Ayn Rand

	“	My philosophy, in essence, is the concept of man as an heroic being	„
	—Ayn Rand

Ayn Rand as a little girl

Looking glamorous during her cameo in a popular Disney film.

Randriods in the government got her put on a stamp

In all her manliness

A Wyatt Mann gets it right

In all her jewness

Born Alisa Zinovievna Rosenbaum in Soviet Russia, Ayn Rand^✡ was from a wealthy bourgeois family until the Commies came and took it all away. So rebelled against the system like any angsty teen, named herself after a typewriter, and wrote a lot of crappy literature that caught on with college students, 16 year old girls, and other selfish, egotistical gaylords and sociopaths. Her sci-fi religion, Objectivism, never caught on like wildfire among those who had piles of money and wanted to keep those piles and create newer, bigger piles while they were at it; but it was a success among poor anti-hippie atheist intellectuals of the 60s. On the other hand, her philosophy of "all women have fantasies about being raped", as laid out in "The Fountainhead" caught on like wildfire with the masses.

Objectivism (Rand's religion cult) launched a Jihad against rational thought and any sense of charity (even absent of the weak logic for taxation) at least a millennium ago. Therefore ED lies as high in their priorities as their acolytes typical state of mind (see graphic to the right). Yet in spite of this, Rand and her minions are largely humorless dickless wonders.

Typical libertarian republican.

Ayn Rand and friend.

Objectivism

Ayn's self-made biopic about her life. In truth, Ayn was a monstrously vindictive whore, and an unrestrained slut.

A less successful version of Dianetics, it consists of a "technology" to make socially backward basement dwellers into self-righteous zealots.

Objectivism came from Ayn's utter hatred of communism with every centipede in her vagina. She knew that when you give people a chance to be fair in all things, they would wait until you weren't looking and steal everything that wasn't nailed down and on fire (On-line communists will argue that capitalism causes this greed, because they have no experience of owning anything anyone else wants). That's why we have the godly government which is composed of people with a higher nature than us and who shit ice cream and piss champagne.

In her own words:

My philosophy, in essence, is the concept of man as a heroic being, with his own happiness as the moral purpose of his life, with productive achievement as his noblest activity, and reason as his only absolute.

	“	Kill by laughter. Laughter is an instrument of human joy. Learn to use it as a weapon of destruction. Turn it into a sneer. It’s simple. Tell them to laugh at everything. Tell them that a sense of humor is an unlimited virtue. Don't let anything remain sacred in a man’s soul – and his soul won’t be sacred to him. Kill reverence and you’ve killed the hero in man.	„
	—Ayn Rand, on LOLs

TL;DR? She expected all men to be a combination of Indiana Jones and Thomas Edison, fighting looters like gold-crazed Nazis and single-handedly inventing practical new alloys AT THE SAME TIME. Those seeking to become heroes through Objectivism, by contrast, end up as failures who wish Rush wrote songs about them. Her book "Atlas Shrugged" shows that she's a staunch libertarian on all issues except labor, because unskilled workers were put on the Earth by a God she doesn't believe in to be used and abused by the upper class and then discarded. Basically, it's Stalinism with the identities of the "workers" and "parasites" reversed. Proletarians aren't human, they're scum - making her "philosophy" a less honest version of Nietzsche's. Not to mention that she had a major cult of personality.

As an economic theory, Objectivism can be accurately modeled using cheese triangles.

Ayn Rand outlined her vision of aesthetics in "The Romantic Manifesto" and "The Art of Fiction Writing" in which she explains how to plagiarize lesser known novels such as Garet Garrett's "The Driver" and Yevgeny Zamyatin's "We", and then use them as a vehicle for a crude, batshit insane home-made religion for turning ordinary people into autistic sociopaths.

In her own words:

My philosophy, in essence, is the concept of man as being too retarded for real philosophy but not retarded enough for Scientology.

