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Jack the Ripper: Difference between revisions

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{{spoilers|THE [[Jews|JUWES]] ARE THE MEN WHO WILL NOT BE BLAMED FOR NOTHING}}
{{spoilers|The [[Jews|Juwes]] are the men that will not be blamed for nothing}}
[[image:JackTheRipper.gif|thumb|Jack doing the right thing by [[murder|cleaning the streets]]]]
[[File:Jack oh boy by dynapop-d5njzfb.jpg|thumb|Jack doing the right thing by [[murder|cleaning the streets]]]]
Imagine yourself in the [[Steampunk|Second Industrial Revolution]] in England.
Imagine yourself in the [[Steampunk|Second Industrial Revolution]] in England.


Line 7: Line 7:
However, [[poor people|not all members of British society were prosperous (or even remotely industrious)]]. Many of [[Scotland|the]] [[Irish|factory]] [[Welsh|workers]] were lazy, [[welfare]]-leeching alcoholics who spent all their money on cheap gin and disgusting clap-infected whores. This was especially true in Whitechapel, one of the poorer districts of London. Unfortunately, the [[Lol|British Government]] did nothing to stomp out the disgusting [[Chav|vermin]] who lived in Whitechapel. Until one day, one man raised his [[penis|sword of justice]], a man who is known through legends as '''Jack the Ripper''' – the Whitechapel Robin Hood.
However, [[poor people|not all members of British society were prosperous (or even remotely industrious)]]. Many of [[Scotland|the]] [[Irish|factory]] [[Welsh|workers]] were lazy, [[welfare]]-leeching alcoholics who spent all their money on cheap gin and disgusting clap-infected whores. This was especially true in Whitechapel, one of the poorer districts of London. Unfortunately, the [[Lol|British Government]] did nothing to stomp out the disgusting [[Chav|vermin]] who lived in Whitechapel. Until one day, one man raised his [[penis|sword of justice]], a man who is known through legends as '''Jack the Ripper''' – the Whitechapel Robin Hood.


==An Upstanding Citizen Tries Change, But To No Avail==
==History==
===An Upstanding Citizen Tries Change, But to No Avail===
[[File:Topical "jack the ripper" joke (sporting times october 1888).jpg|thumb|Lulz were had]]
[[File:Topical "jack the ripper" joke (sporting times october 1888).jpg|thumb|Lulz were had]]
A man saw what was happening in Whitechapel and knew that all the whores and their diseases were ruining the industrial ability of the workers in Whitechapel. He knew if you had the clap, you couldn't operate heavy machinery. He was thoroughly disgusted by what he saw and he knew something had to be done, but did not know what exactly would solve this problem. He tried addressing the problem with the [[Jews]], but they were busy making [[jew gold|too much money]] from taxing the whores. The Jews were also busy lining their pockets by embezzlement. Frustrated, he watched the situation get worse in Whitechapel.
A man saw what was happening in Whitechapel and knew that all the whores and their diseases were ruining the industrial ability of the workers in Whitechapel. He knew if you had the clap, you couldn't operate heavy machinery. He was thoroughly disgusted by what he saw and he knew something had to be done, but did not know what exactly would solve this problem. He tried addressing the problem with the [[Jews]], but they were busy making [[jew gold|too much money]] from taxing the whores. The Jews were also busy lining their pockets by embezzlement. Frustrated, he watched the situation get worse in Whitechapel.


He tried his best to combat the grime and squalor by bringing in charitable organizations to help clean up the streets. This worked at first, but, after a few years, the charities stopped coming through for him. Jack expanded his businesses to employ more people, which improved unemployment, but, after a few months, they became diseased and lazy. Jack even appealed to the House of Commons on the situation in Whitechapel, but they were too busy to hear about some slum in London. While Jack remained optimistic about solving the issues plaguing Whitechapel, he began to succumb to [[masturbation|earthly escapes]].
He tried his best to combat the grime and squalor by bringing in charitable organizations to help clean up the streets. This worked at first, but, after a few years, the charities stopped coming through for him. Jack expanded his businesses to employ more people, which improved unemployment, but, after a few months, they became diseased and lazy. Jack even appealed to the House of Commons on the situation in Whitechapel, but they were too busy to hear about some slum in London. While Jack remained optimistic about solving the issues plaguing Whitechapel, he began to succumb to [[masturbation|earthly escapes]].


