Apple

Think different.

Apple users rushing to pay for that new Service Pack called "Snow Leopard"

Stupid linux users trying to fake "The actual thing" to look hip and cool

Apple is a design company which gets most of its profits from disinformation about the history of widely used electronic products and patent wars. Apple products are designed to generate the highest revenue in the shortest timespan. The majority of apple products lead you to buy software and hardware from apple store, which is the most monopolistic assrape strategy a company will ever got you into. (Also Google "Total Cost of Ownership") Hence today, Apple has more money than the federal government, lulz.

Apple Users

Mac users are the most annoying computer fans in the universe. They spend most of their times with

1. Bragging about their mac
2. Trying to find out how to open Microsoft office files
3. Looking for where the right button is
4. Reading help files to find Mac equivalents of the shortcuts
5. Looking at catalogs of PCs
6. Constantly thinking about how to get rid of their Mac for the higest price
7. Hovering on the colorful icons to see which one closes the window.
8. Asking their friends questions answers of which that can't do that on a Mac.

After decades of inefficiency, Apple decided to make a deal with Intel for catching up with more customer needs like opening two pages at once.

Mac; think different.

Studies show that Mac users are gay. They also show that Lunix users are pedophiles

	“	Once a macfag, always a macfag.	„
	— Tyler Pittman, ED Mailing List.

	“	I like anything that is shiny and made by Apple.	„
	—Typical Apple User, The Onion.

	“	If I had the choice between being gay and owning a Mac, I would rather be gay because if I owned a Mac, I would be both gay and own a horrible computer.	„
	—Reliable source

	“	HURR DURR I'M AN ELITIST MACFAG, SO I PREFER SHIT OVER ICE CREAM.	„
	—Typical mac user

Apple users are known to believe they are superior for using a computer which is white and cost inefficient. They also think they think differenctly, by using a product which offers the least number of model variety customizability.

Scientology

The similarities between the Apple thing and Scientology are quite surprising:

• New Recruits go out proselytizing from day 1[1]
• "La La La I'm not listening" syndrome for any criticism
• Dead Agenting any other products wherever possible
• Eventually cutting themselves off into their introverted and insular "community"
• Falling over themselves to raise the jewgolds for the next product
• Needing their creditcard out at every verse end

Humour

It would seem that Apple and it's devotees are the subject of much Internet Humour. Q = "How do you know if someone is an Apple User?" A = "Don't worry, they'll tell you"

Your Average Apple Consumer

Notice the enjoyment he is receiving from ingesting his own feces

An average Apple consumer is a 20-something Hipster named Grant with stupid chunky black plastic rimmed glasses and/or dyed black emo hair or a bald head (kind of like that fag Moby - who loves Apple so much that he was featured in the introduction video). They are generally the type of people who major in lighting, attend modern art galleries on a regular basis, listen to U2, drink Frappucino, eat organic shit, listen to Indie, and cry while masturbating furiously in the corner to stylistic, artistic, sepia-toned pictures of Bono. They will generally live in either an ugly Victorian townhouse or some other area populated by pretentious champagne socialists. Mac users are to be avoided at all costs. Remember that there's a world of difference between "acting intelligent" and actually "being intelligent" - of course, this statement could only resonate to the mind of a PC user, so you Apple Boys just ignore it and keep on reading.

A typical argument that (kinda) ends in a Mac user's favor:

• PC user: Oh hey mac user, what have you been up to?
• Mac user: NOT GETTING TEH BLUW SCREEN OF TEH DEATHZ!!! LOLZ!11!one1!

• PC user: You do know that the blue screen is actually quite rare, right?
• Mac user: wuell at leest i dont get viruses.

• PC user: Don't get viruses? HAVE YOU HEARD OF NO-TRON FOR MACS SHIT FOR BRAINS?
• Mac user: us mac pplz still have the finder, while you pc pplz have to run around in a goose chase, trying to find stuff.

