for one Mylar balloon and has spent over 5000 USD on Mylar balloons. Yes, he spends 200 dollars to import a shitty balloon that costs 7 dollars at Party City.

He expresses his love for Mylar balloons on Yahoo answers and Youtube. He comments regularly on videos of other Mylar balloon spergs that videotape themselves and their balloons. He also posts negative comments to anyone that uploads videos of themselves popping his favorite type of balloons. In his own words: anyone who pops Mylar balloons is "killing his girlfriend".

Yes, Samuel has a sexual fetish for Mylar balloons. It’s not enough for Samuel to own Mylar balloons; he also has sex with them and admits that Mylar balloons feels good against his microdick on Yahoo answers without any shame. He even videotaped himself slobbering all over a Mermaid balloon. You can watch the video here.

As an avid Mylar balloon fan, he hates the dreaded latex balloons with a passion. He posts long rant videos about how much he despises them and of him flipping off latex balloons at a store. He even popped latex balloons in a couple of videos.

   
“ 		 
MYLAR MAKES MY PENIS WET WITH JOY IF YOU HATE MYLAR YOU SHOULD BE KILLED MYLAR BALLOONS IS SEXIER THAN DIRTY HIPPYS AND HUMANS
  		„
  		 

   
“ 		 
When I see a Rubber Balloon I becomes angry and want to shot the latex balloon but I am very happy when I see a Mylar Foil Balloon. to me Latex Balloons are fake and Mylar is real balloons.
  		„
  		 

   
“ 		 
Mylar Balloons smell good and feel good on my penis.
  		„
  		 

Previous Quote | Next Quote

He Loves the '90s

Sammy's 1990s cosplay, fanny pack and all
In the name of lolicon, Mylar, and the 1990s, I shall punish you!

Sammy has other obsessions besides Mylar balloons that he spends quite a bit of his welfare check on. He is also obsessed with schoolgirl animu, old technology, squared objects, Dr. Pepper, and McDonalds. What these obsessions all share in Sammy’s autistic mind is their relationship to his favorite decade, the 1990s. Being born in 1991, Sammy is very nostalgic over his childhood. Unable to adjust to modern technology, Sammy despises the modern world and everything about it.

He’s obsessed with Sailor Moon and similar type school girl anime that came out in the 90s. He has spent quite a bit of money on animu little girl toys, Sailor Moon Mylar balloons, and other various animu crap. He even wore Sailor Mars cosplay and schoolgirl outfits in public, letting every single Dane in Køge know how special he is. He once made a top ten kawaii-est anime girl list and every single girl listed was younger than 16, some were even as young as eight years old. When viewers pointed out their age and asked him if he was a pedophile, Sammy raged at them.

His obsessions with ancient, pre-Web 1.0 technology include comfortable 1980s chairs, square electronics, and ancient computers. He also posts rants on his hatred for Windows Vista/7/8 and does not give a clear answer on why he dislikes them other than that they are modern computer systems. It’s also no surprise that Sammy likes 90s fashion (or, lack-thereof) and extremely bright, noisy, and generally annoying clothing. In every single one of his videos, he blasts Gabber techno for those who are unfortunate to listen. He also wears god awful 90s light-reflecting fashion that makes someone look like they lost a fight with a tub of highlighters. So far, his highlighter look consists of a New Kids on the Block fanny pack, a woman’s soccer jacket, and a girly watch. His fashion choices are interesting, to say the least. He chooses to wear the same type of stuff that women and effeminate gays wore in the 90s before quickly ditching them when they realized how retarded they looked. However, this should be expected from the same guy who wore schoolgirl outfits in public.

It can be assumed that he eats McDonalds on a weekly basis from the song his posted, the video of himself exiting out of one, and even his own comments about the franchise. He makes videos of himself obnoxiously burping on camera after drinking Dr. Pepper.

He Loves the Early 2000s

Recently Mylar has taken a bit of a plot twist. He now loves the early 2000s and sings their praises, expressing the opinion that 2000-2006 were the best years and everything after has been shit.

Herfølge Skole

The autist also has an obsession with Herfølge Skole (Herfølge School), so much that he comments on every fucking thing on their Facebook page. In the Facebook group he proudly announces his hatred of anything new.

Other Person: Even better library opening, now with school library.
Sammy: The old library was better more cosy this is way too modern and bright.
Another Person: I disagree. We have a wonderful library...
Sammy: Bright and modern is boring.
Another Person: I think our library brims with life and engagement - and I like brightness and air.
Sammy: Bright and modern makes me depressed.

He loves Herfølge school so much he even got one of their tables that he could use as a desk.



He uses it as his current computer desk


Where he proudly places his computer from 2003

Bratz

Without exception, manchildren fap to things meant for young girls. Some fap to Sailor Moon; others fap to My Little Pony. The things that get Sammy's tiny dick hard are Bratz, a line of dolls modeled from ugly guido prostitutes. He keeps a creepy Bratz shrine in his room, loaded with decapitated doll heads, like a serial killer proudly displaying his trophies.