==The Life And Times Of One Noble Man==
===The Life and Times of One Noble Man===
[[image:House of Commons Microcosm.jpg|thumb|Jack testifying before the House of Commons]]
 
[[image:UK_person.jpg‎|thumb|Jack in better times.]]
[[image:UK_person.jpg‎|thumb|Jack in better times.]]


Jack the Ripper was [[The Joker|a man of simple tastes]]. He started off as a simple bakery shop owner, running the business with the help of his wife Jill. He was a happy man and everyone loved and respected him. He gave money to charity and kept the [[niggers|most]] [[Jews|undesirables]] out of Whitechapel. Truly a glorious and noble-intentioned man. Eventually, the Jews became [[butthurt|pissed]] at Jack's continued efforts to keep them from attaining more Jew golds. In their grimy synagogues, they [[anti-lulz|plotted Jack's downfall]].
Jack the Ripper was [[The Joker|a man of simple tastes]]. He started off as a simple bakery shop owner, running the business with the help of his wife Jill. He was a happy man and everyone loved and respected him. He gave money to charity and kept the [[niggers|most]] [[Jews|undesirables]] out of Whitechapel. Truly a glorious and noble-intentioned man. Eventually, the Jews became [[butthurt|pissed]] at Jack's continued efforts to keep them from attaining more Jew golds. In their grimy synagogues, they [[anti-lulz|plotted Jack's downfall]].


==The Descent Into Madness==  
===The Descent into Madness===
 
The Jews decided they would squeeze all the money from Whitechapel. This, of course, required they first be rid of Jack. The Jews started by bringing whores into town, who then brought with them drug pushing pimps. This set Whitechapel on a slippery slope. All the rich and industrious British people were moving out, and the Irish, Welsh, Scots and [[Indians|other]] [[niggers|minorities]] were moving in. Jack, being the upstanding citizen he was, went to the local magistrate to see if anything could be done for his beloved neighborhood. Little did Jack know the Jews already had firm control of the local magistrates and [[gtfo|told Jack they couldn't help him]].
The Jews decided they would squeeze all the money from Whitechapel. This, of course, required they first be rid of Jack. The Jews started by bringing whores into town, who then brought with them drug pushing pimps. This set Whitechapel on a slippery slope. All the rich and industrious British people were moving out, and the Irish, Welsh, Scots and [[Indians|other]] [[niggers|minorities]] were moving in. Jack, being the upstanding citizen he was, went to the local magistrate to see if anything could be done for his beloved neighborhood. Little did Jack know the Jews already had firm control of the local magistrates and [[gtfo|told Jack they couldn't help him]].
[[image:House of Commons Microcosm.jpg|thumb|Jack testifying before the House of Commons]]


Defeated, Jack went home only to find a note left by his wife informing him that she had run off with a Jew banker and, as her dowry, she sold everything they had, including the business. The unemployed Jack tried to get a new job, but, by that time, the Jews owned all of the businesses and only employed [[niggers|unskilled workers]] at a much lesser wage than Jack could survive on. The downtrodden Jack was wandering around the city when a bunch of [[niggers|hooligans]] tried to mug him. Jack, [[internet tough guy|not being a bitch]], defended himself by [[Awesome|stabbing one of them in the chest]].
Defeated, Jack went home only to find a note left by his wife informing him that she had run off with a Jew banker and, as her dowry, she sold everything they had, including the business. The unemployed Jack tried to get a new job, but, by that time, the Jews owned all of the businesses and only employed [[niggers|unskilled workers]] at a much lesser wage than Jack could survive on. The downtrodden Jack was wandering around the city when a bunch of [[niggers|hooligans]] tried to mug him. Jack, [[internet tough guy|not being a bitch]], defended himself by [[Awesome|stabbing one of them in the chest]].
Line 26: Line 31:
The cops saw this happen, but were too [[fat|slow]] to catch the [[niggers|hooligans]] and, because they were paid by the Jews, they promptly arrested Jack. While in court, Jack tried to plead it was in self defense, but the Jew didn't believe his testimony and Jack was dubbed a "white supremacist" attempting to incite violence against [[niggers|minorities]]. In his unlawful imprisonment, Jack was approached by the [[Nazis|Illuminati]] who asked if he wanted revenge. Jack promptly replied with a simple "Yes." The next day Jack managed to slip both out of jail and out of the public's mind.
The cops saw this happen, but were too [[fat|slow]] to catch the [[niggers|hooligans]] and, because they were paid by the Jews, they promptly arrested Jack. While in court, Jack tried to plead it was in self defense, but the Jew didn't believe his testimony and Jack was dubbed a "white supremacist" attempting to incite violence against [[niggers|minorities]]. In his unlawful imprisonment, Jack was approached by the [[Nazis|Illuminati]] who asked if he wanted revenge. Jack promptly replied with a simple "Yes." The next day Jack managed to slip both out of jail and out of the public's mind.