• PC user: Is going through folders all that different on a Mac than on a PC?
• Mac user: well macs can run windows now using boowt camp. *Puts on a shitty smart guy face*

• PC user: OK, so since it can run my superior operating system with shittier specs, that means I should go out and buy a mac for $2000, when I can get the same PC with the same specs for $400. Plus heard of Hackentosh?

• Mac user: wweeeeellll-
• PC user: Fuck this shit, I'm going to fuck myself now.

• Mac user: omg at leest i got a 5 gb harddrive n00b!!!!

List of Apple fanboys on JewTube

SoldierKnowsBest - [2]
justinsbigidea - [3]
gobbypower - [4]
Chris Pirillo - [5]
Mrseanryan25 - [6]
AppleSoldier - [7]

However...

Unlike normal PC users, who more often than not drive a true American car built in Motor City rigged with a V8 engine of at least 1 UK gallon of displacement, you'll quite often find your typical Apple consumer driving a pompous Eurotrash vehicle (e.g. BMW, Mini Cooper, Volkswagen, Peugeot) or pair of cross country skis on the roof, not because they need it or really even want it, but because they feel it would set them apart from all those "other people" ("other people" being those who don't act like faggots).

Apple fans often insist that Macs are easier to use than PCs, but by making such an argument, all they really do is imply that they're too damn stupid to figure out how to use a real computer, rather than an overpriced toy.

Criticism

Know the Difference.

Right click indeed.

Best slogan evar.

A secret survey conducted by the Rand Corporation in the 1970s confirmed that any person attracted to white, plastic machines completely without sharp edges is an utter homosexual, subconsciously wishing to insert them into his rectum. (This thesis was famously defended by Sigmund Freud at least 100 years ago.) This led some to theorize that the miraculous upsurge in sales at the dawn of the new millennium, after a long period during which no one would buy an Apple computer, was the result of a coup backed by the CIA. It could not be a coincidence, it was argued, that every new design released by Apple had a counterpart amongst the suggestions presented in the Rand Corporation survey, which had recently been made public, to which it was almost identical. The CIA's interest in the coup supposedly was to divert the interest of the inhabitants of California towards "expressing themselves" with shitty programs such as iPhoto, Pages and iMovie (all designed especially to appeal to homosexuals) so that the Republicans could regain power from the Democrats in the 2000 presidential elections. The CIA confessed its partaking in the coup after the Republican Thousand Year Empire was secured in 2004, and admitted to doing this "for the lulz".

Also, although the machines cost $2000, the machines are made in outright sweatshops, and often, the machine will need to be sent back numerous times, due to various problems, until you are forced to buy a new one. This is a form of Steve Jobs manipulation.

In summary, Apple products represent precisely what you don't want to be either in mind, body, or spirit. Avoid all traces of this evil in your otherwise rewarding journey through life and never forget to enjoy the occasional chuckle at the expense of the typical Apple dweeb in your neighborhood.

The truth about Mac users Unofficial hymn of Apple product Mac Gets Served Crash Different Typical Mac Faggotry PC tells the truth Previous Video | Next Video

DRM

This section is entirely true, so pay attention, asshole.

Steve Jobs said Apple is agains DRM but this is a lie for developing a brand image of the company, because Apple makes billions of dollars from Itunes purchases. Also, Apple uses DRM itself on the media it sells, the music you purchased won't work on devices other than your Apple devices (since you bought an Apple product, you were asking for it anyway). Apple argues that it doesn't sell DRM-free music because of the record companies. However, this is a lie because all the same music can be bought without DRM on Amazon MP3. Since anyone with half a brain could figure out how to get music without paying for it by using sites such as Playlist.com, and anyone with half a brain wouldn't buy an iPod, there's no reason why anyone with half a brain would want to use iTunes.