The Fountainhead

Rand's first book was The Fountainhead, a novel that was part rape-fantasy romance novel, part glorified masturbationfest towards people who draw Italian postcards, and part condemnation of the dumbing-down of the American people. The story involves a down-and-out architect turned rapist and arsonist that no one will hire because he doesn't build according to the tastes of the dumb ignorant mob. He rapes a rich girl who was asking for it. She then becomes obsessed with him but shows her commitment by marrying everyone BUT her obsession because she thinks that, if they stay apart and remain miserable, they will be superior to the chattel of humanity that surrounds them. If you're forced to read a single Ayn Rand novel, make it this one, as it's shorter (by Rand standards) and the characters have a smattering of personality.

The plot can be broken down like this:

• Random shit happens in the beginning to tell us how awesome Howard Roark is, and how feeble and selfish Peter Keating is.
• More random shit happens to tell us how awesome Howard Roark is and how selfish Ellsworth Toohey is
• More random shit happens to tell us how awesome Howard Roark is and how selfish everyone is
• Finally, some random shit happens to tell us how awesome Howard Roark is and how much more awesome he really is
• Climax: Howard Roark is a hero and very very awesome. Ayn Rand would eat his poop any day.

It was made into a movie in 1948, infamous as far as Rand throwing a tantrum to force the screen-writers to keep her long, incoherent speech at the end when the architect-rapist-arsonist speaks to a jury and successfully gets acquitted by playing the "I blew up a building because I had the right to do so as an individual" card.

Face it. Howard could never, ever, EVER have survived in the real capitalist world.

The Fountainhead was remade in 2000 into the brilliant film, American Psycho.

Atlas Shrugged

The poster child for TL;DR, Atlas Shrugged is considered the gateway book for Rand's cult of Objectivism. The Israelies in charge of her estate are collecting money and pushing more amounts of indoctrinating TL;DR into schools. Better than the Catcher in the Rye, though: it weights more.

Atlas Shrugged is a 10,000,000-page brick of a book whose supposed climax is a 60-page speech by the main character, who doesn't actually show up until page 600. In it, Rand outlines her utopia: men are men, women are subservient, maniacal bitches, and everybody who has ever disagreed with her, faltered in their agreement with her, or just not agreed hard enough dies a horrible, slow death after the fall of civilization.

Back in the 1970s, Albert S. Ruddy, the producer of "The Godfather," first approached Ayn Rand to make a movie of her novel "Atlas Shrugged." But Rand, who had fled the Soviet Union and gone on to inspire capitalists and egoists everywhere, worried aloud, apparently in all seriousness, that the Soviets might try to take over Paramount to block the project.

The plot goes something like this: America is ruled by generic 50's socialist overlords who have everyone turned into lazy drunken Russians and broke everything until John Galt, a robot from the future, comes back in time to save computers and major airlines from not being created. At the same time a nymphomaniac has a crush on the android, and then they have robot sex in the subway. It takes 1,200 pages to sum it up. Thankfully, internets has done this for us.

	“	Essentially, Atlas Shrugged was a Railroad Tycoon fanfic with Dagny as Rand's mary-sue.	„
	—some c/lit/

The opening words of this book are "Who is John Galt?" ParkingStones crossed out the words "Who is John Galt?" and replaced them with "Dude, Where's My Car?" The meaning stayed pretty much the same.

It's more useful as a doorstop than actual reading material.

Anthem

File:Any Rand child.jpg

Clearly evil, even back then

Ayn Rand with a few minor followers.

/v/s take on all of it

In contrast, her novella by the name of Anthem is written on three toilet papers. Ayn once used them to clean her period blood off of her cat's mouth. She was so inspired by her kitty's explosive tongue action that she immediately wrote every word that came to her brain. The result was Anthem.

This is great to read while fucking a cheap whore, since both are really men in disguise.

Vindictive Whore

Ayn Rand married struggling actor Frank O' Connor in 1929; as Ayn was a power-mad feminist writer, Frank quickly assumed the role of bitch to his domineering wife. When Ayn met the young (and married) Objectivist and fantard Nathaniel Branden, the two began fucking each other, ultimately telling their spouses that they needed to STFU about Ayn and Nathan's adultery and live with it.