==The Plan==
===The Plan===
[[File:Jack the Ripper victim stalking.jpg|right|330px]]
 
While Jack was a smart man with a good number of connections, he had lost so much that he could barely contain his [[rage|anger]]. When asked by the [[Nazis|Illuminati]] what skills he could contribute to their battle against [[Jews|The Menace]], Jack only responded that he was handy with knives. The Illuminati were [[shocked]] by his willingness to [[badass|risk himself]], but also acknowledged that he was the [[pretty cool guy|perfect candidate]] for the job. The Illuminati then informed Jack his assignment would be to murder prostitutes in a carefully orchestrated plan to run the Jews from town. Jack was hesitant about his duties at first, but he knew he was working toward a [[final solution|solution]] to the [[Jews|problem]]. When asked what sort of compensation he would like to receive for fulfilling his duty to Queen and country, Jack replied that he wanted to be put into a state of cryogenic sleep so if the Jews ever came back, he could come back to life and fight them again.
While Jack was a smart man with a good number of connections, he had lost so much that he could barely contain his [[rage|anger]]. When asked by the [[Nazis|Illuminati]] what skills he could contribute to their battle against [[Jews|The Menace]], Jack only responded that he was handy with knives. The Illuminati were [[shocked]] by his willingness to [[badass|risk himself]], but also acknowledged that he was the [[pretty cool guy|perfect candidate]] for the job. The Illuminati then informed Jack his assignment would be to murder prostitutes in a carefully orchestrated plan to run the Jews from town. Jack was hesitant about his duties at first, but he knew he was working toward a [[final solution|solution]] to the [[Jews|problem]]. When asked what sort of compensation he would like to receive for fulfilling his duty to Queen and country, Jack replied that he wanted to be put into a state of cryogenic sleep so if the Jews ever came back, he could come back to life and fight them again.


==Jack the Ripper Deux: The Electric Reckoning Bugaloo==
==The Ripper Deux: The Electric Reckoning Bugaloo==
[[Image:JTRipper.jpg|thumb|right|thumb|Our hero, Jack, about to do what's right for Queen and country.]]
[[Image:JTRipper.jpg|thumb|right|thumb|Our hero, Jack, about to do what's right for Queen and country.]]
[[image:Jack's Greatest Role.jpg|thumb|Jack in his less famous [[Hitler|role]]]]
 
In 1919, Germany was downtrodden after losing [[WWI]]. The Jews, being the greedy bastards that they are, were raping the glorious country for every penny it was worth. The [[Nazis|Illuminati]], realizing the Jews where coming back into power, decided to call upon the noble Jew killer of yore: Jack the Ripper. Jack came back with a vengeance. He changed his name to Adolf so as to not raise suspicion and began his climb up the German political ladder, where he eventually became leader of the German nation. That's when our boy Jack hatched his master plan.
 
[[File:Gor duqv 400x400.png|thumb|right|250px|When we looked this up we were hoping for a bad joke about a Mohel and not Ausfalian hair products]]
[[File:Gor duqv 400x400.png|thumb|right|250px|When we looked this up we were hoping for a bad joke about a Mohel and not Ausfalian hair products]]
In 1919, Germany was downtrodden after losing [[WWI]]. The Jews, being the greedy bastards that they are, were raping the glorious country for every penny it was worth. The [[Nazis|Illuminati]], realizing the Jews where coming back into power, decided to call upon the noble Jew killer of yore: Jack the Ripper. Jack came back with a vengeance. He changed his name to Adolf so as to not raise suspicion and began his climb up the German political ladder, where he eventually became leader of the German nation. That's when our boy Jack hatched his master plan.