Some Circumvention

Hell, you want to go crazy? Download MGTEK Dopisp. OR MediaMonkey OR [Winamp]. You'll be able to sync your iPod to Windows Media Player, and allows you to put whatever the fuck you want on there regardless of what's on your shitty iPod right now. It won't overwrite or delete anything unless you manually do so (PROTIP: To keep using it after the 30 day trial, uninstall it and clean out the remaining registry entries with a program like CCleaner., or it won't let you use reinstall and use it again without paying for it. Finding a good serial key/crack is a bitch right now.)

Adobe Flash

Apple and Adobe have recently divorced each other. It all started when Steve Jobs decided Apple was too cool for Flash. Some random guy (apparently Steve Jobs) recently released a lulzy, butthurt report on why Apple shouldn't use Flash in its mobile devices. BAWW

Things You'll Never See A Mac Do

Wikipedia on the iPhone 4

• Be inexpensive.
• Have ads that aren't annoying or insulting.
• Have users who aren't uptight douchebags.
• Have programs that "Just Work."
• Have programs.
• Play any game besides BOLO and Chess. Chess doesn't count bitches.
• Last for even a week without requiring extensive repair.
• Update existing software (because there never was any to begin with).
• Take less than 100 years to get online.
• Stay online for more than .0003 nanoseconds.
• Load files.
• Compute.
• Run for a minute without overheating.
• Be plugged in without blowing every fuse in your house.
• Do anything even remotely resembling the normal functions of a computer.
• Be able to function as anything except a clunky, hideously ugly, $3,000 paperweight.
• Think of something you want it to do, then substitute here.
• Become heterosexual, there's no chance of this happening.
• Have repairs that cost under $500
• Have owners who know how to turn it on and off without being told how to do so
• Close a program with one button
• Have any programs that doesn't have a lowercase "i" at the beginning. e.g. iPhone, iMac, iMovie, iCock, iDiot, iHomo, etc.

Apple in Popular Culture

Unfortunately, Macs are featured in most TV shows and movies in place of regular computers - this is because the props departments can pick them up at an outrageous price from any liberal arts college, organic food store, or Starbucks.

• Apple Macs were the high tech backbone of Jurassic Park's security system. However, due to a large amount of fail, lulz ensued.
• The Apple Newton was used by Vin Diesel in Under Siege IV: The Revenge, where he helped defend a hijacked passenger space shuttle from rebel nigras. However, due to a large amount of fail, lulz ensued.
• A Macintosh Performa 600 was used in the movie Blank Check. Counterfeiters, take note: if it worked in a Disney movie in 1994, it will probably still work today.
• iMacs were used in the movie i, Robot (note the product endorsement) to program "intelligent" robot beings who would later rape the humans for their blood and Jew gold in a crazy haphazard sort of mix up similar to what will happen to Apple in the coming years.
• In the movie Sneakers, Robert Redford h4xxor3d the CIA using a Mac Classic. However, they got him when he was caught playing Oregon Trail. Lulz ensued.
• After David Koresh and the Branch Davidians were pwn3d by the ATF, CSI showed that they were caught by surprise fapping off to porn on Macs. Lulz ensued.
• In the movie Independence Day Jeff Goldblum used an iBook to upload a Laughing Skull Virus to the alien mainframe, causing them to be easily defeated. The death of the aliens allowed the future of mankind and lulz to continue.
• HAL 9000, the infamous killer computer in the movie 2001: A Space Odyssey ran on Mac OSX, proving that Macs can be just as evil, if not more, than Microsoft PCs.
• In Robocop 2, the bad robot, Cain (which had a brain from a drug-addict), runs on Mac OS, while Robocop runs on good old MS-DOS.
• A woman is shown using a Mac in The Net, and is shown doing a virus scan at the start of the film, then gets her IRL identity changed by hackers because of her being a whore.
• The computer that saved the world every 108 minutes in Lost was from a variety of different Mac series. It was designed to have a long string of numbers entered into it by some poor bastard (because the Mac's amazing software couldn't just fucking enter the numbers itself to save everyone a ton of trouble) every hour and 48 minutes to keep the island from swallowing the world. The Mac's presence outraged Locke who proceeded to pwn the sorry excuse of a computer which resulted in an electromagnetic epic fail. Lulz ensued.
• In 2010, Apple products appeared in more movies than any other company by showing up in 30% of all of the major releases for that year. Since they can't beat Microsoft irl, they decided to dominate the product placement market.[8]

Apple's Marketing Scheme

A hard day at work with the Apple crew.

