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Jared Milton
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This article needs less examples of how your leet internet skills made him rage (he's a troll dumbasses). You can help by getting rid of examples of how your leet internet skills made him rage (he's a troll dumbasses). |
Jared Milton (a.k.a.: Jeffrey Sparon) is a meta-troll and likely 4chan user who more or less trolled /b/ by stealing Eric Douglas' gimmick (Eric in turn had stole the idea from JoshU2uber). Unlike Douglas however, he was able to portray a more deeply emotional character, and thus despite the obvious trolling was deemed legit by hundreds of clueless newfags. Essentially, this level of trolling could be defined as attention whoring due to the fact that nothing entertaining is really going on.
The Video
We Heard it ourselves he doesnt know how to hack so we won't fear now.
"MY DAD WILL HACK YOU"
On June 4th of 2011, Jared uploaded a video threatening the trolls with hacks, courtesy of his dad, thus elevating himself in the eyes of /b/ to official lolcow status, and beginning a long, drawn-out campaign of trolling.
Ever since, he has been constantly flooded with prank calls, death threats, and accusations of being inbred. Jared remained undeterred for several months, however, determined to stand up for oppressed shemale child stars worldwide in the face of non-stop ridicule.
Deleted YouTube Faggotry
Previous Video | Next Video
Though dear Milton deleted these videos from his YouTube channel pretty quickly for obvious reasons, his genius dad forgot to give him some important internet advice; once it's on the internet it stays on the internet.
Jared decided not to stop uploading his great moosic covers. Even though he ended up deleting these because of hate. Some annonnomous trolls reuploaded the videos, thanks to them, we can watch Jared sing like a dumbass.
The Adventures of Jared in Tinychat
Previous Video | Next Video
White Knighting for Lady Gaga
—Jared Milton, Describing how he will exact vengeance on haters worldwide. | ||
Jared has once again risen up as the defender of traps and shemales everywhere, this time in support of transsexual singer Lady Gaga. Two days after his ass-reaming in Tinychat, Jared released the above video, in which he constantly chokes back tears while prophesying the End of Haters, and how haters are going to 'thuffer magnifithently.'
Jared's homosexual attraction to Lady Gaga did not go unnoticed by his fans, however, and within minutes, his video was swarmed by "mean comments" from haters. This video, however, was nothing compared to what was soon to follow...
LEAVE ME ALONE
In a video remarkably similar to that of Jessi Slaughter, Jared uploaded yet another video to YouTube with the usual threats of hacking, and wishful declarations that he is rich and beautiful. However, the difference here is that he actually does break down and start crying halfway through the video, blubbering like a fucking baby in what is one of the most pathetic displays this side of Christian Weston Chandler, all while claiming that what Anon is doing to him doesn't affect him in between Aspergers-fueled sobs. Also notice that at 1:11 of the video he is constipated
This horrendously pitiable display was so over-the-top that many Anons in /b/ thought that he was trolling (see: Possible Troll). The fact that he cries every single time his house is called casts doubt on whether or not this is is a very elaborate reverse-trolling, but others believe Jared is just another retard who chose to display his faggotry to the internet and didn't expect any repercussions, like so many before him.
The End of Jared Milton?
On Friday June 17th 2011 Jared uploaded his, supposedly, final video to his "Jared Milton" account on youtube. But before you whip out your massive cock and begin fapping furiously at the thought of successfully chasing this retard off our internet, it turns out he's simply making a new account that he thinks will remain hidden from his haters.
But considering his new channel will be all about him singing and dancing I don't think he'll get off that easy.
Jared Attempts To Flee; Fails
Shortly after Jared left his original YouTube channel, Operation "Find Jared Milton" went into effect, and the hordes of Anonymous were rallied to track him down. Thanks to some clever trolls who had befriended him on Skype, his original new channel was quickly discovered. However, Jared's intelligence was out in full force and his new channel was created so quickly, and so easily linked to him, that many of the evil haters thought it was a fake, troll account; Within minutes of its creation, it had been discovered and Jared abandoned it shortly afterwards.