He killed over 6 million Jews during the next 8 years, a feat which no one has ever come close to bettering. Jack would have killed all the Jews in the world in order to bring about a paradise if it wasn't for those pesky Jews in the [[America|US]]. The Jews, aware that their days were numbered, goaded the good ol' US of A into retaliation. Jack, intuitively sensing he would to lose this battle, disappeared into the night and hasn't been heard from since.
He killed over 6 million Jews during the next 8 years, a feat which no one has ever come close to bettering. Jack would have killed all the Jews in the world in order to bring about a paradise if it wasn't for those pesky Jews in the [[America|US]]. The Jews, aware that their days were numbered, goaded the good ol' US of A into retaliation. Jack, intuitively sensing he would to lose this battle, disappeared into the night and hasn't been heard from since.


Until he [[Mel Gibson|once again heard the call for a hero...]]
Until he [[Mel Gibson|once again heard the call for a hero...]]
==Pwnage Pics==
{{center|'''La galerie des Juwes'''<gallery>
File:Marthatabram.jpg
File:Mary Ann Nichols.jpg
File:Catherine Eddowes123.jpg
File:Elizabeth stride 100.jpg
File:Annie Chapman2.jpg
File:Catherine Eddowes Mortuary Photo.jpg
File:MaryJaneKelly Ripper 100.jpg
File:Eddowes Mortuary Photo 2.jpg
File:EDDOWES-MORTUARY2.jpg|[[Fap|Fap fap fap fap fap...]]
File:Mary Kelly Crime scene.jpg
</gallery>}}


==True Identity==
==True Identity==
[[File:Steve Jobs.jpg|thumb|240px]]
Much like [[Batman]], [[anonymous|nobody knows Jack's true identity]] and, throughout history and more akin to [[Superman]], many have tried to pin down who exactly Jack the Ripper was - [[Pokemon|professors]], [[oldfag|historians]], [[Stephanie Meyer|hack writers with books to sell]] - but it still remains a mystery.
Much like [[Batman]], [[anonymous|nobody knows Jack's true identity]] and, throughout history and more akin to [[Superman]], many have tried to pin down who exactly Jack the Ripper was - [[Pokemon|professors]], [[oldfag|historians]], [[Stephanie Meyer|hack writers with books to sell]] - but it still remains a mystery.


Line 58: Line 82:
*[[V]]
*[[V]]


==Recognition==
==Legacy==
===Recognition===
Not everyone has fallen for the Jew lies about the evil of this noble hero. The American band [[Metal|Iced Earth]] saw through them and wrote a song about the glorious deeds of Jack the Ripper. They saw the heroic and selfless acts that Jack committed by killing those diseased prostitutes, and that he risked his own life in the process of cleaning Whitechapel of such vermin.
Not everyone has fallen for the Jew lies about the evil of this noble hero. The American band [[Metal|Iced Earth]] saw through them and wrote a song about the glorious deeds of Jack the Ripper. They saw the heroic and selfless acts that Jack committed by killing those diseased prostitutes, and that he risked his own life in the process of cleaning Whitechapel of such vermin.


<center>{{frame|<youtube>wKcJMsnnU0s</youtube>|border=grey|background=grey}}</center>
<center>{{frame|<youtube>wKcJMsnnU0s</youtube>|border=grey|background=grey}}</center>


==Horror==
===Horror===
[[image:Jack the ripper female.jpg|thumb|[[not|At least she isn't hideous]]]]
 
However, not everyone is content letting this man's noble legacy rest in peace. The worst thing to ever happen to the name of Jack the Ripper was not merely the terrible Jew lies of his ostensibly evil deeds, but rather the [[cosplay]]ers and [[weeb]]s who unrelentingly attempt to steal his ruthless grandeur by playing dress ups as him. Such actions are more terrible than a million Jew lies! They think by copying him they can attain his greatness, while in reality they dilute his great deeds by ruining his name with their faggotry.
However, not everyone is content letting this man's noble legacy rest in peace. The worst thing to ever happen to the name of Jack the Ripper was not merely the terrible Jew lies of his ostensibly evil deeds, but rather the [[cosplay]]ers and [[weeb]]s who unrelentingly attempt to steal his ruthless grandeur by playing dress ups as him. Such actions are more terrible than a million Jew lies! They think by copying him they can attain his greatness, while in reality they dilute his great deeds by ruining his name with their faggotry.