1. Pay software companies to bundle Safari, Bonjour, iTunes, iTunes Helper, Quicktime, Quicktime Updater, Mobile Device Sync, and other shitty unnecessary bloatware into things such as Java and Flash updates for Windows.

2. Make all of these programs/add-ons startup services in Windows( lol, openly vandalizing windows. This causes frustration among retarded PC users who cannot figure out why their computer is running like crap.

3. Fucktard PC user hears from his friend, "zomg macs are like teh shit. they nevar get viruses or have any problems"

4. Said fucktard goes to the Mac store and pays for an insanely overpriced Mac.

5. ???????????

6. PROFIT!!!!!

Apple Advocation

Many apple fanboys love to discuss the supremacy of their operating system. Here's a recent article from anonymous

    In a hypothetical situation; the most homosexual, dildo-savey man with the most
    cocklust in the world would own a mac or two. It's practically faggatory, the design
    is supremely gay, every shemale, transvestite and furry owns one. It's aids in a box.
    There is no way it can get pussey like PCs. The Mac basically screams "I'm a fag!",
    it's not arrogent, just really really gay. Ok so it's more expensive. Well no shit!
    It's like saying a male prostitute or man whore is more expensive than buying a dildo.
    It's simply because one is gayer than the other. The name is more dickliscious;
    it pretty much brings all the boys to the yard. Another example is the gay bar. The Mac
    is the ancient cock society whereas the standard PC is the modern blue oyster that anybody 
    can get into if they suck some dick. Ok so you can't get Apple. Fair enough, not everyone
    is cut out for the butt-pirate end of life. Just like not everybody can get into a mans ass
    or afford the best male strippers. That doesn't mean you have to constantly chuck christians
    at it and try to pick the most immoral of flaws in it.
    Get over us!

Videos

Previous Video | Next Video

Gallery

Galleria de MacTard About missing Pics

• 
  I don't wanna die a FAGGOT.
• 
  Mac users get boned again.
• What the apple logo should look like.
  What the apple logo should look like.
• 
  It doesn't matter, Mac users like getting boned!
• 
  What Steve Jobs is reduced to after Windows.

