Sirtom93

Interesting Fact: This article contains someone who fails at being an hero.

THE FACE OF A KILLER FAILURE

Thomas Briggs, aka Sirtom93 is a typical 16 year old Aspie Britfag from Attleborough: Quiet, socially withdrawn, ginger, lover of all things Star Trek, avid user of the forums at Jewgrounds. Thomas also happens to be a recently-failed an hero, who on March 17, 2009, posted a few provocative sentences at the Jew-venile recreation center regarding his impending attempt to go all medieval on his local high school, little-realizing he would end up v& in the ass by the actions of a series of pretentious, similarly-socially withdrawn, Star Trek-loving White Knighters and moralfags on Jewgrounds.

Now this is the story,

Before it all went to shit, young Thomas was just a normal kid; a fan of harmless church-burning racist murderer Burzum, a furious masturbator, a Communist, and a self-acknowledged pedophile sympathizer who was attracted to manga girls and underage females, including a 13-year-old girl. He apparently got bullied and hated school, but found solace online. He turned up at Newgrounds fan-meets, traveling over 100 miles from Norwich to London so he could hang about with some guys from the internet.

Thomas was also an active member of the Goldeneye 007 fan club, located in the Clubs & Crews section of the NGBBS. Although he was only active from pages 1-9, he managed to turn the club into a hornets nest of pedos in under a week. Some argue that the following accounts are believed to be associated with pedophiles, with number 1 being the most suspected and number 5 being the least suspected.

1. EmoSarah
2. Tribbles
3. z0ey
4. uTorrent
5. JKMonkey
6. wildface098

	“	this primary school class wich were looking round the building came out and I saw a girl, she must have been about 9 or 10 and I totaly got a hard on that nearly ripped by boxer shorts to shreads. This isnt the first time it has happened and I dont intentionaly think that I want to fancy young females, it just comes naturaly.	„
	—Sirtom93 on how young is too young. And not knowing how to spell.

	“	I am attracted to a 13 year old girl, so newgrounds - is 16 - 13 an acceptable age gap in the eyes of modern society, and your eyes? Plus my father said I was a homosexual so this rather off putting :/	„
	— Sirtom93 thinks he's found an appropriate age. Also his dad thinks he's gay.

	“	hey i "shoot" (as my friends call it ) 3 times a day every day if possible.just want to know is this healthy and how many times do you shoot.	„
	—Sirtom93 on how often he fantasises about girls significantly younger than him.

	“	doctors have helped pedophials in my area, it's just a rare fetish some people have.... It's a clinical "problem" they have, not really their fault... You people are so ignorant and the news and media runs your insignificant brains.	„
	—Sirtom93 defends pædos again

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While these may be common symptoms experienced by any average basement-dwelling reject, Thomas Briggs decided to go one step further and tell everyone he was hardcore.

All about how

So angsty!

brb, school

An accurate portrayal of the events.

Sirtom93 and his 8 year old lover, caught at the scene.

Shit started at 10:40AM GMT on the internet's favorite place for depressed teenage goths, Newgrounds. Ceremoniously presenting his devious plans to his favorite forum, and inanely chatting for fifteen minutes with his largely apathetic fellow forumgoers, before gaily skipping off to school, Sirtom93 put forth a picture of stunning bravado, the likes of which had nary been seen before. Confident in his ability to haul arse, Tom tooled up in as impressive a manner as a Brit can - i.e., with household objects.

	“	Today at 11:30 GMT I will attack my school with arson and other forms of violence. Those bastards will pay. I have cans, matches, lighter, knives, compressed explosives. Shit will go down in flames.	„
	—Sirtom93 initiating his downfall.

Praise be to Satan, thought Thomas as he departed. If a lesser race could do it with two tiny fucking pistols, then goddamn if I can't do it with plastic knives and a half-gallon of gasoline. But before sirtom93 could make his grand departure for the victory lap, the shitstorm had already begun to brew in his quickly-growing thread. He found himself on the receiving end of some verbal rape by last-ditch attention-seeking moralfags, who ordered him to call it all off in order save the planet!!11!. Belligerently confronting those who would question his noble mission, Sirtom93 proceeded to mock posters in the thread with the solemn prediction which would later haunt him:

	“	Going to school now. Have fun with your conscience and lack of police speed.	„
	—sirtom93, the shortsighted almost-an hero.

The Jewgrounds forum, a particularly attractive location for school shooters, has had quite an illustrious history of violent individuals bent on reaching the high score (See: Livecorpse, Jeff Weise), and was quick to respond to the case. One particular moderator by the name of JP Neufield (Rig on Jewgrounds), was busy sipping his Manitoba tea (a sickening conglomeration of Syrup and Yaks' blood) one morning on the frontier of the Canadian wasteland, the tubes of his internets humming quietly in the background, when he happened across our near hero's thread. Upon seeing it, he shat bricks, realizing it was his grand attention-whoring opportunity of the century. Phoning up the police in Norwich, U.K., with a solemn 'EH?,' Neufield solidified his position amongst the ranks of the most epic enemies of the lulz. Another Jewgrounds mod, britfag DickDeckheadtottie, went so far as to call the principal of Thomas' school, and others.

Tom's life got flipped

When Briggs arrived at school (tardy!), with gas canister in hand, he was taken aside, searched and detained by the mods of IRL.

	“	They searched him during a lesson and found a knife, matches and a canister of flammable liquid.	„
	— The Sun, telling us the faggot only had one knife and no compressed explosives. Fucking internet tough guy.

	“	I knew getting him that Gameboy Colour would overstimulate him!	„
	— Thomas Briggs' Mother

	“	Animate a part no more than 30 seconds long and longer than 10 seconds of a violent massacre. Can have adult themes, violence (lots of) cant have porn, a school	„
	—Sirtom93's artistic vision.

	“	I wonder when the first flash games will come out?	„
	— Rig the Canadian, on saving the day - here is the first flash game

	“	You should commit some kind of mass murder, and all your stress willl go away.	„
	— Friendly advice from Newgrounder 'Wiidude', on 5/19/08

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The police turned up and hauled him in, and that night he found himself detained under the mental health act, and wrapped up in a straitjacket so he couldn't smear his fæces on the wall.

Also, he is using Assburgers as an excuse. Fun fun.

Next time, try self-harm. Or just fucking kill yourself.

Turned Upside Down

• Topic where the threat was posted.

• The Official Game That Others Copied.

• TL;DR version on Rig's userpage

• News of his arrest on BBC.

• Need petrol?

• his Bebo, where some of his more retarded schoolmates still defend him.

• More recent news story from Nov '10, saying how he is still in a mental hospital 'until deemed safe' and was in touch with another hero.

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Featured article January 19 & 20, 2016
Preceded by Thomas Watt Hamilton	Sirtom93	Succeeded by Global Warming