Line 73: Line 100:


==Gallery==
==Gallery==
{{cg|The Hall of Shame|JtR1|center|<gallery>  
{{cg|The Hall of Shame|JtR1|center|<gallery>
image:Jack Cosplay.jpg|The lack of period detail on this shoddily made costume is appalling, with the end result being that the wearer looks more like a [[Steampunk|Victorian male prostitute]] than Jack.
image:JackTheRipper.gif
image:Jack Cosplay.jpg|The lack of period detail on this shoddily made costume is appalling, with the end result being that the wearer looks more like Jack's victim whores than Jack himself.
image:Nigger jack the ripper.jpg|What the fuck is this shit?
image:Nigger jack the ripper.jpg|What the fuck is this shit?
image:Anime jack the ripper.jpg|Weebs ruin everything.
File:Christmas - Cookies - Jack The Ripper.jpg
image:Jack the ripper female.jpg|[[not|At least she isn't hideous]]
</gallery>|
</gallery>|
<gallery>
<gallery>
File:Jack the Ripper leaving murder scene.jpg
image:Jack's Greatest Role.jpg|Jack in his less famous [[Hitler|role]]
Image:Tommy Cooper the ripper.jpg
Image:Tommy Cooper the ripper.jpg
Image:Lego Jackripper.jpg|This is not officially licensed Jack the Ripper merchandise, but nevertheless, it is fun and educational.
Image:Lego Jackripper.jpg
</gallery>}}
image:Anime jack the ripper.jpg|Weebs ruin everything.
 
==Gallery==
{{cg|The Jewish Brothel|JtR2|center|<gallery>
image:MANichols.jpg|Jew
image:ElizabethStride.jpg|[[Sweden|Jew]]
image:Anniechapman.gif|Jew
image:Normal_Eddowes1.jpg|Jew
</gallery>|
<gallery>
 
Image:Annie Chapman.jpg|Here's a fun fact for you [[guro]] fans. The mortician who took this photograph placed a piece of card in the [[pussy|wound]] in Annie Chapman's neck, to illustrate how deep the cut was, as can be seen here. Yeah. [[Sick fuck|That get you hard?]]
Image:Liz Stride mortuary photo.jpg|[[Fap|Fap fap fap fap fap...]]
</gallery>}}
</gallery>}}


== Graded Score ==
== Graded Score ==
{| style="{{roundy|18px}}{{gradlinear|red|orange}}box-shadow:0 3px 6px gray;padding:1em;margin:0 auto 1em auto;" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="2" border="0"
|-
! colspan="2" style="{{roundy|9px}}background-color:red;box-shadow:0 3px 6px orange;" | <big>Graded score</big>
|-
| colspan="2" style="height:9px;overflow:hidden;" |
|-
! style="text-align:right;" | Kill count:
|5/20
|-
! style="text-align:right;vertical-align:top;" | Accuracy:
|20/20
|-
! style="text-align:right;" | Style:
|20/20 ''1800s GTA ''
|-
! style="text-align:right;" | Butthurt:
|20/20 ''Caused HUGE butthurt for britfag police, also shocked and interested many people around the world''
|-
! style="text-align:right;vertical-align:top;" | Bonus:
|20/20 ''Never caught!''
|-
! colspan="2" style="{{roundy|9px}}background-color:orange;box-shadow:0 3px 6px yellow;" | <big>Total score: 85/100 ('''B+''')</big>
|}


<center>'''You are a legend'''</center>
{{GradedScore|5| |20| |20|1800s GTA|20|Caused HUGE butthurt for Britfag police, and shocked and interested many people around the world|20|Never caught!|85|B+|You are a legend}}
<center>'''[[High Score| See full ranking]]'''</center>