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

• 
  Goatse Security hack.
• 
  Jesus uses a Mac.
• 
  A common Apple user showing her appreciation to the company.
• 
  The New Macbook Air. Note the superior monochromatic screen.
• 
  Xzibit replaced Steve Jobs.
• 
  Simple diagram explaining Mac vs. PC.
• 
  Mac usage vs. homosexuality
• 
  Cool new features that Apple won't shut up about.
• 
  Mac user poster-boy, Kevin Rose.
• 
  Mac Fag being electrocuted by his malfunctioning iPod. Good.
• 
  All Apple employees are more creative, artistic, and fuckable than you. See also: Freddie Mercury.
• 
  Looks can be deceiving.
• 
  Marvelous Mac mouse.
• 
  Typical Mac user.
• 
• 
  One of the great examples of truth in advertising.
• 
  Famous quote from Steve Jobs' announcement of Intel adoption.
• 
  Black people don't use Macs.
• 
  Bring me the head of Steve Jobs!
• 
  Noobs on Jewtube arguing.
• black person with a mac? This must be fake.
  black person with a mac? This must be fake.
• 
  Even Tim hates Mac and their ads.
• 
  Buying a Mac so you can run Windows? BRILLIANT!
• 
  Apple makes you fat and gay, guaranteed.
• 
  Pushing its teknology to teh limits.
• 
  Cutting your own penis off makes your crotch just as feature-less as a mac.
• 
  Think different.
• 
  Apple has prowess in Computer Science III!
• 
  Truth
• 
  You win teh prize!
• 
  PCs are like TF2 sentries - they're upgradable, can be built by yourself, it's rugged, etc. On the other hand, Macs are like Portal sentries - they can talk and piss off everything that moves. Fucking great.
• 
  We've all wondered this at one point or another
• 
  An insight into the 'wonderful' mac experience.
• 
  Jon owns a Mac.
• 
  Who needs a CD drive when you've got a kickass notebook as thin as this? Oh fuck,just get this instead.
• 
  Ellen Feiss, switcher. This is how 90s and apathetic you look if you switch to Apple.
• 
  Pedophiles love macs because they never pick up viruses while they look for cp torrents.
• 
  Obama owns a Mac.
• 
  Obama is a faggoty mac. Bush is an aids filled pc.
• 
  Typical Apple employee shits her pants in excitement for the newest OS X service pack release.
• 
  This was made by Apple,it must be good!
• 
  Apple tends to niggers now
• 
  Mac screen of death
• 
  Macbooks...
• 
  Macs love getting fucked!
• This guy bought the new Mac Mini.
  This guy bought the new Mac Mini.
• Even OS X is racist.
  Even OS X is racist.
• 
  Perfect summary in 2nd post
• File:Steve Jobs retard.jpg
• 
  Print this out and glue to the walls of your college canteen for epic IRL trolling.
• 
  Not being upgradeable keeps computer illiterate mactards from fucking up their own shit.
• 
  A long time ago, Macs used to be beige, looked a lot like PCs and could often outperform them. Unfortunately, since they didn't come in a shiny, hipster-pandering case, they failed in the marketplace.
• 
• 
• 
• 

Other Apple Products

• Snow Leopard
• iPad
• iPod
• iPhone
• iTV
• iWoz
• PowerBook
• MacBook Fail
• Mac OS X
• Safari Exploit
• iVag
• iCock

See Also

• Rimjob
• BOLO The only game to ever be released on a Mac.
• Communism Macs are communist because they dont allow competition; All Macs are made by apple.
• Ellen Feiss Official Spokesperson.
• Linux
• Unwarranted_Self-Importance
• Lowter Typical Mac Propaganda.
• Mac OS
• MacRumors
• Microsuck
• PC -Hated furiously by Mac users
• Steve Jobs
• Woz
• Superpower: Reality Distortion Field
• Windows
• OSx86

External

• You Fags Sure Got Told: Applefags getting told
• Macs, iPods, iPads, iPhones -- iRefuse to Conform
• Maddox's stance on Apple
• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3uC4TDxumWI - How to hack into a Mac
• I hate Apple Failbook Group
• iHate Mac Smuggery Failbook Group
• Make your own Mac vs. PC!
• Apple's Switch website
  • Press Release from the launch of the Switch campaign
• mymacsucks
• Microsoft helps bestbuy troll mac users
• Mac How
• If this doesnt make you rage nothing will

http://www.quickpwn.com/2010/06/leaked-iphone-4-and-ios4-secrets.html/ APPLE JUST BECAME THE FINAL BOSS OF THE IPHONE. NOW THOSE BASTARDS CAN TRACK EVERYTHING YOU DO. DELETE YOUR FAP FOLDER. http://gawker.com/5539717/steve-jobs-offers-world-freedom-from-porn

• DONT BE A FAGGOT Get your high-end PC with OSX installed here.
• Apple Set to Release new iRay iOnized Bracelet

Apple is a part of a series on Apple Inc.

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Featured article September 27, 2006
Preceded by The Matrix	Apple	Succeeded by Bill Gates