Amy Schumer

This is what she really looks like

	“	I used to date Hispanic guys, but now I prefer consensual.	„
	—The joke Amy doesn't tell anymore, too bad it was her only good one

Amy Schumer^✡, better known as "that bleached-blonde monster Jew-clit", is an female "comedian" who can't stop talking about her monstrous canyon-like vag and the shitty anal-fisting fest that she calls a "sex life" in a pathetic attempt to be the next Sarah Silverman. And much like Silverman, both can be described as ugly jews who alternate between trying to be "edgy" and turning their backs on the people who made them to pander to SJWs. Amy is also known to constantly pose naked to satisfy her exhibitionism under the guise of promoting feminism, much like Lena Dunham. But unlike Lena, Amy (thankfully) never goes all the way. In fact, if one was to describe her (and Silverman) they might say that she is a diet versions of Dunham. Less fat/ugly/jeiwsh and not as big of feminazis as she, perhaps making her "better" in the same way that getting cancer is not as bad as contracting leprosy.

Less so than for her "comedy", Amy is known for calling herself a slut, bulling teenagers online for calling her a slut, continuing her proud jewish heritage by not just stealing Lena Dunham's entire persona but also other comedian's jokes, calling her lawyers to take down anyone's videos proving she stole jokes (she'll be coming for us next), and making a movie so bad it made someone go all James Holmes on a movie theater.

The origins of the monster

Her anus, maybe?

As it says on WP, and this is too fucking bizarre to make up:

“	Her father is the first cousin of U.S. Senator Chuck Schumer, making Amy Schumer and Chuck Schumer first cousins once removed. Her great-grandmother, Estelle Schumer, was a bootlegger in Manhattan.	„

So she's the byproduct of classic jewish trades like criminals and kike politicians (which is just another term for criminals).

Career

	“	The last couple of roles I missed out on went to Jennifer Hudson, Jessica Biel and Olivia Wilde.	„
	—Shockingly, Schumer doesn't get many roles, unless they're jelly rolls.

How did she get "famous"? By winning standup-comedy competitions on MTV after failing to get into any of the earlier seasons and finally making the cut for season 5 once all the actually talented people have been eliminated. She went on to do a bunch of guest spots on various shows including, you guessed it, Dunham's "Girls", before finally having the leftists in the media see the potential in trying to make her "the voice of a generation" if their attempts to do so with Lena fail (they did), and gave her her own show.

While the press lauded over her for being the new media darling, the average viewer had a different experience...

“   Inside Amy is by far the worse comedy I have ever seen on television. Not funny at all. Very boring. Amy should be arrested for putting this show on television and wasting millions of hours of American lives. This show will be canceled soon because of how bad it is.   „     —Critic #1 - 0/10     “   Show was painful to watch. Not very funny, pretty bland in general. She likes to speak as if she is the spokesperson for women when she's only speaking for herself. Some girls actually love it when you cum on their face Amy, some even demand it. You sound like a lame lay anyway. Your show will be cancelled soon so maybe you can go back and work on your bedroom skills instead of just laying there like a fat cow.   „     —Critic #2 - 2/10     “   This show really comes across as hollow and extremely desperate. Every skit I watched made me cringe and even feel a little queasy. I felt like I was watching a fat, old clown drunkenly put on a song and dance desperately seeking laughs. Even though "offensive" comedy is the cool new thing Inside Amy seems too little too late. Amy hopelessly chases after the success of her male predecessors (Tosh and Jeselnik) doing these overly offensive skits, problem is these jokes are old now. Most of the jokes lost any shock value about two years ago. Don't waste you're precious time people.   „     —Critic #3 - 0/10     “   Schumer might have been "fresh" or funny 50 years ago, but her material is hardly shocking or clever. It's kind of hollow, searching, maybe a little desperate. Her material? Just common jokes you'd here from a bunch of guys hanging around at best. She's a real yawner. Talent? Average. No more than any smart person. She's just very lucky.   „     —Critic #4- 1/10 Previous Quote | Next Quote

The appropriately named "Trainwreck"

The source of her RAW POWER

Thanks to her "brilliant comedy", she talked Judd Apatow into directing a film she wrote. And then went on talk shows and claimed she didn't "promote it" or "push it" to anyone, it "just happened". It's called, and this is not a joke, Trainwreck. That should be sufficient warning. (Not enough warning? A massacre occurred at a showing of Trainwreck in Louisiana, swamp monster capital of the world.)

Yes, this is totally her face

A movie so bad it makes you want to shoot yourself... and other people... literally

The man who saved a room full of people from having to watch the rest of that movie

No Schumer hambeast can say no to this!

The laughable photoshoot/photoshop debacle

At one point Amy decided that it would be smart to pose naked (again) and got on the cover of Entertainment Weekly. Minutes after the cover went live, Amy tweeted a picture of the cover un-airbrushed in what she must have imagined was an act of defiance. Realizing her callous mistake and feeling embarrassed by how fat she is, she soon deleted the picture and tweeted "Thank you to EW for not airbrushing me", as if that fools anyone.

Unable to deal with the nagging feeling that everyone knows she's lying, Amy got naked (again, again) for another photshoot this was the result...

She was called "Inspiring" and "Courageous" by the press for showing her "natural" body and undoctored body (#NoFilter), but everyone else just laughed at how fat she is and the fact that anyone at all familiar with the human body can tell this picture is photoshopped because there is no way this lardass doesn't have a cottage cheese butt.

Schumer is real tough... when picking on teenagers

When some nobody internet critic tweeted this at Amy, in spite of building her entire sad excuse of a career on calling herself a slut, she immediately responded with an outraged tweet, sending her horny fanboy's after him to make him apologize and implicitly threatening to call his dad... of, did we mention he was fucking 17 years old?!

Yep, Amy bullies teenagers online.

Pictures

WARNING! THIS IS A GALLERY OF SCHUMER'S DISGUSTING PICTURES. TRUST US, YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE THIS. OPEN AT OWN RISK AND DON'T SAY WE DIDN'T WARN YOU!

GALLERY OF HORRORS About missing Pics [Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery] Very, very questionable. Look at her flabby ass. All she can fuck are robots.

External Links

• Wikipedia Article
• Official CC website
• Her Twitter is a giant crashing bore. Nothing but "watch this new episode" and "watch that new episode".
• No, she's been in almost nothing else...
• "I’m Too Fat and Disgusting For Los Angeles!"

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