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[[File:beefcurtains.jpg|right|thumb|This is what she really looks like]]
[[File:beefcurtains.jpg|right|thumb|This is what she really looks like]]
'''Amy Schumer'''<sup>[[Jew|&#10017;]]</sup>, better known as "that bleached-blonde monster Jew-clit", is an [[obvious]] [[woman|female]] [[comedian]] who can't stop talking about her monstrous canyon-like vag and the [[stupid|shitty]] anal-fisting fest that she calls a "sex life" to the pathetic slugs who watch [[Comedy Central]] late at night. Like that pathologically-insecure freak [[Sarah Silverman]] who preceded her, Fatty Amy is so desperate for attention/laughs/abuse/anything that she'll walk around NYC streets, flopping her cellulite to clear the sidewalk and asking people [[retarded]] questions about their sex lives---before she lifts her skirt and flashes them. It's so horrifying (think of giant purple meat curtains flapping in the breeze and spewing week-old semen ''everywhere'') that her victims run away screaming in agony and gouging their own eyes out. That's show biz!
'''Amy Schumer'''<sup>[[Jew|&#10017;]]</sup>, better known as "that bleached-blonde monster Jew-clit", is an [[woman|female]] "[[comedian]]" who can't stop talking about her monstrous canyon-like vag and the [[stupid|shitty]] anal-fisting fest that she calls a "sex life" in a pathetic attempt to be the next [[Sarah Silverman]]. And much like Silverman, both can be described as ugly jews who alternate between trying to be "[[edgy]]" and turning their backs on the people who made them to pander to SJWs. Amy is also known to constantly pose naked to satisfy her exhibitionism under the guise of promoting feminism, much like [[Lena Dunham]]. But unlike Lena, Amy (thankfully) never goes all the way. In fact, if one was to describe her (and Silverman) they might say that she is a diet versions of Dunham. Less fat/ugly/jeiwsh and not as big of feminazis as she, perhaps making her "better" in the same way that getting cancer is not as bad as contracting leprosy.


Of course this is a successful show, stupid question. [http://www.metacritic.com/tv/inside-amy-schumer] It's called "Up Amy Schumer's Ass", because Viacom headheeb Sumner Redstone<sup>[[Jew|&#10017;]]</sup> is really into shoving things into really big anuses. The first skit on the very first episode was her auditioning for a "[[2girls1cup]]" thing, which is so very appropriate. Her feces probably taste like [[Howard Stern|fine chocolate mousse]]. Mixed with gefilte fish and pastrami. In fact, if you ever want to catch a wild Amy Schumer, just set a trap with a Carnegie Deli pastrami sandwich with extra mustard and severed penises. Can't fail.
Less so than for her "comedy", Amy is known for calling herself a slut, bulling teenagers online for calling her a slut, continuing her proud jewish heritage by not just stealing Lena Dunham's entire persona but also other comedian's jokes, calling her lawyers to take down anyone's videos proving she stole jokes (she'll be coming for us next), and making a movie so bad it made someone go all [[Aurora Theater Shooting|James Holmes]] on a movie theater.


==The origins of the monster==
==The origins of the monster==
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How did she get "famous"? By [[Cunt|winning standup-comedy competitions]], and yes that kind of [[bullshit]] does exist. She won by talking about her huge floppy vag-lips and her big fat [[ass]]. [[tl;dr|For hours at a time]]. She's all about ''self-promotion'', she eats and shits press releases. Which helps to explain the [[hambeast]] and the nay-remarkable tendency of her ass to crush chairs and sofas. And at all times, the pathological sexual insecurities are on full display. See her professionally-girly-girly [http://amyschumer.com/ website] for more psychopathology.
How did she get "famous"? By [[Cunt|winning standup-comedy competitions]], and yes that kind of [[bullshit]] does exist. She won by talking about her huge floppy vag-lips and her big fat [[ass]]. [[tl;dr|For hours at a time]]. She's all about ''self-promotion'', she eats and shits press releases. Which helps to explain the [[hambeast]] and the nay-remarkable tendency of her ass to crush chairs and sofas. And at all times, the pathological sexual insecurities are on full display. See her professionally-girly-girly [http://amyschumer.com/ website] for more psychopathology.
{{quote|I used to date Hispanic guys, but now I prefer consensual|The joke Amy doesn't tell anymore|too bad it was her only good one]]