Then came a time of great peace for Jared. While he danced and sang like the little faggot that he is, his many haters and trolls watched in silence. They even saw fit to let him create his current new YouTube account without a hint of their presence, letting Jared think he had been forgotten. Of course, faggotry of this magnitude can only go ignored for so long.
On June 28, 2011, singingdancer100 went down. Could Jared have finally realized that he can't hide, and that the only way to avoid the wrath of Anonymous is to STFU? Of course not. No, as it turned out, his faggotry knows no bounds and yet another new YouTube channel had been created, found here. It took approximately 40 minutes for Jared's fans to find his new channel, as the stench of faggotry can be smelled a mile away.
Negotiations With Brock Obama
Not long after Brock Obama posted that he was bored with Jared, Jared posted a video. He said that he won and that Brock had admitted defeat, as well as posting it on Brock Obama's Facebook page - managed by an egotistical, self-obsessed underage b& that probably wrote the entirety of this section - as well as telling his fans that Brock was ashamed of them, and that he hated them. Of course, this caused confusion among many of his fans, while others quickly denied the statement and assured others that Brock would never do or say such a thing. Shortly after, Brock himself said that he was attempting negotiations with Jared through chat. Not long after that, Jared once again claimed that he had won and that Brock had admitted defeat and surrendered. Minutes later Brock posted his conversation with Jared, and the following things became apparent:
- Jared REALLY likes Justin Bieber. He says that the Biebs is part of Pop and that we should embrace Pop Culture and JB, and that we can't say bad things about him because that's a felony. It's true because his brother has a law book (or some shit like that).
- Jared is a racist. He calls Brock several derogatory terms, including but not limited to "slave" and "nigger."
- Jared threatened Brock six times; each threat included the death of Brock Obama, one threat included the deaths of Brock's fans, and three included his family's deaths. This of course sparked a whole new set of rage from his fans, and many demanded his phone number, email address, etc.
See http://i.imgur.com/lCrzv.png for a screenshot of the full conversation.
The war is not over yet. Brock tried to be nice and leave him alone due to boredom, but Jared will not be so easily deterred.
Death Threats to Justin Bieber Haters
Jared, in a truly absurd display of hyperbole, claims he has been given permission from the "FBI", "CIA" and "Secret Services" in "Europe, Asia, America and Australia" to leak our (haters) information, and that we may be imprisoned and all this other bullshit. Far be it from me to figure out why American authorities would care about Jared, a hot, britfag lulzcow, as they're far too busy catching posting CP on /b/.
In true Jared fashion the majority of his video consists of
- Making threats, saying he doesn't make threats
- Being a hot, fag
- Saying he can hack people, something he has not done yet
- BBBBBAAAAAWWWWWWWWWW
- Not killing himself for the good of mankind
- Killing all of the haters is an absolute MUST
All unforgivable crimes against the internet.
And then the sweet gets sweeter
—Brock Obama | ||
This happened some time on the 6th of July, now terrified anons everywhere await their impending murder.
Avery Dilbert To the Rescue! (aka SnackyCakes2008)
—-Youtube Commenter, Telling it like it is | ||
On July 5, 2011, a kid named Avery Dilbert decided that he would stand up for Jared and all his beliefs. To find out more about this unfunny cannibal troll, and his merry skip through the internet, here is his ED page.
Jared Milton the Crybaby
In a display of BAWWWWWW that would put the previous queen of faggotry to shame, Jared returned to the spotlight once again after the Avery Dilbert intermission. On July 13th, Jared uploaded a video where he begs Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez to stop fighting and not break up because that would be "giving the haters what they want". He has, apparently, accepted early that he will never be in a relationship beyond the one he has with his fridge and dog, and has instead resorted to getting emotional over other peoples relationships.
