David Duke

How are you trying to lay claim to being part of the master race with a boyish white wispy peach fuzz?

What happens when you can't decide between becoming a stoner and becoming a racist so you just become both.

Not to be confused with David Duke

Dr. David Ernest Duke^卐 is a 74-year-old failed English teacher who got enough money from Daddy to pursue a life of writing, cosplay, and, he hoped, ethnic cleansing. As he reached his adult years, his inability to be a real man with a real beard led him to envy the jew for their long and beautiful beards, while he hated the Blacks for their bigotry against white supremacists. His racial hatred culminated in him blaming Jews for his wife running off with his then-best friend and successor as Grand Wizard Don Black; this also furthered Duke's beliefs that his problems were caused by the Black man. While time in the Klan usually hurts one's earning potential, the entrepreneurial Mr. Duke was able to supplement his income in 1992 by selling Klan membership records to an FBI informant.

As a trust fund brat who never held a real job and now seen as a snake by even other racists, David was exiled to only place that would still take him, public office. Despite being a former Grand Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan, voters still elected him as House Representative of the 81st district; wait, it was Louisiana, so that helped actually. In spite of all his talk about Jews being lying, greedy, and parasitic, David filed a false tax return in 2002 which revealed he was gambling and living it up off of money donated by supporters for six years, the same time he claimed he was about to be bankrupted by ZOG. When he isn't scamming racists into sending money to a guy sitting on his engineer daddies trust fund, he's espousing off-the-rails conspiracy theories about ZOG causing his erectile dysfunction.

David's completely rational fear of all things Semitic stems from his failure with women in comparison to Orthodox Jews who have arranged marriage and, more importantly, won't let women sleep with a man before deciding to marry him. This is evidenced by his 1976 publication of a self-help book for women under the double pseudonym "James Konrad" and "Dorothy Vanderbilt", Finders-Keepers: Finding and Keeping the Man You Want, which contained sexual, diet, fashion, and relationship advice. A Tulane University Professor Lawrence Powell actually published a copy to a Louisiana Times knockoff, which revealed David Duke wrote endlessly about vaginal exercises, fellatio, and anal sex. Aside from giving worse sex tips than a Cosmo, the book amounted to a whining plea that women lower their standards and start fucking ugly men with permanent peach fuzz.

Despite Duke's claims that whites are genetically and morally superior by default, the six foot four nigger who was named after him:

1. Earns every cent of his money honestly by being a pro athlete
2. Has not lied or committed tax fraud to support a gambling addiction
3. Ratted 0 of his teammates out to the glowies

See Also

• Ku Klux Klan
• Moonman
• Zyklon Ben
• Auschwitz Andersen
• Caitlyn Jenner - Who he's often mistaken for.
• Alex Jones - A less crazy Right-wing conspiracy nut.

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