Thanks to her "brilliant comedy", she talked Judd Apatow into directing a film she wrote. And then went on talk shows and claimed she didn't "promote it" or "push it" to anyone, it "just happened". It's called, and this is not a joke, ''[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trainwreck_%28film%29 Trainwreck]''. That should be sufficient warning. (Not enough warning? A [[Grand 16 Shooting|massacre]] occurred at a showing of ''Trainwreck'' in [[Louisiana]], swamp monster capital of the world.)
Thanks to her "brilliant comedy", she talked Judd Apatow into directing a film she wrote. And then went on talk shows and claimed she didn't "promote it" or "push it" to anyone, it "just happened". It's called, and this is not a joke, ''[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trainwreck_%28film%29 Trainwreck]''. That should be sufficient warning. (Not enough warning? A [[Grand 16 Shooting|massacre]] occurred at a showing of ''Trainwreck'' in [[Louisiana]], swamp monster capital of the world.)
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<center><youtube>c3GyQwkFVio</youtube></center>
<center><youtube>c3GyQwkFVio</youtube></center>
  <center>'''The blob pretends to be an MTV reporter, to promote a shitty new movie she's in'''</center>
  <center>'''The blob pretends to be an MTV reporter, to promote a shitty new movie she's in'''</center>
====A movie so bad it makes you want to shoot yourself... and other people... literally====


[[File:RoastBeef.jpg|left|thumb|No Schumer hambeast can say no to this!]]
[[File:RoastBeef.jpg|left|thumb|No Schumer hambeast can say no to this!]]

Revision as of 19:37, 28 January 2016

This is what she really looks like

Amy Schumer✡, better known as "that bleached-blonde monster Jew-clit", is an female "comedian" who can't stop talking about her monstrous canyon-like vag and the shitty anal-fisting fest that she calls a "sex life" in a pathetic attempt to be the next Sarah Silverman. And much like Silverman, both can be described as ugly jews who alternate between trying to be "edgy" and turning their backs on the people who made them to pander to SJWs. Amy is also known to constantly pose naked to satisfy her exhibitionism under the guise of promoting feminism, much like Lena Dunham. But unlike Lena, Amy (thankfully) never goes all the way. In fact, if one was to describe her (and Silverman) they might say that she is a diet versions of Dunham. Less fat/ugly/jeiwsh and not as big of feminazis as she, perhaps making her "better" in the same way that getting cancer is not as bad as contracting leprosy.

Less so than for her "comedy", Amy is known for calling herself a slut, bulling teenagers online for calling her a slut, continuing her proud jewish heritage by not just stealing Lena Dunham's entire persona but also other comedian's jokes, calling her lawyers to take down anyone's videos proving she stole jokes (she'll be coming for us next), and making a movie so bad it made someone go all James Holmes on a movie theater.

The origins of the monster

Her anus, maybe?

As it says on WP, and this is too fucking bizarre to make up:

 
“ 		 
Her father is the first cousin of U.S. Senator Chuck Schumer, making Amy Schumer and Chuck Schumer first cousins once removed. Her great-grandmother, Estelle Schumer, was a bootlegger in Manhattan.
  		„
 

In short, she's the hellspawn of Ashkenazi Jewish criminals and ass-rapists, plus Chuck Schumer. But they do the usual Passover crap, so it's perfectly acceptable! Maybe she'll marry the Senator and shit out deformed Heeb-monsters after eating the bitter herbs (they turn fetuses into three-headed slugs, you know).

Career

   
“ 		 
The last couple of roles I missed out on went to Jennifer Hudson, Jessica Biel and Olivia Wilde.
  		„
  		 

How did she get "famous"? By winning standup-comedy competitions, and yes that kind of bullshit does exist. She won by talking about her huge floppy vag-lips and her big fat ass. For hours at a time. She's all about self-promotion, she eats and shits press releases. Which helps to explain the hambeast and the nay-remarkable tendency of her ass to crush chairs and sofas. And at all times, the pathological sexual insecurities are on full display. See her professionally-girly-girly website for more psychopathology.

{{quote|I used to date Hispanic guys, but now I prefer consensual|The joke Amy doesn't tell anymore|too bad it was her only good one]]

Thanks to her "brilliant comedy", she talked Judd Apatow into directing a film she wrote. And then went on talk shows and claimed she didn't "promote it" or "push it" to anyone, it "just happened". It's called, and this is not a joke, Trainwreck. That should be sufficient warning. (Not enough warning? A massacre occurred at a showing of Trainwreck in Louisiana, swamp monster capital of the world.)

The appropriately named "Trainwreck"

The source of her RAW POWER
   
“ 		 
Inside Amy is by far the worse comedy I have ever seen on television. Not funny at all. Very boring. Amy should be arrested for putting this show on television and wasting millions of hours of American lives. This show will be canceled soon because of how bad it is.
  		„
  		 

Yes, this is totally her face

The blob pretends to be an MTV reporter, to promote a shitty new movie she's in

A movie so bad it makes you want to shoot yourself... and other people... literally

No Schumer hambeast can say no to this!

The laughable photoshoot

Schumer is real tough... when picking on teenagers

Amy steals all the jokes

Pictures

WARNING! THIS IS A GALLERY OF SCHUMER'S DISGUSTING PICTURES. TRUST US, YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE THIS. OPEN AT OWN RISK AND DON'T SAY WE DIDN'T WARN YOU!


GALLERY OF HORRORS About missing Pics
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]
  • Very, very questionable.
    Very, very questionable.
  • Look at her flabby ass.
    Look at her flabby ass.
  • All she can fuck are robots.
    All she can fuck are robots.

External Links

Amy Schumer
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