Did I mention he spends the entire fucking video crying his cow-eyes out?
—Jared Milton on twitter, | ||
We ran this through our Retard-to-English translator, and apparently it says that if the above video gains 10,000 comments and 5,000 dislikes, 48 hours later he will hack Brock Obama.
Later that day, Jared realized how fucking retarded his video sounded, and removed it. No less than hour later, Jared made yet another video. While the message remains very much the same, his tone has changed somewhat; instead of crying like a fucking baby over that which he will never have, he sounds butthurt and insists that Bieber and Gomez are giving into the haters by breaking up. While this may arguably be an improvement over his previous performance, it only further compounds the fact that Jared Milton projects his loneliness onto celebrities due to the fact that he is fully aware that nobody likes him and that he will almost certainly die alone and unloved, however no Anon has come forward with a mirrored video.
The "REVOLUTION" (AKA Butthurt Reaches ETERNAL)
—Jared Milton in his moment of butthurt | ||
This video really does speak for itself.
What is apparent, though, is Jared's slow descent into madness. Everybody is hoping that soon this festival of a million cocks will come to an end; preferably at the end of a rope.
For a more enjoyable version of this video, Jewtube delivers.
Jared Milton on Ray William Johnson
—Ray William Johnson | ||
On July 18th, 2011 Ray William Johnson uploaded his weekly video and, to the surprise of many Anons, Ray had chosen Jared Milton to be a part of this weeks hilarity. Ray had censored out most of Jared's swearing and ugly face, in an astonishing display of RWJ's comedic senses, managed to take something funny and make it like the rest of his videos.
Proving, once again, that sending videos to meme-leech cunts like RWJ and Tosh.0 does nothing more than ruin a good thing.
Epic Meal Time with Jared "Moobs" Milton
— Jared being mad. | ||
After a video Jared uploaded of himself singing "Baby" By Justin Bieber was poorly received by the internet, forcing him to take it down less than an hour after he uploaded it, Moobs's response was to upload another video listing things that he isn't is and damaging a perfectly good bread knife. I mean seriously, What the fuck has that bread knife done to him?
While it may appear that Moobs is attempting to look like a badass with his cutlery set, he was actually just getting ready to cut himself another slice of cake.
Jared "Moobs" Milton gets his MOOSIC Channel Hacked
—Jared, while wearing lipstick | ||
After an annonomous hacker made Jareds moosic channel his new home, Jared quickly decided to create yet another youtube account found here. After about a couple minutes or so he uploaded yet another threat ageanst his and Justin Bieber's haters, threatning to hack his and Justin's haters. A while after the hacker decided to close Jared's Moosic Channel. Ending what was know as his third channel.
- UPDATE 1 - Jared's fourth Channel has been taken down. The only channel that has not been closed is his original channel.
- UPDATE 2 - A Fake Channel has been created, found here. Notice the capital "i" in his name.
—Annonomous | ||
Jared's Contest Entry for Ark Moosic Factory
Ever since "Friday" by Rebecca Black exploded into existence, to offend the eyes and ears of Internet users everywhere, It has been agreed upon that this song was the worst song of all time. Jared looked upon this fact, with his forever-hot eyes, and decided that the best way to follow in Ms. Black's footsteps would be to cover her debut single and defy all known logic by making the original sound amazing.
That being said, the similarities between Rebecca Black and Jared are as numerous as they are creepy:
- They are both utterly talentless
- Any and all fame they have can be put down to being hated by everyone
- They are both traps
- They both have boobs; Jared's are bigger.
- Both think they can sing, but neither can
- We can thank 4chan for both of these monstrosities
- Update: As of August 6th, 2011, Jared has resorted to having bots spam his video with positive comments, and to like it. This can only show that he is not trolling; he really, really does want to be Ark Music Factory's next victim. Expect updates on the inevitable.
Jared Milton...Wins?