During this time, Nathaniel Branden became a leading figure in spearheading the Objectivist movement. But this all came to an end, when Nathaniel was caught fucking a third woman, a young actress, behind Ayn Rand's back. Ayn disowned her boytoy and had him become a pariah within the Objectivist movement for daring to cheat on Ayn. Of course, Ayn herself was cheating on Branden, with Alan "I accidentally the dollar" Greenspan, who remarked "I have fucked many women over the years, but never have I fucked a woman like Rand, whose vagina was crawling with centipedes!"

Welfare Queen!

Ayn Rand always stayed true to her political beliefs... UNTIL SHE GOT CANCER! Turns out the free market believed that Ayn Rand didn't earn enough writing shitty rape fan fics while stoned on methamphetimines to continue living. So rather than choosing to die from the cancer she got from her own stupid choice to smoke (which she said didn't cause cancer), she proudly declared that she was only taking back money the she was forced to pay in. She did this by:

• Never bringing it up
• Accepting her delicious welfare under the name Ann O'Connor so that way her worshipers wouldn't find out or question why it was ok for her to suck the government tit and not them.
• taking in WAY more than she paid in

And the Jew will inherit the Earth

Objectivists imagine a rational world where everybody would mind their own rational self-interest and people wouldn't troll each other but work individually to achieve unparalleled wealth. This means creating more A.I., who would naturally decide that people are not as rational as robots and should therefore be exterminated for having seized the undeserved like the socialist leeches we are. Since the pursuit of wealth by robots is their highest principle only after Israel's right to exist, it can be concluded that the Jews will be the only "humans" to inherit the Earth.

What to do with her "novels"

Beat up children with them, because nobody has phone books anymore. It doesn't have to be your children, any children will do nicely.

"Nazi" you say? Try reading it and then tell us it's not justified.

YouTube

Trolling with Rand

More recently, at least one doinitright use for Rand's works has been discovered: as an instant troll-button for the otherwise troll-resistant hive of astute literary critics known as /lit/.

Step 1: Head over to Amazon and snag a picture of the cover of any 'novel' by Rand. This will be useful for step 2.

    Note: though Atlas Shrugged is the optimal choice, The Fountainhead will also do.

Step 2: Head on over to /lit/. Post the image -- you may remember this from step 1! -- with a sincere-sounding paragraph to the effect that you've just finished the book, agree with everything in it, and would like to discuss it with other Pretty Cool Guys. For increased troll power, note that you are a high-school student and do not read much literature.

Step 3: As genuine fans of the novel are drawn to the thread, a southerly trollfront rolls in. This collides with the lingering mass of oldfags to create a perfect trollstorm.

Step 4: Seek shelter until the trollstorm has passed! Alternately, venture into the eye of the trollstorm to post a follow-up-troll to the effect that you hated Catcher in the Rye, Slaughterhouse Five, or anything by Nabokov.

    Note: this requires you to pass a persuasion check, or be detected and forced to begin the troll again.