<center>
{{WantedLevel|level=custom|customstars=[[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]][[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]][[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]][[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]][[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]]<br>[[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]][[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]][[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]][[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]]|custompic=[[File:USSpaceForce.png|128px]]|customdesc=Space Force}}
<div style="{{roundy|10px}}border:2px solid #000;width:30%;background:linear-gradient(#d32f15, #227e84);background:-moz-linear-gradient(#002db3, #4da6ff);background:-webkit-linear-gradient(#002db3, #4da6ff);background:-o-linear-gradient(#e18f80, #666c05);padding:10px;font-weight:bold;font-size:larger">
<span style="font-size:16pt;">'''Wanted Level:'''</span>
<br>
<span> ___________________ </span>
{|align="center"
|[[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]]
|[[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]]
|[[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]]
|[[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]]
|[[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]]
|}
{|align="center"
|[[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]]
|[[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]]
|[[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]]
|[[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]]
|}
<span> ___________________ </span>
<br>
{|align="center"
|[[File:USSpaceForce.png|128px]]
|}
<br>
<span style="font-size:12pt;">'''Space Force'''</span>


==See Also==
==See Also==
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* [[The Highgate Vampire]] - one of the more exotic suspects
* [[The Highgate Vampire]] - one of the more exotic suspects


==Not To Be Confused With==
===Not to be confused with===
 
* [[Masturbate|Captain Jack]]
* [[Masturbate|Captain Jack]]
* [[Shave the baby|Sweeney Todd]]
* [[Shave the baby|Sweeney Todd]]
* [[Samurai Jack]]
* [[Alien|Spring-Heeled Jack]]
* [[Alien|Spring-Heeled Jack]]
* [[Jimmy Savile#Happy days at the loony-bin|The Yorkshire Ripper]]
* [[Jimmy Savile#Happy days at the loony-bin|The Yorkshire Ripper]]
* [[Candlejack]]
* [[Chavs|The Ipswich Ripper]]
* [[Chavs|The Ipswich Ripper]]
* [[Ripper]]
* [[Ripper]]
Line 176: Line 148:
{{lulzhistory}}
{{lulzhistory}}
{{Psychopaths}}
{{Psychopaths}}
{{Timeline|Featured article October 24, [[2010]]|[[Grace Saunders]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[The Rock Driving]]}}
{{Timeline|Featured article October 7 & October 8, [[2013]]|[[LOOK WHAT I BROUGHT HOME]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Infantilism]]}}
{{Timeline|Featured article October 7 & October 8, [[2013]]|[[LOOK WHAT I BROUGHT HOME]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Infantilism]]}}
{{Timeline|Featured article October 24, [[2010]]|[[Grace Saunders]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[The Rock Driving]]}}


[[Category:IRL Shit]]
[[Category:IRL Shit]]
[[Category:people]]
[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Serial Killers]]
[[Category:Serial Killers]]

Latest revision as of 07:39, 27 March 2024

This page contains spoilers — important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example,
HOLY SHIT The Juwes are the men that will not be blamed for nothing!!!1
Jack doing the right thing by cleaning the streets

Imagine yourself in the Second Industrial Revolution in England.

The year is 1888, the peak of the might of the British Empire. The Empire has colonies all over the globe and is just starting to grab land in Africa; the world's largest business is the British Fleet and all its subcontractors; the pound's value is the highest it has ever been; there are no rival powers that can even begin to compete against the British Empire; and Queen Victoria is in power and her influence is spreading prosperity to all reaches of British soil.

However, not all members of British society were prosperous (or even remotely industrious). Many of the factory workers were lazy, welfare-leeching alcoholics who spent all their money on cheap gin and disgusting clap-infected whores. This was especially true in Whitechapel, one of the poorer districts of London. Unfortunately, the British Government did nothing to stomp out the disgusting vermin who lived in Whitechapel. Until one day, one man raised his sword of justice, a man who is known through legends as Jack the Ripper – the Whitechapel Robin Hood.

History

An Upstanding Citizen Tries Change, But to No Avail

File:Topical "jack the ripper" joke (sporting times october 1888).jpg
Lulz were had

A man saw what was happening in Whitechapel and knew that all the whores and their diseases were ruining the industrial ability of the workers in Whitechapel. He knew if you had the clap, you couldn't operate heavy machinery. He was thoroughly disgusted by what he saw and he knew something had to be done, but did not know what exactly would solve this problem. He tried addressing the problem with the Jews, but they were busy making too much money from taxing the whores. The Jews were also busy lining their pockets by embezzlement. Frustrated, he watched the situation get worse in Whitechapel.