Trolls, intellectual heavyweights that they are, rarely have to stress their brains as they go about their business; usually only having to slam their fiveheads into their keyboards to leave comments such as "FAGGT" or "FIRST!" on jewtube. Jared's trolls are especially fucking retarded, many still believe him to be genuine and not a troll himself, and this has never been so clear as Jared now commands this army of trolls by using nothing more than reverse psychology.
On August 8th Jared informed his fans through twitter that a "Fake" Jared Milton (under the name proinsias-malocco) had uploaded his friday cover to the Ark music contest site. Moobs was horrified and demanded that people not vote for it which, of course, his trolls were all too happy to do the exact opposite of.
Jared's plan to get thousands of votes was working and the people who hated him the most were making it happen.
For anyone wondering how obvious it was to spot Jared's true intentions and how fucking stupid his trolls had to be to miss it - In less than 24 hours Jared has spammed the link to the "Fake" contest entry 12 times and has even made a video advertising it.
—A translated summary of this video | ||
He is still posting the link on his twitter.
Jared Milton, The One True GOD
—Jared Milton, overstating his place in the universe | ||
Youtube user 
JacobLinkZelda, having gained Jared's trust over a number of conversations, managed to ask some probing questions during a recorded conversation he had with Jared. It goes without saying that Jareds ego was out in full force and while it has been known for some time now that Jared's sense of self importance is almost as large as his appetite, this conversation shows just how deep Jared's rabbit hole goes.
In this video, Jared reveals to the world:
- Jared believes that he is God
- Jared would murder his sister given half a chance. Maybe you should inform his parents.
- Jared doesn't want you to love him, you should just love him automatically.
- If you don't love Justin Bieber, Jared will tie you to a chair and starve you until you do. Not eating food being, to Jared, the greatest torture imaginable.
- Jared is a racist Nazi, even though being a gay, black-haired, Britfag, Aspie, inbred hotty would of earned him a first class ticket to the showers.
The video ends with JacobLinkZelda revealing that he has been recording all along and Jared threatening to kill him if he publishes the conversation. The video then devolves into dick-waving until 11:21 when Jared's Dad can be heard blowing one off in Jared's face, much to his surprise.
Jared Kills Himself (AGAIN)
This video shows that:
- Xxshittalkerxx decided to call Jared up on skype.
- In this video Jared says he is going to commit suicide again.
- When the newfags ask how he is going to do so he says that he will hang a rope in his bedroom.
- Jared lied because later in the day when this video was uploaded JaredMilton commented "??" as if he was trying to play it off like it wasn't him on the phone.
Bitches Don't Know 'Bout Mah Javascript
Jared gives Javascript proof of what he did to Facebook and a few other worthless sites.
You too can be as cool as Jared by pasting 'javascript:document.body.contentEditable='true'; document.designMode='on'; void 0' into your browser. You can see this is the method he used, as 44 seconds in you can see where his browser's spellcheck has detected fuckups, redlining them.
Jared Milton the Reptilian Shapeshifter
WORLD EXCLUSIVE! Jared Milton OFFICIAL MOVIE PREVIEW!
—LIES ALL LIES!!! | ||
The Many Lies of Jared Milton
—Jared Milton claiming to be GirlVinyl. Though now that you mention it... | ||
Jared's imagination has worked around the clock to bring you the most cereal-spitting bullshit that even the most faithful Christfag would turn a skeptical eye to. Lies and shit flows from this little hot kids mouth more often than his dad's fresh cum, and rather than make this article longer than it already is by documenting each unbelievable lie individually, here are a few gems that Jared has squeezed out for us.
- Jared took down Encyclopedia Dramatica
- Jared, in his infinite wisdom, gave Encyclopedia Dramatica back
- Jared has connections to the Kardashians
- Jared did an interview with Fox 11, it should air sometime next thursday
- The CIA has given Jared permission to hack websites and post dox
- Jared's latest video will definitely end all the hatred.
