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December 21, 2012
- This article is about the supposed date of the end of the world. For other uses, see 2012 (disambiguation).
December 21, 2012 is a theory-turned-movie about the end of the world. The general idea is that all of a sudden, on December 21, 2012, the Earth (primarily the Hollywood region) goatse's itself and everyone fucking dies, except those who made it on a boat (an idea, which was stolen from a bible, but you really have to be a dumb fuck to think that niggers wouldn't steal ideas as well). The only good thing about this movie, is that only white people survive, and all niggers die - a win-win situation for the mankind (it was supposed to be "dramatic" for some reason, but niggers' deaths are only worth a good laugh.)
Ideas relating to the end of the world have been circulating like a powerful cheese fart since the beginning of the millennium. This one traces back to the Mayan stone-age Calendar system. The Mayan Civilization created a complex calendar which tracks time in a large scale. This calendar comes to its end on December 21st 2012. The reason for this is still a mystery. Ignoring the fact the the Mayans were a lazy people and most likely got bored one day and stopped making the calendar, all modern anthropologists can do is to theorize what this all means. Some say it is the end of a Great Cycle of the Stars, while others claim it to be a sign that The Rapture is at hand, and yet other theorize that the Mayans accidentally sacrificed their calendar maker causing great Baw throughout the smelly bean filled land.
Humans have a tendency to believe strange things, and as history has shown us, humanity is also willing to embrace crazy ideas. The sane minded expect that once people awaken on 12-22-2012 they will find the Mexicans claiming "the Mayans did it 4 tha lulz", all with spicy salsa and bean dip parade with taco floats and a virgin to sacrifice (if one even exists in Mexico).
What will kill us?
The Mayans
In the New World, the Mayans were in charge of telling everyone when New Years was and what days you got off of work cutting hearts out of people's chests. They made one that said we would all die on 12/21/2012, because they already knew the Spanish would come and steal their gold and calendars, spread the news to Europe and then back to the USA and after decades of social progress wind up spreading the apocalypse virus via the mouths of hippies and neo-cultists and finally have their revenge for jews getting all their spic gold in the end. The Mayan calendar had 13 Baktuns which translated to English means "great sheep fucking cycle".
Contrary to what various new-age "experts" say, there is no 14th Baktun (golden age) and we are all definitely going to die when the pull of interstellar gravity causes time itself to slide off the edge of the planet and us with it.
There are no known ways to defend yourself against Mayans and their calendars besides:
- Building a border fence.
- Being immune to small pox.
- Bringing guns to a spear fight.
A Solar Storm
The little-known group called NASA seem to think that a massive Solar Storm is heading our way in 2012. It will cause blackouts and shit, probably causing fans of some show to miss the newest episode, and no, there will be no Tivoing it.
Polar Reversal
Apocalypse mongers Survive2012 seem to have all the answers. Whether they're crazy cultists or just suckers for end time theories, they are pretty certain that...
Yes, our toilets flushing the wrong way will end the world.
Obama
As we all know 2012 was the presidential re-election year, we also know our current half-nigger president only won the electoral vote because lazy apes want more money. Thanks to those fuckers, we will have four years of hell followed up by the re-election of Obama. After that Raptor Jesus will RAGE and destroy us all because the White House didn't return to white after one term.
It is somewhat apt that America's last president should be black - as though Africa being fucked up wasn't proof enough, it will go to show that the only things these ape-men can run is away from the police, proving once and for all the rednecks were right, which is one of the first signs of the Apocalypse.
TL;DR
Just like every New Year's, we're all going to fucking die.
Internet reaction
A bunch of unlulzy, internet-ignorant fags from IRL have decided that the internet would be better as a corporate profit-churning machine than a free, open medium of communication and creation. Comcast therefore decided to put an evil plan into action to end the internet and delete fucking everything by 2012, then make you pay to internet on only the sites with the most IRL money and internet money. Fortunately, some hipster eurofags caught sight of this, and they are OMG CONVINCED it's true and that it will bring about the end of the internets and the beginning of a global corporate police state, so they're telling you how to bitch about it the correct way while doing nothing about it on their website.
Survival 2012 Forum
This is a magical place for wizards and faeries to meet and discuss the forthcoming End Of The World. Many Lulz can be found through important discussions on topics such as "Are We A Cult?"
—SgtStedanko. Yeah, it will be disappointing if the world DOESN'T end soon | ||
Previous Quote | Next Quote
Gallery
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We'd say "No shit, Sherlock" -
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Christmas might have to be postponed... -
Linux Guy breaks peoples brains on december212012.com. -
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Videos
Previous Video | Next Video
Debunking 2012
If you're sick to fuck of all these Rapturetards running around talking mad amounts of shite about Jebus coming back to Judge us all, or some shit like that, show them this video. It might give the mouth breathers a lesson or two in actual science. Failing that, just throw rocks at them. They'll go along with it without complaint because they'll think they're being martyred for their extra Specialness.
