English

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English refers to:

• Cunt
• People who live in England.
• The English language and its dialects.
• The spin put on the cue ball in pool or billiards.
• The corporal punishment fetish where men dressed as conservative teachers spank women dressed as schoolgirls.
• "Full English breakfast", a lard-drenched culinary delight.

YOU, if you don't speak English.

The English Language

The English language is intelligent and has order. Americunts took their own spin on it, and gave it better spellings such as dropping an unnecessary 'u' from "color" and "humor". As Americans have never actually mastered the fucktarded "language" English faggots talk, Wikipedia articles' titles are often spelled phaw-nah-tee-cuh-lly. However, limeys are just as incapable of linguistic accuracy as yanks, as they have yet to learn how to pronounce the letter "R." You'd think that would be sort of a prerequisite, but apparently not.

Immer-reekans can often be heard demanding 'terrorists' (anyone living outside of the US or visiting, and known everywhere else as a tourist) to "talk English", even when that person may be from England and speaking English. Not realizing either the grammatical or logic based stupidity of their demand, they unknowingly earn a fail times squared on contact with large percentages of 'the far away ones'. Eye-my-reekans commonly poke fun at the British for their strong pronunciation of the R sound in words that contain an R, but will then add R's themselves where there are in fact no R's, even within their own spellings of English words; for example, pronouncing p-ASS-ta as p-ARSE-ta. In a landmark study, Stephen Hawking theorized that it was the I-my-rick-aRns propensity to remove 'u's and place 'r's where they do not exist that causes them to so easily confuse tourists with terrorists, causing many of todays global conflicts. It is also noteworthy that 101% of Amma-rycanz feel correct in explaining the pronunciation and spelling of English words to the English. Even beginning to question their authority to do so results in a mighty rage anger and much dick measuring with regards to the great hone-noRs for battles of years past.

English is the only language that counts. If you don't speak it, it means you are a terrorist.

• 
  You fucking better!
• 
  Lasers
• 
• 
• 

A summary of modern English in C++:

                                 /* History_of_English.cpp */
   #include <iostream>
   #include <string>
   int main() 
       {
       int german;               // Growly, throaty, not Latin-based
       int french;               // Nasally, full of weird spelling, Latin-based
       int moar_latin;           // MOAR!!
       std::string english;
       wtf_broth();
       int complex_grammar = 50; // German/Latin grammar?
       std::cout << "Oh no, Vikings!/n" << "????/n";
       norse(complex_grammar);   // Around the time Europe was being raped by Vikings
       mix(english_lexicon, simple_grammar);
       profit = english;
       std::cout << "Here is your English/n" << "PROFIT!!!!/n";
       return (0);
       }
   wtf_broth()                   // Most of our English vocabulary
       {
       std::string english_lexicon;
       german = 26;              // The numbers are percentages
       french = 30;
       moar_latin = 20;
       german + french + moar_latin + 24 = english_lexicon;
                                 /* 24 is random stuff
                                 such as Greek and Arabic.*/
       return (english_lexicon);
       }
   norse(a)                      /* Simpleton raiders, destroying my grammatical inflection?!
                                 It's more likely than you think. */
       {      
       int simple_grammar;
       a - 30 = simple_grammar;
       return (simple_grammar);
       }
   mix(a, b)                     // Mixes the lexicon and the syntax, creating the profit(!!!!)
       {
       std::string profit;
       a + b = profit;
       return (profit);
       }

Fact Of The Day

Scientists have proven by EST that everybody in the world thinks in English, but stupid foreigners then insist on translating their thoughts into into made-up "mouth languages" like French and Spanglish.

Apparently the sentence "Buffalo_buffalo_Buffalo_buffalo_buffalo_buffalo_Buffalo_buffalo" is a valid sentence used by William J. Rapapot in the University of Buffalo.

The English People

Moar info: England.

Haters gonna hate

The English people have buck teeth and sit on their arses in fairy-land castles with tiny cups of highland tea.

If you are English you don't count for shit and nobody likes you.

Despite what most people think, not everyone in England loves the queen. No one gives the tiniest shit about her.

The English are also infamously known for being tax-payer funded lazy bastards who sit around all day on their fat arses and eat Macca's. They complain absolutely endlessly about how hard their lives are and how they need more benefits, and usually their multitudinous (in excess of 10 and up) ugly toad-like offspring waddle around crying and shitting and wasting oxygen.

Full English

Full English Breakfast

A shorthand name for a full English breakfast - a delightful delicacy that you're likely to experience if you visit England.

The full English usually consists of:

• A couple of bits of greasy bacon
• A flavorless sausage or three, composed of 3% pubic hair, 90% wood shavings and 7% bumfluff
• A fried egg
• A spoonful of beans floating in tomato sauce
• Half a tomato
• Cold toast
• Black pudding (boiled Godzilla's blood and toenail clippings)

Learning the Language

As a denizen of the internet, it is your duty to stop all foreigners from learning your glorious language. It is the only way. Some Youtubers mine for lulz at the source, pronunciation. Below, we have your common moralfag channel, PronunciationBook. This channel attempts to teach the proper pronunciation for slang, and other common words.

However, PronunciationManual realizes much more lulz are had when purposely misleading those who don't speak your language. In order to be more convincing, he even makes the videos look like a copypasta of the legitimate versions. See Below:

See Also

• American language
• ENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER DO YOU SPEAK IT
• Engrish
• Simple English
• An Alternative

External Links

• On YTMND
• Have a computer speak English for you

This is a disambiguation page — we hope you feel less ambiguated.