Christopher Columbus

	“	Christopher Columbus not only opened the door to a New World but also set an example for us all, by showing what monumental feats can be accomplished through perseverance and faith.	„
	— George H.W. Bush

Christopher Columbus is seen by History as a badass for his genocide of those ugly brown Natives in North America, and every year America celebrates the progress of Western civilization with a propaganda campaign known as Columbus Day. About 500 years ago Columbus set off to collect jewgolds for the Catholic Church. Arriving in a lush land in 1492 now known as America, a shitty infested with diseases concrete jungle that was once a peaceful beautiful Indian paradise. He spoke of the 3 million Taino Indians who came out to greet them as the friendliest and kindest people in the World; he than systematically enslaved, raped, and killed them at such a rate that by 1555 every single one of them was dead. This was the lulziest thing done to those ugly, brown people and taught many of them to even hate themselves before being murdered by the superior White culture.

Thanksgiving - the day fat pasty Americans celebrate their Victory over the brown Indians by eating

His perseverance and faith has made him a manifested destiny in which our American (or American-styled for all you Canadian, European, and so on readers of this article who celebrate Christopher's Holiday) Government decided that God wanted White Christians to take over the continent. Their God clearly didn't like the 100 million Native Americans who lived in harmony with nature as 99% of them were systematically murdered. So every year we celebrate this fact with a national Holiday known as Thanks Giving Day, fuck even Canadians and Europeans are forced to celebrate this Holiday. We all go out and buy something in the store, heat it, and say we cooked it ourselves or even dare I say made it at home.

Nobody is to speak of those Native Americans who were murdered that day, the obesity crisis of the First World, or the animal abuse that's x2 worse in the factories who sell the poisoned food to the fatties. Especially are you not to speak of land theft, genocide, or destruction of culture. If you do you will be hunted down by the Illuminati and hung for all to see in the middle of town as a reminder to never use REAL TRUTH or your FREEDOM OF SPEECH.

And most importantly nobody is to discuss the tax dollars pushed to make propaganda films depicting the Indians as violent savages, trying to stop God's settlers from making a home.

Because we'll all be too busy eating and so called Celebrating unaware that the few remaining Native Americans hold a national day of mourning on the same day as a protest against this invasion.

See also

• Explorer
• History

Christopher Columbus is part of a series on The History of The Lulz

[Shut UpSing Me The Song Of My People] In Chronological Order 399BC: First recorded troll-banning 0AD: Knock knock! Who's there? It's Jesus, LOL 571: Birth of Muhahahahahammed 600: Blood orgies 1077: Invention of the meme archive 1100: DEUS VULT! 1337: Start of the Hundred Years War 1492: The Americas are culturally enriched 1573: Tycho doesn't invent the funny webcomic 1605: Guy Fawkes invents terrorism. 1789: The beret is mightier than the crown 1801: Invention of the Triforce 1850: World's first OH EXPLOITABLE image 1865: End of the Nigger Market 1877: Trolling world record broken 1888: First successful mixing of hookers and lulz 1914: World War 1 1927: Teh f1rst sk00l sh00ting 1939: World War 2 1944: The Lollercaust doesn't happen 1945: "Nag? Naga? Well... it's nagonna be there tomorrow that's fore sure." - Harry S Truman 1948: Best Korea is founded (along with Good Korea) 1955: America gets BTFO 1960: Awesomeness of swords discovered 1963: CIA did JFK 1987: First televised An Hero 1993: World Wide Web becomes available, Waco 1999: Counter Strike played IRL 2000: End of teh world due to computer errors. 2001: Bush, Saudis, and Jews do WTC 2004: ED founded 2005: Katrina and 7/7 2007: Cho Seung-Hui becomes the King of School Shooters 2011: Utoya Island Swimming School is opened 2013: ISIS founded 2014: Beta Uprising begins 2015: Paris Attacks 2016: Donald Trump is elected president of the United States. (For the lulz.) 2017: Country music is back 2019: First livestreamed kebab removal 2024: Healthcare rage done right