He tried his best to combat the grime and squalor by bringing in charitable organizations to help clean up the streets. This worked at first, but, after a few years, the charities stopped coming through for him. Jack expanded his businesses to employ more people, which improved unemployment, but, after a few months, they became diseased and lazy. Jack even appealed to the House of Commons on the situation in Whitechapel, but they were too busy to hear about some slum in London. While Jack remained optimistic about solving the issues plaguing Whitechapel, he began to succumb to earthly escapes.

The Life and Times of One Noble Man

Jack in better times.

Jack the Ripper was a man of simple tastes. He started off as a simple bakery shop owner, running the business with the help of his wife Jill. He was a happy man and everyone loved and respected him. He gave money to charity and kept the most undesirables out of Whitechapel. Truly a glorious and noble-intentioned man. Eventually, the Jews became pissed at Jack's continued efforts to keep them from attaining more Jew golds. In their grimy synagogues, they plotted Jack's downfall.

The Descent into Madness

The Jews decided they would squeeze all the money from Whitechapel. This, of course, required they first be rid of Jack. The Jews started by bringing whores into town, who then brought with them drug pushing pimps. This set Whitechapel on a slippery slope. All the rich and industrious British people were moving out, and the Irish, Welsh, Scots and other minorities were moving in. Jack, being the upstanding citizen he was, went to the local magistrate to see if anything could be done for his beloved neighborhood. Little did Jack know the Jews already had firm control of the local magistrates and told Jack they couldn't help him.

Jack testifying before the House of Commons

Defeated, Jack went home only to find a note left by his wife informing him that she had run off with a Jew banker and, as her dowry, she sold everything they had, including the business. The unemployed Jack tried to get a new job, but, by that time, the Jews owned all of the businesses and only employed unskilled workers at a much lesser wage than Jack could survive on. The downtrodden Jack was wandering around the city when a bunch of hooligans tried to mug him. Jack, not being a bitch, defended himself by stabbing one of them in the chest.

The cops saw this happen, but were too slow to catch the hooligans and, because they were paid by the Jews, they promptly arrested Jack. While in court, Jack tried to plead it was in self defense, but the Jew didn't believe his testimony and Jack was dubbed a "white supremacist" attempting to incite violence against minorities. In his unlawful imprisonment, Jack was approached by the Illuminati who asked if he wanted revenge. Jack promptly replied with a simple "Yes." The next day Jack managed to slip both out of jail and out of the public's mind.

The Plan

While Jack was a smart man with a good number of connections, he had lost so much that he could barely contain his anger. When asked by the Illuminati what skills he could contribute to their battle against The Menace, Jack only responded that he was handy with knives. The Illuminati were shocked by his willingness to risk himself, but also acknowledged that he was the perfect candidate for the job. The Illuminati then informed Jack his assignment would be to murder prostitutes in a carefully orchestrated plan to run the Jews from town. Jack was hesitant about his duties at first, but he knew he was working toward a solution to the problem. When asked what sort of compensation he would like to receive for fulfilling his duty to Queen and country, Jack replied that he wanted to be put into a state of cryogenic sleep so if the Jews ever came back, he could come back to life and fight them again.

The Ripper Deux: The Electric Reckoning Bugaloo

Our hero, Jack, about to do what's right for Queen and country.

In 1919, Germany was downtrodden after losing WWI. The Jews, being the greedy bastards that they are, were raping the glorious country for every penny it was worth. The Illuminati, realizing the Jews where coming back into power, decided to call upon the noble Jew killer of yore: Jack the Ripper. Jack came back with a vengeance. He changed his name to Adolf so as to not raise suspicion and began his climb up the German political ladder, where he eventually became leader of the German nation. That's when our boy Jack hatched his master plan.

File:Gor duqv 400x400.png
When we looked this up we were hoping for a bad joke about a Mohel and not Ausfalian hair products

He killed over 6 million Jews during the next 8 years, a feat which no one has ever come close to bettering. Jack would have killed all the Jews in the world in order to bring about a paradise if it wasn't for those pesky Jews in the US. The Jews, aware that their days were numbered, goaded the good ol' US of A into retaliation. Jack, intuitively sensing he would to lose this battle, disappeared into the night and hasn't been heard from since.

Until he once again heard the call for a hero...