My pretty!

Mylar rubs this thing on his dick

First love

Buying a Barbie ballon to show his hate

Previous Video | Next Video

He also has a hate-bonker on Barbie, because Barbie is too old.

Videos

Are you horny yet?

What he thinks about Latex Balloons

What he thinks about Ovals

Proud owner of a neon fannypack

One of many burp videos

Dr. Pecker: Approved!

$105 wasted on a worthless keyboard

Proudly displaying his cheap plastic crap

Previous Video | Next Video

Sammy and trolls

Sammy's response to this article.

Another response to this article, using South Park

Previous Video | Next Video

   
“ 		 
<stopthe60s> 888chan and ED are illegal
  		„
  		 

Getting mad at 789chan and people who compare him to Chris Chan

Sammy is very touchy when it comes to criticism and argues with trolls and people on and off youtube. Being discovered by 789chan users, Sammy quickly found his way to the site and raged at the users. So much so that he flagged down mirrors of his videos, sent trolls butthurt messages on Youtube, and made a couple of videos on Daily Motion.

He even, at one point, attempted to team up with Robert Wayne Stiles to get trolls arrested by the FBI. However, he quickly ditched Robb, because sending trolls to jail was taking time away from fucking his Mylar balloons. Isn't that awesome?

He also gets very irritated when trolls compared him to Chris Chan. Like Chris, he also wears out-of-date pedo glasses, likes Sailor Moon, eats at McDonalds almost religiously, is obsessed with toys, and even looks kind of like Chris. He even got referred to as "Danish Chris" by trolls before they found out his name. The main reason why he gets so butthurt when people compare him to Chris-chan is because Chris likes Pokemon and My Little Pony and that Chris is "too mainstream". Another thing that is true when comparing him to Chris-chan is that Sammy does not understand copyright law.

Another thing Sammy gets upset over is when people dislike his videos, whether they be trolls and/or people who didn't find his videos very entertaining. He also seems to believe that the same person disliked all of his videos rather than a few people finding them to be boring.

Like so many people before him, when he had found his ED article, he wanted to take the information down NOW NOW NOW!!!1 So he used the ED account that he already had and practically blanked the article. Needless to say, his edits were quickly reverted and he was banned.

Later he made a second account and a second attempt with the same results. He also made yet another attempt some time later, trying to turn his ED article into a vanity article, but was discovered and banned yet again.

Quotes

   
“ 		 
FUCK COCA COLA!!
  		„
  		 

—In response to an opinion on YouTube about soda[1]

   
“ 		 
I Don't like Coca Cola.
It just tastes boring.
Dr Pepper Tastes better.
I only Buy Dr Pepper.
1/5 stars given
  		„
  		 

—[2]

   
“ 		 
MYLAR BALLOONS FEELS GOOD AGAINST MY PENIS!
  		„
  		 

—lol[3]

   
“ 		 
I hate day light people that makes noice so I can't sleep.
  		„
  		 

—THE SUNLIGHT IT BURNS[4]

   
“ 		 
I have computers that are over 25 year old.

your modern china crap won't last that long. Fuck off!
 

„
  		 

—128KB RAM is best RAM[5]

   
“ 		 
you are a modern pieces of shit.
  		„
  		 

—nice grammar[6]

Previous Quote | Next Quote

Pictures

Balloon fucking and butthurt galore About missing Pics
  • Sammy's looking a little pregnant there...
    Sammy's looking a little pregnant there...
  • Sammy cosplaying as a Danish grandma.
    Sammy cosplaying as a Danish grandma.
  • Sammy picking up his daily rape victims.
    Sammy picking up his daily rape victims.
  • Sammy spending quality time with his balloons
    Sammy spending quality time with his balloons
  • The resemblance is uncanny!
    The resemblance is uncanny!
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]
  • Is it normal to get a boner from a balloon?'
    Is it normal to get a boner from a balloon?'
  • Sammy's rape-mobile.
    Sammy's rape-mobile.
  • Plastic crap and a shitty old computer? It's definitely Sammy's battle station.
    Plastic crap and a shitty old computer? It's definitely Sammy's battle station.
  • Complaining about people calling his glasses "rapist glasses."
    Complaining about people calling his glasses "rapist glasses."
  • So many posts about his assburgers syndrome.
    So many posts about his assburgers syndrome.
  • Sammy's arch-nemesis, skateboarders.
    Sammy's arch-nemesis, skateboarders.
  • His favorite fuckbuddy.
    His favorite fuckbuddy.
  • He likes them young.
    He likes them young.

Websites

External links

See also


MylarBalloonFan is part of a series on Dying Alone

[DeadCry yourself to sleep]

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Related Crap:
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Featured article May 11 & 12, 2013
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