- Jared can have you killed
- Jared can and has hacked you
- Jared doesn't cry at the drop of a hat
- Jared doesn't have Moobs
- Jared is Winning
- Jared is not Chris-chan hot/sexy/inbred/racist/a cow
- Justin Bieber is God and Jared is Jesus.
Expect this list to get more retarded as Jared stubbornly continues to exist
Jared is noticed on Twitter
Some person uploaded this gay video saying he found jared miltons twitter account, and uploaded the gay video [1]
SnackyCakes wants Jared
SnackyCakes2008 decided he was batting for the wrong team and now wants Jared. However, Jared has apparently died and now he has gone batshit insane and lets out all his feelings on camera. Knowing SnackyCakes he's a very passionate person so he
talks about all his wet dreams about Jared.
Also some newfags didn't realise he was trolling. Like the original guy who made this thing.
REAL Fake Death (Holy Shit! AGAIN?!)
Before you start fapping your black monster cock read this
On Wednesday, November 9th 2011, rumors say that Jared died in a car accident. There was this "video proof", and if you watched it before the baleetion, you probably noticed in the United States of uh-merika, the driver seat is on the left and the uh-merikans also drive on the right, unlike the lefty britfags.
Jared Milton's friend is an american fucktard but jared is a Britfag? Did they meet over the internet, are they gay, YES that'll be it.
His faggot friend released a real 'fake' news report of his death and it claims he was 15 but most his videos say 1997-2011 and he is 14, so what a britfag. Than Jared's sister made a video saying her gay ass brother died. Clearly she is working for Jared.
Heres where the Bitch supposedly died : [2]
Jared's REAL Fake Death explained
Because a couple of people were fapping with their monster cock they didn't notice how the original death video was made on JaredMillton which was a fake account, what he did with his sister is give her a script, because as you can see in her video - nothing. "It was trolls hacking his account..." -used because of the OgresLord/PxQv shit, he apparantly "got hacked" "Using his account to troll you..." -they didn't troll us, they made us have a heart attack and be lifted up to heaven. "It wasn't Jared..." -she could promise that because Jared just went along with it. He only made the stupid homosexual tribute video. As much as Jared failed he never actually noticed that Jared Millton actually got about 5 dollars out of it, he sold the shitty songs.
Minecraft is not the American way mmmkay?
Jared Jackass released another shitty video, this time about Fagcraft and how wincestuous and satanic it is. Despite claiming that Minecraft promotes Zoophilia, rape, and child abuse (which is all true), Moobs fails to see that he commits these things everyday.
Still sporting that redneck lesbian accent, he attempts (and fails) to mimic Mr. Mackey from South Park by saying "mmkay" after every. fucking. sentence. despite being a nigger. In the video, he attempts to counsel like a Fag to the internets that Minecraft is not the American way and that violent video games are destroying American youth, despite the fact that they're doing it themselves by purchasing guns, raping the absolute shit out of sandniggers in the middle east, and injecting impure heroin in the name of the lulz. Also, it's apparent that he hasn't washed his hair since last thursday because all the cum and grease in it is practically oozing out.
What eludes some people of the internets is what the fuck is going on inside Jared's head? Jared, it's not about whats wrong with them, it's about what's wrong with you faggot. I mean just because your dad isn't fucking you in the ass because you're too loose and is now fucking you in the mouth, doesn't mean something is retarded and faggy, except if it applies to you of course.
Jared's A-List Moozic Cumback Video
On March 12, 2012, Jared uploaded his first dancing/singing video under his fake name Jeffery Sparon. He tried to do a cover of Yasha Swag's "Go Go Go" (and if you have never heard of that song or Yasha Swag in general, it's best that you never find out). In the video, Jared claims that he'll be the next Justin Bieber, and clearly he does. Just like Justin, he can't sing or dance, and he even loses it at the end of the video when he can't remember how it goes, showing that very little effort was put into it.