Pwnage Pics

La galerie des Juwes

True Identity

Much like Batman, nobody knows Jack's true identity and, throughout history and more akin to Superman, many have tried to pin down who exactly Jack the Ripper was - professors, historians, hack writers with books to sell - but it still remains a mystery.

We at ED, however, have compiled this list of likely suspects.

Legacy

Recognition

Not everyone has fallen for the Jew lies about the evil of this noble hero. The American band Iced Earth saw through them and wrote a song about the glorious deeds of Jack the Ripper. They saw the heroic and selfless acts that Jack committed by killing those diseased prostitutes, and that he risked his own life in the process of cleaning Whitechapel of such vermin.

Horror

At least she isn't hideous

However, not everyone is content letting this man's noble legacy rest in peace. The worst thing to ever happen to the name of Jack the Ripper was not merely the terrible Jew lies of his ostensibly evil deeds, but rather the cosplayers and weebs who unrelentingly attempt to steal his ruthless grandeur by playing dress ups as him. Such actions are more terrible than a million Jew lies! They think by copying him they can attain his greatness, while in reality they dilute his great deeds by ruining his name with their faggotry.

Not only do they misguidedly attempt to dress up like him, they also make terrible fanfiction involving him being interviewed or murdering people. At least they don't so frequently use him for gay yaoi porn.

Gallery

The Hall of Shame About missing Pics
  • The lack of period detail on this shoddily made costume is appalling, with the end result being that the wearer looks more like Jack's victim whores than Jack himself.
    The lack of period detail on this shoddily made costume is appalling, with the end result being that the wearer looks more like Jack's victim whores than Jack himself.
  • What the fuck is this shit?
    What the fuck is this shit?
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]
  • Jack in his less famous role
    Jack in his less famous role
  • Weebs ruin everything.
    Weebs ruin everything.

Graded Score

Graded Score
Kill count: 5/20
Accuracy: 20/20
Style: 20/20 1800s GTA
Butthurt: 20/20 Caused HUGE butthurt for Britfag police, and shocked and interested many people around the world
Bonus: 20/20 Never caught!
Total Score: 85/100 (B+)
You are a legend
See full ranking


Wanted Level:


Space Force


See Also

Not to be confused with


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Jack the Ripper is part of a series on Psychopaths
[It rubs the lotion on the skin or else it gets the hose againOpen the box]
Spree/One-time Killers:

Aaron Alexis • Adam Lanza • Alex Hribal • Alyssa Bustamante • Anthony Warner • Audrey Hale • Bruce Jeffrey Pardo • Casey Anthony • Cho Seung-Hui • Devin Patrick Kelley • Dylan Klebold • Dylann Storm Roof • Eric Harris • Gerry McCann • James Holmes • Jared Lee Loughner • Jason Rodriguez • Jeff Weise • Jiverly Voong • Joe Stack • Josef Fritzl • Laaiti Ekenstéen • Mark Essex • Martin Bryant • Matthew de Grood • Matthew Murray • Matti Saari • Maurice Clemmons • Pekka-Eric Auvinen • Raoul Moat • Richard Speck • Robert Hawkins • Stephen Paddock • Tim Kretschmer • Timothy Hendron • TJ Lane • Tyler Peterson • Wade Michael Page • Woo Bum-kon

Career/Serial Killers:

Academy Maniacs • Adolf Hitler • Charles Manson • Chris Benoit • Dnepropetrovsk Maniacs • Dubya • Jack the Ripper • Jeffrey Dahmer • Mao Zedong • Richard "The Iceman" Kuklinski • Ted Bundy

Terrorists:

Al Qaeda • Anders Behring Breivik • Anderson Lee Aldrich • Anton Lundin Pettersson • Dzhokhar Tsarnaev • Elliot Rodger • George Sodini • Maniacs Murder Cult • Mark Essex • Nidal Malik Hasan • Osama bin Laden • Tamerlan Tsarnaev • Ted Kaczynski

See also:

Antisocial personality disorder • Jews • Murder • Paranoid personality disorder • Pittsburgh Paint Job • Police Brutality • Sick fuck

Featured article October 24, 2010
Preceded by
Grace Saunders 		Jack the Ripper Succeeded by
The Rock Driving
Featured article October 7 & October 8, 2013
Preceded by
LOOK WHAT I BROUGHT HOME 		Jack the Ripper Succeeded by
Infantilism
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