Events of this forthcoming apocalypse have been challenged by top historians who believe otherwise. When the Mayan calendar reaches December 21st, 2012, all it will do is restart back to the original date (like new years), and the next day will prolly be a normal one without any sign of The Rapture. Not to mention the inconsistencies of Jesus Christ's birth, some of which state that we've already passed the year 2012 by decades.
See Also
External Links
- Even Craked knows this is total shit
- Typical anal retentive site with events for every date in 2012.
- Better, more believable page, mainly due to its use of Comic Sans.
- Doomsday Faggotry Movements Analysis from Canadian Intelligence Community
- It's true because you're gay.
2_0_1_2 The LJ community for 2012, populated by college dropouts on acid trips.
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Mental illness & Disorders |
Acrotomophilia • Addiction • Agoraphobia • Alcoholism • Alexis Pilkington Syndrome • Alzheimer's • Anorexia • Antisocial personality disorder • Anthropophobia • Anxiety • ADD • ADHD • Asperger's Syndrome • Autism • Bimbofication • Bipolar • Borderline personality disorder • Bug Chasing • Bulimia • Cognitive dissonance • Deep thinker • Depression • Dick Impalement • Down's Syndrome • Dyslexia • Eating disorder • Factitious disorder • Fake Schizophrenia • Fauxlimia • Feminism • Gender dysphoria • Girl on the Internet Syndrome • Heterophobia • Hero Complex • HFA • Histrionic Personality Disorder • Hutchence's Syndrome • Hyperbolimia • Inadequacy • Inconsistent personality disorder • Insanity • Liberal Butthurt Syndrome • Liberalism • Low Self-esteem • 'Missing White Woman' Syndrome • Multiple personality disorder • Napoleon Complex • Narcissistic personality disorder • Neurotypical • Obsessive Compulsive Disorder • Paranoia • Paranoid personality disorder • Peter Pan Syndrome • Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder • Psychopathy • Pyromania • Retardation • Schizophrenia • Seasonal Affective Disorder • Self-diagnosis • Self Injury • Sexsomnia • Sickfuckery • Sociopathy • Social anxiety disorder • Special Snowflake Syndrome • Terminological percipience disorder • Trolling Induced Transsexuality Syndrome • Tulpa • Unrealistic expectations • Victim complex |
|---|---|---|
| Fetishes: |
Acrotomophilia • Aquaphilia • Arborphilia • Audiophilia • Autogynephilia • Balloon Fetish • Bestiality • Carmen Electra complex • Cross Dressing • Dollfilia • Emetophilia • Emosexuality • Eproctophilia • Fatty Fetish (Female Fat Admirer) • Fetishism • Foot Fetish • Furniture Porn • Furrism • Goo girl • Guro • Heterophilia • Homophilia • Inflation Fetish • Japanophilia • Jungle Fever • Lesbian pedophilia • Lotion Play • Macrophilia • Maiesiophilia • Mechanophilia • Mpreg • Necrophilia • Objectophilia • Oedipial Complex • Paraphilia • Pedophilia • Plushophilia • Pregnant Loli • Pregnophilia • Quicksand Fetish • Rangerphilia • Spectrophilia • Statuephilia • Trichophilia • Voraphilia • Wet and Messy Fetishism • Wetlook • Xenophilia • Yellow fever • Zoophilia | |
| E-Psychosis: |
Chronic Troll Syndrome • Deletionism • E-go • E-Psychiatrist • E-Psychiatry • ETD • Hivemind • I-Dosing • I have a 140 IQ • IRC Disease • Imaginary girlfriend • Internet Disease & Internet Disease Chart • Internet poverty delusions • Internet Rehab • Internet troll personality disorder • Mega ultra super genius • Nerdy Fandom Gateway Theory • Sex by association • Lulz-Blindness • Wikipedia's Greatest Hits Diseases | |
| Experiments: |
ask.fm • Brainwashing • Hypnosis • Milgram Experiment • Scientology • Stanford Prison Experiment • The Hivemind Corollary | |
| Sites: |
Above Top Secret • B/ • Bodies Under Siege • CYOC • Chatroulette • Defense Industries Organization • Deeker • FoolQuest.com • InkBunny • Neuticles.com • Psyke.org • WarpMyMind.com | |
| See also: |
American Psychiatric Association • Anger • ASMR • Child abuse • Conscience • Dreams • DSM • Elan School • Enlightenment • Intelligence • Lobotomy • Mary Bell • Psychiatristy • Serial Killers • Take the meat bridge • The Law of Conformity • Trigger Warning |
| Featured article December 20 & 21, 2012 | ||
| Preceded by Secks |
December 21, 2012 | Succeeded by Incumbent |