OMG JARED IS NOT A TROLL!!!1!!
Jared decided to do an interview with Trollsnews and was of course talking about how he is trying to help educate the internets who are apparently very politically incorrect and that it is his job to guide the internet in the right direction. He also believes he was very clever to use a different name and claims he is not a retarded fucking idiot like the rest of the internet. He is also asked about his accent in which Jared responded saying that he perfers an English accent because it makes him appear smarter. In which after that he goes on about how he is intelligent, knows everything, and is politically correct. After the video went up on Trollnews's channel, Jared got butthurt because he didn't look hot in the video. Even though it looked exactly like him. But of course, Moobs will make the same mistake again, and again.
Jeffery's Leaked Dance Video
This Video exploded into existance after leap year of 2012. After finally gaining some intelligence Jared decided to dance to a song that suits him. Posted by Lisa Milton, but was also reposted by a few other anons. Lisa says she was looking through her brothers documents and she found this video. She later put it on Jewtube for many trolls to watch and comment. This is just a peek at what Jared does when he is left alone.
As we can see in the video, Jared is fantasizing about being a stripper by dancing like one and showing off his repulsive moobs. At one point in the video, all hell breaks loose as Jared starts fucking the nearest pillow while thinking of his gay lover Snackycakes2008.
Known Relatives
- Lisa Milton, little sister whom Jared wants to kill because she's a Bieber-hater.
- Lisa's Youtube account (ForThaLulsTv) STATUS - OPEN.
His sister claims that he does not live in Wigan, and that they live in the US. This came from Jared's "like page" that his sister seems to have occupied, as well as his Twitter.
- Laurie L. Milton, mother who whores herself to Jared and allows him to beat up his poor little sister. On their home answering machine, she claims not to be connected to Jeffery Sparon, which is a lie as big as her cooch. She works as a secretary at Crestmont Elementary School in Roseville, California. You can call her work number at (916)771-1750 extension 301
- Mark A.Milton, Jared's dad, ([email protected]) claims that he works for Microsoft which is strange because wouldn't he have a Hotmail/Live email?
Dox
- 1207 William Way
- Roseville, CA 95678
- GF: 1 619.929.5044
- Home: (916) 786-5314 NOTE: When you call, no one will answer and it will roll to the answering machine. Jared's mom says that they are in no way connected to "Jeffery". She also says that their voice mailbox is full and you cannot leave a message. The solution: keep dialing until someone answers.
- School: Roseville High School, Roseville, California (916)782-3753
Mobile: 07526492908(has been changed)- Skype:
Jaredmilton111It was changed to JaredMUFC, as well as jefferysparon and proncitv His Twitter: @jared_milton- Dead beacuse Jared has nothing interesting to tweet about.- His NEW Twitter: @JefferySparon
His Facebook- His NEW Facebook Page
- Mirror YouTube Account (ImGayAndHavAIDS) STATUS - OPEN
- Fake/Troll Related Account (OfficiaiJaredMiiton) STATUS - OPEN (Notice the 2 Capital i's in his name)
- Fake Channel (JaredMillton) STATUS - OPEN (Notice how he subscribed to JacobLinkZelda.)
- His NEW Account (TheOfficialJared) STATUS - OPEN
- His FAKE Trolling Account (JefferySparons) STATUS - OPEN
- His NEW Account (PronshiTV) STATUS - OPEN
His Deviantart
See Also:
- Angry German Kid
- Angry Homo Kid
- Attention Whore
- Batshit Insane
- Internet Tough Guy
- Jessi Slaughter
- Justin Bieber
- Mike Sandy
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Jared Milton is part of a series on Aspies. | [Sperg out] |
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Jared Milton is part of a series on Taking Down ED [Do It Faggot] |
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| Featured article January 16th and 17th, 2012 | ||
| Preceded by Asperger's Syndrome |
Jared Milton | Succeeded by SNN |