Stoner

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Stoners are an unfunny group of teenage boys who use their parents' money to buy marijuana, which they then smoke in their parents' basements with their dumb little buddies while complaining about their parents, and weed not being legal. They are a disgrace to the Legendary stoners who created things that have enhanced everyone's life's over the years. Female stoners do not and should not exist, as bitches only have half a lung. Stoners can often be seen wearing cannabis-themed apparel, including, but not limited to; t-shirts with hilarious slogans, bandannas, sweatbands, underwear and just about anything else you can physically print a fucking hemp leaf design on. It is important to understand that this kind of behaviour and a willingness to refer to oneself as a 'stoner' is what differentiates stoners from people who simply enjoy smoking pot and "jammin'".

Remember that, despite what your grandparents might say, there is only the most tangential connection between marijuana and madness, as seen in the 1937 documentary "Reefer Madness". That is, unless lethargy can be seen as a form of criminal insanity.

Also a term for Muslims (and historically anyone else) who like to hurl stones at women as punishment for being raped.

Stoners and the Arts

Movies: Stoners have excellent taste in films and enjoy such modern cinematic classics as Up In Smoke, Dude, Where's My Car?, Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle, Pineapple Express, Half Baked and anything by Kevin Smith. When it comes to television, stoners are invariably fans of Adult Swim (particularly Space Ghost Coast to Coast and Sealab 20+-1), as well as Family Guy and South Park.

Music: Wise stoners are known to enjoy the only reggae song ever written ("Three Little Birds" by Bob Marley), 'ambient tossery', bad rap by niggers with unimaginative rhymes about smoking weed, appalling mid-90's third-wave ska, Grunge, and their very own genre: 'stoner rock'. The Irony of It All by The Streets is also a favorite amongst stoners who don't drink alcohol when they decide to get on their elitist weed-only pedestal.

Art: Stoners normally smoke weed to create pretty pictures of dogs playing poker but most of these pictures are that of their own colorful shit which is so totally "far out". Put a stoner in a room with canvas, a huge bag of weed, a bong and some wraps, and a fuckton of chips, and leave them there for a year. Many lulz will be generated when viewing the shit the stoner comes up with. Come back when he dies of starvation after running out of chips in a couple of days, and sell his artwork to museums for extra lulz. Stoner artists also smoke weed because it almost always removes the agony of creativity.

Famous Stoners

Snoop Dogg
Carl Sagan
Jimi Hendrix
Jim Morrison
Bob Marley
Kumar
George Washington
Bill Clinton (but he doesn't inhale)
Lindsay Lohan
Keanu Reeves
Jeff Daniels
Dave Wyndorf
Your dad
Liam Rafferty
Lena Dunham
MundaneMatt
Neil Patrick Harris
Matthew McConaughey
James Franco
Lindsay Ellis
Seth Rogan
Posef "Potsef" Ng Xin Qun
Bruce Lee
Meerkat123
Jay Kinsella
Doopie DoOver
Harold
Thomas Jefferson
Dave (he's not here, man..)
Winston Churchill
William Shakespeare
Steven King
Richard Feynman
Bill Maher
The bands; Queens of the Stone Age, Tyler, the Creator, Kyuss, Fu Manchu, King Gizzard, Witch Finder General, King Crimson, Electric Wizard, Orange Goblin, Death Grips, Toner Low, Acid King, Fleet Foxes, Grief, Ufomammut, Church of Misery, BONGZILLA, Om and Sleep, Pink Floyd.

International Differences

Americunts and Canadians smoke joints without tobacco or filters. Although Americunt stoners will insist that this is because they are 'hardcore', in reality this is because American weed is shit and mostly baught from Mexican fags that jumped the border. Canadians, however, do so to dull the cold, and make beaver tail taste better. Feelsgoodman.
European stoners smoke joints with tobacco and a cardboard filter because their skunk is actually decent, and will fuck you up. A notable exception to this rule is the English, who only get weed in the following three varieties:
- Covered in glass beads and hairspray from scummy-as-fuck Chav dealers.
- Sopping wet and uncured.
- Plain shit, at the equivalent of $20 a gram.
Smoking marijuana in backwards-ass places like China, Singapore and Thailand will get you swiftly and severely pwned IRL.
This section was written by a britfag who knows what he's talking about No.

Crises facing stoners today

Never having any papers, filters or lighters, despite these items being cheaply available from any shop and/or being too young to buy them.
Getting real thirsty and 'accidentally' drinking the bong water.
- Getting punched in tha he face because You party fouled and knocked the bong over, spilling bong water on your friend's couch
A drought of marijuana due to Jews withholding stock in order to obtain more Jew-gold.
Eye-tokes, hot-rock burns.
Dealer's cell phone turned off or is too high on at least 100 different drugs to get you your shit.
Sneaking into garage without entire party following
Running out of Cheetos and Mountain Dew.
Losers coughing into the bong and getting their weed all wet
Imaginary police
Party Fouls
Imaginary wolfs
Real police
Being police
House being secretly bugged
6-year-old neighbour secretly working for the FBI and constantly spying on you
Going to School
Going to work
No one buying your shitty art on Patreon
Not Finding your keys because you are too high to remember where you left them
Not Having a "safe" place to smoke
Dealing with sober people
- People realizing that You're even more boring stoned than sober
Parents cutting off allowance
No one reading their poetry

Trolling

Stoners are Very touchy when it comes to their personal beliefs , They are known to be the among easiest group of kids to troll about as equal as Beliebers. Since Stoners are too paranoid and defensive and are willing to go to extreme measures to protect their rights and freedoms and they will troll you to fucking death. Stoners are an allegiance of anti-trolls that use facts to completely pwn us with their profound intelligence. This is a list on how to properly troll stoners

Degenerate stoners love poisoning their brain with chemicals.

Tell them Marijuana kills brain cells
Tell them Ronald Reagan was the best president EVAR!
Tell them Marijuana is the gateway drug
Tell them Marijuana is worse for you than alcohol and cigarettes
Tell them Above The Influence is the truth about drugs
Tell them The DEA are heroes for beating the shit out of handicapped kids with cancer
Say drugs are for losers on a Youtube smoking video
Tell them Marijuana is poison, not a drug (point out that cannabis is a carcinogen and a cause of a range of psychological disorders.)
Tell them that Reefer Madness is the best movie evar created
Tell them kids like them shouldn't use drugs
Tell them Marijuana is a drug

Then sit back comfortably, now that you're the one who's giggling.

Types of Stoners

Enhancement Smoker - Uses weed to amplify the power of his activities. As in, fapping would be 200x more COOL!
Scavenger Smoker - This bastard will always show up whenever you roll another blunt - and always coerces you into letting him try it. Moments later, and it's all gone.
After School Special Smoker - This teenage boy always buys your shit (at exorbitant rates) and acts like he's "so high right now, guys!!" after like 1 toke. Thanks little buddy..
I'm 40 But Still Cool Smoker - His dad wants to find a way to bond with him.
You Should Have Been There Smoker - This elderly hippie has seen it all.. 'Nam, Nixon, Nightlife.. Definitely talk to him to get a real good conversation going. Just don't expect for him to understand the modern weed economy.
I'm Only Creative If I Smoke Smoker - Often hipster shitheads. They're mentally ill artfags. Avoid.
Mac Guyver Smoker - This guy is a whizkid at building things. Marijuana only amplifies his capabilities.
Guy on the Couch - This type of stoner will always crash out on your couch.. For years at a time.
Ur dogs a pothead
Straight Up Pothead
And it's good for arthritis, too!
The Stoner Guru