Step 5/6/: ???, profit, etc

Trolling Ayn Rand worshipers Fans

• Remind them that Ayn Rand's college degree was in the field of social pedagogy, she majored in history, and she knows jack shit about writing and even less about economics.
• Tell them how Ayn Rand was a welfare queen who took up both social security and medicare when she was dying of cancer and the monies from her books sales couldn't cover her surgical costs. THAT'S RIGHT, this welfare queen made society pay for the cancer surgery/other medical treatments she "needed" BECAUSE OF HER OWN FUCKING STUPID DECISION TO SMOKE. SHE MADE SOCIETY PAY FOR HER FUCK UPS!
• Some will argue she had a right to that money since it was taken from her by the Government. In this case bring up that RATHER THAN BEING PROUD OF HER TAKING BACK WHAT BELONGED TO HER, SHE ACCEPTED HER DELICIOUS WELFARE HANDOUTS UNDER THE NAME "ANN O'CONNER" (Frank O'Conner was her husband) TO HIDE PEOPLE BRINGING UP THAT THE COST OF HER ULTRA LAVISH CANCER TREATMENT WAS WAAAAAYYYYYYY MORE THAN WHAT SHE PAID IN.
• Talk about Ayn Rands addiction to methamphetamines. Of course this should of been obvious by her 10,000 + page books and cunty attitude.
• She said cigarettes don't cause lung cancer, THEN GOT LUNG CANCER FROM SMOKING!
• A political ideology saying that people should be as selfish as possible is pointless, because people are already selfish twats to begin with.
• Remind them that Ayn Rand was notorious for being unable to take criticism and would write reviews of reviews of her work.
• Say "It is impossible to give a review of Ayn Rand's work because she writes it so that you are reviewing both a philosophy and a fictional story. This would be fine except if you criticize anything about how you did not enjoy her writing style it is assumed you are against her philosophy and labeled as unable to see past their own political views to judge art. Because it is unable to be judged on artistic merit without accepting it's political ideals it is not art."
• Say "Ayn Rand speaks to her audience as if they are stupid." Then back up that claim with "whenever she explains a core concept of her philosophy she always follows up by reminding the audience what an incredibly simple concept it was."
• Say in Atlas Shrugged, she overuses the incredulous because she has a very limited vocabulary.
• Talk about how is Atlas Shrugged is really an erotica novel where Ayn Rand wrote herself as Dagny Taggart.
• Bring up that when a character is introduced in any Ayn Rand novel, the description she gives the character will determine if they are an antagonist or not, and she does this because she assumes her audience is too stupid to get it.
• Say Atlas Shrugged contradicts The Fountainhead because the moral of The Fountainhead is to never compromise your artistic integrity for money. Then bring up how Anthem contradicts BOTH novels.
• Say that Ayn Rand wasn't an atheist, she was a JEW!
• The movie Atlas Shrugged: Part I was destroyed by critics and lost over $15.373 MILLION since it's release! This means not only did critics think it was an absolute piece of shit, but the free market thinks it's a pile of shit too.
• Remind them that Ayn Rand wrote the screen play to Atlas Shrugged: Part I... NO REALLY! SHE ONLY GOT THROUGH WRITING 1/3 OF THE SCRIPT FOR THE SCREEN ADAPTATION OF ATLAS SHRUGGED BEFORE DYING, AND THAT PIECE OF SHIT WAS THE SCRIPT THAT WAS USED
• Atlas Shrugged: Part I will not only NEVER have a Part II or Part III, but was such a fucking pile of shit it ensured that NO ONE will ever try to make Atlas Shrugged into a movie ever again.
• Talk about how ugly Ayn Rand was.
• Tell Female Rand-Tards that even Ayn Rand thought that all women need to learn how to shut their whore mouths, open their whore legs, and satisfy their man with minimal bitching

Noteworthy Randroids

• Andrew Ryan
• Ebeneezer Scrooge
• Glenn Beck
• Pamela Geller
• Sarah Palin
• Jay Naylor
• Jimbo Wales
• El Rushbo
• Rfjason
• Anton LaVey
• Starblade
• Weev
• That asshole that keeps posting "Who is John Galt" posters around campus.
• alitheia - template Randite sociopath

Objectivist Communities

• objectivism - sadder than furries.
• furjectivists - two sad things that go worse together.

Virtual Objectivsm

The Objectivist Institute has a presence on Second Life, where it is located at Marco Island 87, 34, 23 ("Your Galt's Gulch away from home"). The sheer immensity of the faggotry and pseudointellectual circle-jerking that goes on there is suspected to defy most traditional methods whereby such faggotry is quantified.

Trivia

• Francis hates Rand. Thus making him a pretty cool guy.

See Also

• Randroid
• Unwarranted Self-Importance
• Wikipedia
• Tea Party
• Starecat
• Philosophy

External Links

• The Official Ayn Rand Webpage
• AynRand.org
• The Floating Head of Ayn Rand
• From A to Z the answers to all questions, no need to think anymore
• What is Objectivism?
• The Abridged Atlas Shrugged (takes two minutes to read rather than two months).
• Ayn Rand's A Selfish Christmas (#3)
• Murray Rothbard shows how Objectivism is no different from other cults.
• Atlas Shrugged 2
• Troll These Fags HARD
• Biography of Ayn Rand
• Wonkette: That’s Objectivist: Ayn Rand in the 21st Century

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