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Prem Rawat
Prem Rawat is a batshit crazy Indian guru, Lord of the Universe, and puppetmaster of Wikipedian administrator Jossi. He is a supposed successor of Guru Nanak.
Other names: Balyogeshar, Sant Ji Maharaj, Guru Maharji Ji, Maharaji, Goom Rodgie, Prem Pal Rawat
Cult names: Divine Light Mission, Divine United Organization, Inc., Elan Vital, The Prem Rawat Foundation
Prem Rawat is a fatty with terminal USI from India. Presented as God by his family, he made so much money out of filthy brain-damaged hippies trustafarians over there that they took him to America, Europe, and Japan in 1971 to see how the trick went over in the outside world. Little Prem failed in a storm of ROFL with most people but recruited plenty of retarded hippies to his cult. Since they were supposed to hand over everything, the family made enough profit from them to stick around and Prem learned to really party hard. Prem was such a brat that his mom dumped him within three years. They fought over cult names for the next ten and Prem lost. He decided to reinvent the thing in the '80s, kicking all the hippies out of their cult houses. Most of the hippies started posing as entrepreneurs. Prem started posing as a guy who turned losers posing as entrepreneurs into winners, but kept the idea that he was really God alive among the faithful. A really modern guy, Prem got his puppet and publicist Jossi to make lame home pages for the cult in 1997. These days, Jossi even makes home pages for the cult on the Wikipedia! Prem has at least five mansions, two helicopters, an executive jet, another airplane, a 100-ft yacht, etc. BEING GOD AND ALL, IT JUST FELL INTO HIS LAP.
The Batshit Levitation Period (1971 to 1980s)
How He Did It
Prem Rawat arrived in America as Guru Maharaj Ji in 1971 at age 13 with his family, the Divine Light Mission. The plan was to dangle him in front of a bunch of stupid hippies, tell the dirty hippies that the boy was God and could teach them the secrets of the universe, ask the drug-fucked hippies to hand over everything they owned in return for the secrets, and PROFIT!!1! Prem learned to party hard, earning a booze-hound ulcer by 15 despite really being God.
As a short pudgy 16-year-old boy, Prem's every dream came true when he got to marry a 25-year-old airline stewardess. Long-legged and American, Marolyn (Carolyn + Marilyn = Mar-o-lyn!) broke up the happy divine family.
According to Prem, little him could see he was onto a good thing so he threw the family overboard and struck out on his own (with help from his western followers). According to his mother, Prem was such an insolent, intolerable brat that she had to disown him.
Lunatic Ravings
Way back in 1973, Rennie Davis was Jossi's distant predecessor as publicist to Prem Rawat. Having gone to court as a political hippy a few years earlier, he had a big reputation among the disease-ridden swine. Davis convinced the pathetically deluded hippies with salivating claims like this.
—Rennie Davis |
When Rawat visited Houston, Texas, Davis brayed like a rabid donkey.
—Rennie Davis, Texas Monthly |
.
Seeing all this, one magazine wondered if Davis had
—San Francisco Sunday Examiner |
Prem promised to levitate the Astrodome.
—Braindead hippy woman, Lord of the Universe (video) |
Apparently green energy was hippy for money.
Hammer Horror for Pie Thrower
In 1973 fun-loving Pat Halley
—Rolling Stone Issue 145, here |
Six days later, cultists Richard Fletcher (22 at the time) and Juteswar Misra (55!)
—Rolling Stone Issue 145 |
The cult fanatics sat Halley in a chair, asked him to close his eyes and meditate, then tried to bash his brain out with a hammer. He was critically injured and had to have brain surgery to install a plate in his head as a souvenir until death.
The two cultists were charged with "assault to do great bodily damage." Fletcher was apprehended but Rawat ordered Misra back to India before he could be charged in the USA.
Rawat partied hard.
—Rolling Stone Issue 145 |
Regrets? No, not at all.
—Rolling Stone, Issue 156, here |
Give Your Money, House, and Labor
The Divine Light Mission's sister organization, the Divine United Organization, Inc., was the umbrella for the many businesses on the cult's slave-labor side.
The Keep Pumpin' the Marks Period (1980s to Now)
After losing the "Divine" names to his mom, Prem went through a bad time. When he got better, he launched Elan Vital as the new religion and The Prem Rawat Foundation to fix other tax problems and his image. The Divine United Organization became the base for more businesses.
They still have braindead hippies (this pathetic loser was speaking in 2003).
—Jai Satchianand, The Daily Californian |
Pedobear
Like any cult worth the name, Elan Vital had at least one pedobear.
Cult talk
Cultists sure do talk funny. This is a report from their 2008 clusterfuck in Tel Aviv. Best read aloud in your gayest voice.
April 7 Day one of a most historic event in Tel Aviv, Israel 4:30 pm. We began with a 30 minute dvd from Our Times News Update reviewing the many events and experiences that occurred in 2007. One of the highlights was the first Knowledge session held in Moscow and other regions of Russia. Stories of very inspired and motivated people with knowledge reminded all of us how fun and what a privilege it is to take part in propagation. Other areas of special notice in propagation included Fiji, Lebanon to name just a few. Almost immediately after the words on the dvd from Prem Rawat rang through the hall, 'When you are at peace, Peace dances on your face'. He, our one and only Maharaji (Prem Rawat) walked on stage to a THUNDEROUS applause filled the venue with love and excitement. It took a few moments after Maharaji indicated for all to 'please sit' before the hearts in the hall could calm themselves enough to enjoy why we all came here. 'Shalom' said Maharaji, to another hall-filled applause with laughter (and tears) of joy and reconnection. He went on to mention that this was the fist event of 2008. He mentioned that the 'possibility of being alive in this vast ocean (of life) to me, it's so vast, so huge'...that sometimes the ocean is only as big as your window, then someone comes along and says 'Come out on the balcony and see what I see'.
See also
External links
- Official site
- Official messageboard
- Very official site
- Another official site
- Yet another official site
- Newspaper article the cultists like
- Jossi's pals take out a DMCA notice to try to get google to remove their enemies from the database.
- Butthurt cultists whining
- Source of a quote
- Obituary for Pat Halley